In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

It was when we were getting our English lines ready ahead of Kids’ Choice.

"Hyung."

"Yeah?"

"Did you see the article?"

"What article...?"

Biju wiggled his fingers and held out his phone.

Maybe because it was about my friends, Biju looked at me cautiously. I smiled at him.

"I saw it."

"I figured you’d see it anyway. Thought it’d be better to tell you fast if possible..."

"Thanks."

I winked at the younger one who was looking out for me.

Meanwhile, the same article Biju was reading popped up on my own phone.

Hm.

To be honest, it’s a strange feeling. Hard to explain in words—news that arrives with an odd lack of reality, maybe.

All at once I remembered something from seven years ago.

"Hyung! They decided our group name. Look at this."

"TNT? Is it a bomb?"

"They said it’s The Next GeneraTion?"

"I don’t think so. I heard it’s The Next Trend. Tae Jun said he wants to make a second trend or whatever."

"Taehyun. I told you to watch your mouth... no. Don’t call the Chairman like that..."

Maybe it’s because that was the group I once belonged to as a debut lineup candidate.

Faces of the hyungs and dongsaengs who trained with me back then floated up, and I slipped into a brief sentimental mood.

Of course, it wasn’t unexpected news.

I’d already heard the general mood through Taehyun and Hanbin.

"The company already set the direction. Keep the group, but focus on solo activities. We’re busy raising Trickster anyway."

They said the company’s entire capability was concentrated on launching the rookie boy group Trickster.

The remaining TNT members would go with individual solo activities. Sun Woong has to enlist next year anyway.

Taehyun snorted and said,

"We’re like a chicken rib. The group doesn’t chart like before, but if you spin us out as individuals, we make good money."

I’d heard that from debut on, TJ Entertainment quietly encouraged a vibe of doing business by pitting individual fans against each other.

Seems like that turned into a blunder over time.

Well.

It felt like a complex knot of many factors, and now, as an outsider, I only knew fragments.

"TNT Seok Jihoon, Jang Hanbyul fail to renew... ‘TNT hasn’t ended’"

The ones who didn’t renew were Jihoon and Hanbyul.

Jihoon, I think, moved to another agency that raises actors because of acting. The number one actor agency, maybe.

"The company’s lukewarm. I’ve got marketability as an idol; actors at my level are a dime a dozen."

He started because they said they’d support acting, but when results didn’t match expectations, their attitude turned tepid.

As for Hanbyul... nothing to add.

I heard he got tired of living out of a suitcase in China and, after much thought, decided not to renew.

"I’m going to the States to rest. Spend time with my parents."

Word was he’d go spend time at his parents’ place in Chicago for a while.

In conclusion, it wasn’t a disbandment.

They announced the group would remain.

But with a vibe of "Ta-da, we’ve released a full lineup album~" maybe once every one or two years as a special, it was effectively a disbandment in practice.

"Then how are they going to do activities now?"

At the youngest’s question, I shrugged.

"Who knows. Taehyun will probably switch to solo, and the rest will each go their own way. Yeah."

"It feels weird."

"Me too."

Junhyun scratched his cheek.

Maybe because when we first debuted, they were a top group so high up we couldn’t even meet their eyes.

It’s only been three years since we ran into them during "Something."

"Let’s just hope things go well for all of them."

I wished luck for the future of the colleagues who’d almost been in the same group as me once.

"......"

Then I looked at the members in front of me.

The youngest sprawled on the break-room sofa, pretending to memorize English lines while actually playing a phone game.

Ri Hyuk doing English composition while checking for typos.

Junhyun shoveling a fistful of snacks with every line of patter, and Biju diligently memorizing.

Thinking about scattering away from these kids made me feel strange.

"......Mm."

By nature, I’m not the type to cling to the road already traveled.

I treasure people who’ve passed on as memories, and my rule is to take care of those who are with me now first.

But us—how should I put it.

We’ve only been together four years by the calendar... and yet since Grandma, this is the first time I’ve felt this kind of bond. Wherever I go, I feel like I should take them with me; if I see something good, I want to tell them.

I was thinking that when—

"Hyung."

Biju, diligently memorizing lines, twirled his pen and said,

"I sometimes imagine something."

"What do you imagine?"

"Ten years from now, we build NewBlack Town, and the five of us each live in a house on the same block."

I burst out laughing at Biju’s grand plan to change it to NewSilver Town in fifty years.

I laughed and answered,

"Yeah. Let’s live like that."

"But then do I have to live as the youngest forever?"

At the youngest’s question, we answered in chorus.

"Yep."

"Is that even a question."

"Jiho is our youngest for life."

"If you don’t like it, I can call you hyung."

The youngest, who’d been pouting, declared he’d be the youngest for life at my last line.

Seems the TNT news made even these guys flinch a bit.

That’s how endings are.

You feel like that ending will never come in your lifetime, but still, one day, it arrives.

Most days, you think the ending won’t find you, but every time something like this happens around you, you realize an end will come for you too someday.

The end approaching isn’t something I can change with my own hands.

But—

"We should stay together a long, long time."

Maybe you can postpone the end for a long time. That thought suddenly flickered through my head.

The younger ones nodded at my words.

"Retirement is done in the grave."

"......"

"Isn’t it?"

We nodded at Biju’s words.

"Let’s compromise with dinner shows."

"Dinner shows sound nice."

While we were chatting, I glanced back at the English script, then at the lyric sheet beside it, and had this thought.

Why is this place special?

I’ve written and sung so many songs, and maybe it’s because the members and fans and I are tied together by some kind of cord. I couldn’t think of the right word to call it...

I stared at the younger ones for a moment, then turned my eyes to the lyric sheet.

Biju’s song "Variables," which we chose as the final song for the concert this spring.

I added a refrain to that lyric sheet.

Forever ever ever

Ever-after

Forever.

For a very long forever.

Second week of March.

As crazy as the days were, time flew. Most of the work on the B-side tracks, including "Coin," wrapped smoothly.

"Director?"

"......"

"Director. Open your eyes. Are you okay?"

"[gurgle]."

"Thank goodness. You weren’t moving, I was scared."

"[urk]."

All that was left now was practice.

With choreography from Han A-yoon, the top choreographer in the country, we were practicing every day.

From here, once we film the MV and shoot the concept photos, comeback prep is done.

"Wooju hyung."

"......"

"Wooju hyung. Snap out of it. Can you hear me?"

"Uhh..."

"Thank goodness. You’re alive, hyung."

"Uhhhh..."

Practicing happily with our main dancer, I even did some mirror therapy(?) thinking, so this is what the Director must’ve felt like.

Practice was so fun I was getting lightheaded.

Like when a fitness trainer at your side keeps going, just a bit more! a bit! and your vision turns white and you start gagging. 𝐟𝚛𝕖𝚎𝕨𝗲𝐛𝚗𝐨𝐯𝐞𝕝.𝐜𝗼𝗺

Maybe that’s why—

"Wow! We’re going overseas! Overseas!"

"Woooooah...!"

A mid-schedule trip abroad had never felt so welcome.

Even at departure procedures at Incheon Airport, the surging crowd felt welcome.

"Please! Please! Make some room!"

Third floor, Incheon Airport departures.

Reporters formed a ring, behind them onlookers and fans forming a larger ring.

With our road managers tense and watching the perimeter alongside a security contractor, mics were handed to us.

A quick pre-departure interview.

"Hello, this is reporter Oh Sohee from Entertainment IN. NewBlack, you’ve been officially invited to a U.S. awards show for the first time. How do you feel?"

"I’m still a bit dazed."

I smiled at Reporter Oh and answered.

"I hear it’s an awards show where kids vote... we’re a bit dazed wondering how we got invited, but we’re happy. Regardless of whether we win, we’re grateful just to be invited."

Then the reporters raised their hands like a kindergarten sunbeam class shouting me, me.

I skipped the crooked-faced reporters.

When I was about to move my finger, Junhyun signaled me with his eyes.

"That reporter gives me a good feeling."

"Okay."

I skipped and picked someone else immediately.

I memorized all the faces of people who write weird articles, so choosing who to call on was easy.

"What do you think your appeal is with children?"

"Probably our untainted innocence...?"

The people in the airport booed.

The reporters burst out laughing.

"That was a joke. I think it’s probably the kids’ content we upload on NewBlack TV."

And I also called on reporters whose expressions weren’t so great in between.

If you don’t call on them, the press takes an even more crooked line because you didn’t call on them.

"This is effectively your first invite to a major awards show in the U.S. How does that feel?"

[Interpretation: I’m going to tie this up with cultural West-worship and take a jab.]

I was about to smile and pivot to something else.

The citizens booed for real.

"Booooooo!"

[Interpretation: Beat it.]

After that, no more weird questions came.

If people later ask what’s nice about being a national idol, I’ll answer, the press gets kinder.

The youngest beamed and waved.

"Then we’ll be back~!"

"Guys, have a good trip!"

"Yes!"

We traded heartfelt eye contact with strangers and waved.

Maybe because we were sent off by so many people, I still felt good even after boarding.

"I didn’t expect we’d even do an interview. This is a pretty big event, huh."

"Big."

Ri Hyuk, seated next to me, set up the seat for me, including a neck pillow, and said,

"Even when I lived in the States, I’d hear about this one sometimes. It’s not the Oscars or the Grammys, but it’s secretly major. It makes sense the press came out to interview."

Kids’ Choice Awards.

I’d heard there are three of these "Choice" awards in the U.S.—People’s Choice, Teen Choice, Kids’ Choice.

The one that invited us was Kids’ Choice, where children vote.

Taken as an award itself, they said it isn’t that colossal or meaningful.

"But it matters to companies."

Its real meaning, they said, is for companies.

Being popular at Teen Choice or Kids’ Choice matters to companies. Every year when the "Choice Awards" season rolls around, companies prick up their ears and watch.

These guys are popular with elementary school kids? Then they’re suitable for products or marketing aimed at elementary schoolers—like that.

Junhyun, who was spreading a blanket over me, said,

"I really want to get that, hyung."

"Slime?"

"Yeah."

Seokhwan hyung had explained it once before: there’s a unique culture here.

While a celebrity is giving a speech or doing a bit, they go splat! and dump green slime.

I’d heard there’s even a separate "List of slimed celebrity." American kids love watching celebs get slimed.

Sadly, they don’t pour it on just anyone.

"Junhyun. What’s your gut say?"

"Good."

We traded a look.

"We’re getting it."

"Feels like we’re getting it."

Should I moisturize in advance or something.

LA Galen Center.

Owned by the University of Southern California and home court for the college basketball team, the venue was in full swing for awards prep.

Name cards for celebrities like Mandy Spice were taped to seats, and the sound and lighting crews were in a final sprint.

And then—

[The New Black]

Beside other celebrities’ seats, a name card printed with a black-and-white photo of a five-member group was stuck on.

A staffer cocked his head and called a colleague.

"David!"

"What?"

"Check the headcount. These people called NewBlack. It’s five, right?"

"That’s what it says on the list."

"I only see four in the photo."

The colleague came over and looked.

After staring holes in the photo for a long while, the two Americans finally saw the one nestled among the four.

A warm, handsome face tucked snugly between the members.

"Here he is."

"So it is five. Why’s he hiding?"

"How should I know."

The colleague who was speaking asked,

"But who’s NewBlack?"

"Good question."

"Even asking around, no one knows who they are. But they’ve got the best seats."

"Higher-ups must’ve sorted something."

The seating chart only amplified the question marks.

Mandy Spice boasts the top teen follower count on Insta. Ocean Five, a five-member flower-boy band that debuted recently, is exploding with kids.

Hailey Blue goes without saying.

So why is some singer called "NewBlack" no one’s heard of sitting among them?

"Who are they?"

American eyes filled with questions.

In Korean terms, it was like I Gyeonu, Teen Spirit, and Sergio Gonzalez vibes.

Most of the working staff reacted the same way.

"Who’s NewBlack?"

"Who are they to be seated like that?"

"NewBlack?"

They had done a formal debut with two talk-show appearances, but most people still didn’t know NewBlack.

Looking at the photo, you felt like you’d seen them somewhere.

Some remembered the Blue Moon MV, some remembered the ruckus on the last talk show, but for most civilians it was, "What’s a NewBlack."

And—

There was just one reason they were that curious.

"Who are all those people gathering."

"Are they trying to build some kind of children’s empire."

"The kids are gathered like stormtroopers."

Like foot soldiers in Star Wars, a swarm of little kids in black T-shirts with the NewBlack logo.

Hundreds of children and thousands of adults filling the Galen Center area.

It looked like they’d prepared placards so their singer wouldn’t lose heart...

"Damn."

One staffer looked at the crowd and said,

"I don’t know who they are, but I hope they win. For all our sakes..."

And—

The celebrities felt the same.

"Who’s NewBlack?"

They arrived at the venue to find a massive crowd buzzing with placards shouting "NewBlack!"

Each arrival asked the next, "Do you know who they are?" and chatted.

Like they were the only one who didn’t get the hidden-camera memo.

"Yes! We’re here at the Galen Center! You are now looking at the biggest crowd in Kids’ Choice history!"

"Everyone’s chanting NewBlack’s name."

Kid reporters stood before cameras and relayed the scene.

As excited faces were captured on camera, a nine-year-old hidden in the crowd—Lucy—had stars in her eyes.

"Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh."

The girl’s eyes filled with happiness.

"It’s really NewBlack. What do I do."

She hugged the flowers and letter she’d prepared for NewBlack tight to her chest. Then she squeezed Mom and Dad’s hands too.

Like the other kids around her, she was breathing fast.

She smoothed her hair back behind her ears, straightened her pretty dress, and bounced on her toes.

"Waaaaaaah!"

From far off, a roar of cheers rolled in.

A limousine slid in smoothly, and judging from the cheers, it must’ve been NewBlack.

"What do I do!"

Her heart pounded like it would explode.

Her face flushed hot at the thought of seeing NewBlack in person.

And—

Thunk.

The moment the limo door opened—

"Ah."

Tears spilled out.

"Today is the best day of my life."

With long legs and sharp suits, the five stepped out one by one, elegantly.

The cheers on site detonated.

The camera operators actually flinched.

"Waaaaaaah!"

NewBlack’s faces, waving a bit awkwardly to the crowd, blurred in her eyes.

Handsome.

Too handsome.

In person, two hundred—no, two thousand—times more handsome. Their faces were practically shining.

Walking the red carpet, the NewBlack members signed and took photos with people behind the rope.

"Dad! Dad! Dad!"

"Yeah."

While she waited with the letter and flowers Dad handed back to her—

A chaotic venue with shoving and jostling here and there.

Someone stepped backward, and Lucy, wedged among adults, fell.

"Huh?"

And someone’s sneaker—

"No!"

—stepped right on the fallen flowers.

"......"

Tears welled.

Seeing the dark smudge on the flowers, tears began to drip, and life felt wretched.

She felt like her whole world had collapsed in a day.

A shadow fell across her.

"Are you okay?"

"...Huh?"

"Looks like you fell."

She looked up, and the most delicate, gorgeous face in the world was gazing at her.

It was her ultimate bias, Biju!

In an instant, the tears stopped; she stared, stunned.

"Hi."

Smiling gently, Biju flicked off the dust on the flowers. Then he tucked them into his suit’s chest pocket.

A tender voice followed right away.

"Can I take this flower?"

"...Yes!"

Time for the whole world stopped.

She felt like she might faint, but barely kept it together and looked up at the sweet-scented boy.

The boy who seemed like he was from another world opened his mouth.

"But..."

Gulp.

"Where am I?"

"......"

"Where on earth did I end up..."

The nine-year-old’s first real-life meeting with her ultimate bias was currently wandering lost on the red carpet.