Online Game: I Turn Monsters Into Food 10,000x Buffs

"Well," Rogue said, crossing his arms over his chest. "If you can do it, why don’t you do it for the rest of us?"

Elizabeth’s smirk was sharp enough to cut glass. "For the free show you got this morning? You have to work for this." Her cheeks flushed slightly despite her bravado. "I’m still embarrassed you saw too much."

"I DIDN’T EVEN ASK, THOUGH YOU DID LOOK GRE-"

Mirra smacked him.

The memory of that morning flashed through Liam’s mind: Elizabeth, gloriously naked, framed in the window he’d opened to say hello to the party.

She wanted to kill them all, Liam knew.

"Fine," Jace said, straightening his shoulders with false confidence. "I’ll go next."

As an archer, Jace moved with surprising quietness. He crept forward, keeping low, his steps barely disturbing the tall grass. He spotted a gold and white horse, larger than the others, standing near the edge of a small grove of trees.

Liam watched as Jace approached with exaggerated caution, sugar cubes clutched in his outstretched palm. The archer made soft clicking noises with his tongue.

"Hey there, horsey horse horse," Jace whispered, his voice tight with nervousness. "Buddy pal, let’s be friends... please?"

The gold and white horse turned its head, fixing Jace with a stare that seemed almost amused. It lowered its head and began walking toward him with deliberate steps, its hooves making soft thuds against the earth.

"Oh," Jace said, his voice rising an octave. "Oh, you’re coming. That’s... that’s good."

The horse stopped just short of Jace’s outstretched hand, its breath warm against his palm. It sniffed the sugar cubes, then delicately took one between its teeth.

"You’re beautiful," Jace said, his voice softening with genuine awe. "You’re like something from a legend."

The horse whinnied softly, as if acknowledging the compliment. It took another step forward, nudging Jace’s chest with its nose.

"I think it likes you," Mirra called softly from where she stood with her silver mare.

Jace’s face broke into a surprised grin. "Yeah? You like me?" He reached up tentatively to stroke the horse’s neck, his fingers disappearing into the golden-white mane.

The horse stood perfectly still, allowing the touch. For a moment, it seemed like Jace might actually succeed where most would fail.

Then the horse’s ears flattened against its skull. Its eyes widened, showing white. With a sudden, explosive movement, it reared up on its hind legs, front hooves slashing the air inches from Jace’s face.

"SHIT!" Jace scrambled backward, tumbling into the grass as the horse came down with a thunderous impact, hooves striking the ground where he’d stood seconds before.

The horse snorted, steam billowing from its nostrils, then galloped away, its golden-white coat flashing in the sunlight.

Jace lay in the grass, chest heaving, sugar cubes scattered around him like fallen stars.

"I think," he said weakly, "we should try a different approach."

Elizabeth burst out laughing, the sound sharp and uncontainable. "You almost had it!" she said, then doubled over, hands on her knees. Mirra let out a nervous bark of laughter, hugging her horse like a rescue floatie.

Jace rolled to his feet, dignity shredded but otherwise unharmed. He brushed himself off and glared at the horse, which now circled the herd as if nothing had happened.

"You had the wrong angle," Rogue declared, entirely ignoring the fact that Jace had almost been turned into a human pancake. He stepped forward, cracking his knuckles with the unearned bravado, "You lacked presence, Jace. Animals respect a dominant aura. Watch and learn."

"I’m going to watch you get turned into paste," Jace muttered, picking grass out of his hair and dusting off his tunic. "And if you die, I’m taking Mirra as mine."

Rogue ignored him, adjusting his leather armor and pulling a fresh sugar cube. He scanned the herd, his eyes locking onto a dark, muscular shape silhouetted against the sun. It was standing near a small ridge, slightly apart from the main group. Even from a distance, it looked stocky, solid, and completely unimpressed by the concept of human authority.

"That one," Rogue said, pointing dramatically. "The stallion of the peaks. A majestic beast worthy of a rogue of my calibre."

Elizabeth squinted at the creature, her pink cat ears twitching. A strange expression crossed her face, a mixture of profound confusion and a struggle to keep her jaw from dropping. "Rogue... are you sure about that one?"

"Positive," Rogue said, already strutting forward. "It practically screams alpha energy."

"It screams something, alright," Elizabeth muttered under her breath, turning her face away to hide the massive smirk breaking across her lips.

Liam watched Rogue’s approach with deadpan curiosity.

Midnight, still perched on his shoulder, let out a low, scaly purr, her predatory slit-eyes tracking Rogue’s progress. "If it kicks him into the river, do we have to fish him out?" Liam asked.

"Only if he has the house keys", Mirra said softly, still holding the rope of her beautiful silver mare.

Rogue crept through the tall grass, trying to look stealthy, though his dramatic crouching made him look more like a broken folding chair moving through the meadow. The beast he was targeting didn’t even look up as he approached. It just kept chewing on a clump of winter grass, its long ears flicking lazily.

As Rogue got closer, the details of the creature became a bit more apparent. It was definitely stocky. In fact, it was remarkably short-legged, with a thick, barrel-shaped torso and an aggressively large head.

"Hey there, magnificent creature," Rogue purred, extending his hand with the sugar cube. "Feel the connection, we are both creatures of the night. Both sleek and both misunderstood."

The animal stopped chewing, and it turned its massive head, staring at Rogue with wide, entirely vacant brown eyes. It let out a long, wheezing breath that smelled heavily of fermented grass, then blinked slowly.

Rogue took another step. "That’s it, bask in my glory."

The beast looked down at its hand, saw the sugar cube, and stretched its neck out. With a wet, ungraceful slurp, it inhaled the sugar cube directly from Rogue’s palm, coating his entire hand in thick, viscous saliva.

"Excellent," Rogue whispered, completely unfazed by the slime. "Now, the bond is forged." He slowly brought the rope around its thick neck. The creature didn’t move. It just stood there, staring into the middle distance as if its brain functions were operating on a three-second delay. Rogue, feeling an immense surge of pride, gripped the mane and vaulted onto its back.

The moment his weight hit the animal’s spine, a system prompt must have flared in Rogue’s vision, because a sudden, magical shimmer erupted around the beast.

"Ha! Behold!" Rogue shouted, throwing his arms out. "The taming ritual has unlocked its true form! It’s evolving!"

From the stocky creature’s shoulders, two feathered appendages began to unfold. They grew rapidly, stretching out into magnificent, snow-white wings, feathers gleaming in the morning sun. The wingspan was easily ten feet across, majestic and awe-inspiring.

"A PEGASUS!" Rogue yelled, his voice echoing across the plains. "I TAMED A FUCKING PEGASUS! WHO IS THE ALPHA NOW, LIAM? WHO IS THE-"

Rogue’s triumphant shouting died in his throat as the magical light faded completely, revealing the full, unvarnished reality of his new mount.

The wings were indeed beautiful, pristine, and worthy of a divine stallion. The rest of the creature, however, was explicitly a donkey. A short, chubby, greying donkey with an oversized snout, floppy ears, and a stubby tail that was currently swatting at a fly. The contrast between the glorious, angelic wings and the profoundly goofy, low-clearance donkey body was an anatomical war crime.

The donkey-pegasus, the Pegonky, let out a loud, grinding, screeching roar that started as a majestic whinny and immediately devolved into a pathetic, wheezing "EE-AWHH! EE-AWHH!"

It took three clumsy steps forward, its short legs completely mismatched with the massive wings, which began to flap with chaotic, heavy thuds. The sheer lift from the wings caused the donkey’s front half to leave the ground, but its heavy rear end stayed firmly planted, resulting in a series of awkward, violent hops across the grass. Rogue gripped the rope for dear life, his legs dangling inches from the dirt because the animal was so short.

By the time Rogue managed to guide the flapping, braying monstrosity back to the group, Elizabeth was already on the ground.

She hadn’t just laughed; she had physically collapsed. Her arms were wrapped around her stomach, her face buried in the grass, her pink cat ears twitching violently as she let out breathless, wheezing shrieks of pure, unadulterated amusement.

"It’s-it’s a-" Elizabeth choked out, lifting her face, which was completely red and tear-streaked. "Rogue! Look at its ears! Look at its little legs! Oh my god, I can’t breathe! Someone heal me, I’m suffocating!"

Jace was laughing so hard he was literally slapping his own thighs, tears streaming down his face. "The alpha! The king of the skies! Truly, a mount of legends! Does it fly, Rogue, or does it just hover aggressively six inches off the ground?"

"Shut up!" Rogue snapped, his face burning a deep crimson as he sat atop the braying Pegonky, his feet literally dragging in the grass whenever the wings stopped flapping. "The system classified it as a rare avian-equine hybrid! It has a high agility stat! It’s just... aerodynamically unique!"

Status: Dignity: Shredded

The Post-Mortem Asset Claim: Jace adjusting his survival strategy to look past his own near-pancake experience and immediately decreeing, "If you die, I’m taking Mirra as mine," has introduced a high-stakes [Harem Inheritance Clause] to the raid. The system notes Rogue entirely ignored this to preserve his unearned alpha aura.

The Folding Chair Stealth Dynamic: Rogue attempting to stalk his target by crouching so dramatically he resembled a broken folding chair moving through the meadow completely failed to alert his quarry. The system confirms the target donkey’s brain function was operating on a three-second delay, rendering it immune to intimidation. 𝚏𝗿𝗲𝐞𝐰𝚎𝕓𝐧𝚘𝘃𝗲𝐥.𝐜𝚘𝕞

The Suffocation Debuff: Elizabeth physically collapsing into the dirt and begging for a healer because the sight of Barnaby’s floppy ears and glorious wings is actively suffocating her has reduced her combat readiness to zero. The system advises ignoring Rogue’s claims regarding a "high agility stat."