In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

We bolted into the storage room at the sound of the man-eater grandpa’s laughter.

Close it. Close it. Close it.

Close iiiit.

They say when you’re scared out of your mind, even your voice won’t come out. We just mouthed it at each other, telling someone to shut the door.

In the end, Junhyun slammed it and threw the bolt.

"Hu, huu..."

We pressed our backs to the wall with shaky breaths.

Terrified.

Truly terrified.

Watching the monitor on MeTube I’d thought, why is everyone so jumpy, but now that I was in it, I understood.

[skrrrk... skrrrk]

A shovel scraped along the underground floor.

While Ri Hyuk clapped a hand over his own mouth and flinched, all of us held our breath, pinned to the wall.

Please go past. Please just go past.

Go past.

Jiho laced his fingers and began to pray.

Maybe the prayer worked.

[clunk]

[clunk]

After jostling the door a few times, the old man’s shovel noise slowly receded. 𝕗𝐫𝐞𝕖𝕨𝐞𝗯𝚗𝕠𝘃𝐞𝚕.𝐜𝗼𝚖

"No."

The maknae, on the verge of tears, grabbed Ri Hyuk and shook him.

"How could you just let some random grandpa out like that? I’m gonna lose it, seriously. I mean... you guys just let anyone out, I mean..."

He was so scared he was whining; we patted and soothed him.

But we hadn’t had much choice either.

"He looked like a kind old man."

"My dad says you can’t judge people by how they look. The kindest faces are scammers."

"R-right."

But didn’t Jiho’s dad look like the kindest man on earth?

Of course I wasn’t dumb enough to say that on camera. Not on this kind of variety...

"Variety?"

"Huh?"

"Hold on. We’re filming a variety show right now, aren’t we?"

"Right?"

Because we were in this new subgenre—observational variety—we’d even forgotten it was variety.

The crew being invisible was the problem.

In my head I knew it was a TV show, but my body was reacting to the fear around us with perfect realism.

"Gather up, minions."

"Huuu...!"

Pressing our foreheads together, I looked my dongsaengs in the eyes.

"Remember. This is a variety show."

"This is a variety show."

"We will absolutely get out safely."

"Wooju hyung will absolutely get us out safely."

It sounded weirdly mutated, but our tiny trembling breaths evened out.

That alone was a relief.

The shivering kids finally seemed able to breathe and get their bearings.

Just as I was wondering what to do next—

[rrrrrrr]

Junhyun’s stomach roared a battle cry.

"Let’s eat first. You’re all hungry, right?"

"Yeah."

While the kids rummaged through the shelves for food, Biju asked,

"But how’d you even find this room?"

"After Ri Hyuk and I broke out of the cell, we combed the basement. We were too scared to go up to ground level... We wandered below, and this was the only door that was open."

"Oh."

"It just screamed, ‘come in here.’"

Looked like the crew prepared a space where we could eat, knowing we’d miss dinner.

Medieval-Europe styling: glass jars stuffed with glorious bacon, retort foods dressed up all fancy.

"Hyung. There’s a magic box too."

"A magic box?"

At Jiho’s words we looked at the thing dressed like a magic chest. The maknae pressed a button and the door went thung—

"Muahaha."

A microwave.

As the kids gleefully nuked various instant foods, warmth finally returned to the room.

The nutty smell of hot food spread while we poured water from a magic kettle into cup noodles and ate together.

"Kimchi would make this perfect."

"I think there’s kimchi."

Ri Hyuk pointed at the fridge.

"But it’s locked with a five-digit code."

"My god... these fiends. They give noodles and withhold kimchi."

"Ri Hyuk hyung, hurry and open it before our noodles get soggy."

"One sec."

We asked Ri Hyuk, but all eyes laser-focused on the hint stuck to the fridge.

[ WA-BA=JA-LA-JA ]

Wabajaraja?

Eyes blazing for ramen, Biju got it right away.

"Take out the A: WU BI JI UN RI JI... It’s our initials."

"Is it 12345?"

It wasn’t 12345.

Watching the noodles slowly puff up made us antsy. The scariest moment since the shoot began.

Strength returned to Junhyun’s gaze; you could almost hear a supercomputer spin up # Nоvеlight # in his skull.

"What about years? Between me and Kim Biju there are two hyphens in the string. ’93, ’95, ’95, ’97, ’98."

"35578."

The moment we keyed in 35578—

"It’s open!"

"Grab it! Quick!"

We yanked out the kimchi tub and feasted with the cup noodles.

Whenever the broth felt a touch heavy, one crisp piece of kimchi delivered otherworldly bliss.

"Uuugh..."

Even Biju, who’d supposedly eaten the most at the banquet, rubbed his belly with a blissed-out smile.

"Western dinner was a bit rich. I feel alive again."

"Koreans need Korean food."

Sated, we looked at one another.

"Should we... eat a tiny bit more?"

"Yeah."

The man-eater grandpa was roaming outside, but food in front of you is priority.

We were picking out one more thing each when—

[chk-kkkk]

All our walkie-talkies buzzed at once.

Mouths full of instant chicken, we looked at the radios.

—Ah, ah. Do you read?

It was the voice of variety veteran Yoo Changhyeon.

I grabbed my unit before I knew it and answered.

"This is NewBlack. Reading you loud and clear."

—How are you? Enjoying the adventure?

"...Thanks to you, we’re having a delightful time."

Laughter from the panel trickled through the speaker. Even Eunseong’s grating little hee-heeeeh laugh.

The kids waved at the cameras hidden around the storage.

I held the radio and said,

"Now I see why the control room exists. We were seriously shivering."

—For that, you seem to be eating very well.

"We still have to eat."

Trading banter, we chatted with the variety folks.

The maknae spoke into the radio.

"I’m so scared..."

"For real... PD-nim, you said it wouldn’t be scary. I’m so, so disappointed."

"Thanks for the god-tier content."

Everyone but Junhyun vented.

It’s scary.

Really scary.

If the crew were nearby with cameras, we’d remember it’s a shoot. But the actors were too convincing, and the setup too spooky, so it felt real.

—Is it that scary?

At Eunseong’s chirpy voice I took the radio.

"Kevin."

—Yes, sunbae!

"Please don’t rile me up. Hearing Eunse—no, Kevin’s voice makes me angry."

—Hooooh.

Intrigued.

—Do you think you can get out of that room without my hint?

"Everyone listening? If you remove Eunseong from the radio, we’ll invite you to NewBlack TV’s talk show."

Abusing our clout.

Immediately Eunseong went "uwaaaa!" as he was dragged away, and I smiled in satisfaction.

After a warm exchange with the entertainers, Yoo Changhyeon gave us help.

—You know the escape mission, right?

"Yeah. Biju told us. We have to get out of Dragon Castle before sunrise."

—Correct. A tip we can offer... We obtained some info on Dragon Castle. The basement is a complex layout, and the rooms are connected by passages.

"Passages?"

—Yes. We can’t access more specifics... If we get more, we’ll tell you.

Ri Hyuk took the radio.

"Can you at least tell us which room this one connects to?"

—Let’s see. As far as we know, it leads to the library.

The library.

Our eyes met in midair.

For some reason it felt like the library would have what we needed.

—It’s a complicated castle, so there could be traps. Please keep that in mind.

"Okay."

—Good luck. (Manager-nim, good luuuuuuck!)

Eunseong’s wistful croon at the end made me snort.

Still, thanks to that we forgot about being chased by a man-eater and remembered we were filming.

Junhyun asked,

"But will any of this make the cut? We haven’t done anything that funny yet."

"It’s fine. While you were gone, Ri Hyuk pulled something off."

"Oh."

Paper-man Paper-Hyuk had generated some content.

And...

"Biju, is that the only outfit you’ve got?"

"Yes..."

Princess Biju would probably generate more. The sight of Biju in a jewel-studded dress made me smile.

Worst case, we offer Biju as tribute.

I could already see HBS MeTube uploading: [Fondue-eating Princess Biju Compilation!]

"Fuu."

I finally felt human again.

My variety brain was turning; I was almost back.

"Okay."

I gathered the kids.

"Family meeting, quick. The goal is getting out of this Dragon Castle."

"Yes."

"Let’s compile the clues each of us picked up."

As secretary, Ri Hyuk took the hardbound book Biju brought and scribbled with a quill.

—We fell into a romance-fantasy novel.

—There’s a prior entrant H. Jiho overheard the butler mentioning blond hair.

—Northern grand duke said to carry dragon blood.

—The lord personally interrogates prisoners.

—The lord is in love with Biju.

—We only have half the book. We need the other half to learn what comes next.

All eyes went to the last line.

"Top priority is finding the other half of that book. It might have the hint for getting out."

"Yes."

"Let’s hit the library and find the other half. Other ideas?"

"None."

We nodded and studied the map the maknae had swiped. Our food storage connected directly to the library.

We all stood and felt along the wall.

[thunk-thunk-thunk]

We knocked, but nothing. Just the hard feel of brick against our finger bones.

"Hm? Hyung. Look."

Hidden behind items on the shelf, the wall had a four-digit dial like a lock and a [BELL] button.

Junhyun pressed the button.

[click]

[click]

[click-click]

"It’s not working."

"Press it with some rhythm, hyung."

While Jiho and Junhyun tapped out a doong-ddorororong rhythm on the bell, Ri Hyuk tilted his head.

Then he keyed in [7738].

"I think it’s this."

"Why?"

"Flip BELL upside down."

All four of us tilted our heads. It really did look like 7738.

Our eyes lit up and we breathed in unison.

"Heeeey—"

"This is why he’s not Seo Ri Hyuk, he’s Math Ri Hyuk."

"Wow. Not Seo Ri Hyuk, but Su-ri Hyuk."

From Paper-Hyuk to Math-Hyuk.

With everyone’s eyes shining, Ri Hyuk set his finger on the button.

"Pressing it."

"Yeah."

The instant he tapped it—

"Huh?!"

"Whoa!"

The ceiling purred open—[vrrrrm]—and the room we were in began to rise slowly.

First floor. Library.

We rode the elevator up and gasped.

"Whoaaa..."

While the maknae and I happily high-fived, the young lady fluttered her fan and marveled.

"Insane. It’s a real library, hyung."

"Looks like it."

"It really is a library."

Like a royal library, it had a second tier.

Books filled the stacks; there were tons of tables.

Probably a cafeteria-style space when tourists visited.

"These are real books too?"

"Hyung. Look at Ri Hyuk’s face."

At Biju’s tinkling laugh, I turned to see Ri Hyuk staring at the library with a dreamy face.

"Totally my taste... This is the kind of place I only see in my dreams."

"I’ll buy you one someday."

"I won’t refuse."

We stood there, stunned by how big it was.

"But... how do we find clues here?"

"Right."

No computer to type a title into.

In the dark, only moonlight filtering in, we raised a lantern high and wove through the stacks.

"What was the original novel’s title?"

"‘The Princess Is the Strongest.’"

"Princess starts with P, then."

But in P there was nothing relevant. The only thing that caught my eye was a book titled The Great Leap.

"Haven’t seen this in a while."

"What is it?"

"An old read."

It was the autobiography of Park Taejun, founder of TJ Entertainment. TJ had given it to us with a book report assignment.

—Chairman Park Taejun is the best. King of kings. Godlike visuals. Basically the reincarnation of the 21st-century Leonardo da Vinci.

I’d written something like that and won.

Remembering everything I did to hang on back then, I chuckled.

I slid the book back and asked the kids searching nearby,

"Progress?"

"Not seeing it. Probably not in P."

"Any hints?"

I pressed the radio to ask for help, but the answer was, "You already have it in your hands."

In our hands...

As I mulled that over, my eyes drifted to the hardbound book Biju was holding.

"We haven’t actually read it, have we?"

"I skimmed it, but there wasn’t much."

"Let’s take another look."

It was a prop book the crew made, with a rough summary.

The princess was super strong.

The sword aura in the princess’s blade shredded dragons!

Facing the princess, the dragon cried, She’s too strong! I’m dead!

The princess fell for the Northern grand duke who could fight her evenly! But the grand duke had a secret!

Ten minutes of skimming later, Ri Hyuk said,

"There are a lot of spelling mistakes. Particles mixed up, ‘de/dae’ and ‘doe/dwae’ all wrong."

"Hyung, we’re about to be eaten by a man-eater and you’re nitpicking spelling?"

"No, wait. No."

I said,

"It could be a hint. Ri Hyuk, scan the mistakes again. What are they?"

"Let’s see. All the ‘doeneunda/doeda’ bits. And..."

While he picked them out one by one, checking each error—

[thud!]

The library door boomed.

—Keh keh keh.

We swallowed and hid behind different stacks. Biju swaddled the lantern with his skirt to cover the light.

[step]

[step]

After a short prowl, the old man left the library again.

"Phew."

Catching our breath, I asked,

"Find anything?"

"Yeah."

"Aren’t they all tied to D?"

"Uh... oh? They are."

Faces brightening, we went to D. Up the stairs to the second tier with G-N-D, we combed the D shelves, and finally found it.

Way up high—an all-too-familiar hardbound cover.

Ri Hyuk narrowed his eyes.

"But... it’s really high."

"Hang on."

I spoke to Junhyun.

"Junhyun."

"Yeah."

"Let’s go."

He palmed my ankle and pressed me skyward. Two-man combo step; we strode over and plucked the book.

While Junhyun and I traded satisfied smiles, the maknae and Biju came panting back.

"Hyung. We found a modular ladder..."

"We can assemble—"

They gaped at us holding the book; Junhyun and I twitched our fingers.

"Strong bodies, easy lives."

"Facts, hyung."

We fit the other half to our book and let out small cheers.

"This is it!"

"Got it."

The two halves aligned perfectly.

Except...

"This one’s in English."

"Yeah."

This one must be an actual book the crew sourced; tiny English text crawled across the page.

We lifted the lantern to read when—

Maybe combining the books did it, but like magic, the wall of stacks around us slid open.

"Oh?"

A space beckoning us to the next stage.

Stairs.

Heart pounding, we climbed with the kids.

Behind us, Ri Hyuk muttered as he held the lantern and scanned the text.

"It’s written like a diary? No, letters?"

"Ri Hyuk, come on."

"One second."

We left him paused on the stairs and went up with Biju, lifting his skirt hem.

A wide, scenic room.

Beautiful, like where a lord would stay.

If anything ruined it...

"Huh?"

Why is there a coffin instead of a bed?

Weird rags were strewn about, and for some reason they outlined bony shapes.

"Oh."

Junhyun said,

"Those look like prison clothes. Same as what Wooju hyung was wearing."

"Yeah. And the prisoners got dragged off earlier..."

A creepy prickle crawled up my back. From behind, Ri Hyuk hurried up.

He’d pieced it together.

"I know what this is. The front and back halves are from totally different books. Two books were bound into one! Junhyun hyung, back in the storage you saw something about ‘heirs to dragon blood,’ right?"

"Yeah."

"And Biju hyung, the lord’s family name was Wampyr."

"Huh? Right. Eric Wampyr."

"Wampyr’s related to ‘vampire.’ And the term ‘Dracul’ deriving from dragon... wow. Why am I only realizing this now?"

I grabbed the main vocal’s arm, backing up.

"Hey, Ri Hyuk?"

"Yeah?"

"That’s not the priority. Look ahead."

"Why? What’s more impor... oh. There is."

The coffin in front of us began to slide open.

And—

From within, the black-haired beauty, Grand Duke Eric Wampyr—no, Dracula—rose.

Control room.

Gasping, the panel recoiled, while the crew smiled in satisfaction.

It lives. The picture lives.

Ri Hyuk had combined the etymology of Dracula with the scattered clues to stage a perfect reveal.

"Yes!"

The assistant director clenched a fist.

"Timing, perfect!"

"That’s insane."

"Wow. Their variety instincts are unreal. How do they stage scenes so perfectly for editing?"

"They say rookie idols study variety by watching NewBlack."

"Feels like a movie."

As staff clapped and gushed, Yeo Hoseok, PD of From Now On, We, smiled.

As expected of NewBlack.

So reliable.

They’d framed it so the unveiling of the truth coincided with Dracula’s entrance.

Sure, the crew had tuned the stage mechanics to set the board, but he hadn’t expected them to hit it this well.

No wonder variety PDs keep chanting NewBlack, NewBlack.

My respects, NewBlack.

Age aside, as a fellow pro, he felt respect.

Watching the members flee on the monitor, PD Yeo Hoseok looked at them with genuine admiration.

"Aaaargh!"

"Nyaaaah!"

"Hey! Seo Ri Hyuuuk! You say that now? You should’ve said it faster!"

"Like I knew this would happen!"

PD-nim!

We’re not letting this slide when we get back!