In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

A ritual offering.

It’s usually held when someone buys a new car or when a film starts shooting. You pray that no accidents happen while driving the new vehicle or that the movie shoot proceeds without incident. That’s what I thought this ceremony was for.

I never imagined they’d do this on an idol program. And it was being filmed.

“Hyung, how many bows do we have to do?”

Biju whispered urgently. I answered, “...I think it’s three times. Just go with the flow.”

“We can’t do it twice. Twice is only for ancestral rites.”

At “Professor Fact”’s lecture, we all nodded knowingly. We watched others and guessed when to bow. I still wondered why they’d made us do it here.

“Why are we doing this here?”

Seri asked. The PD adjusted his glasses and replied as if it were obvious:

“Fine dust levels are high today, so we’re doing it indoors.”

“Ah...”

“Just in case, we’ll get some early footage for coverage while we’re at it.”

He laughed as he said “just in case,” and that phrase nagged at me—like “in case we can’t get enough footage.” We’d better make sure that never happens.

As I exchanged glances and nodded with my brothers, the crew mic’d us up.

“Ahh...”

While the sound check was happening, I rubbed the back of my neck. Whatever we do, we’d better get great coverage.

Managers and staff watched, and cameras stationed everywhere began capturing us from every angle.

Seri, cue card in hand, kicked off the recording.

“Hello, and welcome to Show Your Idol!”

“Idol Show—!”

At her call, we all shouted “Waaa!” and applauded in response. The set looked like a police station, but with cameras all around, it felt absurdly hilarious.

Bubuk looked into a camera and announced,

“For our first episode of 2015, we welcome our first guest idol group...”

“Visuals, vocals, and dance—wow! You shook up the music scene in 2014! Rookie idol New Black!”

She dipped her head in thanks, and we looked straight into the cameras with our brothers.

“One, two, three—hello, we are New Black!”

“Waaa!”

After our 2015 New Year greeting, we began some small talk with the MCs.

“As far as I know, this is New Black’s first appearance on an idol introduction show—is that right?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

Seri nodded regretfully, and the maknae piped up excitedly,

“For me, appearing on a show like this was my dream. I prayed for it a few days ago, and it came true!”

“A few days?”

I asked.

“You knew two weeks ago we’d be on, didn’t you?”

“Waaa—my wish came true!”

He made rabbit ears behind me as he peeked around, and the MCs burst into laughter.

Seri laughed and said,

“I worried you’d be sluggish for a morning recording, but this is exactly the energy we hoped for.”

“We’ll have to step it up, Seri-ssi.”

Bubuk beamed and asked,

“Shall we hear from the other members?”

“It’s so cool that the set is a police station.”

Jung-hyun looked around and smiled; Bubuk teased,

“First time in a police station?”

“No.”

“Oh...”

“In elementary school on a field trip. But I was too young to remember anything.”

Bubuk, stunned, laughed at his own question: “Does it look just like the real thing?”

Seri gently tapped him on the back,

“Oh dear—Bubuk, you’re so small; that could’ve been dangerous.”

“I guess jokes that don’t suit your personality aren’t a good idea. I thought it was a blooper and almost had a heart attack.”

“Heart attack? Isn’t that for being really moved? Isn’t it ‘heart freeze’?”

“Ah, heart freeze?”

The two MCs, unfamiliar with the new slang, chattered happily while we blinked. How were we supposed to react? After a moment of pondering, we each made eye contact with the MCs.

“...”

Silence, then laughter.

“Ha ha ha!”

Our expressions were too funny—like ancient birds trying to fit in with modern sparrows. We were embarrassed but couldn’t stop laughing.

Seri fanned herself with the cue card,

“Oh my, how embarrassing. Did you see their faces? I thought they were living fossils!”

“No, no, sunbaenim,” we protested, but Bubuk, determined to carry on, gazed skyward and said,

“I feel so sad, Seri-ssi. I feel like an ammonite.”

“That’s a Pokémon, Bubuk-ssi. We’re ammonites.”

“Oh...”

We all laughed at his bewildered look. Their dainty speech made it clear why they’d dominated the idol scene back in the day—some people are hilarious just by existing.

“I studied new slang to fit in with young people... but it’s hard.”

“No, you’re fine.”

I interjected to introduce my own group:

“We actually have our own fossil—someone who doesn’t know new slang at all.”

“Really? Who? Hands up?”

No one raised a hand. As we murmured and looked at Biju, he and Jung-hyun smiled. Biju raised his hand in mock sorrow—so elegantly it was comical.

“...That’s me...”

“Don’t you know new slang?”

“Not just slang—I don’t know a lot of things! I don’t know any recent trends.”

“You type like an eagle pecking at keys.”

“I even misheard ‘pouring sauce’ vs. ‘dipping sauce.’”

The brothers rushed to confirm, and Seri asked in disbelief,

“Really? Even my four-year-old knows those things.”

“No, I’m actually a trend person—I follow trends.”

“Trend person?”

At Jung-hyun’s question, Biju paused,

“There’s no such thing?”

“No such thing.”

“No way—I looked it up...”

The MCs grinned and decided to put him to the test. Seri asked seriously:

“Our writers researched new terms. Next is this year’s newly coined word by the National Institute of the Korean Language: ‘green light.’”

“...green light?”

As our second turned to look at Biju, the MCs’ eyes lit up green. Bubuk asked expectantly,

“‘gold love at first sight’?”

“Uh... wait. I think I know that one—someone who likes apple for breakfast?”

“...?”

We all stared at Biju, puzzled by his logic. He defended himself,

“My mom calls her morning apple the ‘golden apple’...”

“Puhat!”

We all burst out laughing. Bubuk waved us over, and Seri gracefully stepped aside:

“Come here, Biju-ssi. Don’t stand there.”

“That’s right—you should stand with us.”

As we teased him, Biju asked me for the meaning. I explained proudly, while Ri-hyuk gave me a look: “Isn’t that the same nonsense?”

“Time flies, doesn’t it?”

Bubuk smiled and asked,

“By the way, do New Black members know us?”

“Yes, we do!”

“Of course we know you.”

We answered enthusiastically. Anyone with even a passing interest in music history would know them. I raised my hand:

“I really know a lot about you.”

“Do you? Really?”

“Yes. I got into TJ Entertainment because of you.”

“Really?”

The MCs feigned surprise. We had mentioned this in pre-interviews, so they knew. And it was true: as a child, I’d mimic the dances of the first-generation idols in front of my parents. Back then they were called Taejun Records, but the name TJ Entertainment remained vivid. They’d hoisted trophy after trophy and praised “respected producer Park Tae-jun.” That’s why I chose TJ for my first company.

“Which of our songs do you like best?”

“I love the song from your fourth album, ‘Writing a Letter,’ written for your parents.”

“Oh, that’s an underrated song.”

“And...”

As I excitedly named more favorites, my childhood idols’ eyes widened. At first surprised, then they exchanged bright smiles, as if recalling something. When Jung-hyun first confessed he was a fan, Senior Hae-sion had peeked at him exactly like that before smiling. Ri-hyuk remarked,

“Your expression is like a kid fan.”

“Hey.”

Ji-ho patted me with an “aww” face, “Our Woo-joo baby, excited to see your respected seniors?”

“Ji-ho.”

As my brothers giggled and I blushed, Seri said,

“Oh my, a baby fan grew up to be Woo-joo—how wonderful! Shall we shake hands to commemorate?”

“No, no!”

I held up my hand to fend them off.

“Just a moment.”

“Why?”

“My hands are sweaty.”

I rubbed my pant leg seriously, and the MCs and staff burst into laughter.

Our fan-meeting interlude over, we moved on to the self-introduction segment.

“Ah—it’s the stun gun.”

“Jung-hyun, it’s a lie detector.”

“Actually, you’re wrong.”

We all laughed, and Seri placed the lie detector on a small table. The MCs sat in front, and the rest of us—the suspects—sat in metal chairs around them.

“The rules are simple,” Bubuk said. “Each member places one hand on the... electric—well, it’s electric, actually—lie detector and introduces themselves.”

“Each member gets one opportunity,” Seri added. “If you don’t like an introduction or have a question, call out that member’s name and ask them.”

“A real shock for a lie—ooh!”

Seri nodded:

“Shall we demonstrate? Bubuk-ssi?”

“Okay! Uhh, unni, you want me to go first...?”

We laughed as Bubuk looked crestfallen and placed his hand on the detector, his palm taped down. Seri prompted,

“Please introduce yourself.”

“Hello, I’m Bubuk from the group Trend, and I was the main vocalist. My old nickname was ‘cutie’ but—”

“Seri! Bubuk-ssi, do you still think you’re cute?”

“No.”

The lie detector buzzed.

“Ah—!”

He jumped, and the crew laughed, but we bit back our chuckles as he braced himself.

“Now, which New Black member should go first?”

All four heads turned at once. I clicked my tongue.

“You only look for the leader in moments like this.”

“Should we start with Woo-joo-ssi?”

“Yes, as the leader, I’ll set an example.”

I stepped up to the detector, and my brothers all raised their hands simultaneously:

“Biju!”

“Ji-ho!”

“Ri-hyuk!”

“Hey, we haven’t even started.”

“Oh, we’re just rehearsing.”

I glared at Ri-hyuk’s mischievous grin. I introduced myself straight into the camera:

“Hello, I’m Woo-joo. I’m twenty-two this year, and I’m the leader and lead vocalist of New Black...”

“Ri-hyuk!”

“Yes, Ri-hyuk-ssi?”

Ri-hyuk interjected:

“Who do you think sings best in New Black?”

“That’s unrelated. I’m dismissing the question.”

“Introducing yourself as lead vocalist implies you’re second-best. I’m curious if you really think so.”

“That’s not true.”

“Then who’s the best singer?”

The MCs leaned forward, “Ooh,” and I sighed:

“Ri—”

“Ri?”

“Riiiii—”

Between the electric shock and my pride, I chose. I hated saying it.

“Ri-hyuk-ssi is the best. May I continue my intro?”

“Yes, please.”

“After I finished my military service, my original goal was to go to university, but I ended up becoming a trainee at Lemon Entertainment.”

“Ji-ho! Which trainee made the best first impression?”

“Biju made the best impression.”

Our team’s dancer raised his arms and cheered, “Ooo!” while I continued.

Just then,

“Ji-ho! Who was the trainee who gave you chocolate on your first meeting?”

“I don’t remember. Zzzzap! ...Ouch, that stings a bit.”

He flinched at the shock. Bubuk nodded sadly, then returned to the camera:

“As you can see, I’m always roughhousing with these kids. The thing I love most in the world is my grandmother and our fans.”

“Jung-hyun—fans ✧ NоvеIight ✧ (Original source) gave you the nickname ‘black-history-maker.’ Do you like that too?”

“Of course! Ouch. Hey, isn’t that question a bit rude?”

“We don’t do manners here.”

Ri-hyuk laughed, “Lying in a sacred police station—must be punished.”

“...I’ll return that ‘no manners’ comment with interest later.”

“Whoa, Woo-joo hyung is angry.”

The maknae raised his hand eagerly:

“Then since we’ve messed up, I’ll ask a storm of questions!”

“Hey!”

“Ji-ho! Did you ever grumble all day because your grandmother changed her profile picture to the cat she cares for, or make jealous remarks about the stray cat she feeds?”

“My goodness. How did you know that about me, Ji-ho-ssi? Jealous...”

I stared at the detector.

“Yes. I get jealous. A little.”

Everyone burst into laughter. Ri-hyuk chuckled,

“Jealous of a cat—true icon of pettiness.”

“‘Master pettiness’?”

I filed that away. Ri-hyuk, Jung-hyun—you two.

“Everyone, I said ‘a little.’ One time on a video call, that cat kept stealing Grandma’s attention with cuteness.”

How dare that cat—especially in front of our Kim Deok-soon.

As I revealed more of the cat’s misdeeds, Seri laughed so hard her Adam’s apple bobbed.

“I’m going crazy... the cat...”

After fanning herself with the cue card for a while, Seri suggested,

“Should we leave a video message for the cat?”

“For the cat?”

I asked the PD,

“Can you add creepy, eerie BGM?”

“I’ll use the stuff they play when a magical girl leaves a warning letter.”

“Perfect.”

A video letter to a cat—how low was I about to go?

“Ah... hold on.”

“Is it hard?”

“No. The thought of writing a video letter to a cat brings tears to my eyes.”

Grandma. My grandson is doing all this to earn money.

As I stared into space with a hollow smile, they whispered behind me:

“Going through a tearful phase, right?”

“Woo-joo hyung’s been tearing up a lot lately.”

“Oh, really? Isn’t he too young?”

“No, I saw a psychological test once—it said his mental age is thirty-five.”

“Puhat.”

I glared and turned away; they all coughed and looked away.

We began the video message:

“Gomdi [the cat’s name], eat only the right amount of food. Grandma buys two bags every day because of you. And remember this.”

I pointed at the camera, using the same dramatic expression I’d practiced on stage.

“Kim Deok-soon is mine.”

Repeating “Remember: Deok-soon is mine,” they all lost it—staff, Manager Min-gi, even Won-seok watching on his phone grinned broadly.

“Uah...”

I grabbed my head and thumped the table. I felt ashamed. This would surely go on the list of black history, but at this point who cares? I didn’t care what my future self thought.

After the intros, when I tried to wrap up, Biju waved his hand frantically as if he’d missed his chance:

“Biju! I still have a question.”

“Go ahead, Biju.”

“Can I ask one thing? What’s the single best thing you think you’ve done this year?”

“...Is this suddenly a fan meeting?”

“I’m just really curious.”

No need to overthink this.

“Not this year, but joining this company was the best decision of my life—from the CEO to our managers.”

The managers monitoring from behind the monitors looked at me.

“I’ve met truly wonderful people, but meeting my brothers is the best thing ever—a stroke of pure luck.”

“Oh...”

Seri shook her head,

“Wow. Unless this is your genuine feeling, you’re in big trouble—did the CEO text you this?”

“It’s fine.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

I replied,

“Because you’re seeing this in two weeks.”

They all laughed as Bubuk approached and pressed the lie detector. A buzz sounded, then a green light flashed:

Truth.

“Mmm!” sound of awe arose. He peeled off the tape and turned to us with misty eyes. We laughed again at his touching sincerity.

“Now, tears won’t get you off the hook.”

“Ah...”

“I’m going to electrify your hands today, so don’t get sentimental.”

“You’re serious, Woo-joo-ssi.”

“Yes. Today, I’ll be Edison—making these kids’ hands tingle.”

The MCs, moved by my resolve, asked whom I’d choose.

“Who should I pick? Guess, Professor Fact...”

Just as Jung-hyun was about to be chosen, I grabbed the crane’s shoulder beside him, teasing him.

The crane protested:

“Hey—why me?”

“Because you’re Professor Fact.”

“...”

“Now, step forward.”

I sent Ri-hyuk to the lie detector and exhaled sharply.

Now was the time for payback.