In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

I got a rough explanation from Ri Hyuk about how he’d ended up as my cellmate.

"Bottom line, you and I need to escape from here."

"Right."

"Did you bring anything from there?"

"No. Nothing. I’m completely empty-handed except for a few overheard clues."

Shaking out his pockets, Ri Hyuk asked me,

"What about you, mister? Nothing special in here?"

"Yeah."

I was just killing time.

Judging from the faces and cues of the actors playing the prisoners, it didn’t feel like it was time yet.

I also pretended to rummage around my cell, but nothing looked special.

Right then—

[bang]

The door flew open and a knight came in.

"I’m here to take the prisoners!"

"Y-yes, sir."

Knights filed in and started leading the prisoners out one by one.

I hoped we’d be taken too, but our cell door stayed shut.

We pricked up our ears to the conversation between the escorting knight and the guard.

"Are they being punished now?"

"Yes. The lord will interrogate them personally."

"Serves them right, the criminals. What about the fake knight and the one who looks like an incubus?"

"Those two are tomorrow."

"The old man too?"

"Yes."

Soon the door closed and the knights and prisoners were gone, leaving the air still.

The guard started nodding off again.

"You there, young men."

The old man in the next cell—the only one left with us—called out.

We went over as he beckoned, like he had something urgent to say.

"Looking for a way to escape this jail?"

"Yes."

"Good timing. I’ve got a fine method."

He pointed at the guard dozing in the distance and whispered,

"A drug that puts a man to sleep if you spray it on him. You could knock out a troll with one hit."

"Ooooh."

"If you can use that on the guard, you’ll have time to prepare a way out."

"I see."

It felt like a quest window popped up right in front of us—[twinkle!].

Taking the vial, Ri Hyuk said,

"The problem is how to get close enough to spray it on the guard. Should we use the straw bundles? We bunch them up, drench them with the drug, and toss them at the guard."

"Oh-ho."

I took the vial while Ri Hyuk started twisting up straw.

"Ri Hyuk. Does this bottle look like it’ll break?"

"No."

"Then I’ve got a better idea."

I popped the cork—pop—checked the angle, then drew my arm back with the vial in hand.

"That’s not a good—"

Smiling at the protesting Ri Hyuk, I threw the vial.

[plop]

It traced a neat arc, landed on the guard’s chest, and soaked his tunic with the liquid.

The actor sagged with a drowsy "mmmh" and went limp.

"..."

The old man stared, blank-faced, like huh? I grinned and gave him a "turns out this works."

"All right. So how do we escape now?"

"I have wooden spoons here. I’ll pass one to each of you."

Are you serious, production team.

Apparently, they wanted the classic scene where we go "urghhhh" and dig the dirt under the bars with spoons.

The old man immediately started scooping the earth under the bars with his wooden spoon.

"We should help, right?"

As we scraped away dirt with spoons, Ri Hyuk grimaced. Then, while I kept digging, he stroked his chin.

"There has to be a way. It’s an escape room, after all. There must be a method that isn’t this brute-force approach."

"If you’re not going to help, at least sing a work song."

Pouting, Ri Hyuk began to sing in a clear voice.

"Als ich so ging am Waldessaum"

Soft lyrics flowed in a small voice.

I cocked my head and asked,

"German. What song is that?"

"‘Zwei Raben,’ ‘Two Ravens,’ a medieval folk song. I picked a work song to fit the mood."

"Where’d you even hear that?"

"Web surfing."

"See, and you say I watch weird stuff on MeTube."

I could already see the online headlines: [Idol sings medieval folk song].

Meanwhile, the old man beside us was huffing as he dug. We tried to dissuade him.

"Sir, once we escape we’ll use the keys to let you out."

"Will you? Whew."

It didn’t sit right watching an elderly man strain himself.

Feeling bad, he smacked his lips and held out some jerky he’d been chewing.

"It’s already bitten, but... will you have some?"

"We’re fine."

We kept scooping dirt with spoons when Ri Hyuk said,

"At the pre-meeting, the PD said they’d help audiences discover our unexpected sides."

"Yeah."

"Maybe this is it. The moment where the guy who always uses his head has to use his body."

He looked seriously at the gap between the bars.

"That there."

"Yeah."

"I think I can get through."

"...Huh?"

Control room on site.

Watching the underground cell on the monitors, the panel and the crew blinked.

"What did Ri Hyuk just say? He’s going to go through those bars?"

As if to answer, Seo Ri Hyuk said solemnly,

[Do you remember Biju hyung’s birthday party? The one at Olive House in ’15.]

[I do.]

[Do you remember how I got into the kid’s chair?]

[Ah!]

As Wooju clapped in delight, the panel smiled.

"What is he talking about?"

"Why did he even climb into a family restaurant kid’s chair."

While the production added a note to the interview question list for later, Kevin’s eyes went round.

"Is this how they’re supposed to escape? PD?"

PD Yeo Hoseok shook his head.

The original story had them combining tools placed around the set to break out; this was not the story the PD expected at all.

[I think my head will fit...]

Saying that, Wooju pushed his head between the bars.

[shlup!]

[shlup!]

Two idol members with their heads poked through the bars, eyes round as saucers—the panel burst out laughing.

[Oh, but I can’t get out. My body’s stuck.]

[Back up. I think I can.]

Exhaling a long breath—fwooo—Ri Hyuk compressed his whole body small and turned sideways to the gap.

Then he slid in with a crab-walk.

[Ahhhhhhhh!]

[Does it hurt?]

[I-I’m stuck. In the middle...]

[Come back in.]

[No! I can do it. Nngggggg!]

"Yes! You can do it! Seo Ri Hyuk! Nnng!"

Ri Hyuk took a deep breath and—[shloooop!]—slipped through the bars.

The panel blinked.

"...Huh?"

"What. Why are the bars so loose—no, how did he come out through that gap?"

"Lock Ri Hyuk in a holding cell and he’ll be out in minutes." 𝚏𝐫𝚎𝗲𝕨𝐞𝐛𝕟𝚘𝐯𝚎𝗹.𝕔𝐨𝗺

"Look at the actor’s face."

On screen, the old man looked stupefied while Ri Hyuk scurried to the guard and grabbed the keys.

[Now I understand the big message of this program. They meant we should use our bodies.]

[Exactly. Such deep meaning...]

[Ha ha ha!]

[Ha ha ha ha!]

PD Yeo Hoseok smiled.

No...

That’s not it...

When Seo Ri Hyuk and Sun Wooju escaped with an old man—

At the same time—

Biju, in a dress, stepped into the banquet hall.

"Whoa..."

Parmesan, wheat bread, egg tarts, whole roast chicken, pork roasted with spices were laid out.

Even chowder as an appetizer!

"Maybe I should live here."

So romance-fantasy heroines eat well and live well.

Happily wiping his hands with a handkerchief, Biju looked around at the hidden cameras and the attendants lined up everywhere.

He really did feel like a princess.

"I have to tell Hanjo hyung later."

If he told the leader from next door whose childhood dream was to be a magic princess, he’d definitely be jealous.

He tapped the floor with his toe caps, showing his good mood, when—

[clunk]

The huge doors of the banquet hall opened and four people entered.

Biju’s eyes sparkled.

"So that’s the Northern grand duke who supposedly fell in love with me...!"

A beautiful young man with a fur scarf.

Whoever the actor was, the casting was seriously handsome.

Glossy black hair!

Black eyes steeped in longing!

But the Northern grand duke’s expression radiated chill, frozen solid—enough to make the attendants tremble.

"Ah. I should greet him."

Holding his skirt, Biju bowed exactly as the maid had taught him.

"A beautiful evening to you, Your Grace."

"Oh."

At that, the mercilessly cold eyes of the Northern grand duke softened a fraction.

But his tone stayed stiff.

"How is your health?"

"Thanks to your care, very good indeed."

"Good."

He felt gruff but kind.

As if to prove it, the three who followed the grand duke laughed ho ho ho.

"He talks like that, but the duke has been terribly worried since yesterday. He worried so much for Lady Kim. Ho ho ho!"

"Nonsense."

Who were these three?

Biju narrowed his eyes.

"My rivals? Villainess ladies?"

But a quick mental character intro card popped up and told him no.

The duke’s sisters—the bridges between male lead and female lead!

"My future in-laws!"

He wasn’t the heroine, but destiny was something you seize. Maybe he could claim this castle before the heroine even appeared.

"Ho ho ho. Your Grace’s sisters, I presume. A pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Oh dear, no need to be so formal."

As the chatter stretched, the duke frowned and rang the bell on the table.

[jingle jingle]

The butler led more attendants to bring even more food. Biju screamed with joy inside.

"I really should be the heroine."

Sipping his wine, the handsome duke cleared his throat and asked,

"Your head—how is it. I heard you lost your memory. Do you still not recall your original house?"

"Sadly, no..."

"A shame. In that case, you’ll have to stay in my castle longer."

Biju recalled the setup.

He’d fallen into a book and become an extra in that world. It seemed to be a period well before the male and female leads met.

And one more thing.

Someone had entered the book before Biju—an earlier arrival.

Presumably a Korean.

"Your Grace."

"What is it, my lady?"

"I have a question. It seems someone else used my room before..."

"Ah. There was a lady who stayed briefly. Like you, we found her in the forest with her memory lost... Sadly, she vanished one day without a trace. The knights are still searching."

The duke then asked,

"But why do you ask?"

"I heard a rumor that you fell for her..."

Satisfied with his own ad-lib, Biju put on a wistful face, and the duke’s sisters gasped oh my.

The duke coughed and took a swig of wine.

"Ridiculous. I, Eric Wampir, grand duke of the North, do not fall in love so easily."

As Biju laughed softly—ho ho ho—

"There are a few cautions for you."

"Yes."

"The sun will set soon... Under no circumstances are you to wander the castle."

The grand duke said,

"The disappearance of that lady, for one. And lately, terrible things have been happening around this Dragon Castle. With evil spirits appearing, I can’t even say the inside is safe. Much less the dungeons crawling with criminals."

Translation: please wander around at night, especially the basement.

"I understand, Your Grace."

"I do not say this out of concern for you. If anything happens to you, it becomes my responsibility, ahem..."

As he spoke, the duke clapped twice.

The door clanked open—Biju’s eyes went wide.

"Uh?"

Knight Junhyun and servant Jiho were entering.

The maknae with teary eyes, like a lot had happened; and his same-aged friend wearing his usual gentle smile.

Their gazes crossed midair.

"Biju hyuuung!"

"Jihooo!"

"Hyung. I have so much to tell you. They just started yelling at me to wash dishes. Such jer—"

But the misty-eyed oh, ohhh conversation didn’t continue.

Because the Northern grand duke opened his mouth.

"These are people who will assist the lady. There is the new trainee knight who showed astonishing skill upon entering. Junhyun."

"I’m Junhyun. Lady Biju."

"Biju?"

The duke narrowed his eyes and Biju’s heart sank.

Biju shot him a look that cursed in silence and scowled; Junhyun laughed ha ha.

"Where I’m from, we call a be... bea... beautiful lady biju."

"Intriguing. Then what do you call a handsome man?"

"We call him Wooju."

With rootless ad-lib, Junhyun slipped through the crisis unscathed.

Looking at him, the duke pointed to Jiho.

"And that is a newly hired servant. He’ll attend the lady."

"I’m Jiho. La—la...lady."

The two members fought to keep from laughing at the sight of Biju in a dress and wig.

As the try-not-to-laugh party continued—

The butler stepped close and spoke to the duke.

"There are three prisoners to interrogate tomorrow, Your Grace."

"Ah. The fake knight?"

At that, Junhyun flinched and looked off into the distance.

Biju tilted his head.

"Come to think of it, why isn’t Ri Hyuk the knight and this guy is? He said he was working in an underground laundry."

But the thought didn’t last long.

Because the next words hit his ears like a dart.

"And we have also arrested a suspect believed to be a vampire."

"Hmm, that one?"

"Yes. A vampire of such beauty that every woman in the nearby villages fell under his spell."

"That much?"

"Yes."

All three of them popped exclamation points in their heads.

"It’s Wooju hyung!"

"Wooju hyung!"

"Who on earth!"

After sunset—

The moment their first destination was set.

"But who’s the other one?"

They’d said three prisoners to interrogate, but they only knew two.

Ri Hyuk and Wooju.

While Biju wondered who the third might be, the conversation continued.

"A very old man. Recently..."

As the description of the prisoner went on, the members smiled, ah.

"So—never let him out!"

Dusk.

The whole castle was getting ready to sleep.

"Knights! Knights, back to headquarters!"

"Milord, I’ll be off then."

"Very well, see you tomorrow! Ha ha ha!"

By day, people worked in the castle; by night, they went home.

Except for minimal guards, only the lord’s family and guests stayed.

Watching from their room as the grounds settled, Biju’s group felt like the real adventure was about to start.

"They suddenly made me wash dishes, then praised me for doing it well and promoted me to servant. After that they kept telling me to straighten my back, nagging like Ri Hyuk hyung... huuuh... I miss Ri Hyuk hyung..."

"Yeah. I hope Ri Hyuk’s doing okay in the cell. How did he even end up in there..."

While they chatted quietly, Biju looked around.

Every light in the castle went out.

Only the crackling fireplace and the lanterns they carried still glowed.

"First we find Wooju hyung and Ri Hyuk."

"Yup."

"Yeah."

"Then let’s make a plan."

"..."

"..."

Silence fell.

The three looked up at one another. Usually this was when the leader said, okay, listen up.

Feeling the empty space, Biju said,

"How did we live when Wooju hyung wasn’t around?"

"Right."

"He’s like sunlight. You don’t realize it until it’s gone."

In the end, the three members took out what they’d collected.

A walkie-talkie, snacks, and a map.

"A map?"

"I stole it off the butler’s table."

"Nice."

They studied the castle map and found the underground prison.

Kim Junhyun said he knew where that was after mentally mapping the route, and they moved out at once.

[creak]

"Check the surroundings first."

Poking their heads out the door, the trio made sure no one was around, then took a lantern and headed down.

Like sneaking through Hogwarts under an invisibility cloak.

No one at all.

They walked the quiet, dark corridors of Dragon Castle and entered the passage to the underground jail.

[woooooooooo]

From somewhere, the underground hallway echoed with a sound like a ghost cackling.

Two members glued themselves to Junhyun’s sides.

They descended the stairs and stood before the jail door.

Except...

"Huh?"

It was locked.

On tiptoes, the three peered through the barred window above the door.

"There’s no one."

"For real."

Every cell inside was empty.

They were just about to turn their heads when—

[grab]

"Aaaaaaaaah!"

"Mommy!"

"Hey! Keep it down!"

Biju and Jiho, who had squeezed their eyes shut and were yelling for help, opened them.

Just like them, Wooju and Ri Hyuk were holding lanterns and pressing fingers to their lips—shhhh.

"Hurry. This way."

The eldest, having already broken out, beckoned his underlings to follow.

The members’ eyes shone with admiration.

"As expected of Wooju hyung. While I was living it up, he was doing a Shawshank escape."

"So he does prison breaks too."

"Good thing Wooju hyung uses his skills for good."

At those looks, Ri Hyuk said in a grumpy voice,

"Actually it was thanks to me. I used my body a bit."

"Of course~"

While the three smiled kindly and Ri Hyuk told them to make sure to watch the broadcast, they reached the hideout.

From the jail on B2 up one level to B1—

A storage room.

"You all didn’t eat, did you?"

"No..."

While Biju, lips glossy with oil, wiped his mouth, the leader spoke to his teary-eyed juniors.

"There’s a food store. Let’s grab a meal here before we go."

"Awesome. I skipped dinner."

"Me too."

They were about to move to the food store.

Just as they were going to ask how the prison break happened, something jolted into Biju’s mind.

"Right. Hyung. Hyung!"

"Yeah?"

"In that jail—wasn’t there one more prisoner besides you?"

"Ah. The old man?"

"Yeah."

"Where’d he go?"

"He escaped with us. He’s either hiding somewhere in the castle now or he left."

"..."

At that moment, color drained from the three faces—remembering what they’d heard at the banquet.

The leader asked, worried,

"Why?"

"Hyung... that old man."

"Yeah."

"I heard the butler and the duke talking. They said he’s a man-eater who terrorized the nearby villages."

"...Huh?"

A chill swept through the room.

And then—

[ha ha ha ha ha ha ha]

Cackling laughter boomed like in a cave.

And—

[rattle-rattle-rattle-rattle!]

Someone came pounding down the underground stairs at a gleeful sprint.