Online Game: I Turn Monsters Into Food 10,000x Buffs

"You’ll overheat standing." He said to Noir

She didn’t move. The black tip of her tail betrayed her, curled once, involuntarily, against the orange of the rest of it.

"I don’t..." Noir started, all iron authority.

Then Liam reached over without looking and brushed a smudge of ash off her knee. Just his thumb, brief. Pressure against bare skin between her armour plates, just above where her hip flared wide under the vambrace’s shadow. His thumb dragged slowly across the curve of muscle there, not lingering, just thorough. Like he was wiping down a cutting board.

She sat.

Too fast. Close enough that their shoulders nearly touched. The smell of him hit her full, smoke-soaked linen, fresh herbs, and underneath, clean skin.

Her thigh pressed against his, and she didn’t pull away because pulling away would mean admitting she’d noticed.

You’ve sat next to people before, Noir thought. This is nothing.

Liam reached into his inventory and pulled out a small wooden cup. Poured water from a canteen and held it out to her without turning his head.

"Drink."

Noir took it; their fingers overlapped,

She yanked the cup back and drank it deeply. Water ran down her chin, and she didn’t care because her mouth had gone bone-dry the second he’d touched her.

"Where’s Fridge?" Liam asked, scanning the area.

Midnight pointed up.

The tiny undead lich Liam’s reluctant companion, a miniature lich skeleton, hung in his cage from a rock outcropping by a length of rope, limp and unmoving. His little jaw hung open; he was out cold or whatever the undead equivalent was, aggressive napping.

"He kept trying to free the boss," Midnight said. "So I tied him up there."

Liam studied the dangling skeleton, then smiled at Midnight.

"Good thinking."

From the cooking pit, the Lich groaned. "RELEASE ME"

Liam dropped another rock on the hand that had started emerging again. "Twelve minutes, and you or your gods or whatever trapped us in this game, world, whatever."

Noir sat rigid beside him, every nerve firing, the afterimage of that tail-brush burning across her lower back like a brand.

She was going to kill him, right after she figured out why her hands were shaking.

As if on cue, the rocks shifted. A muffled, hollow scream echoed from beneath the earth, the sound of the King Lich trying to curse them through several inches of steamed rocks.

"I... AM... THE... ETERNAL... WINTER..."

Liam picked up a stray sprig of basil and tossed it onto the steaming mound. "Don’t ruin the reduction with all that shouting."

"It smells good," Elizabeth whispered, her voice uncharacteristically soft. "Better than the serpent."

"It’s the earth-steam," Liam explained,

Rogue dropped onto the rock next to Curiosity, written across his whole face like a neon sign. The guy practically vibrated with it.

"Hey, Liam." Rogue tapped his own stream interface, the faint blue glow reflecting off his chin. "Got mine running again. Why don’t you fire yours up?"

"Oh yeah." Liam scratched behind one of his white ears, the fur there still damp from the boss fight’s steam phase. "Cheers, Rogue, I will."

He pulled up his stream panel with a lazy flick of his wrist. The interface hovered in front of him, translucent blue, naming it "How To Cook A Boss."

Liam adjusted the wide-angle lens, ensuring the steaming rock pile and the thirty dazed mages were in full view.

The chat, which had been mourning his demise for the last two hours, absolutely lost its mind. The text scrolled so fast it looked like a waterfall of white light.

[Chronos_Void]: BRO WE SAW ROCKS FALLING THEN THE FEED WENT BLACK, IS ROGUE OKAY?

[Samantech3364]: Wait... is that a pile of rocks? Why is there steam coming out of the floor?

[CMurdock]: LIAM EXPLAIN, WHY IS THE RAID BOSS UNDER A PILE OF DIRT?!

[Matthesage]: Bro, where is the ruby-eyed guild? And why does the rest of the Iron Guild look like they are dying?

[JudeTraore]: "Look at the HUD! Boss HP is at 5%, but it’s not moving. Liam, what did you do?!"

"The boss had a bit of an identity crisis," Liam told the camera, his voice dry. He reached out and tapped the top stone with the back of his skillet.

Clink.

He thought he was the Lord of the undead, but it turns out he’s just a very large snack. We’re currently at the twelve-minute mark of a traditional Māori Hāngī."

He paused, glancing at the thirty "Meat-Shield" mages who were currently sniffing the air like hungry golden retrievers.

"For those of you just tuning in, don’t worry, you didn’t miss the fight. You just missed the seasoning. We’ve layered the pit with peppermint slush, Glow-Moss salt, and a heavy basil reduction. If you can smell the stream, you’d know the necrotic marrow is currently undergoing a beautiful carmelization reaction."

Rogue leaned into the frame of the second camera, his face covered in soot but grinning like a maniac. "And don’t forget to watch my stream instead, as I’m funnier and better, and have a date with the MILF."

[Jimmy_Shim]:LOL, you can’t call the other members of the raid meat shields :skullemoji:

[Dragonfangs29]: WHERE IS ELIZABETH? I MISS HER.

"Twelve minutes is up," Liam announced.

He stood, his massive frame blotting out the light of the fire for a moment. Beside him, Noir and Elizabeth stood as well, one vibrating with suppressed tension, the other flicking her ears in anticipation of the loot.

"Rogue, get the cameras closer," Liam commanded. "Berry, Johan, shields up. When the steam hits the air, it’s going to expand. I don’t want the mages getting second-degree soul-burns."

[Tool Tip]

Health Inspector’s Fury: Elizabeth has officially revoked the Lich’s "Immortal" status due to multiple health code violations, namely being a skeleton in a kitchen.

Aromatic Confusion: The Boss’s health is locked at 5% while its ancient brain struggles to process why it smells like a high-end Italian restaurant.

The Date Tax: Rogue is currently attempting to leverage a near-death experience into a date with Mirra, while simultaneously trying to hijack Liam’s viewers.