In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

"Waaaaaaaah—!"

We pushed forward, clasping hands with cheering Souffles and signing as we went.

Smiling faces streaked past and I could hardly think straight.

"Sun Wooju! Sun Wooju!"

"Here! Sign here...!"

"This is insane. It’s really NewBlack."

I was dazed at the sight of kids cheering at me.

We’ve met lots of fans in lots of countries, but this was the first time swarms of little kids turned up to scream for us.

Honestly, at this point if an American comedian popped out to go "Ta-da! Hidden camera!" I was ready to accept it.

"Phew."

I barely made it past the carpet—red... no, orange, packed with kids.

The youngest looked down at the floor.

"At first I was like, why do they call it an orange carpet, but it’s actually orange. A super deep orange."

The schedule said "orange carpet event," and I’d wondered what that meant. Turns out the carpet really is orange. A Kids’ Choice signature.

Before we hit the photo wall, Seokhwan wiped his sweat.

"Phew. Nobody got lost, right? Sound off."

"Woo!"

"Jung!"

"Ri!"

"Ho!"

We were shouting names one by one, but the "Bi" that should’ve come right after "Woo" was missing.

"......"

"......"

I didn’t think he’d vanish in under a minute.

Ri Hyuk kneaded his temple.

"This is why I said each person needs a mark. And what did everyone say? That you could never get lost in a small space like this..."

"Who knew he’d pull it off here, too."

"He’s the guy who goes to buy snacks at a movie theater and walks into the wrong screen."

Thankfully, we found Biju fast.

A buzz—people moving like waves—was easy to spot.

Souffles had formed a human wall.

Crowds squirmed like caterpillars and started opening a path.

[flash]

Against the bright spill of camera lights, someone appeared with majestic swagger.

"Biju!"

"Biju!"

I was about to exhale in relief at the familiar silhouette—

As my eyes adjusted, I finally saw Biju wedged among the ⊛ Nоvеlιght ⊛ (Read the full story) Souffles.

"......"

"......"

A walking mountain.

Both arms full, Biju’s chest cradled an avalanche of gifts.

Bouquets, chocolates, letters, tiny boxes, and more.

I locked eyes with the second-oldest, who was holding things as tall as himself.

"Uh..."

He gave a shy little smile.

"I couldn’t say no..."

"......"

Flashes started popping all around.

Teetering but somehow hugging the pile, Biju—and the rest of us—were getting captured in photo after photo.

Same time.

A Korean idol community.

[Live thread — Kids’ Choice Awards Orange Carpet]

(Photo: Biju loaded with a mountain of gifts and the 4-Black making eye contact, like the fated meeting of a drama lead couple.jpg)

— [laughs x many]

— Low-key weekday drama rom-com vibes

— It’s nothing and yet why am I laughing so hard [laughs]

— What’s even happening

— I thought I could buy your friendship with this

— ???: Bring more, please!

— [laughs] Why is Biju carrying a care package bundle

— Why are the fans around him clapping [laughs]

— The little kid next to Biju is cute [laughs] looks so proud

— Taste NewBlack, Westerners [laughs] from now on you won’t be able to stop smiling

From the orange carpet on, our fave kept delivering laughs, and Souffles were delighted.

They hunted down livestream links or checked real-time photos on socials.

"Huh... cute."

A shot of the kid fan who "hit the jackpot" today went up too.

With Mom and Dad, bawling with tears, surrounded by the NewBlack members.

— The kid is adorable ㅠㅠ

— Even cuter in video [laughs] "Today! The best! Day of my life!" then she almost faints from happiness

— But why did they take a photo together?

— Biju got lost and she guided him [laughs] said she cried from nerves

— I want to hit the jackpot too... but if I cry like that they’ll go "don’t cry, auntie"

— Grannies can cry too ㅠㅠ

— drip... drip...

— [laughs] seeing the kid so happy makes me happy

— That kid will stan NewBlack for life now

At the same time, a tidbit about Biju and the kid fan spread.

At the photo wall, the flower tucked in Biju’s chest pocket was the one that fan dropped.

And the leader’s face, jealous of the flower.

— Look at Wooju’s face [laughs]

— Our guy is perfect except his eyes go wild at the sight of flowers

— Petty spaceship Wooju, jealous of his brother’s flower...

— Funny thing, judging by taste he’s 93 years old, but he was born in ’93

Meanwhile—

As photo-wall pictures went up one by one, Souffles started feeling a weird, nameless sensation.

"What on earth is this...?"

We knew there were more U.S. fans than expected.

We’d seen crowds big enough to feel like a live festival during the talk show.

But this time, it was kids.

"If it’s kids, aren’t they the muggles of muggles?"

Not even the 10s and 20s, who’d be likelier to care about K-pop, but the 0s and 10s were paying attention.

Happy, but baffled.

Every time U.S. news popped up, we’d thought, are we actually going to break into the U.S....?

We didn’t expect it to be at the hands of children.

— NewBlack, hope of the children...

— The future of the world is dark

— Dark (for real)

— [laughs] why do American elementary schoolers like our kids this much

— I kinda get the popularity points... but I’m not saying it out loud

— Wooju interview) Secret to popularity among kids? Probably because we’re on the same level as kids

— (NewBlack firing water-machine-gun streams at each other.gif)

— If you’re big with kids, it’s over, right? Kids judge faces and everything the most [laughs] If kids buy in, adults all buy in

— Agreed. As a former kid, I concur

Either way, we felt deep gratitude toward the American kids who summoned our faves to America.

Then we tuned into the streaming Kids’ Choice orange carpet event.

Right on cue, NewBlack appeared.

Being surrounded by hundreds of little ones—

"Hehehe!"

"Hihihihihi!"

Not bad.

Fantastic.

This feeling of being a superstar soaked in children’s love—

"Whatever it is, let’s enjoy it."

"Agreed."

Ri Hyuk nodded.

"I tried to interpret what the situation even is, but I can’t parse it. We don’t even know where it started."

It was like we’d been walking through a quiet forest and suddenly hundreds of fairies popped out with bows.

An ambush?! We tensed—then the fairies started firing heart-tipped arrows, thunk thunk. 𝕗𝗿𝕖𝐞𝐰𝗲𝕓𝐧𝕠𝕧𝗲𝐥.𝚌𝐨𝚖

Even now, every time we moved, the massive kid brigade’s eyes tracked us.

Maybe because of that, the photo wall was easy.

"This way! Look this way!"

"One shot! Just one more!"

"Handsome guy over there. Please smile seriously. Ah, the other one."

Ri Hyuk took emotional damage again today.

Either way, thanks to the mini-Souffles’ cheers, the photo-wall shoot was wildly satisfying.

I’d heard Korean celebrities feel sorrow at overseas events like this.

If your name value is even a little low, they shoo you off after one click. That didn’t happen to us.

"Okay, got it. Now let’s move—"

"[honk—!]"

The mini-Souffles’ uproar made the photo journalists tense up.

When we kept shooting, our tiny fans finally went "pew?" and beamed. Reporters pressed shutters with taut faces.

Children are strong everywhere.

"Over here!"

As we passed the photo wall into the main venue, kid reporters lugging TV cams ran up.

"NewBlack! Can we interview you?"

"Yes, of course."

A boy and a girl—names were Knox and Katie.

Slightly flushed, they faced us and pronounced our names clearly.

"First of all, welcome to Kids’ Choice! Wooju, Biju, Junghyun, Ri Hyuk, Jiho!"

"Oh."

First time overseas that someone listed us in age order.

I was about to get moved by the thoughtful touch when the two said,

"We’re Souffles!"

"Sorry?"

"Me and Katie—we’re Souffles! We got into you starting from Blue Moon."

"Ip-deok," they said.

What on earth did the Korean Souffles teach them.

"Are you really our fans?"

At Junghyun’s question, the two bounced and nodded.

"Yes!"

"Total fans!"

After a short interview on how it felt to be in America—

We asked the kids:

"Do we have a lot of kid fans?"

"Yes!"

"Where did you find us...?"

"Mostly MiTube. NewBlack is the hottest MiTube star among kids right now!"

I’d noticed NewBlack TV views spiking overall since Blue Moon—turns out it was all kids.

They asked for a photo with puppy eyes, and we smiled and took one together.

"I... still have no idea what’s going on."

Jiho took a swig of water.

"Same. I thought we came for a small trophy, but this might be bigger than we thought."

"Definitely... not a small awards show."

Just the size of the press corps said this wasn’t low-interest.

Ri Hyuk said,

"Last year’s viewership was three point three million. Over three million viewers."

"Three million..."

"So let’s just keep it smooth today. This is the biggest U.S. promo we’ve done."

It was basically, start strong, since this was a big chance to get our name out to the U.S. general public.

"Go in with a cool image, is what you mean?"

"Yeah."

"But Biju just got filmed lugging all that stuff."

"......"

Biju drooped his head; we burst out laughing.

Ri Hyuk shook his head.

"It’s not too late. This is a chance to introduce our faces not just to American kids but to their parents. Let’s go for maximum positive, wholesome vibes."

"If it’s wholesome, that’s me—Sun Wooju."

"Do not cross the line."

I praised the joke, saying it was a good bit; Ri Hyuk grumbled, cheeks slightly pink.

Guided by staff, we reached a green room labeled "The New Black."

Smaller than the others, but still enough to fit our entire party with room to spare.

"Anyway, let’s launch with a cool image."

"Yeah. Let’s make it cool."

"Right. In America, we’re starting Act Two of life as ultra-cool popular idols."

We all clenched our fists—We can do it!—and while the new managers looked at us like, sure, right—

Knock, knock.

Someone who looked like an event official walked in.

A man with a shiny crown of head strode over and offered his hand.

"Nice to meet you."

"Ah, yes."

"It’s a true honor to meet NewBlack, heroes of the children!"

We blinked, thrown by his booming voice.

He sighed.

"...is what my daughter told me to say."

"Ah."

"Bailey. You heard that?"

A voice answered from the phone in his hand.

"Good job, Dad."

The girl, smugly puppeteering her father, let out a happy squeal at the sight of us.

"To think I can see NewBlack in person... I love power. I love it so much. Was my dad rude?"

"Not at all."

At first we were dazed; then we started loving the fact that our fans were kids.

Why kids are great as fans:

They’re everywhere, and those kids rule the adults.

After a long while of getting lectured by his daughter, the official gave us an awkward smile.

"You’re really popular with the kids. The voting tallies were astonishing."

Then his face turned serious.

"First, thank you for attending Kids’ Choice. And we prepared a small but precious gift."

"A gift?"

Our eyes sparkled.

The exec beckoned—"lend me your ears"—and whispered.

"You know how our awards dump slime on celebrities every year?"

"Yes."

"Congratulations! You’ve been chosen to get slimed today."

"......"

A cool start?

As expected, not in our destiny.

LA Galen Center.

The children’s awards with three million viewers finally kicked off.

"Chiiiiildreeeeeen!"

The opener was a performance by teen boy group Ocean Five. As the kids squealed with joy, Jiho covered his mouth and whispered,

"They said teens?"

"Yeah."

"They do not look like teens. You look younger."

"Giggle."

Meanwhile, we greeted singers and actors around us.

"Hello! You’re huge with kids."

"Nice to meet you."

Hailey was seated far from us in the best section; she waved with a stony face.

Flinch.

Celebrities around us visibly stirred.

"...What’s up with everyone?"

A star seated nearby asked, seeing Hailey smiling and waving at us,

"Are you not on good terms with Hailey Blue?"

"No, we’re good."

"She frowned while saying hi..."

"Did she? She looks in a great mood today."

"......"

When we saw her, it read as a happy smile; to folks here, it read differently.

Well, three seats over sits the rapper who did a diss battle with Hailey.

We don’t really know this scene, maybe that’s why. First time seeing all these people in person.

"Hyung. Look. Alex West, the one from last time."

"Oh, right."

There was the A-list actor we’d bumped into on a private-jet tarmac in LA.

Everywhere, faces we’d only ever seen on TV.

"Aren’t those the people who did a NewBlack TV shoot with us?"

"Probably."

"Fancy seeing them again."

We also saw lots of actors who’d come to Korea for film promos, giving us that oh? look.

I’d be surprised too.

If the MC who interviewed me in Japan was suddenly in the Mango Chart Awards singer section, I’d be thrown.

Not just them—overall, most people watched us with confused eyes.

"Waaaaaah!"

Every time our faces hit the jumbotron and kids started pogo-jumping, people looked baffled.

Some sneaky jealousy.

Plenty of smiles you couldn’t describe but that felt snidely dismissive.

But—

That wasn’t what we were focused on.

"You know something?"

Ri Hyuk whispered to me.

"I never used to understand that dilemma. Why is seeing an unchangeable future sad."

"......"

"But now I get it. How terrifying it is to feel an unchangeable future approaching..."

Only one thing circled our heads:

"You will be slimed during the show. Hahaha! Only four people get that privilege!"

"When will it happen? We can’t tell you that."

"We need a raw reaction. Hahaha!"

I’d wondered why celebrities act surprised when they’re told in advance they’ll get slimed.

It’s because they don’t know when.

The youngest smiled contentedly.

"There’s that quote. It’s not fear itself that’s scary... it’s not knowing when the fear will show up."

"That’s what Ri Hyuk said back in my hometown. Cows aren’t scary; not knowing when the cow will lick you is scary..."

"Oh. Wait. That quote was yours? Then it’s not a quote, it’s a groan."

Even in America, the youngest happily stomped on each other’s shoes, and we, the other brothers, carefully scanned the area.

Where would the slime come from.

A few potential corners stood out. They’d already slimed one person during the show.

"For now, that dais looks safe, hyung."

"Really?"

The moment I looked that way at Junghyun’s cue—

[sploooosh!]

A geyser of slime shot up from the dais like a water cannon and smacked a superhero-movie actor right in the face.

"Wow. His face disappeared..."

Like someone took MS Paint and scrubbed a green brush across a photo a thousand times.

The actor puff-puffed and wiped his face, and the kids nearly passed out with joy.

I snapped my head back.

"You said the dais looked safe, Junghyun."

"It might not be."

"Then pick another safe spot."

"Over there."

Junghyun pointed at a set piece near the stage.

Slime sluiced down over the host’s face as he was doing a bit.

Like pirate-cove skull-water.

"Ooof. That’s a heavy hit."

"Didn’t you say that was the safest place."

"There’s a reason Junghyun’s body is tough. To endure this much bad luck, you need a body like that."

"......"

While we smiled warmly—

Our nerves jangled, not knowing when the slime would strike.

"The next category is Global Music Star."

At last, the awards were coming our way.