In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

After finishing the facility tour we return to the barn. Mr. Kim rolls up his coat sleeves and puts on work gloves.

“Now just help me clean this up.”

“Yes!”

“When winter comes the little ones keep slipping, so we need to get ahead of it.”

We use tools to sweep away stray hay and other debris from the floor. Soon families will arrive for a farm experience. We’re going to film the highlight scenes of the day with our reporter.

‘The children are all smiling so nicely, right? A happy farm experience—la la la!’

The filming schedule is set in stone. Just like on a lifestyle show when they introduce a popular restaurant: first they show customers lining up, then cut to overly staged shots of patrons exclaiming “Wow! This is amazing!” with thumbs up. Reporter Min Hyo-jin’s Monday segment follows the same pattern: visit a new place—learn eco-friendly farming—help out with a hands-on experience. We’re cleaning the barn just before that final segment.

“Don’t come any closer! I told you to stay back!”

When I turn, Ri-hyeok is glaring at the dairy cow with his palms open. It’s hilarious— the cow just stares back, probably amused.

“...Huh.”

When threats don’t work, Ri-hyeok sighs in defeat. Then, as he tries to pry some gunk from under the fence with his gloved hand, the cow flicks out its pink tongue.

“Eek!”

Ri-hyeok jumps back, hair standing on end, then wipes sweat from his face, breathing hard—as if he’s a hero panting after clashing swords with the final boss.

“Ugh! I have to get that out!”

He stamps his foot, itching to remove the debris but too scared the cow will lick him again. Jiho, standing beside me, asks,

“What’s he doing?”

“He’s lost to the cow.”

“...”

“You going somewhere?”

“I figured if I hang around this joke I’ll end up in the edit.”

“Hey.”

“Oh~”

Jiho winks and snatches a burlap sack, scampering off.

Ri-hyeok, watching the cow, suddenly steels himself. Worse than being licked, he braces for whatever comes next.

“Sir.”

“...”

“Help me with this.”

He’s asking me for help after all.

“You really afraid of being licked?”

“Of course the lick itself isn’t scary. I just hate not knowing when it’ll happen.”

“Your personality is something else.”

“...Just take it out.”

As I step forward, the cow backs away with an “hmph,” as if it couldn’t care less about me—but somehow I’m bothered. Jiho’s eyes go wide, and she shouts to Mr. Kim, who’s still pushing the burlap:

“Boss! Look! He’s born in the Year of the Rooster!”

“Of course.”

“Oh my—no wonder the cow treats him like a chicken!”

Min Hyo-jin joins in, and the three of them roast zodiac-sign cow compatibility.

“Ugh...”

Ri-hyeok—who hates blood-type and horoscope personalities more than anything—shakes with annoyance, but we all keep cleaning. At first everyone giggles, but as the work drags on they focus.

Scrub scrub.

I glare as I scrub the floor with a brush.

“It’s so quiet just scrubbing.”

Min Hyo-jin breaks the silence.

“How about we sing some work songs? Hey, our singer is right here.”

“Great idea!”

“Boss, any favorite song?”

Mr. Kim shakes his head.

“I don’t really listen to music.”

“Then why not give it a try? They call us human jukeboxes.” 𝚏𝕣𝐞𝗲𝐰𝕖𝐛𝐧𝕠𝕧𝚎𝚕.𝐜𝚘𝗺

“Sure.”

“I’ve been practicing trot for my hometown episode. Pick a song for me~!”

Mr. Kim rubs the floor thoughtfully.

“Can I request someone else?”

“...Aw.”

The youngest, squatting and scrubbing, pouts. We all burst out laughing. Viju asks,

“Then who would you like to request?”

“The young man who grows green onions. I like a deep voice.”

“Yay!”

Junghyun raises his rag, flinging water droplets like helicopter blades.

“Hey! Who told you to splash water!”

Junghyun laughs warmly and sets the rag down, then asks Mr. Kim,

“What song would you like to hear?”

“Not for me.”

He points to the cows idly watching us.

“For the cows.”

“For cows?”

“Apparently the British did research showing cows produce more milk when they listen to classical music.”

“British people love research.”

We laugh, and Junghyun scratches his head, watching the cows.

“I don’t know what cows like, so I’ll rap like I always do.”

“Oooh, Junghyun’s rap!”

The reporter aims the camera.

“Viewers, this is the first idol to rap for cows in its hometown!”

“Waaaah!”

As we cheer, Junghyun looks at me.

“Hyung, do a beatbox.”

“Okay.”

The others clap like seals, and I stand. When ready, Junghyun nods and takes a deep breath.

“What are you doing?”

“To get the audience’s focus.”

The camera cuts to Junghyun alone. He inhales with “hup, hup.” The cows graze calmly, humans look bemused.

“Hup, hup.”

Junghyun sucks air like a genie from a lamp. Jiho whispers, “He’s really tasting that air,” and the reporter laughs. Viju blinks and says,

“Isn’t that what elementary kids did?”

“...Huh?”

“You know, when they prank with burps.”

“...Junghyun!”

Just as I’m about to scold him, Junghyun spreads his hands wide and begins:

“MooOOOO—”

Not a burp, but the purest imitation of a cow’s call. I’m stunned. Junghyun smiles gently and raises his hand:

“MooOOOOOO—”

At that moment the cows pause, turn toward him, and clack their tails. They herd toward the fence.

“What on earth...”

Mr. Kim stumbles back, and Min Hyo-jin looks dazed. We’re all staring at Junghyun, bowing politely to his bovine audience. Three seconds of silence, then uproarious laughter halts filming.

After the laughter storm clears,

“Puhuh... puhuhuh...”

The camera operator bursts out as soon as he pans back to Junghyun, clutching his ENG camera. Reporter Min Hyo-jin, still giggling, says,

“Director, just laugh!”

“Ha ha ha!”

He shakes and sputters, “Cow, cow...” We’re all laughing so hard we forget the chill.

“Hyung, my abs hurt.”

Our main dancer, usually unshakeable, laughs so hard he doubles over. Ri-hyeok and Jiho smack each other’s backs, crying with laughter. I fall backward still giggling. Only Junghyun, looking confused, asks,

“Was it that funny?”

“You weren’t laughing?”

“Not really...”

Junghyun blinks and says,

“But I did well, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“I once won ‘Prince of Cows’ in an elementary school drama contest for this.”

“Prince of Cows?”

“It was about an unhappy prince who becomes a happy cow and leaves to make music.”

He says people cheered when his cow mask finally mooed freely. He checks the camera and relaxes—filming’s paused.

“Okay, compose yourselves. Let’s roll again!”

The reporter claps, and we regroup at center barn. The cows still watch Junghyun. Viju says,

“The cows are really curious.”

“It’s like suddenly your pet dog or cat starts shouting ‘Mussel!’ ‘Mussel!’ in human speech.”

“I wonder what they made of it.”

As we joke about having mussel soup for dinner, I step beside Junghyun.

“You didn’t plan anything weird, right?”

“No impromptu rap came to me, so I borrowed a line from the book Ri-hyeok was reading.”

“Ah, got it.”

I nod and grin.

“Now, NewBlack’s first ‘Intimate Barnyard’ tour! Live performance with the cows of Cheonnyeon Farm!”

“That guy hates embarrassment but goes all out.”

I shout laughing,

“For today’s choreography, with Ri-hyeok eyeing the main dancer spot, please welcome Seol Ri-hyeok!”

“Waaaah!”

Mr. Kim cheers “Seol Ri-hyeok!” too. As Ri-hyeok blushes and joins us, the cows perk up even more. Junghyun cues the beat: I blow into the mic with “puchu puchu,” Junghyun smiles at the cows:

“A~ What’s up Cows

Everybody dancing tonight”

When we clap, Junghyun raises a fist:

“Listen

All cows of the world unite”

It sounds like he’s rallying a bovine rebellion. We exchange panicked looks.

“Hey! Hey!”

“This guy’s crazy!”

The PD and writers laugh uncontrollably as Ri-hyeok and I cover Junghyun’s mouth. I make a “cut” gesture:

“Please edit that out!”

“What was that?”

We explain the original, and everyone laughs more. Jiho gasps,

“So it was from the book Ri-hyeok was reading?”

“No! No way!”

Ri-hyeok’s face turns bright red as he shouts,

“It’s from Soviet Communist historical sources!”

“They even include primary sources now?”

“No...”

His face turns into a tomato.

“Not that saryo (饲料), but saryo (史料), ~Nоvеl𝕚ght~ historical materials! You idiot! No wonder you got a 69 on history!”

Like an echo, “69... 69...” reverberates from the youngest’s face. We break into laughter again.

“Stop laughing!”

“Ha ha!”

“Just you wait, I’ll ace next month’s test!”

We clap and laugh as Min Hyo-jin hears the story and joins in.

After cleaning the barn we spend the next hour as helpers for the experience program.

“Waaaah!”

Kindergarten and elementary kids bounce inside the barn, pointing at us.

“NewBlack! NewBlack!”

“Kids should be amazed by the cows, not us. See the cows over there?”

“Waaaah!”

“No, not the tall guy next to the cow, the cow.”

“Waaaah!”

“...”

These kiddos are more excited than if they’d met a famous kids’ YouTuber. Parents laugh:

“When videos of NewBlack pop up, they’re so funny.”

“Yours?”

We exchange glances.

‘Isn’t this harmful media for kids?’

‘Probably.’

A little girl of six points at me.

“One-wheeled bike!”

“...Okay! Shall we go meet our cows?”

The children follow us, looking up in awe. They’re adorable. Parents later ask for photos.

“Can we take pictures after?”

“Of course, with the kids....”

“No, with us.”

They shyly request solo shots, making us burst out laughing.

After the barn tour with the families, we head to the on-site restaurant to cook with milk, cheese, and butter.

“Wow...”

“When sprinkling cheese, you do it wide like this—shok shok shok.”

Viju demonstrates pizza-making; the kids gasp and parents take notes on their phones. Reporter Min Hyo-jin hypes the camera:

“Look at this finished pizza! Doesn’t it look delicious?”

“Waaaah!”

“Now let’s see everyone’s tasting expressions.”

Viju’s pizzas are sliced small; families taste and give thumbs up. One mother shapes her mouth into the classic “true taste” pose from cooking manga. The kids exclaim:

“Wow. This isn’t how my mom’s pizza tastes!”

“Su-yeon, be quiet.”

“It’s delicious! Tastes like takeout!”

Viju smiles happily and says “Eat up!” Reporter Min Hyo-jin then suggests:

“NewBlack members, taste it and show us your impressions!”

“Sure!”

I bite into a cheese-heavy slice, stretching the cheese.

“Mmm~”

The others look around, empty space. When the reporter tilts her head:

“Did you see that? It’s so good you wouldn’t notice if five people ate it and only four were left.”

Mr. Kim and the reporter applaud, delighted. While we wrap up the activity, we drink milk for dessert and hold an event.

“Okay, children! The 1st Milk Taste Expression Contest hosted by NewBlack and My Hometown!”

“Taste the milk and whoever expresses it best wins prizes: farm-made cheese and a gem ring you can drink with!”

The kids’ eyes light up at Junghyun’s five gem rings. They each take a sip, “Yap!” and express themselves. Our youngest tries a sip and trembles, then states like a CF line:

“Yuu~”

Mr. Kim and the parents clap, and I grin:

“Unfortunately we’ll have to keep one ring for ourselves.”

“This one’s ours~”

At that moment the kids burst into tears.

“No, that’s not it...”

The shoot ends in chaos and tears, leaving the crew in disbelief.

Yeouido PBS station. In a conference room, the main PD of meets with assistants and writers, all looking serious.

“Play it again.”

“Yes.”

They watch the footage with NewBlack. It’s full of laugh-out-loud moments, but the crew is stumped.

“No...”

Someone says,

“I wondered how to get it down to 40 minutes, and this is...”

“Who’d believe this?”

“I’d only heard from other PDs. They’ve turned a lifestyle show into a weekend variety...”

At first the assistant PD timidly suggested a rough cut without captions. After watching, they don’t know what to cut—15 minutes feels too precious. One assistant says,

“It’s like ordering pork but getting premium beef cuts.”

“And having to throw half of them away.”

“Oh, what a waste.”

In their pastoral banter, the main PD decides:

“Let’s extend NewBlack’s segment to 15–20 minutes.”

“Yes.”

He gives the assistant PD a sympathetic look.

“Tough with only one camera?”

“Yes... the cam op said you can’t capture these kids with just one camera.”

“From now on, use two to three cameras for NewBlack shoots.”

After much thought he concludes:

“Our main viewers are older, so tone down the chaos.”

“Right. The audio’s too loud; seniors might have a fit.”

“And I’ll talk to Lemon Ent. They know how to handle this—they have youth-friendly content. Behind-the-scenes might suit the main broadcast better.”

“They’re really making us try everything.”

The unexpected magic these segment fairies bring makes the hometown show staff laugh. Though it means more work, the fresh change feels exciting. They don’t know the audience reaction yet, but it’s bound to be positive.

Then the PD asks the assistant,

“Where’d NewBlack go after filming? What did they do?”

“They said they were going to eat... but after the farewell they were singing with the reporter. Then they got quiet, so I didn’t ask.”

“Must’ve been wiped out.”

They laugh softly, knowing the energy they expended would leave them exhausted.

But contrary to the PBS crew’s guess, NewBlack’s solemn mood had a different reason.

Yongin-si, Gyeonggi Province. From Suwon’s morning news to a farm in Hwaseong at lunch, they’ve come to a foodie alley in Yongin. They scan a list of famous local restaurants given by their manager.

“Original beef jumulleok place...”

Each time they move toward a restaurant, the image of the cow’s eyes haunts them.

“The most famous bulgogi spot in Yongin...”

The cow’s “mooOOOO” echoes in their minds.

With the saddest expressions in the world they cross off each entry:

“That place is known for yukhoe. That one’s Hallasan ribs.”

“Or shall we have seolleongtang?”

“Soup’s fine...”

Again the cow’s mournful “mooOOOO” rings inside.

“Ugh!”

“We shouldn’t have done the farm experience!”

“Why do even the clouds look like cows?”

“Ugh...”

Managers stifle laughter as they watch the members clutching their heads in agony among the food stalls.