In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

Thirty minutes before delivery apps went down nationwide.

On a Saturday evening, Souffles and older viewers had PBS on.

A program where veteran actor Kim Jeongnam tours famous spots around the country and shoots food segments—among younger viewers it was famous for mouthwatering food clips.

Scenes like wrapping sizzling pork belly grilled on an iron lid. Or digging into spicy pork stir-fry and pork cutlets.

An edit so appetizing it made your salivary glands ache just watching.

Because of that, it had a devoted following not only among seniors but also among younger generations.

But tonight, the audience skewed a little different.

‘NewBlack is on.’

Middle-aged and older viewers smiled fondly at the Wubees on screen.

‘Today’s the day. Wubees unit wish, day one...!’

Souffles were racing live, banging out comments online.

Add to that the pseudo-Souffles and ordinary viewers with a good impression—the “likers.”

And—

“Anything good on? Uh... NewBlack?”

People sprawled on sofas flipping channels on a Saturday night.

Everyone gathered to one place.

“Isn’t that ‘Food Before Sightseeing’ a foodie show?”

“Pretty sure.”

“NewBlack + foodie show” meant one thing: it would be fun.

And so “Food Before Sightseeing” logged several times its usual ratings.

The very early portion focused on Wooju guiding Kim Jeongnam and Biju through famous sights in Gunsan.

“Is he from Gunsan?”

“You didn’t know? Online they call him the Crown Prince of Gunsan. They say the mayor comes out to meet him when he shows up.”

“For real?”

“No.”

People were getting a refresher on Wooju’s hometown.

A flush rose on Wooju’s pale cheeks.

As he explained Gunsan’s attractions, you could feel the love for his hometown.

And his No. 1 minion looked even happier watching his hyung.

— but why is biju happy too lolol

— adorable lol

— if wooju’s happy, biju’s happy

— hyung-adorer

— the Giving Tree, but only for Sun Wooju

— Wooju: Biju, can I borrow some money? / Biju: I’ll give you everything I own! / Wooju: Biju, this one’s floral / Biju: No.

— because the moment you wear florals you become a grandma

While the comments buzzed and clattered,

the opening wrapped, the real broadcast got rolling—and the comment feed gradually thinned.

“Wow...”

They opened with seafood knife-cut noodles.

Following Wooju’s lead, Biju and Kim Jeongnam mixed barley rice with young radish kimchi, the gochujang turning it a delicious color; the sight of them chewing made viewers swallow.

[crunch]

The audio was so clean you could hear the bite of the radish.

Families watching TV gulped.

“Do we have any young radish at home?”

“Geez... look at that kimchi from the noodle place. Should we... cook ramen?”

The side-dish kimchi from the noodle place glowed lush under the lights.

When the main came out, viewers’ eyes went wide.

“Hoooo...”

“Dad, look at those shrimp. That’s insane~”

“So insane~”

In the clear broth, clams and mussels bared their meat, and perfectly cooked shrimp triggered saliva on sight.

The owner came out to explain.

[These are hand-pulled noodles.]

[Hand-pulled.]

[We make them by hand like this every day. There are over a dozen kinds of seafood in here, too. It’s truly a tonic. Haha!]

[Oho.]

After listening closely, they started the mukbang.

Biju carefully bit through the noodles—then paused.

[Huh?]

He rounded his eyes and covered his mouth—pure, unforced reaction.

[It really tastes like the sea. In a good way. And the noodles are super chewy.]

[The seafood’s fresh~]

[My grandma sometimes rolls out dough and makes noodles. This really tastes like that.]

Even Sun Wooju was glowing, saying it tasted like home.

Their comments dovetailed perfectly, and the veteran looked at the two with fond pride.

[Shall we dig in?]

[Sir, give us just a moment.]

Wooju and Biju stretched and twisted as if to “make room” in their stomachs, and the crew and nearby patrons laughed.

Then the eating began.

Like food gremlins descending, Wooju and Biju tore into the noodles.

They sometimes laid kimchi on top, sometimes lifted their bowls at the same time to sip the broth.

“They really can eat...”

Gulp.

Even people without much appetite felt it spark.

Even those who used to ask “Why watch mukbangs?” found themselves thinking, “Ah, this is why.”

They ate nonstop, and yet it didn’t feel greedy. It felt like they cherished the food and enjoyed it.

Households fell silent through the noodle segment.

“...”

“...”

Koreans stared, stunned, then looked at one another.

“Where’s that place?”

“Gunsan.”

“Can we get there by KTX? I think you transfer somewhere near Iksan...”

First, people figured out where in Gunsan it was.

But to stop there would betray their identity as the mukbang nation.

‘Right now! Eat!’

A compulsion that this seafood knife-cut noodle had to hit their own stomachs right now.

A family all tapped open delivery apps at once.

[The connection is temporarily unstable. Please try again.]

“...It’s frozen?”

“Same here.”

“I can’t get in either.”

Viewers stared at their delivery apps, puzzled, then looked at the TV—and went “Ah.”

‘We weren’t the only ones watching this.’

They didn’t know the exact reason, but the nationwide viewer base was probably logging in at the same time.

“Delivery app down” started trending on real-time searches and social media.

— guys, are you seeing the delivery apps all down rn (crying)

— must be cuz of the NewBlack segment; what a nuisance at dinner time

— huh isn’t 8:30 past dinner time tho

— why are my delivery apps like this lol

— is it just me?

About five minutes into the delays,

those who got in after the outage lifted felt a bitter pang.

“They say the noodle place is only taking phone orders now.”

“...”

“They said delivery’s hard.”

“...”

The early birds had blitzed every nearby seafood noodle shop, and the latecomers’ orders failed.

“It’s okay. There’ll be another chance.”

And sure enough—

Right after the noodle feast ended, they cut to lunchtime jjamppong in Gunsan.

“That’s it!”

Viewers who had fallen in the first battle (seafood knife-cut noodles) joined the second (seafood jjamppong).

— i’m goiiiing

— must... win...

— why is ordering so hard (crying)

— is this the delivery survival that’s tougher than an idol survival

— ???: we don’t feel enough desperation in your order... you’re eliminated

— lmao ffs

— this is harder than course registration

— i’m paying my own money, why won’t you let me eat (crying)

— go go go, jjamppong secured

Chanting the magic words “I will win,” viewers re-entered the apps.

[The connection is temporarily unstable. Please try again.]

And a new alert popped up.

[We are experiencing issues due to heavy traffic. Please wait a moment.]

Viewers who couldn’t even connect swallowed their tears.

Even so, Koreans found humor and satire.

[Actually, NewBlack planned the whole thing to help the nation diet.]

One click and up came a rage-inducing image.

(GIF of Wooju and Biju eating like angels)

???: Of course, we ate. lol

— lololololol

— ???: mad, right? but there’s nothing you can do??

— i’m fuming lol

— they get to eat... why can’t iiiii

— called the Chinese place, it was hilarious lol “We can do black bean right now, but... no jjamppong...”

— Koreans won’t settle for regular jjamppong after seeing that. It has to be seafood jjamppong

— real

— if you’re gonna eat, you have to eat the exact one from TV, period!

More jokes rolled in.

[Current status of anyone who opened the internet or a delivery app.jpg]

(penguin character with a pencil, eyes wide in panic.jpg)

people suddenly start talking about noodles and jjamppong and then the delivery apps crash

— lololololol

— my foreign friend panicked

— i opened the app to order a late-night snack, panicked, and came online

— i was gonna study, but i came to see what happened (crying) NewBlack made me stop studying

— same same NewBlack made me stop studying (crying)

— they already tortured us with exam-ban songs, now this (crying)

With defeats in the first noodle battle and the second jjamppong battle, people started calling the incident “the NewBlack Uprising.”

Antiwiki got a page instantly.

Everyone watched with bated breath to see what the third event would be.

“Oh?”

A familiar face appeared on TV.

A gruff face you felt you’d seen a lot.

If you follow NewBlack, you can’t not know her: Kim Deoksun showed up.

“Aww, look at Wooju.”

Viewers smiled as he scurried over and melted into Grandma’s arms.

Souffles too.

— today is healing (crying) wooju looks so happy

— gunsan food + grandma + cute minion = sun wooju makes me faint

— he was so solid a moment ago but now he looks like an elementary schooler

— i’m suddenly crying.. lol i’m ridiculous

— at times like this he really looks his age

— grandma looks so happy too

Smiles bloomed at the sight of a grandson and grandmother hugging.

A ⊛ Nоvеlιght ⊛ (Read the full story) scene that made you feel good for no reason.

Not just Wooju—Grandma’s deadpan face looked a little choked up.

‘Grandma...’

Everyone thought of their own grandmother.

And as “Night Sea,” the classic Wooju wrote for his grandmother, swelled as BGM, a tear party began.

— i miss my grandma (crying)

— grandma (crying)

— i want to see my grandma.. really

— grandma, i’ll spoil you (crying)

But right then—

[Is this... the annex?]

Kim Jeongnam’s stunned face cut to a zoom-out of the annex with a blazing sign: .

A grand four-story building.

— this is not the humble diner i imagined..???

— crash

— i wanted to see my grandma a minute ago, now i want a grandma like that too

— if only my grandma had tried harder..

— where did all those “I’ll be filial” people go lol

— Diner (MONOLITHIC)

— they did say “diner,” not how big it was...

People quickly accepted that the business had expanded off NewBlack’s success.

Side dishes for the set meal started rolling out.

While the trio ate with gusto, viewers searching Gunsan’s set-meal spots had a glint in their eyes.

‘Hmm... that could...’

They were plotting how to “do set meal” via delivery when—

“Huh?”

Come to think of it, Kim Deoksun’s face looked familiar.

They’d heard she was Wooju’s grandmother, but the moment they saw her: “Wait? I’ve seen that somewhere!”

“Ah...!”

“What?”

“We have that at home!”

“Huh?”

“Newbulbaek!”

With that, the family clapped.

“Right, right!” They yanked Newbulbaek from the fridge and gasped.

A red caricature of a mischievous grandma.

People smiled at the “Since 19..” founding date printed on the Newbulbaek label.

‘We can just eat this.’

Most viewers who had lost the NewBlack Uprising shifted to eating the Newbulbaek they had at home.

Anyway, the TV main course was bulgogi-over-rice.

As the sweet smell of Newbulbaek spread through homes, a post went up summarizing the incident in pictures.

[Today’s NewBlack Uprising, quick summary]

(seafood knife-cut noodle photo.jpg)

(seafood jjamppong.jpg)

(university student screaming at course-registration waitlist numbers.jpg)

And the final winner:

(GIF of Kim Deoksun saying “What are you looking at” to a doting grandson staring at her on the show)

Queen Deoksun

— lololololol agreed

— lololololololol

— Queen Deoksun lol

— Queen Deoksun who turns even Sun Wooju into “just a grandson”

— those NewBlack punks... dirty trick to make us eat Newbulbaek

— what variety show is this??

Souffles, watching these reactions, hesitated when asked “what variety show is this.”

‘...Wait, wasn’t this a culture program.’

It was definitely a culture show booking, but somewhere along the way it had morphed into “variety.” Souffles blinked.

Then, as usual, they smiled warmly.

‘Whatever. If it’s funny, it’s fine.’

A Saturday night buzzing thanks to NewBlack.

The “Food Before Sightseeing” episode with me and Biju pulled way higher ratings than usual.

“Why...?”

“Who knows.”

The reasons we joined were simple—“for seniors!” and “because it’s Gunsan!”—

but seeing it consumed like variety left us just blinking.

The maknae held up his phone.

“But the reactions are amazing. Those food clips from what you and Biju ate are all over the internet.”

“Yeah?”

Photos from the live broadcast and snippets of me and Biju eating were spreading everywhere.

But the vibe was a little...

“People are treating it as a variety show, not a culture program.”

“Sounds right.”

Even though it was a culture show, folks saw it as variety; my brats and I swallowed.

“Calculator.”

“Why.”

“What do you think our odds are? Rising in the Entertainer of the Year rankings...?”

Our electronic brain set both index fingers to his temples.

“Last year, the public already clocked us as entertainers, right? During surveys, they went, ‘Ah, NewBlack fits the entertainer category too’...”

“Right.”

“Considering this perception shift...”

Ri Hyuk nodded.

“Ninety-nine percent we’ll rise compared to last year.”

“Why not a hundred?”

“Scientists don’t use the phrase ‘one hundred percent.’”

But you’re an idol...

I smiled at our fourth who’d misplaced his day job and rejoiced, sensing a rise in the Entertainer rankings.

“Entertainer No. 1, let’s go!”

“Let’s go!”

We high-fived, laughed, and checked other reactions.

— [5-Minute Patbingsu] Advice from the citizens of Gunsan for NewBlack

The thumbnail showed the people who told me and Biju “Release an English song!” and “You’ve got gastritis—why jjamppong?”

Comments were laughing too, watching us get advice all day.

— feels like my family on holidays lolololol

— it’s funny cuz you can tell they all really want to say something helpful and kind

— the person trying to give them pocket money lol

— i felt that lol

— the person who said “release an English song” must be proud now

People also praised the segment with my grandmother.

I worried someone might say something nasty about her, but I didn’t see any.

Junhyun asked,

“How’s Grandma feel?”

“She loved how she came out.”

She used to avoid broadcasts, worried it might cause trouble for her grandson.

But after Newbulbaek blew up, her name recognition skyrocketed; now she seems comfortable with it.

I dropped a comment from my account—“Grandma, you look so pretty. Gorgeous (crying)”—and wrapped the monitoring.

“Mm.”

In the corner, Ri Hyuk pursed his lips at his phone.

“What’s up?”

“It’s nothing.”

“There’s something.”

I leaned in and saw a MyTube comment.

It was on the Wubees unit performance with me and Biju.

— cutest ever.. like Teletubbies (crying) please come out as Teletubbies

Nothing to be upset about—so why the pout?

Under my gaze, Ri Hyuk said,

“It’s just... people keep saying Teletubbies in the comments...”

“Is Teletubbies some show about class inequality in Britain or racial discrimination or... that kind of thing?”

“No, not that.”

“...?”

“It’s that.”

He stared off into the distance.

“It’s a four-member set, but there’s no blue.”

“Ah.”

With Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and Po, our four colors were represented—but he didn’t have a color, so he was sad.

I slung an arm around his shoulder.

“Bummed there’s no blue, huh. Who says there’s no blue? It’s right there.”

“No, there isn’t.”

“You can be the vacuum. The vacuum.”

“The vacuum...?”

He cocked his head, searched it, then gripped his phone like a club and lunged at me.

“Ack! Ack!”

“Taste the vacuum!”

I learned that a phone corner to the back hurts.

After we wrapped our little break and monitoring—

“All right, back to practice!”

I clapped and gathered the brats.

“Prac-tice!”

“Not long now. Go hard!”

“Go hard!”

Pumped up, we rehearsed the stage for “METRO,” slated to drop August 25.

August was almost here.

In our air-conditioned studio, we heated the room with sweat and effort, readying the comeback, when—

— let’s gooooo!

— crush it!

— unnie! let’s wreck everything!

We flinched at the booming shouts echoing down the hall, then kept practicing.

Come to think of it, one schedule was closest.

My solo schedule.

My debut as producer-composer “Kim Deokchun” of Scarlet was fast approaching.

— anyone blocking our path gets smashed!

Even now, to keep morale high, the Voices of Oath quartet were yelling battle cries.

— strong alone, unstoppable together!

— kyahahahahaha!

— Scarlet the strongest!

Well, that’ll probably go great too...