In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

To be honest, I remember almost nothing up until my body started to recover.

The sound of an ambulance.

The sound of people murmuring here and there.

Every so often I heard Biju or Junhyun’s urgent voices. Ri Hyuk crying, Jiho calming him down, that kind of sound.

I puked.

Someone shouted, someone clutched my stomach, and time just blurred by in a frantic haze like that.

“Wooju?”

At some point it felt a little more stable.

I forced my eyelids open and saw Seokhwan looking at me with a face full of worry.

“Are you okay?”

“...Yeah.”

I tried to sit up, but I had no strength at all.

I felt dazed like after throwing up everything from an upset stomach, and a chilly draft slipped through the patient gown and made me cold.

I raised the bed with the remote and met eyes with my manager, who was watching me with concern.

My throat was parched.

“...What time is it now?”

“Three in the morning.”

Only then did the surroundings come into focus.

A monitor tracking heart rate and oxygen saturation, an IV needle in my forearm, and a pretty spacious single room.

“A single room must cost a lot.”

“...Is that what matters right now?”

“I’m joking. Your face looked way too serious.”

I muttered blankly and pushed my hair back.

I looked out at the night view of Los Angeles outside the window, then asked Seokhwan,

“The kids? They must have been really scared.”

“They’re all waiting on the first floor right now. The hospital said only one guardian can stay.”

“Ah, they must have been really scared... send a message and tell them I’m okay now, at least.”

“I sent it the moment you woke up.”

While I was feeling sorry thinking about our over-sensitive crybabies, one face rose to the top before anything else.

“Grandma?”

“Hm?”

“News didn’t reach Grandma or anything, right?”

“Not yet.”

“Thank goodness.”

I’d tensed up a little, then relaxed and set my head back on the pillow.

Whatever else, making my grandmother worry is the worst. She already spends every day fretting over her grandson.

“What about the news I came to the hospital? It hasn’t gotten out in Korea yet, right?”

“No.”

“That’s good too.”

“Some sasaengs camped near the hotel and leaked something, so rumors briefly spread on social media, but it feels like people aren’t really buying it.”

I’m truly relieved there wasn’t a Korean news alert like, “[Breaking] Sun Wooju rushed to ER.”

No reason for Grandma to worry.

No reason for anyone to worry.

I was lying back, relieved it had blown over safely, when—

“Wooju.”

With a face full of exasperation, Seokhwan asked,

“You’re not curious about that?”

“About what...?”

“Why you were brought in.”

“Ah.”

Right.

I’d forgotten the important part.

“You’re saying ‘ah’? This burn, seriously I—”

“So what’s wrong with me?”

“Gastritis.”

At the out-of-nowhere diagnosis I blinked wide. Or I tried to; I didn’t have the strength.

“Gastritis?”

“Yeah. Gastritis.”

“...Can someone really get hauled in like this for gastritis?”

I thought it was just stress-induced syncope.

Plenty of seniors around me have had vasovagal syncope, and plenty have collapsed from overwork.

Even Taehyun, back when TNT was on tour, once collapsed onstage from lack of sleep. If you broaden it out, there are a ton of people like that, so I figured it was common.

The diagnosis is a bit unexpected.

“...People collapse from gastritis? Doesn’t it just end at heartburn-level pain?”

“The doctor said acute gastritis from stress.”

“This is gastritis? Really?”

It had felt like my chest was packed tight, like my heart was actually burning up.

I kneaded my chest and underarm and tilted my head. Does stomach pain knock someone down like that?

“The doctor said your condition was already bad during the concert, then you left it alone and it suddenly got worse.”

“Ah.”

“You didn’t even realize you were in pain?”

“After it ended I was definitely better.”

Thinking back, I might have forgotten the pain for a bit, soaked in the joy of the concert finale.

While I was lost in those thoughts, our TF team leader called me.

“Wooju.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t be sick.”

Warm, worried light spilled from our math demon’s eyes. The eyes beyond the glasses...

“Did you cry?”

“No.”

“You cried.”

“If you want to call this crying, you need to see the kids downstairs. Their faces are all gaunt... and in the middle of that, Ri Hyuk started hyperventilating and it was a mess.”

Thinking of our main vocalist going whoo-ha whoo-ha into a paper bag suddenly tore my heart.

I asked,

“But this gastritis... it’s temporary, right?”

“Yeah. With rest and taking it easy you should get better quickly.”

“Then I can be discharged soon.”

“...It’ll take a little time.”

Seokhwan sighed.

“They ran blood tests and said all your numbers are a mess. They even asked what your job is. Said it’s the first time they’ve seen someone in this bad shape all over.”

“...”

“For the time being you need absolute rest.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but Seokhwan shook his head firmly. 𝚏𝐫𝚎𝗲𝕨𝐞𝐛𝕟𝚘𝐯𝚎𝗹.𝕔𝐨𝗺

I nodded in silence.

Netplus launch documentary [The New Black: Making Waves]

In the interview room, Wooju sits with legs crossed, scratching the back of his head.

Wooju: I think the sudden push into the U.S. really stressed me out. I’m human too, so of course I got greedy for this chance... the problem was the pressure was heavy. I kept fretting like, “What do I do with this?” and I guess it finally blew up.

NewBlack’s leader smiles.

Wooju: But I don’t think collapsing was entirely bad. It gave me time to check my own priorities again.

The screen cuts to Wooju sitting on a hospital bed.

His face twitches as he pats his wailing younger members.

Wooju: It wasn’t bad. The feeling of getting attention.

With a “you know?” face, the leader giggles foolishly, and the documentary captures it.

I don’t know how much they bawled.

With puffy, swollen eyes, the underlings looked at one another and laughed.

“Biju, why are your eyes so swollen.”

“Yours too, Jiho.”

“Mine aren’t. Because I didn’t cry.”

Junhyun, who couldn’t bring himself to cry because everyone else cried too much, let out an awkward laugh.

While they were chatting, the three turned their heads.

“A carp. A carp.”

“Wow, human eyes can swell like that.”

“Can you even see right now?”

Because his eyes were so swollen, Seo Ri Hyuk was wearing sunglasses; he hawked and breathed fire at them.

“What are you looking at.”

“Hey, you picking a fight with us—”

“Look ahead.”

The four, holding bouquets, walked down the hospital corridor.

At last, visiting hours had begun.

At the start of the stay, the hospital had asked to postpone visits for absolute rest. So it felt like they waited forever before they could finally see their leader’s face.

The maknae walking the corridor sighed.

“Ugh. Seriously.”

To be honest, when things blew up this time, they’d already felt to some degree that the inevitable had come.

“Hyung, did you work on a song again last night?”

“Hee-hee.”

“No... I said get some sleep. If you keep that up—”

“Hee-hee-hee! Wooju doesn’t know things like that.”

When they tried to nag, he’d go waaah and change the subject and run away.

He just wouldn’t listen.

He listened attentively to talk about songs or work, but on this front he was a stubborn eldest.

“Seriously.”

Seo Ri Hyuk ground his teeth.

“Just let me see him today. I’m going to give him a good scolding. I’ve been singing at him to take care of his body and not overdo it.”

“Facts. I even took the lead.”

“I told him over and over I was worried too...”

The underlings’ eyes blazed.

When the eldest first collapsed, they’d leaned on each other’s heads in the hospital lobby like a funeral home.

Worried our eldest might be in real trouble.

But once they found out it wasn’t that serious, the members were burning with anger.

“After all we said...!”

You’re overdoing it. You’ll collapse. Even when they said that, he boasted it would never happen.

Today was the perfect time for them to go, “We told you,” and scold him.

With that resolve, the underlings stepped forward.

“...”

In front of the room door, they hesitated.

There are moments like that. It feels awkward to be the first one in.

They rolled their eyes at one another.

“Biju should go first. Oldest.”

“Let’s go by height. Junhyun first.”

“No, no. Smallest first, Ri Hyuk first.”

“...Ugh, you pathetic people.”

Shaking his head, Seo Ri Hyuk grabbed the handle.

And then...

“I can’t. Someone else go first.”

“Ummm...”

They bickered for a long time over who would go first, then all put their hands on the handle.

“On three we open. One, two—”

Click.

“Ugh!”

“Argh!”

“Nyaaa!”

A nurse opened the door and all four tumbled forward in a heap.

As the nurse coolly walked past them, the four rolled on the floor and then sprang up with a gasp.

They stood with their bouquets as if nothing had happened.

“You’re here?”

The voice they’d waited and waited for over the past days reached them.

Warm and gentle.

With the breeze from the window ruffling his hair, the handsome man’s eyes sparkled at them.

Even in a patient gown, that face shone bright, a smile blooming at the corner of his mouth.

“Were you all right while I was gone?”

“...”

“Ri Hyuk, why are you wearing sunglasses? Are you unwell?”

At their leader’s kindly question about them, the members paused where they stood.

What to say.

Right up until they came into the room they were trembling with, “We told you to take care of your health,” but all that washed away.

It didn’t feel important.

What mattered to them now was simply that their eldest was smiling, at least somewhat healthy.

Honestly, the rest... whatever.

“...”

Plop.

Starting with the crybaby maknae shedding chicken-droplet tears, the members burst into loud sobs.

At first the leader stared in disbelief, then he spread his arms a little.

“Come here, idiots.”

“Hyuuung!”

“Don’t hug me.”

Seeing the younger ones toddle like penguins and flop onto ★ 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ★ his knees, the eldest let out a helpless laugh.

With the rustling early-summer breeze,

warm sunlight settled on the shoulders of the five young men.

If there’s one thing I realized after getting sick...

“Did you bring bouquets?”

“Yes.”

“Put them over there.”

“...”

The underlings’ eyes went to the flowers filling the room.

“Wh-what is all this?”

“People sent flowers from everywhere. The big one over there is from Hailey, that one’s Logan Smith from the Billboard Awards.”

“And that one?”

“That one’s from Hanbyeol.”

“...It’s a full-on flower field.”

If there’s one thing I realized after getting sick, it’s simply that I know this many people.

Postcards from industry folks piled up so much they formed a tower.

As for flowers, letters, and postcards from fans, the hospital wouldn’t let them in at all. I heard hospital administration balked, saying it would fill the whole hospital if we stacked them.

News travels fast.

“‘NewBlack’s Wooju hospitalized with acute gastritis... “I’m doing fine.”’”

After the company informed the members’ families first and then sent out an official press release, text messages and chats wishing me a speedy recovery exploded.

From advertisers and friends and acquaintances we know, messages flooded in too.

I’m still too tired to check every chat one by one, but I realized there are this many people around me.

“There’s a camera too.”

“Oh, that’s from the documentary team.”

I heard the doc team halted filming after I collapsed, but since I’ve recovered conditioned-wise, we decided to resume.

“Turn it off for a bit. Let’s talk comfortably among ourselves.”

While Junhyun fiddled with the camera, Biju sat in the chair beside me and asked,

“How’s your body, are you okay?”

“The best.”

“Don’t lie.”

“I really feel good. It’s still a little tough, but getting good sleep made my condition bounce back.”

Sleeping all day actually made me feel better than when we were on tour.

It’s funny in a sad way.

“If there’s only one bad thing...”

In the mirror my face looked like it had a shadow. Maybe that’s why the younger ones tensed up.

“Wh-what’s wrong. What is it?”

“My stomach...”

“Your stomach? It still hurts? How?”

“I’m starving.”

“...”

“...”

At their flat reaction, I said,

“I’m so hungry... if you let me have one bite of black bean noodles I’d give you billions. For real.”

“He’s fine. He’s totally fine.”

“He looks perfectly okay.”

“We worried for nothing...”

I smiled as they shook their heads.

When I said I might recover and be discharged in as little as two days, the faces of the younger ones—who’d been worrying like I had some major illness—finally eased.

Honestly, it was just that the pain from gastritis got intense for a bit; there wasn’t anything to be hugely worried about.

“It’s really a relief I was hospitalized for gastritis.”

“...Huh?”

“If it had been a situation like passing out from stress, the fans would have worried more. Saying it’s a stomach issue still makes people worry, but it also feels less serious.”

“...”

“Uh, what I mean is...”

It had been a while since the younger ones went stone-serious.

No joke, for almost thirty minutes I got a lecture of “Don’t you care about your body,” “Not hurting is what’s good, are you kidding me,” “What matters more, career or health.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Honestly, even now you’re worried about your career first. That’s why you collapsed from stress.”

“Haha...”

Thinking of collapsing while agonizing over an English song, I felt a little embarrassed.

Looking back, it really wasn’t a big deal; I don’t know why I was that tense in that hotel room.

“Maybe because a once-in-a-lifetime chance came. Honestly, how many people get a real chance to work successfully in the U.S.”

Trying too hard to force success, I got overambitious and the stress broke me.

Lying in the hospital bed alone, I thought about a lot of things.

“So I’m thinking I should relax a bit. Not obsess too much, just let things flow naturally.”

I don’t know if it’ll work, but I decided to ease my mind.

Nodding like it was the right call, Ri Hyuk said,

“Good words. Since we’re on it, let’s cut your workload too. Honestly that’s part of why this blew up.”

“Got it.”

“Until you’re discharged, talk of work or even thinking about work is absolutely banned.”

“Okay.”

“And...”

Taking off his sunglasses, Ri Hyuk said,

“If anything feels off in your body, tell us right away. If no one else, we’re family, aren’t we.”

“...”

“Stop stubbornly suffering alone every time; if you’ve got worries or tasks, split them with us. This time too, you took everything about the U.S. push on yourself and worried alone and ended up hospitalized.”

“Okay.”

“I was so worried I couldn’t sleep for days.”

I patted Ri Hyuk as he wiped at his eyes, about to choke up again.

“What if you really get seriously sick.”

“I’m sorry.”

When the younger ones looked about to start sniffling again, I hurried to put out the fire.

“This time I’ll take your opinions seriously, cut my work hours, and if there’s work I’ll share it with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. If there’s anything to assign I’ll ask you right away, so don’t worry.”

“...For real?”

“I’ll keep the promise.”

I smiled at the younger ones gazing at me with damp eyes.

“If there’s work to do, I’ll make sure we split it from now on.”

One hour later.

“Ri Hyuk.”

“...”

“Ri Hyuuuk.”

“...”

“Seo Ri Hyuuuk...”

At the urgent call, Seo Ri Hyuk jolted awake.

While the other members were drifting off with little smacks of the lips, in his half-sleep he shuffled to Wooju’s bed.

“What is it?”

“Ri Hyuk...”

With a pale face, the leader giggled.

“Pass me the TV remote over there.”

“...Hoooo.”

“And while you’re at it, bring me a tissue. Hey, hey—! Who takes one sheet just because someone said one sheet. If you’re Korean you pull two.”

“...”

“Why are you looking at me like that? You said if there’s work we should split it.”

I swear.

After the main vocalist handed over the tissues, trembling, and was about to nod off again—

“Ri Hyuk...”

“...”

“Ri Hyuk...”

“...”

“If you don’t answer, I’m going to think about work. Gasp! Wooju wants to write a song. He’s thinking of a song in his head.”

“Oh, come on...!”

From the bed, the leader went nyeh-nyeh, I’m going to think about a song, and Seo Ri Hyuk shook with rage.

“Seriously, what kind of patient threatens to work if you don’t listen to him...!”

If he weren’t a patient, I’d flick him on the forehead right now.