In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

Being a number-one nominee.

Among the twenty groups currently active, to be counted in the top two for that week, the vehicle fell into a °• N 𝑜 v 𝑒 l i g h t •° brief silence.

“Biju.”

I glanced back at my juniors and couldn’t help but laugh.

“Why are your eyes so glossy?”

“I—I don’t know, hyung. I almost cried just now.”

“You already did.”

“No, there was dust in my eye.”

Our second member’s tear ducts were already moist.

As tears began to trickle down, Biju tilted his head back, and Junghyeon passed him a whole box of tissues.

“Hey, don’t cry. I’m not crying either.”

“You never cry, Kim Junghyeon.”

“That’s true.”

Junghyeon nodded. Smiling, Biju carefully wiped his cheeks and eye area so as not to smudge his eyeliner.

He looked at me as if to say, You feel this too, right?

Of course—I’m riding a massive endorphin high right now.

I looked at the three in the back.

But...

“Rihyeok, what’s with your expression? Are you crying or smiling?”

“Ah. Don’t talk to me right now.”

“What happened was...”

The maknae grinned and pointed at the pale, sharp triangle beside him, explaining,

“Rihyeok hyung was about to shed tears, but Biju hyung beat him to it, so he lost his timing.”

“Pfft.”

“Ah, seriously. Don’t laugh!”

“Hmm... but Rihyeok. Are you planning to cry or not?”

The triangle glared at the bear-like questioner.

“Hyung. Who announces they’re going to cry before they do?”

“If you’re not going to cry, I’m putting this tissue box back.”

“....”

When even Biju, who’d been poking at Rihyeok’s arm, laughed, Rihyeok sighed and rolled down the window.

“Sigh, ughfbpb...!”

Immediately pelted by wind, he shut it again.

We burst out laughing at his doll-like, hair-askew appearance.

As always, the serious mood melted into laughter in an instant.

It was a joyous atmosphere.

We put aside for the moment the reality of standing as number-one nominees on a stage full of TNT fans,

and the malicious comments on the internet.

We simply celebrated.

It wasn’t a fluke number-one nominee like July; we were now bona fide top contenders.

Smiling, I called the road manager in the passenger seat.

“Mingi hyung.”

“Hm?”

“Can we post something on the fan café?”

“I’d already contacted the general manager because I figured you’d want to post on the fan café or talk about the live stream...”

“?”

We pricked up our ears.

“He said no.”

“As expected.”

“You know the company wants to minimize any slip-ups right now.”

“Yes, we know.”

We just wanted to thank our soufflés.

As we tried to soothe our disappointment, the maknae reminded us of something we’d forgotten.

“What should our number-one promise be?”

“Oh, right.”

We began discussing on the way to the next schedule.

“Ooh! I have one. I saw on a recent idol show—doing the choreography at double speed....”

“Biju.”

“Yes?”

“Kill Rihyeok.”

“Ah!”

“He’ll probably vanish into a speck of dust.”

“I dislike both suggestions immensely and could nitpick many issues, but I’ll admit the dance idea is interesting.”

I turned to Rihyeok.

“What about you?”

“How about pitching each part up for a high-note challenge?”

“I like that.”

“Really?”

“Yep. I love an idea that shows zero consideration for other members.”

“....”

“Exactly, Rihyeok. I’ve never sung above baritone.”

At Junghyeon’s remark, the maknae’s curiosity flared.

“Even when it’s scorching?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh ho... in any situation?”

“Jiho, stop trying weird experiments.”

I shushed the maknae and turned to Junghyeon.

“Junghyeon, any ideas?”

“Honestly, no matter what we do we can’t fully thank the fans. So how about wearing mascot heads again?”

“You didn’t think of anything, did you?”

“Nope.”

As expected.

“It’s not bad... but should we do Penguin Head: Season Two?”

“I’m against that. It’d get tiresome.”

“How about changing the concept—like Serenity’s?”

“Serengeti. Dummy.”

“How about animals from there? We did Antarctica, so how about lions, elephants, giraffes? Rihyeok hyung could be the crocodile—tilting his head like this while dancing....”

We imitated the croc’s awkward waddle with its long snout, and everyone burst out laughing.

While the juniors dueled in debate, Biju asked me,

“Hyung, any ideas?”

“I was thinking school uniforms....”

“No.”

“I hate that.”

Instantly uniting the quarreling maknaes.

“Look at this guy. He’s filling his own selfish desires, not thinking of the fans.”

“No, hear me out. If fans like school uniforms, we could just post selfies with Rihyeok hyung and me. We wear them every day.”

I asked Junghyeon and Biju for a “uniform call?” but they just smiled politely and replied “nope.”

They were either still students or had graduated less than a year ago—apparently not fans of school uniforms.

I clicked my tongue.

“We’ll see.”

“What next?”

“One day you’ll miss your school uniforms too.”

I hinted I’d wait for that day as we aged together, and the juniors laughed, calling it a curse.

After a while I said,

“The uniform thing was a joke. I have a real idea—want to hear it?”

“Ooh, sure.”

When I explained it, everyone lit up and agreed.

The next day.

At the studio for Tuesday’s HBS MTV ‘Showtime’ pre-recording, we ran into a familiar face.

“Guys!”

“Ah! Hello, PD-nim.”

It was Producer Bae Jong-geon, who handled our reality show.

I’d just missed him and he had news that shocked us. 𝕗𝐫𝚎𝗲𝘄𝐞𝕓𝐧𝕠𝘃𝕖𝐥.𝐜𝚘𝚖

“Our reality show is being exported.”

“To Japan?”

“Oh, only your general manager knew.”

He said,

“The networks decided to exchange programs, and ours was selected to air on MTV Japan. Talks with Taiwan are underway too.”

“Wow...”

“What’s with the wow? It’s big news.”

We sparkled at the word “export,” and he laughed at our shining eyes, tapping my shoulder.

“Congrats on the nominee spot. When the reality show started you were promising rookies; now you’re huge hits.”

I waved away the praise, saying,

“No, no. We’re not that big.”

“Humility is good.”

Bae PD, understanding, said,

“By the way, while I have you here, I wanted to ask something.”

While congratulating us, he turned serious.

“We’re launching a new idol show and looking for fresh faces. Somehow I got involved....”

“Ooh.”

Hearing “TV appearance,” we almost blurted “we want in,” but glanced at our managers.

At their cue Bae PD grinned.

“Right, you need to talk with them first.”

As Mingi hyung hurried off to contact the general manager, Bae PD led him toward the café, while we took the elevator with Mr. Wonseok to the waiting room.

Staring out at the distant ground through the glass, I murmured,

“Wow, this is huge.”

“It seems we’ve made it, hyung. Street casting—well, not street, more like lobby scouting, right Rihyeok hyung?”

“Strictly speaking, it’s lobby casting on the first floor of the broadcast station.”

“Wow. Guys, we’ve been lobby cast for the first time.”

I’d daydreamed about PDs calling “we want you,” but never imagined it’d actually happen.

Of course, no cake cannons or bouquets appeared as in my fantasies.

Laughing to myself, I noticed the maknae imitating an old ferryman—playing on PD Bae’s “captain” joke—to tease the others.

I immediately reprimanded him.

“Ahh... I’m suing you for that.”

“Go ahead.”

Watching the maknae’s third-rate tycoon spiel, I shook my head in amused disbelief.

Meanwhile, stepping off the elevator into the waiting-room corridor and seeing the cue sheet on the wall, my smile turned genuine.

“Whoa...”

Serenity, who’d been behind us with two special comeback stages each last weekend, was now scheduled before us.

Their agency, MOP, had enormous clout, so it made sense—but in week two the tables had turned.

Behind us were only Misty, TNT, and a few veteran artists.

We exchanged wide-eyed looks.

“Hyung.”

Biju whispered.

“I didn’t believe it until we arrived here, but we really are number-one nominees.”

“Yeah. It’s finally sinking in.”

Staring at the wall cue sheet, Jiho suggested,

“Let’s take a commemorative photo of this.”

“Sure... so, a selfie?”

We lined up for a selfie in front of the cue sheet listing us as nominees, each making V signs.

I switched to selfie mode and squeezed in.

While taking it, I teased them—Do you really like this?—but when I checked the photo, I was the one smiling brightest.

The day flew by.

We did pre-recordings with our soufflés, rehearsed the comeback interview with the two ‘Showtime’ MCs,

and announced our number-one promise.

“If we become number one, we’ll film Masquerade’s choreography as a real masquerade ball version and post it.”

A classic promise.

At first I considered something fun as the juniors suggested, but it seemed too sensitive a matter.

As the first-time nominees, our soufflés would take this seriously.

Doing something frivolous felt inappropriate.

We were the ones most earnest about being nominees, and acting otherwise to hint at our true feelings would be strange.

Every move carried meaning now, so we needed to be cautious.

“Make sure to manage your expressions, okay?”

Before going on stage, Seok-hwan hyung even called to emphasize it.

At the same time he prepared us mentally.

“You’re nominees this week, but to be honest, you won’t get number one.”

Then he added,

“Next week or the week after there might be variables depending on streaming, but honestly this week is tough. It’s the first week, and their fandom power is beyond anything you can imagine.”

He worried we’d be disappointed if we stood up expecting a win.

And indeed our chances were slim.

Comparable to Rihyeok not washing his hair for two days while Biju grabbed my collar and cursed—about that unlikely.

We led in streaming, but not by much, and their other metrics were far ahead.

An initial sales forecast of 200,000 units, set to break records.

Their member Seok Ji-hoon starring as a supporting actor in a drama sold for billions pre-air in China.

Earlier this year they were the first Koreans on a Chinese New Year special.

Because of these factors the company predicted maybe in week three, if streaming gaps widened, we could have a shot.

We steeled ourselves for that.

Actually, I’d be grateful just to ever get number one once, so I felt strangely composed.

The only ones I worried about were our soufflés.

What if we failed their expectations?

I was happy but my thoughts were tangled.

“Congratulations on the nomination.”

“Thank you.”

We bowed to Misty’s congratulatory greetings.

Having been number one for three weeks and now on their final broadcast, Misty members looked relieved.

At the artists’ entrance, the hallway buzzed with other performers as TNT’s title-stage played on the wall TV.

As if seeking calm, our juniors stuck close to me.

“Hey, what am I, a totem?”

“I told you. More like a dolmen.”

“Go away. I’m not including you.”

I glared at Rihyeok who pretended not to hear, then laughed at our juniors’ expressions.

Like being a calming lavender candle.

They seemed to draw confidence from my presence, easing their nerves.

I smiled and patted them while staring at the TV.

Watching TNT members smile and face the camera in the ending close-up,

a thunderous cheer erupted from the public hall.

The artists exchanged envious “wow” faces as a staff member entered the corridor.

“We’re going on now!”

During the special comeback stage broadcast all performers entered the public hall.

TNT members and the MCs stood center.

With Misty and us flanking them as nominees, TNT greeted us with a friendly glance.

I bowed in return.

It was too formal to be casual, with so many eyes and it being an official occasion.

At the same time I swallowed hard with my juniors.

They saw the number of TNT fans in the standing and seated sections.

A sea of red lightsticks.

True to the “Dynamite” name, they really looked like explosive sticks.

Hundreds of red sticks shaking in the dark was a spectacle.

And there among them I spotted the shy glimmer of a yellow lightstick.

The disposable ones we’d handed out at the fan meeting.

When we noticed, the yellow sticks twinkled like excited little stars.

So cute.

I scanned the crowd for any fans holding them and flashed eye contact.

Though they all avoided meeting my gaze.

I wanted more eye contact, but TNT’s recorded segment ended and the red “On Air” light flicked on.

The MC duo beamed,

“And now! Hallyu joint music show ‘Showtime!’ It’s time to announce this week’s glorious number one!”

“Alright! Show the scores!”

On screen, scores appeared alongside photos of the three groups:

NewBlack – Masquerade

TNT – ? (Question)

Misty – ppajyeo

First, streaming scores loaded—ours were highest—and the other metrics followed.

Broadcast appearances, physical album sales, SNS indicators.

One group’s score dominated, and then the text-vote results rolled in.

With 70% domestic and 98% China votes, TNT’s score appeared, and the announcer said,

“And the number one is TNT!”

“Congratulations.”

With a pop of confetti and deafening cheers, the public hall exploded.

“Waaaaah!”

We approached TNT’s finishing members to congratulate them in the sea of shaking sticks.

They looked placidly happy.

“Congratulations, sunbaenims.”

“Thank you, guys.”

Taehyeon replied on their behalf.

He seemed to want to say more, but time was short, so we patted shoulders lightly and left.

All the while, I couldn’t take my eyes off the trophy in leader Goo Sun-ung’s hand.

...It felt strange.

I’d expected a tough fight and a predictable outcome, but seeing it for real was different.

A weird feeling—not jealousy of their success,

nor childish “that should be ours” feelings,

but a spark that bloomed in my chest at seeing that trophy and bouquet.

Though we’d tracked streaming charts and discussed nominees since last night, only then did it truly sink in.

I really made it here.

Seeing that trophy and bouquet, a fierce longing welled up.

Though I told myself it was unlikely this week, inside I’d yearned so strongly for number one, only realizing it after the announcement.

And I wasn’t alone—my juniors’ expressions returning to the waiting room mirrored my own.

“Great job today, everyone.”

“Hyung, you did well too.”

Even laughing Biju looked slightly different from usual.

Their expressions said it all, so as we walked the corridor I whispered,

“Until our next music show, let’s do everything we can.”

They all nodded.

“We don’t know what will happen. So let’s treat this month like our last and try everything.”

Win or lose, it didn’t matter.

It had become our new shared goal.