Honbul: Flame of the Soul

“I’m going to wash up.”

The very first thing Jaegyeom did after opening his eyes for the first time in five days was take a shower.

After being tormented by nightmares for days on end, he wanted to wash everything off and feel clean again. Shooing Mesan away when he came trotting after him, Jaegyeom headed for the bathroom.

In the meantime, Jeongju focused on cooking while pretending as hard as he could to stay calm.

Even after everything that had happened, Jaegyeom seemed no different than usual. He did not say a single word about that night.

It almost felt as though they had gone back to the time before anything had happened at all.

Was he truly fine? Or was he just trying to bury it and leave it there?

There was so much Jeongju ⊛ Nоvеlιght ⊛ (Read the full story) wanted to say to him, and so much he wanted to hear from him, but he could not bring himself to speak first. He was afraid that the moment Jaegyeom came fully to himself, he might say he was leaving right that instant.

“Oh. Right. Eggs.”

Jeongju, rummaging through the refrigerator for ingredients, suddenly froze. He had forgotten to buy eggs.

He had just pulled on a hat and his outerwear when Jaegyeom came out of the bathroom, freshly showered.

“Where are you going?”

Jaegyeom asked.

“Ah, just to the store up ahead. I forgot to buy eggs.”

Jaegyeom stared at Jeongju.

Jeongju turned his head away without meaning to. He was afraid to meet his eyes.

“Stay here. I’ll go.”

Jeongju jerked his head up at the unexpected words.

“What?”

“I said I’ll go buy the eggs.”

“......”

Jeongju stared at Jaegyeom in a daze.

Jaegyeom shook out his wet hair, went into the room, and came back with his wallet.

“Do I just need eggs? Anything else?”

“Ah... uh, yeah. Just eggs... is enough.”

“Got it. I’ll be back.”

Jaegyeom headed straight for the front door, then suddenly stopped.

“Mesan.”

Mesan, who had been peeking out from behind Jeongju, jumped and answered, “Y-yes?!”

That made Jaegyeom laugh under his breath.

Jeongju and Mesan both were acting like guilty criminals, and he had no idea why.

“Want to come with me?”

“Huh?”

“I’m asking if you want to come to the store with me.”

Blinking, Mesan looked up at Jeongju.

Jeongju, who had been standing there dumbly, hurriedly signaled with his eyes.

Mesan’s face lit up like the full moon.

He hurried after Jaegyeom and quickly pulled on his shoes.

“Yes!”

Jaegyeom and Mesan went out the gate side by side.

Neither of them spoke as they walked. The sound of insects in the grass was lonely and peaceful. Once they passed the rough mountain path, they came out onto the paved road.

This was only the second time Mesan had gone with his lord to the little store in front of the house.

When the shop came into view in the distance, Mesan lifted his hand, intending as usual to take Jaegyeom’s hand—then hesitated and let it fall again.

His lord seemed exactly the same as always.

But for some reason, he felt difficult to approach.

For some reason, holding his hand today seemed to require courage.

After wavering a moment, Mesan grabbed the hem of Jaegyeom’s shirt instead of his hand.

Jaegyeom, expressionless, flicked a glance sideways at the small hand clutching his clothes.

When they reached the store, there were once again two or three old men on the platform out front, slapping down hwatu cards just like last time. The shopkeeper, sitting nearby, spotted Jaegyeom and Mesan and pushed his magnifying glasses up his nose.

“You’re here?”

This was only the second time they had met, but just as before, the shopkeeper greeted them like they were old acquaintances. He smiled with the same kindly warmth in his deeply wrinkled face.

Jaegyeom gave a brief nod, left it at that, and opened the sliding door to go fetch the eggs.

While he did, Mesan stood on tiptoe and peered into the freezer.

Jaegyeom came back holding the carton of eggs and asked,

“What. Want one?”

Mesan nodded.

Jaegyeom opened the freezer.

This time there were no Merunas, only tube pops.

Ppungtta and Ppappico.

The same tube pops he had shared with Jo Youngwoo before.

I wonder if he’s doing okay.

Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I went to school...

Letting the thought drift away as suddenly as it had come, Jaegyeom picked out three tube pops—one for Jeongju too—paid for them, and handed the Ppungtta to Mesan.

Mesan had already tried Ppungtta last time, so Jaegyeom had decided to try the Ppappico himself this time.

“M-my lord. What is this?”

Mesan tilted his head at the unfamiliar shape, different from last time.

“You’ve got Ppungtta. I’ve got Ppappico.”

Watch.

Just as Jo Youngwoo had taught him, Jaegyeom smacked the tube pop against his thigh.

Thwack.

The top of the wrapper split open and the nub popped out.

Mesan’s eyes went round.

“Wow,” he breathed in admiration.

“See?”

Jaegyeom tipped his chin at him with a playful look, as if saying, You try it too.

Mesan clamped his mouth shut and copied exactly what his lord had shown him.

Thwack!

But maybe because he was too weak, all that happened was that his thigh stung and the nub did not budge at all.

Mesan made a pitiful face and rubbed his thigh, and Jaegyeom burst out laughing.

“Give it here. I’ll do it.”

In the end, with Jaegyeom’s help, he managed to tear open the Ppappico wrapper.

Just as expected.

His lord was good at everything.

Jaegyeom was the one who had opened it, but Mesan was the one who looked proud.

Like the experienced tube-pop eater he was, Jaegyeom did not forget to swap the top bits, either.

The two of them amicably traded and tasted each other’s popped-off tops.

After trying it, Mesan looked deeply moved.

Jaegyeom snorted and asked,

“Good?”

Mesan was nodding frantically when, at some point, the shopkeeper—who until then had been wholly absorbed in his card game on the platform—craned his neck and looked over at them.

Then he suddenly asked,

“Your little brother?”

It was the exact same question as last time.

That settled it.

The shopkeeper really did not remember Jaegyeom.

Mesan startled and darted behind Jaegyeom the moment their eyes met.

Jaegyeom turned his head, looked at the shopkeeper for a moment, then slowly shook it.

“No. He’s not my little brother.”

“Not brothers? Then who is he?”

The exchange was word-for-word the same as before.

“Just a kid I know.”

Jaegyeom answered shortly.

“I see.”

The shopkeeper did not ask anything more and turned his attention back to the cards.

Jaegyeom toyed with the Ppappico in his hand.

Crinkle, crinkle.

It was an unpleasant sound.

“......”

The cold seeping through it made his palm ache.

Mesan kept eating his tube pop diligently, sneaking glances now and then at the old men sitting on the platform.

“Aren’t your hands cold?”

Jaegyeom spoke suddenly.

“I’m fine. My lord, are your hands cold?”

At Mesan’s question, Jaegyeom lowered his head.

“Yeah. My hands are cold.”

The tube pop in Jaegyeom’s hand slipped from his fingers and dropped to the ground.

Mesan’s eyes widened as he stared at it.

The old men on the platform did the same.

They stopped playing cards and looked straight at Jaegyeom.

Mesan looked up at him, puzzled.

“W-what’s wrong?”

Jaegyeom covered his eyes with his cold palm.

“My hands are too cold.”

He muttered it softly, standing there with his palm pressed over his eyes.

Then, all at once, he started walking toward the platform.

The shopkeeper blinked at him in confusion.

Jaegyeom lowered his arm and lifted his head.

“That’s right.”

“Hm?”

The shopkeeper adjusted his magnifying glasses at the sudden remark.

“He’s my little brother.”

Jaegyeom murmured,

“I lied earlier. He’s not just some kid I know...”

His voice began to shake more and more.

“So... he’s not just some kid I know. He’s my little brother...”

Tears began dropping from his lowered face.

His chin trembled violently, and in an instant the boy’s face crumpled.

Mesan stared at his lord with round, disbelieving rabbit eyes.

“My little brother... he’s my little brother...”

The old men sitting on the platform watched the crying boy in silence.

Repeating over and over, He’s my little brother, the boy wept in raw misery.

The tears he had been holding back burst loose like a broken dam and poured down without pause.

They dripped onto the paved road at his feet, round spots of wetness blooming there one after another.

The boy pressed his face into his sleeve and sobbed.

“I see.”

The shopkeeper answered quietly.

It felt as though time had stopped.

Only much later did Mesan, who had been standing a little apart, inch hesitantly toward Jaegyeom.

When Mesan tugged at his clothes, Jaegyeom hurriedly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand like a child.

Swallowing down the sob caught in his throat with difficulty, he let out a trembling breath.

“Let’s go home.”

Grabbing Mesan’s hand tight, Jaegyeom turned and began walking slowly back the way they had come, as though nothing had happened.

He clenched his teeth.

It looked as though he was trying desperately to calm himself, because he wanted to calm down.

Without a word, Mesan squeezed Jaegyeom’s hand back just as hard.

The Ppungtta in his other hand had already half melted.

“Next time,”

Jaegyeom said, sniffling,

“if you want another one, tell me. I’ll buy you one again.”

“Yes.”

Mesan answered with a sniffle of his own.

The two of them did not say anything else.

They did not need to.

Whatever it was, they already knew.

Hand in hand, Jaegyeom and Mesan climbed back up the mountain path.

The sound of the insects in the grass was still lonely and peaceful.

It was a gentle evening.