Honbul: Flame of the Soul

Class 2-3 was buzzing from the moment the morning started. The cause was the sudden return of a classmate who had been absent for a week. Jaegyeom had just walked into the classroom after shaking off Yoon Taehee on the way to school. Jo Youngwoo, who had been quietly doing self-study, threw down his mechanical pencil the instant he saw him and ran over at once, and the other kids in the class started greeting him one after another too.

“Jaegyeom, are you okay?”

Youngwoo grabbed Jaegyeom’s hand and asked after him before anything else. Okay? Okay in what sense...? Just as Jaegyeom stood there looking puzzled, a few kids who had been hovering nearby slipped into the conversation on their own, saying things like, “This happened while you were gone,” and started filling him in on everything that had been going on.

“Kids from the class next door came looking for you every break.”

“Seriously, it was almost a good thing you weren’t here.”

“We told them we didn’t know anything, so don’t worry.”

Jaegyeom still had not said a single word about why he had been absent. But Youngwoo and the others acted as though they already knew without needing to ask. They seemed to have taken it for granted that it was because of his celebrity uncle being caught up in controversy. Since the nephew went to this school, Jeongju’s disappearance had become a pretty big topic on campus too.

“Even homeroom said not to ask you anything once you came back.”

“If anyone asks, just ignore them. They’ll all forget later anyway.”

“Oh. Uh... okay.”

Jaegyeom nodded, still a little dazed.

Without asking him for details, the kids in the class simply tried to comfort him. All kinds of absurd rumor and speculation were going around about why Jeongju had vanished, and some of it was outright malicious. The class had guessed that Jaegyeom, as family, would be hurt by it. From Jaegyeom’s point of view, there was no particular reason to correct their concern. If anything, this was better than being pestered with endless questions.

That morning, when Jeongju saw him off to school, he had told him it would be better not to let anyone know this was his last day. After thinking it over, Jaegyeom had agreed. If he said anything, he would obviously get nothing but bothersome questions, and Jeongju was going to handle the withdrawal process himself anyway, so there was no reason to stir up trouble for nothing.

His school life had always been planned around a one-month limit from the start. It was only ending a little earlier than expected. The fact that he was leaving did not move him much. But now that he was actually in the classroom, surrounded not only by Youngwoo but by all these familiar faces crowding around him and joking with easy warmth, Jaegyeom found himself feeling strangely unsettled.

Like the faint warmth of attachment just beginning to form.

It was an unfamiliar feeling, and yet not unfamiliar at all, and it hovered at one corner of his heart. Without a word, Jaegyeom scratched at his cheek. The attachment had only just begun to stick. If he scratched at it, it would probably come loose just as quickly.

*****

At lunchtime, Jaegyeom and Youngwoo headed to the cafeteria side by side. Just like always, it was loud and chaotic, and just like always, Youngwoo transferred his serving of stir-fried pork over onto Jaegyeom’s tray.

The guys seated around them all kept sneaking glances at Jaegyeom and whispering to one another, but Jaegyeom, who had never cared much about other people to begin with, ignored it all and focused on moving his chopsticks.

“Jaegyeom, is it good?”

Jaegyeom nodded obediently. Watching him eat well as usual, Youngwoo grinned around the spoon in his mouth. The piled-up rice and side dishes steadily disappeared. Then, at some point, Youngwoo remembered something he had forgotten and flapped a hand at Jaegyeom.

“Jaegyeom. Jaegyeom.”

“Yeah. What?”

Jaegyeom nodded without much thought, then—

“I’m leaving early after fifth period today.”

What?

At that, his eyes widened.

“Leaving early? Why? Today?”

“Yeah. It’s my hospital day.”

Hospital? Jaegyeom’s brows twitched.

“...Why are you going to the hospital?”

Youngwoo nodded dutifully and answered.

“I get a regular checkup once every two months, and today’s the day.”

“......”

Dropping his gaze, Jaegyeom murmured almost to himself,

“Then we can’t go together today....”

“Yeah. My mom’s coming to pick me up later.”

Even though Jeongju had stuffed money into his hands and told him to buy him dinner. Unfortunately, today just was not the day for it. For things to miss each other this exactly at the very end—it was absurd how cruel luck and timing could be. The reason he had come to school at all, when he had not needed to, was because of Jo Youngwoo. He almost felt deflated, but decided to accept it and let it go. If he really thought about it, he had only come to see his face one last time anyway.

“Well. Fine.”

Based on everything he had experienced so far, times like this were easiest to handle if he assumed it had simply never been meant to happen. If things were missing each other this blatantly, then even if it had not been today, it would have gone wrong some other way. The plan had existed in Jaegyeom’s mind alone from the start. Since Youngwoo had no way of knowing it had fallen through, he remained as bright and cheerful as ever.

“Hey. This is kind of random, but....”

After being quiet for a while, Jaegyeom opened his mouth hesitantly.

“From now on, when you meet people, watch where you step.”

It really was random, just as he had warned.

But from Jaegyeom’s position, where he could not say a single thing honestly, this was the best he could do. Youngwoo would find out on his own eventually, but he was such a weak and tender-hearted guy that Jaegyeom worried about him, and at least wanted to leave him this much of a warning.

Before long, Jo Youngwoo’s world was going to change, and for a time, he might have to endure something painful. But someday, without question, there would come a moment when he accepted himself—and the change that had happened to him—for exactly what it was.

“Huh? Watch where I step? Why all of a sudden?”

Youngwoo, who had no idea Jaegyeom was trying his best to say goodbye, only looked confused by the completely contextless remark.

“Uh, well. I mean....” 𝗳𝗿𝐞𝕖𝘄𝗲𝕓𝗻𝚘𝚟𝕖𝐥.𝚌𝕠𝕞

Having said it, Jaegyeom rolled his eyes, suddenly embarrassed.

“If you’re lucky, you might pick up money somebody dropped.”

After squeezing his brain for an excuse, that ridiculous line was all that came out. Youngwoo burst out laughing.

“...What are you laughing at, idiot.”

Well, if he really did pick up money that way, then that would be a windfall in its own right....

Feeling faintly awkward, Jaegyeom mumbled and turned his eyes away. Just then, he noticed several teachers walking toward them from the front, talking among themselves. It looked like they had finished eating early and were coming back from the staff cafeteria. Jaegyeom frowned without meaning to. There was one face among them that he was never happy to see.

“Jaegyeom, what’s wrong? Did you bite into a rock?”

“Huh? No. It’s nothing.”

He tried to brush it off and turn away as though he had not noticed, but at that exact moment, their eyes met. Right on schedule, the corners of the other man’s eyes curved.

“Excuse me a moment.”

After asking the other teachers for their leave, the man walked over to Jaegyeom’s table.

Jaegyeom ostentatiously fixed his gaze on his tray and shoveled food into his mouth with all his might as though he had noticed nothing. Then the other man tapped the table lightly with neat fingers, as if knocking.

Youngwoo, who had just lifted a spoonful of soup, widened his eyes.

Huh? Why’s the librarian here? Were they close...?

“Jaegyeom....”

Ah.

Yoon Taehee trailed off just as he was about to say the name. Eyes lowered, he paused in thought for a moment, then quietly revised the form of address.

“Lordie.”

Pfft—kgh, cough, cough, cough!

Jaegyeom choked violently before he could swallow.

Youngwoo doubted his own ears. Startled, he looked up at the librarian. To a bunch of clueless all-boys-high-school idiots, it sounded so sweet it was enough to give them goosebumps. The other kids sitting nearby reacted much the same way. The chatter that had been roaring across the tables in front, behind, and to either side suddenly died down and turned into a strange buzz.

“Come see me after class for a minute.”

What was that? Did you hear that?

—Isn’t that Kim Jaegyeom?

—No way—

“Since my lord says he doesn’t want to have dinner with me, then maybe the library instead....”

As Taehee went on unbothered, laughter broke out here and there.

At that, Taehee raised one brow and looked around in faint puzzlement. Right then, a couple of boys seated behind them laughed and shouted,

“Sir! Why are you calling Kim Jaegyeom that?”

Taehee glanced at Kim Jaegyeom—no, Lordie—then replied coolly,

“It’s just a nickname I use for him. Why?”

“It sounds like some girl’s name!”

“Oh, that?”

Taehee let out a short laugh and muttered,

“What era do you think this is? Close your mouths and eat.”

Cleanly cutting the conversation off, Taehee lowered his gaze and looked at Jaegyeom.

Youngwoo, who had been frozen in place, finally snapped back to himself, lurched to his feet, and stammered, “J-Jaegyeom, I’ll get tissues—and water, water!” before dashing off to the water station.

The moment he was gone, Taehee claimed Youngwoo’s seat without permission.

Jaegyeom, who had suddenly choked badly enough to make a scene, was still coughing under his breath. His face was hidden because his head was lowered, but both ears were bright red.

“You’ll come, won’t you? To the library.”

I was going to say it this morning, but you left first.

Covering his mouth, Taehee whispered the last part. At that, Jaegyeom lifted his head slightly and flicked a glance to either side. After checking whether anyone was watching, he answered in a tiny voice barely above a whisper.

“Hey. Are you fucking with me right now?”

The look in his eyes as he glared at the librarian was vicious.

“Of course not. I’m not that much of an ill-mannered bastard.”

Leaning in, Taehee whispered with a grave face.

“You told me not to use your name without permission. And if I call you friend like before, you’ll get angry again. But I couldn’t very well call you my lord in front of the other kids. So I tried making it sound natural, like I was just saying your name. You don’t like it? Ah, is it because the kids were teasing you?”

Then, in a courteous voice edged with amusement, Taehee added,

“They’re just idiots. Nothing in their heads. Be understanding.”

“......”

Jaegyeom clenched his teeth.

He had assumed Taehee was doing it on purpose just to get under his skin, but the more he listened, the more annoyingly reasonable it sounded. Which only made him feel worse.

“Or is there some other form of address you’d prefer?”

Taehee tipped his head to one side in that irritating way of his. It was nothing more than an ordinary gesture, asking for his opinion, but to Jaegyeom it looked insufferably smug.

That night, Jaegyeom had seen Yoon Taehee writhing in pain for violating the taboo. It had not been pity. It had not been sympathy. But he had understood it. Pain like death. He knew better than anyone what that kind of pain felt like.

Because he had gone through it himself more than once.

That was why he had sent the arrow wide.

Even if it really had been nothing more than some underhanded little trick to win favor, he had thought that level of effort at least deserved a little acknowledgment. Of course, that was only possible because Mesan had come through it safely. But there had been no meaning beyond that.

And at this exact moment, Jaegyeom was regretting that decision from the bottom of his soul.

Should I kill him or let him live...?

Just as Jaegyeom gripped his spoon and glared at Taehee, he caught sight of Youngwoo hurrying back from the water station with a cup in his hand.

“Talk later. Get lost.”

Jaegyeom shot the words out in a rush.

Taehee stood up without resisting.

“Then you’ll come to the library, right?”

But Jaegyeom ignored him and kept eating. Seeing him refuse to answer so stubbornly, a playful glint rose in Taehee’s expression.

“......”

He cleared his throat, then cupped both hands around ~Nоvеl𝕚ght~ his mouth like a megaphone.

“Lordie! I’ll be waiting in the libr—”

“Ah! Fine!! I will!”

In the end, Jaegyeom snapped and slammed his spoon down with a clatter.