Online Game: I Turn Monsters Into Food 10,000x Buffs

The ridge went quiet in that awkward way it does when something totally illegal just happened, and nobody knows how to file the paperwork.

Sixty dead Hobgoblins were chilling on the floor, and Liam was just standing in the middle of the mess with a sword on his shoulder. Steam was literally coming off his tank top like a fresh tray of muffins. Naturally, the Iron Hearth players did that weird thing people do when they find a person who won’t die. They just sort of drifted toward him like he was a giant magnet.

That went better than expected, Liam thought, watching the steam rise. Absorption rate was about 88%. Efficient and clean but I really need to wash this shirt.

Berry walked up, her cat ears flat and her tail doing this rhythmic whip crack thing against her leg like she’d lost the remote for it. "You’re not a normal player," she said, her voice dropping into a "we’re in trouble, that was actually monstrous."

"Thanks," Liam said. She’s talking about the kill count, he realized. I was thinking about the calorie to stamina conversion we’re on different pages.

His stamina bar was basically refilling itself, and he was already staring up at the ridge where the Shaman was standing very, very still. It was like a squirrel that just realised it’s being watched by a lawnmower. The Shaman raised its bone stick, and a purple Void Bolt the size of a tractor tyre started charging up with the goal of absolutely deleting Liam and everyone else.

That’s a lot of purple, Liam noted, completely unmoving. Looks unstable, probably tastes like metal and regret.

"LIAM, MOVE!"

Elizabeth grabbed his bicep and yanked, which moved him about two inches. It wasn’t much, but an A for effort.

Then Noir blurred into the gap. Her cheetah speed was no joke, and she snapped a Mana Shield up just in time to catch the bolt with a crack that skidded her back five feet.

She turned around, her face looking like a spicy fire warning sign. "Don’t just stand there!" Noir snapped, tail lashing like crazy. "I’m protecting my investment! If you die, I have to go back to eating dry crackers and dirt, and I am not doing that."

She’s got a point, Liam thought. Field rations are basically cardboard, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone else.

"Fair enough," Liam said.

Berry moved in on his other side, her big sword humming and her shoulder pressing against his as she’d already decided they were best friends. She looked at him like she was window shopping for a new car. "After we kill the Shaman," she whispered, "you’re coming to my room. I want a full breakdown of your... mechanics."

Mechanics? Liam’s brain stalled for a second. Does she want to see the stove? It’s not portable, but I could explain the copper piping.

Elizabeth did not have time for that.

She walked straight between them, shoulder-checking Berry’s chest to break the contact. She grabbed Liam’s hand, gripped tight, no questions asked.

"He’s my party member," Elizabeth said, her voice super level but her eyes basically telling Berry to go jump in a lake. "He’s not a ’mechanic.’ Back off."

Her hand is really cold, Liam thought, feeling the grip. Stress? Or just low circulation? I should probably make her something with ginger later.

Liam just looked at the ridge. The Shaman was still up there having a total existential crisis because its whole security team was now floor decor. Liam checked his speed, looked at the height, and did the math in about two seconds flat.

"The Shaman is mine," he said, then he just... jumped.

Twenty feet straight up. The Shaman’s face was priceless as Liam cleared the ledge and blocked out the sun, six foot six of silver-haired problem flying at its face with a white-hot fist. The Shaman opened its mouth, but nothing useful came out before Liam’s hand closed around its throat.

[Absorption Activated.]

Hold still, he thought as the white light took over, don’t spoil the essence. This is going to be a great broth.

The world went fully white. Three seconds of pure white silence, and when things came back, the Shaman was just... deleted. Not dead, just gone. The stone where it stood had turned into a circle of glass from the heat, and that was all that was left of a Level 15 raid boss that had been bullying players for two days.

The ravine was silent. Then a gold notification popped up for everyone at once.

[WORLD NOTIFICATION: First Boss Essence Harvested!]

[Achievement Unlocked: The Hearth’s Hunger.]

[Everyone gets: +500 Global NPC Affinity.]

"Affinity?" some mage in the back yelled, looking at her hands like they’d betrayed her. "We didn’t get cool swords? We got... friendship points?"

Friendship points? Liam blinked. Oh, right, ohhh, affinity. That means I can probably get the good flour from the village elder now, rad.

"Use your brain," Noir snapped, already doing the math. "We can’t log out, remember? NPC affinity means cheaper food, secret quests, and guards who won’t arrest us for breathing. Liam didn’t just kill a boss. He made us the most trusted players in the game on Day 2."

The guild just stood there. Half of them looked at Liam, the other half looked at the glass circle. Berry looked at the back of Liam’s head like she’d officially retired the concept of "being professional."

Liam wasn’t looking at any of them. A private red window was pulsing in his eyes.

[HIDDEN — Legendary Ingredient: Heart of the Void.]

[Gourmet’s Touch: Level 2 — 1/10 Mastery.]

[Goal: Eat 9 more bosses to unlock Kitchen Domain.]

He closed the window and stared at the glass. Spirit Mind Broth, he thought. Needs a base. Something slow-cooked to stop the void energy from blowing people’s heads off. If I don’t balance the acidity, it’s just going to taste like a battery.

"Liam," Elizabeth said, appearing at his side.

"We need rice," Liam said.

"We’re standing in a crater where a god-tier boss used to be," she said, "and you’re thinking about rice."

"For the broth," Liam explained. Why does she look so tired? "The void energy needs a grain base, or it gets weird. It’s basic chemistry, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth looked at the crater. Then she looked at the hundred-woman guild that was currently rethinking their entire lives. Then she looked at Liam, who was already scribbling in a notebook like he was making a grocery list.

"Right," she sighed. "Rice."

Actually, maybe brown rice, Liam thought, tapping his chin. More earthy. It’ll ground the existential dread better.

[TOOL TIP: THE RICE INCIDENT]

Status: Hungry and mildly radioactive.

Liam’s Inner Monologue: Currently 40% recipes, 50% tactical math, and 10% wondering why Elizabeth is holding his hand so hard.

The Vibe: Everyone thinks Liam is a god; Liam just thinks he’s a guy who found a really rare spice.

Tactical Warning: Don’t talk to the Chef about loot. He will only hear "cooking utensils."

"Liam, the entire guild is bowing."

"That’s nice, but do you think any of them have a rice cooker?"