Online Game: I Turn Monsters Into Food 10,000x Buffs

The Ice King Lich, a fifteen-foot-tall giant skeleton, roared. It was a sound that should have shattered eardrums and frozen souls. The air in the chamber crystallised instantly, turning into a blizzard so thick you couldn’t see your own hand in front of your face.

Your average folks would have been a solid block of ice by now. Their insides frozen to slush, their bodies stiff as sculptures.

But not Liam. All he did was adjust his collar a bit.

"A bit chilly," he said, glancing at Elizabeth, whose pink hair was blowing wildly about her head. She didn’t seem bothered. Hell, she looked uninterested. "Elizabeth, you good?"

"Nice and warm," she replied nonchalantly, her tail swishing back and forth with ease. "Though this wind is messing my hair up."

Behind them, the thirty mages, the "Meat Shields" recently rescued and fed, were huddled in a panicked circle. They didn’t have the 10,000x buff. They had the "Discount Soul Jerky" version, which meant they weren’t dying, but they were definitely reconsidering their life choices. 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒆𝙬𝒆𝒃𝓷𝒐𝓿𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝓸𝒎

"HEALERS! BUFFS! ICE SHIELDS!" Johan roared, his voice cracking. He was holding his cracked shield, leaning into the wind. LIAM! HE’S CASTING A SPELL!"

Liam looked at the Lich King. The boss was currently raising its staff, a massive pillar of black ice, and drawing a vortex of soul-energy toward the ceiling. The temperature plummeted to -150°C.

"Rogue, the fridge," Liam ordered.

"ON IT!" Rogue scrambled forward, the Mini-Lich’s cage rattling on his back.

"Listen up, Boney Daddy! Your boss is doing that annoying, flashy thing. Counter-spell it, or I’m letting Liam use your ribs as toothpicks!"

"I AM NOT A FRIDGE!" the Mini-Lich shrieked from the cage, though its eyes were fixed on the towering King Lich with pure, unadulterated terror. "THAT IS KING THALASSOS! HE WILL REND YOUR FLESH FROM!"

"Fridge," Liam said, stepping up beside Rogue. He tapped the cage with a heavy gauntlet "I will eat you."

As it happened, the two Liches were on the same magical frequency which allowed them to interfere with one another’s spells. The result was that the Boss’s spell didn’t fully materialise.

Instead of a deathly icy explosion, there was just...slush. A heap of slush fell from the ceiling, covering a few of the mages in harmless, peppermint-scented snow.

"Oh," the King Lich paused, its star eyes blinking in confusion. Its voice was a tectonic grind. "WHO DEFIES THE ETERNAL WINTER?"

"The catering department," Liam said.

He didn’t draw his sword. Not yet. Instead, Liam reached into his inventory and pulled out his Black Iron Heavy Skillet. He snapped his fingers, and the Hearth fire ignited, a fierce, orange glow that defied the sub-zero environment.

"Berry! Mirra! Noir! Formation Delta-Nine!"

"Delta-Nine?" Mirra asked, her staff glowing with a predatory violet light. "WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN WE NEVER DISCUSSED THIS?"

"Exactly, Noir, keep the mages alive. Berry, I need the salt."

Berry grinned, her tiger tail swaying with aggressive purpose. She reached into her pouches and pulled out a handful of Glow-Moss Sea Salt.

"All fired up! Should I season the feet or the shins first?"

"Start with the shins. I want a steady char."

The King Lich roared again, its starlight eyes pulsing with fury. "YOU MOCK THE SOVEREIGN OF FROST? I SHALL BURY YOU IN A THOUSAND YEARS OF!"

"Less talking, more standing still," Liam interrupted. He used [Bull Rush], but he didn’t aim for the Boss’s chest. He aimed for its left ankle.

With the buff active, Liam hit the ice boss like a meteor. There was no recoil. The Boss’s massive crystalline leg didn’t just crack; the kinetic energy was deleted at the point of impact, causing the ice to shatter into perfectly cubed chunks.

The King Lich stumbled, its fifteen-foot frame tilting dangerously.

"NOW!" Liam roared.

Elizabeth blurred.

With her new buffs, she didn’t look like she was fighting. She looked like she was dancing. She slid under the Lich’s massive reach, her rapier a streak of blue light. Every time her blade touched the boss, a chunk of True Ice fell away, bypassing its 10,000-point armour rating like wet cardboard.

"It’s like cutting through chilled gelatin!" Elizabeth laughed, her pink hair whipping as she pivoted. "Liam, the texture is fantastic!"

"Save the prime cuts for me," he called back, his deep tone carrying easily over the Lich’s shrieking. He was standing directly under the boss’s groin, heated skillet raised overhead like a man catching rain.

Elizabeth glanced down mid-combo. Saw him there. Completely unbothered. Directly beneath a gigantic undead horror, holding cookware.

The Lich brought its black ice staff down on his head. A strike that should have levelled a building.

Liam didn’t look up. The staff hit his helmet and simply stopped. No vibration. No damage number. The Lich’s arm jolted, its skeletal joints popping from the sudden loss of momentum, the creature staggering backward as it had swung into a mountain.

"My turn," Liam muttered. He swung the skillet, which was now glowing white-hot.

Liam reached up with his free hand, grabbed the black ice staff, and leaned in. With a loud, wet CRUNCH, he bit a jagged chunk out of the weapon of the ice apocalypse.

He chewed. His brow furrowed. He chewed some more, his red eyes looking thoughtful.

"Why does this taste like a peppermint candy cane?" Liam asked, his voice muffled by the mouthful of ancient evil. He swallowed, then wiped his mouth with the back of his gauntlet. "Did you glaze this in sugar, Santa?"

The King Lich froze. Its starlight eyes flickered with a mix of fury and genuine psychological trauma.

"I AM NOT SANTA! I AM THE HARBINGER OF THE VOID! I AM THE END OF ALL WARMTH! I AM DE—!"

"Okay, Santa, whatever you say," Liam interrupted, already eyeing the Lich’s other arm for potential flavour profiles.

"The peppermint is a bit overpowering, though, and needs more sugar, maybe. Berry! Hit him with the Glow-Moss sea salt! And the basil, I want to see if the flavour penetrates the marrow, we cannot do this without the right garnish!"

[TOOL TIP: THE HOLIDAY SPECIAL]

Formation Delta-Nine: A formation that literally doesn’t exist, designed to confuse both the enemy and Liam’s own party. If the party doesn’t know the plan, the Boss definitely doesn’t.

Glow-Moss & Basil Infusion: The salt lowers the Lich’s melting point, while the basil adds a "savory-sweet" aromatic layer that makes every strike against the Boss smell like a five-star kitchen.

The Fridge’s Interference: As long as the Mini-Lich is vibrating in terror, all "Absolute Zero" spells have a 40% chance to turn into peppermint slushies.