Online Game: I Turn Monsters Into Food 10,000x Buffs

Even with the system-enforced silence of the water, his brain was a chaotic split screen. On one side, the cold, clinical math of the grind was running the numbers. On the other hand, unbidden images of the mud pool flashed like corrupted data: the way Elizabeth had arched her back, the salt tang of her skin, and the sheer weight of her body pinned under his.

He shook his head underwater, bubbles trailing from his lips.

Need to gather the rest of that sashimi, he thought, forcing his mind toward the Serpent’s carcass. The Agility buff should hit 12%. No, if I ferment the gallbladder first, the Poison Resistance will stack, and I need the perfect pairing, or the whole level-up is a waste.

His thoughts drifted to the lake floor.

Rogue had been down there for a while.

If he found anything, it was good. If he drowned... that would be annoying to replace. Finding another Assassin with that specific Agility-to-Ego ratio would take at least a week of recruitment in the starter town.

Liam kicked deeper, his eyes scanning the glowing silt. He also needed to consider the loot from the Serpent’s scales.

He surfaced with a burst of spray, his silver hair slicked back, his expression as unreadable as a stone wall. He wiped the glowing water from his eyes and looked at the two dripping women.

"Rogue hasn’t surfaced yet," Liam rumbled, his voice completely devoid of the tension from moments ago. "If he’s dead, we’re short a scout. If he’s alive, he’s found the hoard. Stop playing with the water and start looking for bubbles."

Elizabeth wiped a strand of wet pink hair from her face, looking like she wanted to drown him herself. "You’re unbelievable. You dive in, splash us like a toddler, and then ask about ’efficiency’ again?"

"The sashimi won’t prep itself," Liam replied, already turning his gaze back toward the dark shoreline. "And neither will the new armour sets I’m planning from that hide now move it."

A sudden burst of bubbles broke the surface ten yards away as Rogue shot upward like a cork. He was gasping for air, his face blue, but he was clutching a massive, heavy object against his chest. 𝐟𝕣𝗲𝕖𝕨𝗲𝐛𝗻𝗼𝐯𝗲𝚕.𝗰𝚘𝐦

"I found it!" Rogue choked out, paddling frantically with one hand. "The hoard... it wasn’t gold. It was this!"

He hoisted the prize into the air. It was an iridescent, silver-scaled egg, roughly the size of a beach ball. In the moonlight, it shimmered with an oily, rainbow sheen, pulsing with a faint, internal heat.

Liam’s eyes widened, and for the first time all night, his stoic mask shattered, replaced by a look of pure, unadulterated gluttony.

"An egg," Liam breathed, his voice dropping into a reverent hum. "The sheer volume of protein... the yolk must be incredibly rich. If I slow-poach this with the serpent’s gallbladder and some wild herbs, the stat boost would be permanent."

"Wait, what?!" Rogue shouted, hugging the egg tighter. "Cook it?! Bro, this is a boss drop! This is probably a Silver Serpent hatchling! We can raise it! We can have a dragon snake mount!"

"Think of the marketing, Liam!" Elizabeth added, her maternal instincts kicking in to drown out her anger. She waded closer, her eyes soft as she looked at the shiny shell. "It’s a baby we can’t just... eat a life."

Liam looked at the egg, then at their hopeful faces. His brain was already calculating the thickness of the shell and whether it would be better scrambled or as a custard.

"Fine," Liam lied, his face returning to its usual expressionless slate. "We’ll raise it. It’ll be our... pet, like you, Elizabeth." He almost smiled, but the tension in his voice lingered, making the joke land somewhere between a tease and a warning.

Internally, however, the Chef was screaming. Raise it? He thought. The amount of mana required to hatch this would be a waste. No, I’ll wait until they’re asleep. I’ll chip open the top, drink the raw, mana-rich yolk while it’s still warm, and then grind the shell into a calcium powder for the broth. The shell looks iridescent, probably tastes like candied minerals. It’s a literal gift from the gods.

Elizabeth sighed, her tension finally bleeding out into the glowing water. She floated on her back, her pink hair swirling around her. Slowly, her hand drifted up to her neck, her fingers gently grazing the spot where Liam’s teeth had just been. Her cat ears lay flat against her head, a soft, involuntary shiver running through her. She let out a long, shaky sigh, staring up at the moon with a look that was half frustrated and half longing.

Mirra noticed the look and gave a low, knowing chuckle. "Careful, sweetie, keep touching that spot, and you’ll never get the ’heat’ out of your system."

"Shut up, Mirra," Elizabeth whispered, but she didn’t move her hand.

Rogue, seeing an opening now that the "danger" was over, swam back toward Mirra. "Hey... so, since we’re a family now with a baby egg... maybe the ’step-mom’ wants to help the ’best friend’ dry off?"

Mirra rolled her eyes and splashed a wave of water directly into his open mouth "In your dreams, little rogue, go put the ’baby’ on the shore before you drop it."

Rogue sputtered, retreating to the bank with his prize, while Mirra followed him with a swaying, predatory stride that left the water hissing in her wake.

Liam stood alone in the centre of the pool for a moment, the silence of the forest settling over them. He glanced at the egg, then at the girls, but then his body went stiff. He felt a prickle on the back of his neck, the cold sensation of being hunted.

He turned his head sharply toward the dense treeline on the far side of the lake. The shadows there were deep, the ancient oaks tangled with thick vines. He narrowed his eyes, his

[Vanguard’s Senses] pulsing, but there was nothing, no red names, no rustling leaves.

[SYSTEM TOOLTIP]:

[Condition Detected]: Aggressive Compartmentalisation. [Status]: You have successfully converted a "steamy encounter" into a "logistics meeting."

[Description]: While the rest of the party is thinking about the "fanservice," you are currently calculating the nutritional value of a sea monster and the replacement cost of a drowned streamer. Your "Stoic" stat is so high it’s bordering on a psychological disorder.

[Party Thoughts]:

Elizabeth: Is he actually a robot? I’m 90% sure he’s a robot.

Mirra: Oh, he’s definitely thinking about the ’sashimi’... and maybe where he’s going to put it.

Rogue: (Muffled gurgling noises from 20 feet below).

[Achievement Unlocked]: "The Ice Cold Chef" Reward: +15% to Butchering Speed, -50 to Empathy.