Honbul: Flame of the Soul

Come to think of it, every part of this had been strange from the very beginning.

All the moments he had ignored while pretending not to notice the unease replayed before his eyes like scenes from a revolving lantern.

Yoon Taehee had never once explained what would happen after the wooden tag was stolen. He knew intelligent ghosts. He had been unnaturally unconcerned about Byeoksadan openly declaring war on the Office of Narye.

Now Jaegyeom finally understood.

From the posters to the attack on the Gongju branch, every single thing had been orchestrated by Yoon Taehee himself.

The realization that he had been deceived cut deep.

“You can’t go anywhere. Ever.”

But in his anger over Yoon Taehee’s deception, there was one thing Jaegyeom had failed to realize until now.

He could no longer take Suhyang’s hand.

Now that he had acknowledged his feelings, he could no longer ask Yoon Taehee to kill him either.

That left only Byeoksadan.

But if Yoon Taehee himself was the master of Byeoksadan, then there was no one left who could grant him death.

There was no longer any escape from this life.

“......”

It was only after finally reaching that realization that Jaegyeom could do nothing except part his lips soundlessly.

“Jaegyeom.”

Yoon Taehee lowered his eyes slightly and smirked.

“You can’t die.”

He caught Jaegyeom by the cheek and forced him to meet his gaze.

“Do you understand now? Honestly, I never intended to keep that promise from the very beginning.”

Holding both of Jaegyeom’s cheeks in his hands, Yoon Taehee smiled softly.

“Neither Byeoksadan nor I can give you what you want.”

The gentleness in his voice felt eerily cold.

All the strength drained from Jaegyeom’s body.

“......”

And at last, everything made sense.

Just as Yoon Taehee was trying to destroy the Office of Narye, Byeoksadan had conveniently appeared. Byeoksadan openly sought war against the Office, and every time the topic came up, Yoon Taehee had acted strangely unconcerned. More than that, he had always disliked Jaegyeom taking an interest in Byeoksadan.

Now Jaegyeom understood why.

Yoon Taehee had never trusted him.

And at the same time, he had never intended to let him go.

“So, Jaegyeom.”

The smile gradually vanished from Yoon Taehee’s face.

“Stay miserable beside me forever.”

I don’t care if you hate me. Despise me. Now that everything’s been exposed, I have no intention of asking forgiveness or apologizing. If I’d intended to do that, I shouldn’t have done any of this to begin with.

Yoon Taehee genuinely believed that.

If Jaegyeom eventually ran away because he grew sick of this version of Yoon Taehee, then he would simply track him down again. Jaegyeom could spit on him, curse him, struggle all he wanted—

—but until the day he died, he had to remain unhappy beside him.

“......”

Jaegyeom, silent until now, slowly twisted his face into a scowl.

His brows furrowed sharply as he forcibly suppressed the rage surging inside him. His throat bobbed hard as he swallowed back the emotion threatening to spill out.

“Yoon Taehee.”

Their eyes met.

Jaegyeom lifted one corner of his mouth in contempt.

“You’re exactly like Myojeong. You know that?”

His voice trembled faintly.

“What makes you any different from him?”

The words struck like a blade.

For a brief moment, the muscles around Yoon Taehee’s eye twitched.

“......”

After a short silence, he exhaled slowly and stared off somewhere distant.

“Is that so?”

He nodded a couple of times without resistance, then looked back at Jaegyeom with calm, empty eyes.

“You’re right.”

Yoon Taehee had no intention of excusing himself.

“So? Are you disappointed?”

A broad smile spread across his face again.

“But what can I do? This is simply the way I was born.”

The instant he heard that, rage exploded through Jaegyeom’s head.

His hand flew up instinctively—

—but stopped midair.

His clenched fist trembled before slowly lowering again.

In the past, he would have at least slapped him to vent his anger. But now, for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“Why? Go ahead and hit me.”

It was absurd.

He couldn’t even hit him anymore. There was nothing he could do freely where Yoon Taehee was concerned.

Maybe that was why the emotions swelling inside him threatened to spill over into tears.

It was ridiculous.

After living so many years, he had thought his emotions had long since worn away. But now it felt as though floodgates had burst open, everything inside him running wild and out of control.

Heat gathered around his eyes.

Jaegyeom fiercely pinched the corners of them, stubbornly holding back tears like a child refusing to cry out of wounded pride.

But no matter how hard he resisted, the tears came anyway.

In the end, a tear escaped.

At the sight of it, Yoon Taehee slowly lost his smile.

Seeing Jaegyeom cry because he had learned he could no longer die—

—it looked so pitiful that Yoon Taehee wanted to strangle him.

“Jaegyeom. Don’t cry.”

Expressionless, Yoon Taehee gently touched his cheek.

“Do you want to die that badly?”

Watching Jaegyeom cry filled him with an emotion too twisted to describe.

If you want death badly enough to cry like this.

If the thought of living even one more day hurts you that much.

Even after saying you love me. 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝒆𝒘𝙚𝓫𝙣𝙤𝒗𝙚𝓵.𝙘𝙤𝙢

“Fine. I understand. Then we’ll die together.”

Yoon Taehee stroked the tear-streaked cheek almost tenderly.

“You die first. I’ll die right after you.”

Jaegyeom, silently trembling with anger as he wiped away tears, slapped his hand aside.

No matter how he looked at it, Yoon Taehee was no longer thinking rationally.

For a while now, it had felt as though he were possessed by something impossible to reason with.

“You don’t understand anything.”

Suddenly, Jaegyeom remembered words Yoon Taehee had once said to him.

I don’t think it’s such a bad thing for there to be at least one person in this world who knows the real you. I know you. Other people might not, but I do. And you know me too.

What a joke.

Yoon Taehee didn’t understand him at all.

But when had it started?

In the past, Jaegyeom had desperately wished Yoon Taehee would never learn anything about him.

Yet at some point, he had begun wishing that Yoon Taehee alone would understand him.

“Do you even know why I came here?”

Jaegyeom barely forced the words out through the tears he swallowed back.

“I didn’t come here to die.”

“...What?”

“I came here to live.”

Yoon Taehee froze.

“To live with you. That’s why I came.”

Jaegyeom had never wanted Yoon Taehee to suffer.

Whatever pain or despair Yoon Taehee still had waiting for him in the future, Jaegyeom had wanted to bear part of it in his place. Even if it meant enduring more pain himself, even if it meant greater suffering, he had decided he would not leave Yoon Taehee behind.

“Yes. If I followed my real feelings, then of course I’d rather die right now.”

Honestly, Jaegyeom still did not want to live.

If someone asked him whether he wanted to keep living, the truthful answer would still be no.

He had asked himself countless times why he had to go on living. He had spent endless years searching for a reason.

But in the end, he had never found one.

Still—

“But I decided not to die. I decided to keep living.”

He still couldn’t find a reason to live.

He still had no desire for life.

And yet, despite all that, Jaegyeom had chosen to continue living anyway.

For the sake of the person who would be left behind.

“Because I like you.”

A bitter laugh escaped him through reddened eyes.

“And because I know what it’s like to be left alone.”

Yoon Taehee’s eyes widened slowly.

There’s /N_o_v_e_l_i_g_h_t/ no reason to keep living day after day. You just go on without even knowing why. I’m always here, but whenever I finally come to my senses and look around, there’s nobody left beside me. Do you know what that feels like?

The conversation they once shared had remained lodged deep in Jaegyeom’s chest ever since.

After sending Myojeong away, Jaegyeom had lived buried beneath pain and grief.

It was a bruise that could never disappear.

That was what it meant to be left behind.

It meant living trapped in the past, tormented by longing and hatred for the rest of your life.

Jaegyeom knew better than anyone what happened after someone who had carved themselves deeply into your life disappeared forever.

And because he knew that—

—he didn’t want to leave Yoon Taehee behind alone.

So he decided not to die today.

Just as Yoon Taehee had once said, everyone dies eventually. Jaegyeom had simply decided to postpone it until later.

“I know all of that. And even knowing it, I still came here because I wanted to live with you.”

Emotion clogged his throat.

“I don’t die. But you do. You never know when a person might suddenly disappear.”

His voice shook harder as he continued.

“So I came here to ask you something.”

If Yoon Taehee disappeared first—

—then when that happened, Jaegyeom wanted permission to stop living too.

Jaegyeom had always been the one left behind.

And if he lost Yoon Taehee as well, if he had to remain alone in this world after sending him away—

—he truly didn’t think he could survive it this time.

After Myojeong disappeared, he had still had Mesan and Jeongju beside him.

But he knew that if it happened again, he would never recover.

Knowing the pain and loss suffered by the one left behind, Jaegyeom was still terrified, like a child.

That was why he needed a final guarantee.

He had come here clinging to it like a last lifeline.

After Yoon Taehee died someday in the distant future, Jaegyeom had intended to ask to be sealed away as well and finally end his own life then.

Yoon Taehee sat perfectly still, listening silently to every word.

“I don’t care if you look down on me.”

I decided to endure this life for your sake.

I decided to keep living a little longer in a tomorrow where you still exist.

“You looked down on how I felt about you.”

But Yoon Taehee had shattered every resolution Jaegyeom had made.

Tears kept falling every time he blinked.

Sniffling, Jaegyeom rubbed furiously at his eyes with his sleeve.

Had he always cried this easily?

Still roughly wiping at his face, he pushed himself upright.

He turned toward the door to leave—

—but Yoon Taehee reached out and grabbed him.

Jaegyeom violently shook off the hand clutching his wrist and spun back around.

THWACK—

He seized Yoon Taehee by the collar and punched him across the face.

“You fucking bastard.”

The inside of Yoon Taehee’s mouth split open from the force.

Just as Yoon Taehee staggered with a low groan, Jaegyeom slammed him back against the wall and kissed him.

He sucked the blood from the cut inside Yoon Taehee’s mouth, then spat it out with a sharp ptui before turning away.

And left the room.

“......”

Yoon Taehee, left leaning blankly against the wall, slowly slid down to the floor.