In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

“Song of the Year.”

Not just anything, but “Song of the Year.”

Thoughts about keeping a composed face or about how to give an acceptance speech had completely flown out of my head.

What filled that space was a stunned feeling and tears.

“......!”

I almost never cried in public like this, but the tears kept coming and wetting my cheeks.

“C’mon, let’s go.”

I sniffed, dabbed the tears with the back of my hand, and swallowed the runny nose.

My brothers nodded, their throats thick. Viju’s eyes were already red like a rabbit’s.

Our youngest’s nose was already like Rudolph’s.

“Thank you.”

I bowed my head to TNT and TeenSpirit clapping beside us, and to Cha Woo-hyun and Scarlet applauding from behind, and stepped forward.

“Phew...”

A long breath escaped me.

The walk to the center of the stage, where Baek Sang-gyo and model Han Sora were waiting with the trophy, felt endlessly long.

Maybe because I’d been waiting for this award since I decided to become a singer.

Everything felt unreal.

The Souffles’ cheers from the audience urging us on, the applause from the artist seats.

The bright lights pouring down on the ceremony hall.

“Congratulations.”

“...Thank you, sir.”

A middle-aged trot singer patted my shoulder encouragingly with a warm smile.

Then—

“.......”

The trophy slid into my hand.

Unlike the glass songwriter award, this one was a gold cup-shaped metal trophy.

The coldness of the metal made it feel real for a moment, then the inscription—“Grand Prize: Song of the Year — NewBlack”— sent that reality floating away again.

When I handed the trophy to my brothers, they reacted similarly.

Ri-hyuk pressed his lips together and tried to stop his tears, then bowed his head deeply.

“Waaaah—!”

A roar so strong it made my whole body tingle rose up again.

I stood before the standing mic, but my mind went blank white.

Only then did the sea of Dalbongi filling the enormous arena seats come into focus.

—Uh...

How should I begin?

It wasn’t that I hadn’t prepared remarks for winning the grand prize.

The A&R and management teams had told us to prepare because there was a possibility we might win.

We had just lowered our expectations in advance. We thought “Baramkkot,” likely to be the year’s number-one, might take it.

But...

“Let’s lower our expectations in advance, okay?”

Ri-hyuk’s pragmatic words came back to me.

“It’s the grand prize.”

Doubt that we—second-year artists—could win such an award outweighed expectation.

There was no precedent.

Of course, many idol groups have taken Rookie of the Year one year and the Grand Prize the next.

Sixty Seconds won the grand prize the year after their rookie award.

TNT had won Artist of the Year in their second year. Girl group Daylight had also taken a grand prize in their second year.

But those cases belonged to rookies launched by the Big Four agencies.

“Can we really win the grand prize?”

Somewhere in my subconscious I had drawn a line and written “no.”

Maybe I was afraid I’d be disappointed if I hoped and then got crushed. Maybe I’d be left with nothing but wishful thinking.

So I’d folded my expectations away.

When I was still, a tear slipped out, one drop at a time, like dew forming.

—Thank you... so much.

The first choked-out words brought back a roar.

I looked out at the air and forced my tears back.

I thought speaking would make me feel better, but the more I talked the more my vision blurred.

—I’m crying so much right now, so I’ll hand the mic to the members...

I turned to pass the opportunity, but—

“Ughhh!”

“Sniff!”

“Ahhhhhh...”

I saw my brothers clutching the trophy and sobbing or wailing outright.

Why did my tears seem to go away at the sight of them?

I blinked, then turned my gaze back toward the camera and the audience.

—I’ll continue...

I hadn’t meant it as a joke, but laughter broke out in the audience and the artist seats.

Maybe because my brothers were crying so loudly right there in real time, I felt oddly clearer-headed.

Like when a little kid sobs and another kid bawls louder, and you blink, thinking, “What the—?”

—Thank you so much for giving us such a big award.

Truly.

—When we first heard we’d been nominated, we wondered if we could actually win.

—W-we didn't expect it. Ughhh...!

The youngest, eyes swollen, added that bit and everyone laughed again.

—First of all, I want to thank everyone who helped make NewBlack’s “Baramkkot.” Our CEO Park Gyu-ho—

—Director Jo Gyu-hwan, the A&R team...

Junghyun, with moist eyes, rattled off the list of people we were grateful to, and the crowd laughed again.

—I had so much I wanted to say about the song. If I had known I’d win this, I might’ve held back when I won the ➤ NоvеⅠight ➤ (Read more on our source) songwriter award earlier.

Since I’d already given thanks for the song when I received the composer award, repeating everything now felt awkward.

I hadn’t expected to win the grand prize earlier.

—It’s an award I dreamed about since trainee days, and getting it like this feels like a dream.

From the artist seats, TNT members raised their hands like sparklers and “waahed,” and I smiled.

—There are so many people I really want to thank. Above all, my brothers—thank you so much for all your hard work.

“Ughhh!”

My brothers rubbed their eyes and nodded.

Ri-hyuk, face flushed, bowed his head energetically with his hands together, and I laughed again.

Even when our kids were crying bitterly, in the audience they looked really cute.

I looked at the crowd.

—Our Souffles!

A roar of “Waaah!” answered.

—This award is because of you. At every crucial moment, you made opportunities for us, and we were able to receive this award because of that.

A singer’s award is not something an artist makes alone.

No matter how hard a singer runs, they can’t go forward without a road. Those roads are usually built by fans.

—I think this Song of the Year is an award we received together. Thank you, thank you again, and I lo— Ah, jeez.

One of the loudest roars that had filled the arena startled me so much I flinched.

—Love.

“Waaaaaah!”

—Love... I love you, yes.

Then I delivered the closing line.

—We won’t forget today and we’ll work even harder. Now, I’ll have my members say a few words...

I stepped back and signaled; the boys stepped forward a pace.

Viju, sniffling, said,

—Mom, Dad, nuna, and Minjun—thank you so much. You worried about me since trainee days... I got a huge award like this.

Viju beamed and showed off the trophy.

Then Junghyun.

—Dad! I won an award!

His folksy line drew laughs, and standing behind him I began to panic.

Crap.

In my fluster over the award, I’d forgotten to thank the single most important person.

She’s probably watching TV right now, tearing up and repeating the same old line twenty-four times.

—To my family in America too...

Even Ri-hyuk started saying thanks to his family, and my heart pounded.

A different kind of heart-thump than when winning the award.

Like the fear when Mom asks where the clothes she loved went after you accidentally washed them wrong.

—Mom, I love you! Dad too!

When Jiho finished up his part, I rushed to the mic and stammered.

—I—I also...

The words came out halting.

—Grandma! I won an award! I love you so much! Thank you for giving birth to me!

Han Sora beside me snickered and bowed her head.

Why was that?

A large laugh burst out from the audience that had gone quiet in surprise. Junghyun and the others tilted their heads behind me.

—Ah.

I waved my hands urgently and added,

—Thank you for raising me! 𝒻𝑟𝘦𝘦𝘸ℯ𝒷𝑛𝘰𝓋ℯ𝘭.𝘤𝘰𝘮

A thunderous “Waaah!” and applause followed, but I felt flustered.

Ah. I messed up.

Gunsan City.

“Ahh.”

Kim Deok-soon, watching the Mango Chart Awards on TV, wore a warm smile.

She patted the rump of the cheese cat slumped beside her.

“I always wondered when that idiot of a brother would do something like this. Right, Nabi?”

Meow.

The cat curled up and then rolled over, belly exposed.

“Every day there’s some new nonsense...”

She smiled at the TV showing the powdered-white faces of the tearful rice cakes (the boys), thinking, “They worked hard.”

She remembered NewBlack tumbling along the last two years, and the eight years her grandson had put in before that.

Seeing them still sniffing and patting each other on the TV made her heart go all warm.

Every time she saw their shoulders heave, she wanted to go hug them snugly.

“Oh dear...”

She felt proud of her grown grandson, but also frustrated that she couldn’t do anything special for him.

Perhaps that’s how every parent feels, because her phone’s chat notifications kept flashing nonstop.

Viju’s mom: “Our son ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ”

Viju’s mom: “So happy!!”

Jiho’s dad, Chairman Wang Hyun-tak: “Our beloved ‘dad’”

Jiho’s dad: “Did you see? My son’s ‘dad is first’”

Junghyun’s father: “Please send the address”

Junghyun’s father: “Today’s a happy day... sending 10 boxes of sweet potatoes each”

Seo Ye-in: “Does the U.S. count?”

Each family was over the moon.

“They already changed their profiles.”

They’d all taken screenshots of their sons on live TV to set as their profile pictures.

“I already changed mine.”

She’d changed hers with her grandson’s help in the evening.

Kim Deok-soon admired her photo making a V in front of an imported car.

Meanwhile—

“Maybe I can watch dramas now.”

Though her grandson had forced her to watch for nearly three hours, she’d gotten bored and fed up long ago.

She flipped channels with the remote.

—This is speed.

On channel 7, a telecom ad showed her grandson strutting like a model.

She turned the dial again.

—Come to Olive House~!

Channel 11 showed her son working as a family restaurant part-timer again.

She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips.

“Those kids swarm in like a locust plague everywhere...”

Every time she changed the channel, there he was on TV saying, “Watch me, Deok-soon.”

After we returned to our seats, the grand prize presentations continued.

At music award shows, the grand prizes typically came in three categories: Song, Album, and Artist of the Year.

—Next is Album of the Year.

From the album award onward, the atmosphere in the seats felt subtly different.

All eyes were on two groups.

With the Album and Artist awards coming up, attention clustered around TNT and TeenSpirit.

Probably because the two groups’ achievements this year were similar.

TNT’s fandom was slowly shrinking while TeenSpirit had shot up this year.

To put it simply, the two groups were at a crossroads above us.

“.......”

Every time the nominees were announced, the members of the two groups swallowed and rubbed their hands together nervously.

Last year TNT had taken both Album and Artist awards.

—TeenSpirit! Congratulations!

Album of the Year went to TeenSpirit.

Their fresh title track played, and TeenSpirit’s members looked at each other in disbelief, then walked on stage wiping tears.

Maybe because it was TeenSpirit’s first grand prize, their emotions overflowed.

—Ughhh...! Thank you!

As TeenSpirit thanked MOP Entertainment’s staff, their fans roared “Waaah!”

“.......”

A strange murmur and hush settled over the audience.

We didn’t know the context, so we wondered “What’s this?” But it seemed TNT fans were displeased about the album award result.

A tense, prickly air lingered.

We didn’t know the specifics, but it looked like the internet would go crazy about it after the show.

—Now, the Artist of the Year award, shining artist of the year.

Thankfully that tension calmed as the winner was announced.

—Congratulations! TNT!

Artist of the Year went to TNT, who won for the second consecutive year.

They’d cried a lot last year, but this year they delivered their remarks calmly.

We applauded the members as they gave their thanks, smiling in support.

“Thank you!”

And so the first awards ceremony of 2015 came to a close.

Leaving the stadium and stepping into the backstage corridor, congratulations flew in from all directions.

“Congrats on the grand prize! Oppa!”

“Congratulations!”

We danced a thank-you dance with Scarlet, who’d playfully congratulated us, and took selfies with Enoti who’d asked politely.

“Hyung! Take a verification shot with me~!”

“Huh?”

“Hurry! Hurry!”

When Gil Chaekyeong from Girls on Top passed by, our youngest mischievously held up the grand prize trophy and struck a “I’m so cool” pose.

“Hey. That’s petty.”

“She was worse when they won first place at school. I’ve been sharpening my blade since then.”

“Bold provocation.”

Watching the girl group step away with a confident thump, I nodded.

“It worked.”

I smiled wryly.

“Yo-yo-yo!”

“Grand prize man!”

TNT approached cheerfully holding the “Artist of the Year” trophy.

We didn’t have time for a long conversation, but we exchanged quick hugs with the other members.

Taehyun said,

“Congrats, Uju hyung.”

“Congrats to you guys too. I’m glad we’re all doing well... why are you getting teary-eyed?”

“...Me?”

He wiped his eyes and said,

“I raised him half, you know.”

“If you’re going to talk nonsense, fold your hands and whisper it into your pillow.”

Taehyun clasped his hands.

“Sun Woo-ju, I raised him...”

“I raised him too...”

“I think I helped out a little...”

We all laughed at the two-handed whispering of our younger line.

As TNT left after offering congratulations, a mint-haired figure who’d been hesitating stepped forward.

He had a kindly face.

One of TNT’s main dancers, Baek Seung-je, smiled and extended his hand.

“Really, congrats.”

“Thanks.”

I squeezed his hand and gave a slightly awkward smile.

“Your hand motion in the Baramkkot intro today—”

“......?”

“I think I learned it from you back in trainee days; it made practice a lot easier. Thanks.”

He smiled and nodded when I told him not to worry about debut team stuff. We promised to grab a meal later.

“Ughhh!”

“Congrats—”

“Ughhhhh!”

TeenSpirit rushed off, wailing and stumbling, so we couldn’t properly congratulate them.

I checked a flood of messages on my phone for a moment.

There was a message from Eun-seong, and a relay of congratulatory messages from members of Street Boys.

—Yo! #1 group!

—Where’s the trophy! The trophy!

We video-called Street Boys, waved the trophy, and they freaked out in return.

LB laughed cheerfully.

—I saw your speech earlier—if we’re a Souffle, are we co-awardees?

“Mincho clan are honorary Souffles, so yes.”

—Now that you’ve won the grand prize, you can’t not pick up the phone, okay?

The nine-member group jokingly threatened they wouldn’t let us off if we kept distance, and we laughed.

I’d worried debut peers would get embarrassed by the gap between us, but they’d actually put us at ease first.

—Congrats, Uju.

“Thanks.”

—We’ll talk later.

We bantered in casual speech, and my brothers went “Oooh~” like Toy Story aliens.

“.......”

—.......

Meanwhile, besides Street Boys, we took video calls with our company family and exchanged thanks.

The A&R and producing teams, thoroughly drunk, kept saying “kiss us, woo-ung” and we had to hurriedly end the calls.

We spoke to Tearful Seok-hwan hyung and smiling Director Jo.

And then—

—Ugh! I’m so proud... sniff!

“CEO, are you crying?”

—No...!

We even spoke with our CEO, who was sitting like in a princess bed, sobbing.

—Dad! Don’t cry in my room! Get out!

—Ughhh! Your mom told me to get out of the room... Kids, you really worked hard!

“Th-thank you, CEO...!”

—Eat to your heart’s content at the company dinner! Spend the money!

He said something like “earn as you spend,” but I missed the end of it.

Anyway.

After all the greetings, when it was just us, our managers, and the staff in the waiting room, we gathered and took a commemorative shot holding the trophy.

“.......”

We put our hands on the trophy and looked at one another. Wiping our slightly swollen eyes, I said to the boys,

“You guys really worked hard.”

“You too, hyung.”

Junghyun patted my shoulder with his big hand.

The youngest said,

“Back when we won Rookie last year, who would’ve thought we’d get the grand prize this year?”

“Right. You never know what’ll happen.”

“If we could time-travel to last year’s awards and say, ‘You’ll win the grand prize!’ how would they react?”

At Viju’s comment, Junghyun replied,

“First, tell us the lotto numbers?”

“Pfft!”

We cracked up at the ridiculous reply, then looked at the grand prize trophy in our hands.

“The grand prize...”

“Really, a grand prize.”

A hushed weirdness settled as we looked at the trophy.

Then.

“By the way...”

I asked,

“When are you guys going to let go of the trophy?”

“You let go, hyung. I’m never letting go.”

“Today I’m taking it in my hands.”

“Ah. I’m scared it’ll break if I squeeze too hard.”

Every time someone tried to pull the trophy, their hands trembled.

“Let go...”

“I won’t let go...”

“Well, there’s only one way.”

“.......”

The five of us clung to the trophy and shuffled together, making the managers burst out laughing.

At the same time.

Right after the awards ended, the idol community forums were blazing.

“Fuck, does TeenSpirit winning Album make any sense?”

“It’s basically robbery lol, so ridiculous”

“TeenSpirit lololol”

“Baramkkot might be destined for annual No.1 so fine, but Album of the Year is such a forced award, ridiculous.”

“Their stage was trash too, fuck ㅠㅠ Did those school lunch kids vote it in?”

TNT fans attacked TeenSpirit’s album award.

“Well they gave it according to the judging criteria, so what’s the problem?”

“TNT fans overreacting again lol”

“Did we ask for awards?? Did we demand it?”

“NewBlack’s live feels unreal, agree on that, but to be honest TNT winning Artist is fucking overblown.”

“Declining~ declining~ happy song~”

TeenSpirit fans fired back.

“Now are the top three guys Ten-Ten-New? Or Tin-Ten-New?”

“Why the fuck is that what you’re curious about right now??”

“Anyone know where Scarlet Rina’s dress from Rekah today is from~?”

“Every time I see this flow I feel how happy my idol stanning life is”

“TNT these days are rock? Oh interesting”

Some people left clueless comments and made a mess of the chaos.

And.

“What’s this.”

“They’re making a fuss among themselves.”

“Our fans are just watching like, ‘They trash-talk each other but recognise NewBlack’.”

The Souffles watched, bemused, as the two fandoms tore into each other starting with “We recognize NewBlack, but who the hell are you?”