In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

The moment Taehyun appeared, the kids’ eyes lit up.

"Han Taehyun!"

"It’s Han Taehyun~!"

As they welcomed him by singing his solo song Survivor, Taehyun cleared his throat and asked,

"Excuse me? Who is... Han Taehyun?"

"Who else! That’s you, senior."

At the maknae’s words, Taehyun shook his head.

"I don’t really know who that is. I’ve lost my memory... mmm."

"Ah. So that’s the bit you’re going with."

"What do you mean, ‘the bit’~?"

He meant to play an NPC—showing up as H, not as Han Taehyun.

I smiled.

"Truly a pleasure, Mr. H. You look so much like someone I know that I was glad for a second."

"Mm. Whoever it is must be very handsome."

"No. He’s not handsome."

"Nggh."

"Hm? You seem annoyed by my story about my acquaintance. Are you alright, Mr. H?"

At my sly needling, Taehyun shot me a brief side-eye.

Then, where the camera couldn’t quite see, he put out his hand and we shook.

‘Thanks.’

‘We help each other. Please.’

Honestly, by this late point in filming, I was spooked.

The realism was no joke.

If we weren’t chatting with the kids or getting panel chatter on the radio, it was easy to feel like real vampires were chasing us.

Having Taehyun show up as an ally in that situation—it eased my mind.

Behind him, at 80% transparency, it was like PD Yeo Hoseok whispered, "Don’t be too shocked. It’s a show."

So, thanks.

But that’s that, and—

"Mmm."

After exchanging looks with me, the kids narrowed their eyes and gave Taehyun a top-to-bottom scan.

Sensing the vibe, Taehyun asked,

"...What?"

"No matter how we look at it, you’re suspicious."

Ri Hyuk eyed him hard.

"Sure, it says H here, but we have no way to verify your identity."

"Right."

"Mmm. Is he really H... or maybe he’s Dracula’s spy?"

Our cackling shadows started to loom over Taehyun.

A TNT member and the top male solo in the country.

Even within TNT, he had the most powerful fandom—still sitting [N O V E L I G H T] at the top.

His first-week numbers alone rival Sbo’s.

Wherever he goes on variety, it’s "Oh wow, you came," so instead we launched a raid.

‘I’ll make you some airtime!’

‘This hyung, seriously.’

Their pitying looks at a hyung who refused to act his age stung a little, but I was doing it for my best friend and beloved junior.

Which variety cast would dare rough up Taehyun and mess with his sharp, dandy image?

Only our NewBlack could.

"Mwahahaha!"

Why does this feel so good.

I told cornered Taehyun,

"Show us proof you’re really H."

"Whew."

Clocking the situation, Taehyun scrunched up like a prune and said,

"What should I do?"

"Handwriting analysis first. Write here, ‘NewBlack’s Wooju is the most handsome man in the world.’"

"Ah, that’s all?"

Huh?

Why so easy.

He grabbed a pen and wrote the line I dictated.

"That easily?"

"Because I already think that."

"Ah! You really are H...!"

As I reached to clasp his hands, moved by the sweet talk, the kids shoved me back.

They made him do this and that; Taehyun, eyes shiny, did it all. He smacked his lips like he regretted missing my hand.

After the tests, Taehyun leaned in and whispered,

"You’re all so good at variety. Unreal, hyung."

"Hyung? Who’s a hyung?"

"Uh—my memory came back and then vanished. Uh, who am I. Where is this?"

"Whew. Mr. H, you scared me. Please be careful."

Grumbling "tch," Taehyun led us through a tangle of corridors.

As we walked the winding path, the sound of a waterfall grew.

I checked the decibels on the waterfall and cupped my mic.

"So why are you here?"

"Well. Two birds, one stone."

Taehyun ruffled his grimy blond wig and whispered,

"My comeback’s coming up and H HQ reached out. Asked if I’d pop in as a guest for NewBlack’s variety shoot."

"Comeback?"

He mouthed, "I’m solo."

Like clandestine envoys, we kept up a happy exchange with eyes and gestures.

The waterfall’s roar swelled.

At last, it appeared in front of us.

"Whoaaaa!"

Behind it, water poured down and shot along a rapid, sluicing channel.

Anyone could see it was a flume-ride boarding area—there was an actual boat-shaped ride.

A six-person seat with a safety bar.

"Wow."

The maknae’s eyes sparkled.

"So we ride this down now! Sick! We ride and then whooosh! all the way down?"

"Yahoooo—."

In the echoing space, Junhyun exercised the national rule—yelling ya-ho—his voice bouncing everywhere.

But—

To take this boat, you had to slot a key into the console, and there was no key.

All of us snapped our heads in unison.

"Mr. H?"

"Unfortunately, the key is not in my possession."

"Then what exactly is your role? To get captured so we can rescue you?"

"Harsh words, Wooju."

Taehyun said,

"But not wrong, so I won’t argue. Yes. I’m the one who gets captured and rescued."

"BoOOOO!"

"But I do have a strategy."

"Woooo!"

Having shown us the escape point, Taehyun led us out of the drain to an adjoining room.

A wardrobe-like space.

Inside...

"Oh!"

There was a lady’s outfit identical to the one Biju wore.

Taehyun only dropped a hint.

"If we use this... we might be able to draw out Dracula."

"Makes sense."

Ri Hyuk said,

"If we plan around this, we might split Dracula from the three brides. Senior—no, Mr. H gave us a great prop. We’ll run a feint."

"Right. There are two radios."

Junhyun pointed.

"Two radios means they planned for us to split. We’ve had no reason to separate till now, and barely used radios before. They want us to use them now."

"I agree."

The maknae picked up the thread.

"We made holy water, but we haven’t been able to use it because Dracula and the three brides attack together. If we divide our forces and press them, it’ll work."

"I’ll agree as one of the decoys. I think it’s a solid plan!"

Taehyun, arms folded, sidled into a friendly shoulder-lock with the kids and smiled.

"A splendid plan." 𝐟𝚛𝕖𝚎𝕨𝗲𝐛𝚗𝐨𝐯𝐞𝕝.𝐜𝗼𝗺

"Right?"

"Yes. I’ve never seen a plan this beautiful. Hahaha."

"Hahahahaha!"

Old lackeys and new lackey laughed as one, loud and hearty.

Seeing Taehyun smirking in there warmed my chest—no, set it blazing.

Normally our lackeys would say, "I don’t know, I’m a kid! Let the adults think!" and run a avoidant strategy. The only reason they were squeezing their brain juice at 500% was singular.

"Hyung."

They wanted me to use my body.

Biju coaxed in a sing-song.

"Hyung~"

"No."

"Hyung~ I wore this before, and in cold nights like this, the lady’s outfit is super warm."

"Not wearing it."

"Eeeeh~ hyeooong~"

Drunk on the chance to humiliate me, the kids brought the dress to me, already on the hanger.

I backed up and warned them.

"Not wearing it."

"Aww—"

"And wasn’t this originally Mr. H’s outfit? Why won’t Mr. H wear his own clothes and hands them to me?"

"Yes. I would like to wear my outfit."

Taehyun suddenly pretended to stagger.

"Ugh. My wounds... too severe...."

"No! Mr. H! You mustn’t die!"

"No helping it! Wooju hyung has to wear it! The size even matches!"

They’re having the time of their lives.

Really having the time...

I warned them.

"I’m not wearing it."

"Absolutely not?"

"Yeah. Even if you put a knife to my throat!"

"Hoh... Junhyun!"

[shing!]

Junhyun drew the toy knife and leveled it at me.

"Sorry. No personal feelings, hyung."

"Don’t deliver that kind of serious line right now!"

"Ku-hu-hu-hu! Cornered! Grab him, everyone!"

"Aaaagh!"

[HBS Variety “From Now On, Us” — NewBlack Episode]

A small commotion.

At last, with heavy sighs, Wooju changed and, topping it off with the lady’s hat, was reborn a perfect noble young lady.

Biju: "Hold up. There are makeup tools here too."

Jiho: "Clear out! Our Stylist B needs to touch up!"

Wooju sighed, then shut his eyes like, whatever happens happens.

tap tap tap.

Like a dog at the school for three years learns to recite poetry, Biju displayed the delicate brushwork of a makeup artist.

And then—

Wooju’s finished look flowed onto the screen.

All: "Oh."

No special effects added, but his fair skin and beautiful face shone.

The panel, who’d been roaring, stretched their heads toward the screen like ET.

Han Taehyun and the lackeys were speechless. The hyung who’d done the brushwork gulped, too.

Biju: "B... beautiful."

Jiho: "I want to brag about this."

It was, truly, a beautiful face.

But—

Wooju: "Ah, seriously."

As he sprang up with a pleasant baritone, the panel burst into laughter again.

A solid build.

Under the dress sleeves, long, clean muscle stood out.

Jiho: "Sometimes I forget Wooju hyung is built."

Ri Hyuk: "Wide shoulders. Very wide."

Jiho: "If I’d known, I’d have made Ri Hyuk hyung do it."

Junhyun: "Do you just want my sword, hyung? If we’re lucky, you’ll beat him with raw strength, not holy power...."

NewBlack’s leader usually reads slender, but in this dress his frame stood out starkly.

Wooju: "Hmmm. Is that so."

From that moment, the flow got weird.

Wooju: "Hoo, Sir Junhyun."

Junhyun: "Yes, my lady."

Wooju: "Give me your sword."

Junhyun: "Yes."

And so...

Jiho: "Dear viewers, presenting: a 100-meter dash in the 12-second range!"

Ri Hyuk: "One hundred push-ups a day!"

Junhyun: "Also good at pull-ups!"

Biju: "Capable of all circus and martial arts—our ultimate weapon! Are you ready? Captain Flower!"

Wooju: "Captain Flower? A name that makes me want to resign. Since you’re calling me captain, give me a shield, too."

Wooju took up sword and shield.

Wooju: "Before it gets cold, I’ll be back with the enemy commander’s head!"

Lackeys: "Waaaaa!"

Taehyun: "I can’t keep up with today’s variety trends...."

To roaring cheers, Lady Wooju with a sword set out for the feint operation.

Code name: "The Lady Conceals a Weapon."

From that point, the mystery-horror adventure The Secret of Dragon Castle began morphing into a full-on pulp action epic.

"Mmm."

Lucas Ronson, the actor playing Count Dracula, took a swig from a bottle he’d pulled from his cape.

"Heh-heh-heh...."

Maybe because it was nearing midnight; the air was getting chilly.

[ssssk—]

The receiver hidden under his thick hair buzzed.

—Ah-ah. Lucas.

The director managing the foreign actors who’d flown in with him.

"Yes, director."

—NewBlack are on the move. Go catch them.

"On my way."

Hunching, he grumbled.

Lucas was an aspiring actor working part-time at the main studio in LA.

He’d moved to LA with a dream of cracking Hollywood and becoming famous, but reality was rough.

Not just the rent—there were plenty of people trying to fleece you.

And...

"I’m not even considered handsome here."

He’d lived certain his looks were decent, but after graduating high school and coming to Hollywood, he was nothing.

He couldn’t even land that cadaver bit on NCIS that every hopeful does once.

Too handsome to be a corpse, they said. And too eye-catching for pure extra work.

But to get sizable parts, you needed credits—and to get credits, you needed parts.

"Man. That’s my lot."

So he took the theme-park job.

Thankfully, thanks to a presentable face, he played the parade prince and such, and as an “ace” got tapped for this project.

"A Korean branch opens next year. To promote it, we’re loaning the park to a Korean TV show. Lucas, you’re going to appear."

"What role?"

"Vampire by night, duke by day."

"Who’s the lead?"

"You know, that... slime ninjas? Ring a bell?"

"Ah. The New... those guys. I saw their Kids’ Choice clip."

"Right. And you get slain by that Korean boy band."

So he spent nearly a month in LA practicing the Count and the duke, then flew to Korea.

Not a bad gig.

"A good learning ground."

The set helped him immerse as an actor.

And the five playing the leads impressed him.

"Nothing comes free."

They could just go “waaa!” and shoot. But he could tell they were giving it everything.

Plus they kept tossing him new situations, widening his own acting range.

They were said to be Korea’s top celebs, and he saw why.

"When I get back to LA, I’ll go headbutt the pavement again. Auditions."

With that, he moved, using the intel that NewBlack were on the move.

"See you in a bit, Helen."

"You too, Lucas."

NewBlack were scattered.

Splitting up with the three brides to catch them, Lucas walked, practicing his Dracula face.

"Even leads don’t get a free pass."

In this show, vampires could actually catch members who stepped into the red zone.

So he kind of wanted to eliminate a few.

"Just watch out for holy water. Holy water."

They’d fire holy-water weapons; he just had to dodge.

Sure, he was fated to die at some point. But until then, he’d show Dracula’s might—

"Hm?"

Thinking that, he spotted someone in a dress crouched near the training yard.

"Hu-hu-hu-hu."

He glided over with a Dracula laugh.

"Lady Kim. So you’ve decided to accept my love? Hu-hu-hu-hu!"

"You’ve come."

...Huh?

Why was the voice different?

The figure in the dress rose, and Dracula’s heart thudded.

"Who—?"

The stranger stood with creature-feature contortions, like on purpose to scare him.

A bright, moonlit beauty came into view.

"Good evening, Duke Vampir."

"You’re the prisoner...!"

"I did spend a time in the slammer for an unfortunate matter. But I, Wooju, have rehabilitated, and at last been reborn as a lady of quality."

Dracula was at a loss for words.

That wasn’t a lady—she was a war machine.

Wooju, bearing a shield, pulled a bottle of holy water from his belt and started coating the toy blade.

"Your Grace."

"Y-yes?"

"Don’t fret. I’ll send you off without pain."

Shaaah!

As he raised the holy-water-lined toy knife, the prop blade flashed in the moonlight.

Dracula backpedaled.

"W-wait!"

"I’ll send you off without pain!"

"Sk-kiieee!"

Dracula bolted, and the lady with a sword charged with terrifying bounds.

"Vampire who’s only preyed on weaklings! This is a protagonist’s power!"

"Aaaaagh!"

"Now! Get him!"

"Ne-!"

From ambush, Han Taehyun and Wang Jiho burst out—pinching from both sides.

"Sk-kiieee!"

"Die!"

There was no mercy for Dracula, who tripped mid-sprint.

‘I’ll get you screen time!’

"Aaagh! Get off!"

They poked with toy knives and tickled him head to toe with toy stakes; Dracula screamed and thrashed.

He’d planned to chase the frightened and then die with a final counter—crying "Kreee!" as he fell.

"Dammit! What kind of development is this!"

The aspiring actor who wanted to fall as a great villain burst into helpless laughter through tears under the tickle assault.

"S-spare me! Hahaha! Spare the vampire!"

It was the birth of a clip destined to become evergreen cringe if he ever became a star.