Online Game: I Turn Monsters Into Food 10,000x Buffs

Even Mirra had her hand over her mouth, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably, while Fridge the Lich stood near her boots, tilted its hood up at the creature, then turned to face the laughing group and said, in its haunted-house voice, "He is a fine and noble mount," before turning back to stare at the donkey in silence for a long moment and adding, very quietly, "Ee-awh."

Liam just stared at it. "Can we eat the wing part?" he asked seriously. "It looks like high-grade poultry."

"NO!" Rogue shouted, defensive arms wrapping around his penoky’s neck. "He is my noble steed! His name is... Barnaby. And we are going to conquer the heavens."

Barnaby chose that exact moment to let out a massive, wet sneeze, spraying a fresh layer of mucus onto Rogue’s boots, before settling onto the grass with a heavy, disgruntled sigh, his glorious wings folding neatly over his chubby gray sides.

"Alright, my turn," Jace said, wiping the tears from his eyes and desperately trying to regain his composure. "There is no way on god’s green earth I am letting Rogue be the only one with a mount, even if his mount looks like a feathered potato. Watch a real professional."

Jace pulled his bow from his back, not to shoot, but to use the unstrung wood as a balancing tool as he slinked back toward the herd. He was hyper-focused now. He didn’t want a majestic stallion, and he certainly didn’t want a Barnaby. He wanted speed.

His eyes locked onto a shadow shifting through the middle of the herd. It was a horse that seemed to defy the light around it. It was pitch black, its coat so dark it absorbed the morning sun like a void. As it moved, it didn’t make a sound, no thudding hooves, no rustling grass. When it turned its head toward Jace, its eyes flared with a brilliant, piercing electric blue.

"Oh, that’s the one," Jace whispered, his inner edgelord instantly awakening. "That is peak assassin aesthetic."

"Jace, be careful," Elizabeth called out, finally sitting up and wiping her eyes, though she was still giggling. "The shadow-streaked ones are tricky. They don’t scare easy, but they play with their food."

"I’m an elite archer, Liz. I don’t get played with," Jace said confidently.

He approached the shadow horse from the downwind side. The beast didn’t run. It watched him, those glowing blue eyes tracking his every micro-movement. Jace extended his hand, offering a sugar cube. The black horse drifted forward, its movements eerily smooth, like liquid silk sliding through the meadow.

It reached Jace. Its muzzle hovered over his hand. Jace smiled, feeling the thrill of victory.

SNAP.

The horse didn’t bite the sugar cube. Instead, with lightning-fast reflexes, it gripped the fabric of Jace’s tunic collar directly in its teeth, lifted the archer completely off the ground like a ragdoll, and began to spin.

"WHOA! WHOA! HEY! DROP ME! DROP! BAD DOG."

Jace’s screams devolved into a blur of motion as the pitch-black horse began sprinting in a massive, high-speed circle, dangling Jace by his shirt like a broken chew toy. The horse was incredibly fast, a streak of pure midnight tearing through the grass, its blue eyes glowing with what could only be described as malicious glee.

"ZIGZAG, JACE! RUN IN A ZIGZAG!" Rogue yelled from atop Barnaby, completely vindicated.

The horse suddenly stopped. The momentum sent Jace flying through the air. He hit the ground, rolled through three bushes, and landed flat on his back, entirely disoriented.

Before Jace could even register what continent he was on, the shadow horse trotted casually over to him, lowered its head, ate the scattered sugar cubes off the grass, and then leaned down, nudging Jace’s cheek with its wet nose.

A soft chime echoed in the air.

Jace blinked up at the glowing blue eyes. "Did... did we just bond?" he asked groggily.

The horse let out a soft, dark whinnny, completely compliant now, and knelt down to let him scramble onto its back. Jace shook his head, groaning as he gripped the mane. "Tricky," he muttered, riding the sleek, terrifying shadow beast back to the group. "Extremely tricky. But I look cool, so it’s worth it."

"You look like you just survived a spin cycle," Liam said as Jace joined the line. 𝒻𝘳ℯℯ𝑤ℯ𝒷𝘯ℴ𝓋ℯ𝘭.𝑐ℴ𝑚

Now, all eyes turned to Liam.

"Your turn, big guy," Rogue said, smirking. "Let’s see what kind of mutant livestock catches your eye. Maybe a nice cow with eagle claws?"

Liam didn’t answer. He stepped to the front of the group, his red eyes scanning the wide plains. The herd had grown restless from all the chaotic taming attempts, shifting and moving toward the eastern ridge where the valley began to narrow.

Then, the ground began to vibrate.

A low, rumbling hum echoed from the base of the eastern plain. The grazing horses instantly scattered, fanning left and right in a panic, leaving a wide, empty lane down the center of the field. The air temperature in the meadow skyrocketed in seconds, the crisp winter chill instantly evaporating into a thick, shimmering heatwave.

From the shadows of the plains, something stepped out.

It was massive, easily two hands taller than any horse Liam had ever seen. Its body wasn’t covered in hair or scales; it was composed of hardened, obsidian rock that cracked and glowed with internal magma. From its hooves, trails of bright orange fire ignited the grass with every step, leaving charred, smoking footprints in the dirt. Its mane and tail were literal torrents of roaring, violent flame, snapping and hissing against the cold wind, sending embers drifting into the sky like a localized volcano.

[Tool Tip]:

Status: Barnaby’s Wings: Tangled

The Void Chew-Toy Event: Jace’s attempt to channel "peak assassin aesthetic" resulted in him immediately getting grabbed by the collar like a broken chew toy and spun in a high-speed centrifugal orbit. The system notes that shouting "BAD DOG" at a liquid-midnight shadow beast does absolutely nothing to prevent a 40-foot trajectory through three thorn bushes.

The Tectonic Thermal Breach: The sudden emergence of a towering Infernal Dread-Charger composed of cracked obsidian rock and roaring magma has caused an immediate [Extreme Heat Debuff]. While Jace’s void horse retreats and Barnaby’s short donkey legs become hopelessly tangled in a shrubbery mesh, the server confirms local vegetation is combusting on contact.