Online Game: I Turn Monsters Into Food 10,000x Buffs

"I do not-" Jace caught himself, then shrugged with admirable self-awareness. "Okay, but you have to admit that horse was way bigger up close."

Elizabeth, to her own evident surprise, laughed. Just for a second. Then her face snapped back to its prior state of studied indifference.

Midnight, perched on Liam’s shoulder, let out a tiny chuff of agreement, then snuck a claw toward his plate, snagging a morsel of egg. Liam allowed it. It would have been a losing battle anyway.

Rogue, apparently hoping to salvage some dignity, squared up his posture and declared, "Fine. I’ll catch the biggest one. Somebody has to be the alpha."

Mirra coughed gently. "I don’t think that’s how horses work."

Fridge, staring up from the ground, contributed a helpful, "Neigh," in a voice that was a perfect imitation of a haunted barn.

Everyone, including Liam, paused to absorb this. Fridge looked pleased.

Elizabeth finished her plate and set it aside, face back in neutral. "If we leave now, we’ll get there while they’re still on the plane. Easier to spot them."

Liam nodded, took the final bite of his breakfast, and Rogue did a series of unnecessarily dramatic stretches. Jace attempted to palm a third croissant and failed, intercepted by Mirra, who simply took it from his hand and replaced it with a slice of bread. Jace stared at the bread, genuinely confused, before shrugging and eating it anyway.

They set out together. The morning was clear and bitterly bright, the kind of chill that seemed to amplify sound. Jace and Rogue argued about the relative merits of different horse breeds. Mirra listened politely and offered an occasional correction. Fridge rode on her shoulder, issuing a running commentary of barnyard impressions.

Elizabeth drifted a few steps ahead, her posture still stiff but her steps lighter, more certain, as they moved away from the house and toward whatever insanity Liam had signed them up for.

Liam brought up the rear. He walked without hurry. Midnight balanced easily, watching the others with a casual, predatory interest.

He quietly hoped that if anyone got kicked, it would be Rogue.

They reached the edge of the grassland in under an hour. The river arced away behind them, and rolling fields opened up, the brown-green of winter grass stretching for miles. In the distance, dark shapes clustered and shifted as the herd grazed and drifted in slow, roaming waves.

Elizabeth crouched down at the edge of the field and motioned the rest of them to do the same.

"Here’s the plan," she said, keeping her voice low. "We move in from the east. Try to get close enough to pick out the leads. If they spook, they’ll fan left. Jace, Rogue, that’s your side. Liam and I come in from the front."

Rogue arched an eyebrow. "And what do we do when we catch up to them?"

Elizabeth turned to face him, a grin spreading across her face. It was sharp and a little wild, like a predator closing in on its prey. "Don’t get kicked," she advised, her tone light but her eyes serious. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small sugar cube, holding it up for them to see. "Then also try and offer them this sugar cube, and try and put a rope around their necks, then try and jump on them and let them run with you on them." She paused for a moment, her gaze softening as she looked back at the horses. "Give them pats and try to connect with them. They should bond to you, hopefully."

Rogue stared at her for a long moment, his gaze flickering between her and the horses. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. "Great," he muttered, his voice laced with a dry humour that did little to mask his apprehension. "Can’t wait to die before lunch."

Liam, whose thoughts always circled back to food, narrowed his focus on the sugar cube. "Can I eat the sugar cube?" He was already reaching for it, his hand broad and pale in the cold air.

"No, we need mounts." Elizabeth slapped his hand away.

Jace, meanwhile, had shifted his attention to the herd itself. He pointed, a touch indignant. "Why do these horses not look like normal horses? I’m pretty sure that one has wings, and that one is blue, and that one? That one is undead for sure."

Liam’s mind, ever practical, went straight to the inevitable. "Can I eat them?"

Elizabeth, Jace, Mirra, and even Rogue answered in chorus: "No." 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝓮𝒘𝙚𝙗𝒏𝙤𝙫𝓮𝒍.𝓬𝒐𝙢

Liam felt the injustice of it keenly. He glanced at Midnight, who met his eyes with uncanny intelligence. "Later," Liam whispered, "when nobody’s watching."

Don’t get kicked," she said, voice threading the boundary between bravado and warning.

"Your bones will not thank you. The plan again is to get close, show them you’re not a threat, and offer them one of these." She shook the cube for emphasis, then tucked it away again. "Once they’re distracted, rope around the neck. Then jump on and hold on until you’re friends. Or dead. It’s basically dating with more immediate consequences."

She flicked her gaze over the rest of the group, gauging their reactions. Jace looked like a man who’d just been told he’d have to fight a lion with a pool noodle. Rogue’s brow furrowed in a calculus of risk and reward, lips pursed as he strategised. Mirra, hands folded and eyes wide, seemed to be weighing the possibility of spiritual reincarnation against the odds of surviving the next ten minutes.

Elizabeth, perhaps sensing the sudden spike in group anxiety, let her voice soften. "Seriously, though. They’re just horses. Incredible horses, but horses. Make a connection, and they’ll want to work with you. If you treat them like a wild monster, that’s what you’ll get." She glanced back at the herd, her expression less predatory now, more... wistful? Liam couldn’t read it. He filed that away for later.

Jace wound a finger through his hair, tried to look casual, and failed. "I’m not sure that’s how horses work. In fact, I’m positive that’s not how horses work. If you try to befriend a horse, and you’re not a horse, it just tramples you more respectfully."

"Do you have a better plan?" Elizabeth arched an eyebrow.

"Running in a zigzag," Jace said, and for a moment, Liam thought he was serious.

Mirra stifled a laugh behind her sleeve. "If you zigzag, you’ll only confuse them into stampeding faster."

Rogue, who had been staring at the sugar cube like it was a live grenade, finally spoke. "Do the horses even like sugar cubes? These are wild, right? Not, like, show ponies?"

Elizabeth’s grin returned in force. "Sugar works on everybody. Even you, big guy."

Rogue’s expression flickered in a way Liam couldn’t quite decipher. Something like embarrassment, or maybe pride. He said nothing, but Liam noted the way he rolled his shoulders, as if steeling himself for a charge.

"Watch," Elizabeth said, and before anyone could stop her, she was already moving.

She crept forward with a hunter’s patience, her pink hair catching the morning light as she approached a magnificent silver horse that stood slightly apart from the herd. The animal’s coat gleamed like polished metal, its mane flowing like liquid moonlight.

Liam watched, fascinated, as Elizabeth extended her hand with a sugar cube balanced on her palm. The horse’s ears twitched, nostrils flaring as it caught the scent. For several heartbeats, it remained still, watching her with dark, intelligent eyes.

Then it took a step forward. Another. Its muzzle lowered, whiskers tickling Elizabeth’s palm as it gently took the cube, its lips brushing her skin.

"Good girl," Elizabeth whispered, her voice carrying just enough for them to hear. She moved her other hand slowly to the horse’s neck, stroking the sleek coat with practised ease. The horse leaned into her touch, its massive frame relaxing visibly.

With movements so smooth they seemed choreographed, Elizabeth looped the rope around the horse’s neck, never breaking contact. The silver mare’s ears flicked back momentarily, but Elizabeth continued her gentle patting, murmuring words too soft to catch.

Then, in one fluid motion, she vaulted onto the horse’s bare back. The mare’s head snapped up, muscles tensing beneath that silver hide. For a moment, Liam thought she might bolt, or worse, throw Elizabeth into the dirt.

But Elizabeth sat perfectly still, her weight balanced, one hand resting lightly on the mare’s mane. Gradually, the horse relaxed, accepting this strange new burden. Elizabeth clicked her tongue, and the mare took a few tentative steps forward.

"See?" Elizabeth called back, her face breaking into a triumphant smile. "That’s how you do it."

She guided the mare back toward them, sliding off with the same grace she’d shown mounting. She handed the rope to Mirra, who accepted it with wide, grateful eyes.

"This one’s for you," Elizabeth said, her voice softening. "Be kind to her. Give her some snacks, and she’ll like you."

Mirra’s smile bloomed across her face as she tentatively reached out to stroke the mare’s nose. The horse whinnied softly, nuzzling into her palm.

[Tool Tip]:

Status: Sugar Cubes: Rationed

The Spectral Barnyard Commute: Fridge the Lich executing a perfect, highly realistic imitation of a haunted barnyard animal while riding on Mirra’s shoulder has unlocked the [Gothic Menagerie Buff]. The system notes that hearing a skeletal raid boss say "Neigh" completely broke Rogue’s remaining cognitive faculties before they even reached the plains.

The Equine Culinary Vetos: Liam immediately attempting to eat the tactical sugar cubes, followed by casually asking if he can slaughter and cook the mutant undead horses, has triggered an involuntary group synchronization warning. The system notes his private whisper to Midnight ("Later, when nobody’s watching") has officially placed the herd on the [Foraged Protein Radar].

The Respectful Trampling Calculus: Jace rejecting Elizabeth’s "connection" methodology by stating that wild mutant stallions will simply trample you more respectfully has introduced the [Zigzag Panic Parameter]. Despite his logic, Elizabeth seamlessly vaulting onto a silver mare using pure sugar diplomacy has permanently shamed the male faction into participating in what she calls "dating with immediate consequences."