In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

"Popcorn?"

"Setup complete."

At the maknae’s question, the other lackeys answered.

"Cola?"

"Setup complete."

Jiho nodded just as solemnly at the older brothers who were nodding gravely, then asked,

"Sun Wooju?"

"Setup complete."

Ri Hyuk and Junhyun plopped their hands down on my shoulders.

Biju burst out laughing on his own for some reason, then started wheezing and collapsed face-first onto the sofa. The other members were the same.

They were grinning from ear to ear, looking ridiculously happy.

"Sun Wooju-ssi~"

"Why. What. Why."

The maknae held his hand out like a microphone.

"How do you feel?"

"Extremely displeased. The sight of my younger brothers working this hard to make their older brother look like an idiot is beyond reprehensible."

"But we didn’t make you look like an idiot. You went and did idiot things on your own, didn’t you?"

"Th-tha......."

I just clicked my tongue as Jiho babbled.

I turned toward Biju, who was sitting next to me tapping away at his phone.

"Biju. What are you doing?"

"Ah."

Biju smiled brightly.

"I’m messaging my friends, telling them to make sure they watch today’s broadcast. I told them not to miss the part where you show up."

"You don’t have to send stuff like that."

"Wouldn’t it be better if as many people as possible watched?"

Biju smiled gently.

"This time, the reason you went on the Dorlympics was to make as strong an impact as possible, right?"

"Th-that’s true."

"To achieve that goal, I think higher ratings would be better."

"That’s also true, but......."

When did our young lady’s way with words get this good?

I couldn’t argue back, so I just nodded with a miserable expression.

"Hoo......."

Jiho and Junhyun were dancing around, Biju was promoting the broadcast to friends and acquaintances, and in the middle of it all, as I sat there clutching my head, Ri Hyuk’s snort flew at me.

"Serves you right. You should’ve practiced more."

"I told you, even if I practice, it won’t work."

"......."

"What are you doing?"

"Just a second. I’m looking something up."

Ri Hyuk went into NewBlack TV, searched for a video, and played it.

It was a scene of me sitting the lackeys down like students at a village school and lecturing them like a strict instructor.

[Is there anything that effort can’t accomplish?]

[No!]

[That’s wrong. There’s nothing effort can’t accomplish. Effooort! If you put in the effort, you can do anything!]

I pretended not to see it.

"......Ahem. Why did I say something like that?"

"You said it yourself. That there’s nothing effort can’t do. By that logic, games should be the same, shouldn’t they?"

"......."

"Ah. This is fun. I like it best when I get to dismantle someone else’s logic."

I looked at Ri Hyuk, who was enjoying himself with flushed cheeks, and shook my head.

Then I sighed.

"Who would’ve thought I’d be treated like this just because I’m bad at one game."

"Because you’re super bad at that one thing, that’s whyyy~"

"Can you not talk for once? I went on because of you...!"

I yelled "Kyaak—" but Junhyun grabbed my arm and calmed me down.

"I’ll press your calming point, hyung. Calming point~"

"Hoo......."

I became astonishingly calm.

But then drowsiness.......

Uh.

Uh-oh.

"Don’t fall asleep."

Ri Hyuk clapped right next to my ear, snapping me out of Junhyun’s clutches.

"Man, Junhyun, you could open a sleep clinic later. The moment you press it, sleep just comes pouring in."

"It’s because you don’t sleep, hyung."

"It’s fine~"

I waved my hand at Biju, who was looking at me worriedly, and turned my gaze to the TV.

Today, the day before Chuseok, was National Foundation Day.

This E-sports Dorlympics was scheduled to air the preliminaries today and the main event tomorrow.

I hugged a cushion while looking at the Dorlympics logo, which was different from previous years.

"Ughhh......."

If I’d known this would happen, I would’ve practiced gaming a bit more.

Not knowing the run key so I walked while fleeing, punching a junior singer only to get hit and run away, throwing a grenade and getting hit by my own grenade.

The black history swirling through my head in full 3D was already tormenting my mind.

"Hyung, but it’s not just that you’re bad at games."

The maknae asked with a curious look.

"When you watch, you also seem totally uninterested in games themselves. Even when I teach you, you just look bored and uninterested."

"I never really liked games, even back then...."

"Why not?"

"It feels like there’s nothing left over."

The younger members tilted their heads, so I explained.

"I’ve always liked doing things that leave something behind. But if you play a game for hours and then turn off the computer, there’s nothing left, right? If you practice dancing, the dance stays. If you practice expressions, the expressions stay."

"Huh? Who plays games with that kind of mindset? You play because it’s fun."

Before I could answer, someone whose hobby was arguing cut in.

"That feels like a logical leap. Why is there nothing left after you turn off the computer? Your game skill stays."

"It doesn’t stay for me, that’s the problem......."

"Ah... ah......."

That was probably why I’d never been very interested in games.

After monthly evaluations, when Taehyun or Hanbin would go, "Hyung hyung~ PC cafe~" and drag me along, I’d only play Star at most.

I’d laugh and hang out to match the mood, but even while playing I’d think, ‘Why am I doing this?’

"Hmm."

Jiho clapped brightly and smiled.

"So in the end, that’s just an excuse for being bad at games."

"......."

"The reason you’re bad at games. I’ve heard it very well~ ‘Hmm, I don’t do things unless something’s left over~’"

"......Junhyun."

Junhyun raised his hand sharply.

"Should I grab Jiho?"

"No."

I ran a hand through my hair and said,

"Press my calming point again."

"Ah. Okay."

As Junhyun gently kneaded my arm, the other lackeys burst out laughing.

Just then.

"It’s starting!"

TBC’s mascot zipped around, saying, ‘There’s no age limit, so parents can leave.’

At last, Part 1 of the Chuseok special Idol E-sports Tournament was beginning.

With National Foundation Day mixed in, it was a golden holiday where the entire weekend was off!

Office workers who’d already taken leave since the previous Friday, and students enjoying the break, were spending this golden time.......

"Ah. I’m bored."

Lazing around at home, killing time.

Rolling around on the living room floor, they just stared blankly ~Nоvеl𝕚ght~ at the sunlight filtering through the blinds.

‘I should do something.......’

Diligent people were going abroad, going to Jeju, and so on.

Office workers burned out from everyday fatigue didn’t even have the energy to do more than photosynthesize while staying still.

After blankly scrolling through SNS posts about people going places, or articles about overseas trips, the office workers flopped down flat on their backs.

‘I don’t want to do anything. I want to violently and passionately do nothing. I want to become the dust of this world.’

But it also felt like a waste to let this time pass.

The people who’d been rolling around on the floor crawled up onto the sofa and grabbed the remote.

"Ughhh......."

Just as they were staring at the TV with listless expressions.

While flipping channels, their eyes caught on TBC.

"Chuseok special idol... Dorlympics again?"

But the logo looked a bit strange.

A mouse-shaped logo with a bold ‘E’ caught their eye, and they reread the text.

"Idol E-sports tournament?"

Curious, they searched the portal and saw that this year’s special was doing E-sports.

That alone wasn’t particularly special.

‘Sun Wooju is on it?’

In the preview thumbnail, they saw Sun Wooju’s face.

Wearing headphones atop a head lovingly sculpted by heaven, he was playing a game with a faint smile.

"Wow."

People exclaimed.

‘Just looking at his expression, he’s a pro gamer.’

That wasn’t wrong.

In fact, the expressions Sun Wooju had copied from pro gamers on MyTube really were that convincing.

But the public wasn’t fooled.

‘An empty cart rattles the loudest.’

Who didn’t know about Sun Wooju’s gaming skills?

Even playing together with [AI: Easy], he’d go down in a blaze of glory with a GG—that was Sun Wooju.

The kind of maddening play that would make you swear if he were on your team.

"......This is it."

That was why people smiled contentedly.

An idol game tournament, not a pro gamer competition, had no reason to interest the general public.

But what if it was funny?

If it was so funny it became healing over the holiday?

‘As long as Sun Wooju is on it, it’s worth watching.’

The eyes of lethargic office workers began to sparkle.

They jumped up, brought snacks and drinks from the kitchen, and set them up.

It felt like unexpectedly sitting down for a honey-sweet Chuseok special movie.

‘It’s starting......!’

Soon, the broadcast began with an age-rating notice.

Archive footage of legendary pro gamers and famous E-sports matches appeared.

[Will they even be able to break a single bunker! There are more SCVs repairing it!! GG!!]

[I can say this with confidence. One of the greatest matches in history.......]

Alongside that, headlines about the Korean gaming industry flashed by.

‘Korean game industry worth trillions,’ ‘Growth of the game industry,’ emphasizing the keyword “E-sports powerhouse Republic of Korea.”

And then came the edit saying, that’s why this Dorlympics is E-sports this time!

[TBC Ilsan Studio]

Footage of idols at the pre-meeting going, ‘Games?’ with interest played.

Scenes of each person practicing flashed by quickly.

In a grid layout, countless participants’ preparation and practice clips filled a single screen.

[Yes! Hello everyone! The 2017 Chuseok special! The Idol E-sports Tournament is finally opening!]

Fail from boy group Ace, famous for loving games, entertainer Mobeomju, who also loved games, and well-known game caster Jeong Hyeonjung introduced themselves.

As they explained the rules for shooting games, AOS, and other events, the camera zoomed in on Preliminary Group 1 seated on set.

‘There he is.’

Sun Wooju, flicking his mouse with a seriousness rivaling pro gamers during prep time.

[Yes. Sun Wooju’s expression looks good even from the prep time.]

[The way he’s moving the mouse isn’t ordinary. Was his skill all this time just a smokescreen?]

[Ah. The moment I said that, our technical staff is heading to Mr. Wooju’s seat.]

With a pro gamer’s serious face, he said something, and the staff nodded, then connected the mouse cable.

Sun Wooju scratched his nose awkwardly, pretending nothing was wrong.

[Looks like the mouse cable was unplugged.]

[Is he computer-illiterate! He reminds me of a friend who’d have nothing to do during free time in computer class and just practice typing in Hancom!]

[From what I know, he’s very good with computers. He must be flustered right now.]

The commentators burst into laughter, and the viewers laughed along.

[All right! Now let’s look at the lineup for today’s Preliminary Group 1 players.]

[While we wait, let’s watch a short video of the players’ aspirations.]

As if the broadcast station were saying, ‘You don’t really know idols these days, right?’ short aspiration videos began to play.

Starting with a rookie idol bouncing around saying, ‘Hello! I’m Rui from Lucky Girl! Today’s Dorlympics...!’ it was a montage focused on Preliminary Group 1 participants introducing their faces and affiliations.

And then.

[Yes.......]

A national idol with a sparkling smile appeared.

Wooju spoke in a cheerful voice.

[As a representative of NewBlack, I’ll be participating. Yes. That’s right. As the representative, my skill is NewBlack’s skill.]

Viewers gasped.

‘Dragging everyone down with you...!’

‘Wooju really never dies alone.’

‘A skill that takes everyone to the grave together... you learned well from Kim Biju, Wooju.’

Wooju spoke seriously.

[People keep saying, ‘Why are you on this?’, ‘Aren’t you bad at games?’ But I think that’s because no one knows my true self yet. The moment I grab the keyboard and mouse, you’ll be surprised.]

At his bravado-filled, variety-show expression, viewers burst out laughing.

Perhaps embarrassed by his own words, he ended with, ‘Can we reshoot that?’ and the Preliminary Group 1 interviews wrapped up.

Back to the commentators.

[And we’d like to inform viewers in advance that today’s broadcast will be shown together with the live chat from a game-specialized channel.]

[Hello to all the streaming viewers!]

Though the streaming chat wasn’t visible on screen, the comments appeared as subtitles filling the screen.

It felt bustling!

-Trha!

-It’s Dorlympics lol

-So excited!!

As befitting a terrestrial broadcaster, only mild comments were captured and shown.

A friendly atmosphere spread among viewers.

‘This looks fun.’

They seemed intent on using the gaming theme well, adding humor through internet jokes.

And then the shooting game Preliminary Group 1 match began in earnest.

With the dazzling booth lights characteristic of pro gamer tournaments, a “Woooaaah~” cheer was added.

[Yes! It has begun!]

As players descended by parachute, the match started.

The goal: survive 4 out of 20!

The idols’ fierce early competition for weapons played out, but the biggest focus was on the national idol’s game-illiterate leader.

Bang! Tatatatatatang!

As gunfire rang out where he was heading, Sun Wooju quickly turned!

Wooju’s face, seated in the booth, turned ashen. He squirmed urgently, hammering the keys.

But.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!"

He was walking like a turtle.

Comments flooded the screen.

-Did you know? Walking is healthier than running. That’s why I... cough...!

-(Gunfire echoing nearby)

-A man who doesn’t know the run key... his life expectancy is 10 seconds

-The grim reaper must be excited to get a newbie

As he desperately jumped while fleeing, viewers laughed themselves senseless.

Because of the square inset showing Wooju’s face below.

The peak of anxiety!

Gulping in the booth, frantically mashing keys—he looked exactly like someone who was terrible at games.

[Ah! Sun Wooju has obtained a car at the moment I said that!]

Wooju got in the car, immediately smashed into a guardrail and a tree. The car flew skyward, then tumbled down.

Viewers tumbled off their sofas too.

-ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

-Is this Back to the Future lol

-As a kid, I believed cars would fly someday (crash)

-Everyone, we have a car here that needs a runway

-Now it’s a car (past tense) lol

-That car is now lying next to me~

-Even cars can have insane movement huh

-Why is only Sun Wooju filming GTA lol

Kwah-gwang-gwang!

What Sun Wooju found after tumbling out of the car was another means of transportation!

A three-seater motorcycle with a sidecar.

Bouncing with joy, Wooju tried to mount the bike, when a twin-tailed man chased after him.

[Rui from Lucky Girl! He’s in pursuit!]

The bottom of the screen showed both idols’ faces.

Wooju squirming desperately to get on the motorcycle, and Lucky Girl’s Rui, eyes wide, hammering the keyboard.

Just as everyone anticipated the clash to come!

[They’ve teamed up!]

The twin-tailed man and the flower-patterned soldier rode along together, and viewers burst out laughing in unison.

On screen, Wooju stared blankly at the monitor.

And a girl group member with pink hair and a cute face covered her mouth, her eyes unfocused.

‘This is insane. Seriously.’

Viewers laughed without resistance.

It was pure idiot play.

Soon, Wooju jumped into the water alone, trying to shake his opponent, then burst out and charged at the girl group member.

[Sun Wooju! He has a very devious expression right now!]

[He’s going with ‘if I hit first, I win’!]

As Rui dodged the wildly swinging punches, he seemed to realize something, his eyes widening.

[You can see it on Rui’s face—he’s realized that Wooju is a bottom-tier player!]

[Not just bottom-tier. He’s groundwater-tier!]

[From Rui’s perspective, those punches are basically kitty punches! He’s just swinging without hitting! They don’t hurt!]

[I wish my cat would do that too!]

Rui hammered the keyboard and landed a critical hit on Sun Wooju!

Wooju got hit in the head and started running away.

[We all had friends like that in school. They hit first, then when they lose, there’s nothing uglier.]

[No! But right now!]

At that moment!

‘Oh my.’

Sun Wooju faced a life-or-death crisis.

Kevin from AplusB came roaring in on a motorcycle, firing tutatatang! gunshots.

And that motorcycle.

"Huh?"

Flew through the air and plunged off a cliff.

Viewers cried laughing.

-???: Uncle Hagrid? The motorcycle... the motorcycle!

-Hagrid: I left it behind in a new age

-ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

-Filming ET? lol

-Our Kevin debuted to become a star... he really did become a star in the sky

-Grim Reaper: But why isn’t this one coming yet? (scratch)

Kevin stared blankly at his monitor, then ran a trembling hand through his hair as the footage played.

At the same time, Sun Wooju laughed like a senior mocking a junior.

And viewers began to hope.

‘Is Sun Wooju actually going to advance?’

Having retreated to a safe zone in-game, Wooju looked around the booth area.

He wore the expression of a suspicious old man.

[Ah! Sun Wooju is suspicious right now. He thinks this Dorlympics might actually be a hidden-camera prank!]

[Looks like he’s realized it’s not.]

Then he let out a scoff and put on an arrogant smile.

Just from his expression, he looked like a gaming god.

A face that said, I am today’s game king!

Viewers let out incredulous laughter.

But that confidence was short-lived. As soon as Sun Wooju actually began to display his skills, he was immediately hit by a grenade and eliminated.

And the kill log popped up.

[Kim Deoksun’s Man ☞ Kim Deoksun’s Man (Grenade)]

Kevin danced next to him, taunting with an ellelelele~, while Wooju stared off into the distant sky.

The elderly viewers watching TV sighed.

"Juseon really shouldn’t play games."

"That’s not how you do it."

"Still, he’d probably throw a real grenade well. That’s enough."

A perfect finish at 5th place.

Viewers who’d been laughing nonstop from the start wiped tears from their eyes and coughed.

‘This is insane. I need to tell people to watch this.’

From there, word of mouth spread, viewers pouring in!

That was the reason this year’s Chuseok special Dorlympics became a massive success.

"Pwahahahahaha!"

"Hahaha!"

"Look at that expression!"

The lackeys were clutching their bellies laughing at my teary-eyed expression on TV.

Articles were popping up in real time.

Ignoring the lackeys rolling around beside me, I searched on my phone with trembling hands.

There was only one way to soothe this humiliation.

"Public service announcement......."

"Hyung, what are you doing?"

"I need to appear in a public service announcement about game addiction."

"Noooo!"

"What do you mean no! If I can’t have it, I’ll destroy it! I’ll attack the game industry...!"

As I was wrestling with the maknae clinging to my leg.

Bzzzz—

Seeing the incoming call, my anger melted away.

"Deoksun!"

My Deoksun!

She was definitely calling to comfort me while I was sulking over my loss.

"Grandma...! Did you watch the broadcast?"

-I did.

But the stern face on the screen looked at me with utter disdain.

Kim Deoksun shook her head.

-How can you be that bad?

"......."

-If you’re going to be that bad, you should’ve just used your own name. Why are you using someone else’s... ‘Kim Deoksun’s Man,’ my foot.

"......No, it’s just that."

-I’d do better than you. Honestly.

Beep.

And the call ended.

"Grandma?"

"Pwahahahahaha!"

"Grandma? No, Grandma? You can’t just hang up like that!"

"Hahahaha!"

I stared blankly at my phone, then screamed, "Aaaah!" as the members’ laughter poured down on me.

It was the most humiliating day of the year.