Honbul: Flame of the Soul

About thirty minutes after the ferry set sail, Yoon Taehee noticeably quieted down.

“Hey. You okay?” Jaegyeom asked after noticing how pale he looked.

“I think he’s seasick,” Shin Jihye said.

Yoon Taehee gave a small nod. He could handle long car rides just fine, but less than half an hour after boarding the ship, he was already getting seasick. Jaegyeom watched him with secret concern. How could someone so delicate, picky, and weak survive in a world this harsh?

Yoon Taehee said he was going to rest in the cabin for a while. Jaegyeom naturally followed after him. Just like he had at the rest stop, Taehee lightly scratched his palm and murmured softly,

“I’m fine. Go enjoy the ocean view. I’ll just sleep for a bit.”

Despite the considerate words, Jaegyeom still followed him into the cabin.

Yoon Taehee sat down in an empty seat, folded his hands neatly over his stomach, and closed his eyes. Jaegyeom sat beside him and stared quietly at his face. After studying his composed features for a while, he grabbed a blanket nearby and carefully draped it over him.

At the touch, Yoon Taehee tilted his head back slightly and slowly opened his eyes.

Their gazes met directly. 𝘧𝓇ℯℯ𝑤ℯ𝘣𝓃ℴ𝓋𝑒𝑙.𝑐𝘰𝑚

For some reason, Jaegyeom suddenly felt a tingling sensation in his palms. Awkwardly, he rose to his feet.

“If you feel like throwing up, call me. I’ll pat your back.”

Since he couldn’t leave Shin Jihye alone outside, Jaegyeom left the cabin again.

***

Back on deck, Shin Jihye was sitting in her wheelchair, staring out at the distant sea. Seagulls circled overhead, crying noisily. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

“My heart’s racing. I want to jump into the water.”

Unsure how to respond, Jaegyeom fidgeted with his fingers before abruptly changing the subject.

“Uh... can you eat gallbladders?”

Shin Jihye looked at him like he’d lost his mind.

“Are you insane? They’re unbelievably bitter.”

Jaegyeom awkwardly scratched his forehead.

“Everything was hard. Finding gallbladders, forcing myself to eat those disgusting things, constantly hiding my legs... all of it. At one point, I even thought about just living as a mermaid.”

Even though she’d once been chased out of her hometown, there was still a chance they might accept her someday if she kept trying. The other merfolk treated her like an ugly duckling and ostracized her, but as long as her mermaid mother was still there, the possibility remained.

“But I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

After a brief silence, Shin Jihye answered with a faintly lonely expression.

“Because there’s someone I love.”

What?

Jaegyeom’s eyes widened.

Shin Jihye had said herself that she hated human men and had never fallen in love before.

Could it possibly be...

“Is it... Yoon Taehee?”

The moment Jaegyeom cautiously asked, Shin Jihye immediately cut him off with a serious face.

“What are you talking about? I’m not interested in him.”

“Then why do you keep calling Yoon Taehee ‘sweetheart’?”

“I call everybody sweetheart. If I’m only hanging around them for a week before disappearing anyway, remembering names is too much trouble.”

“...”

“Anyway, don’t worry. I’m not interested. I already know you two have something going on.”

“W-what do you mean, something going on?”

With a bored look, Shin Jihye raised two fingers and crossed them together.

“You two are into each other.”

The unexpected answer caught Jaegyeom completely off guard. Heat instantly rushed to his ears.

It was true that Yoon Taehee liked him, but he still needed to correct this misunderstanding.

“No. That’s just him.”

He denied it desperately, visibly uncomfortable.

“I’m... I’m not a sodomite like him...”

Shin Jihye snorted at the excuse.

After spending several days around them, she had already noticed the strange tension between the two.

It was like sparks jumping through the air. Not the kind of atmosphere you got from one-sided feelings. At the very least, Jaegyeom was clearly conscious of Yoon Taehee too.

Over the past few days, Taehee had been affectionate with her as well, but it was completely different from the way he acted around the boy standing in front of her. Around Jaegyeom, he was desperate, impatient, and strangely vulnerable.

Stretching lazily, Shin Jihye drawled,

“Sure. Whatever you say.”

“...”

Jaegyeom scratched the back of his head awkwardly before stammering as he changed the subject again.

“S-so... the person you like doesn’t know you’re a mermaid?”

“Of course not. How could I possibly tell her?”

Shin Jihye shrugged casually.

“It’s unrequited love anyway. I’m secretly in love with her all by myself. This kind of love could never work out. Right now, I’m satisfied just staying by her side.”

“Why couldn’t it work out?”

“Because we’re both women.”

What?

Jaegyeom stared at her blankly.

“You saw her the other day. Eunkyung.”

“Eunkyung...?”

“The girl with the bob haircut.”

“Ah...”

It was the woman who had immediately given up her seat when Jaegyeom rudely inserted himself into their drinking party.

“I first met Eunkyung in seventh grade. She’s been my closest friend ever since. We’ve gone through so much together over the years. I can’t even imagine my life without her anymore.”

As she spoke, Shin Jihye gazed quietly at the distant ocean.

“I’m going to stay beside Eunkyung until she meets a good man and gets married.”

Jaegyeom listened silently.

“I never once thought about trying to date her. That would just be selfish. But I can’t live without her either. That’s why I keep eating human gallbladders.”

By now, her voice trembled faintly, and her eyes had turned red.

“Because I’m Eunkyung’s best friend. So when she finally meets a good man and gets married someday, I want to stand there on two legs and catch her bouquet...”

At last, Shin Jihye lowered her head and wiped at her eyes.

Jaegyeom panicked when she suddenly started crying. Completely unsure what to do, he froze awkwardly in place.

Then Shin Jihye sniffled and muttered,

“As expected, lowly human men don’t even know enough to offer someone a tissue when they’re crying right in front of them. This is why I hate human men.”

“...”

Snapping out of it, Jaegyeom hurriedly searched through all his pockets for something to wipe her tears with.

He had nothing.

His mind had gone completely blank, and he hadn’t even thought about going into the cabin to get tissues.

At a total loss, he suddenly pulled off the shirt he was wearing.

“Here. Use this.”

Now left in only a white T-shirt, Jaegyeom held out the crumpled shirt toward her.

Shin Jihye stared at it in surprise before bursting into laughter.

“Pfft. What the hell is this? What if I blow my nose on it?”

Still laughing, she took the shirt anyway and wiped beneath her nose with the back of her hand. Her tears had already vanished.

After watching her quietly for a moment, Jaegyeom cautiously asked,

“So... you’ve really never told her you like her?”

“Of course not. More like, I can’t. How could I ever say something like that?”

“Why not?”

“It’s only natural for someone to feel uncomfortable if a person of the same sex confesses to them.”

That much was true.

Even Jaegyeom himself had been shocked and uncomfortable when he first learned about Yoon Taehee’s feelings.

To him, Shin Jihye seemed very mature for thinking about the other person’s feelings first.

Compared to her, Yoon Taehee was the complete opposite.

While she carefully considered how the other person might feel, Taehee was shameless. He confessed whenever he wanted and constantly shoved people into uncomfortable situations.

Still...

Couldn’t this Eunkyung person possibly feel the same way about Shin Jihye?

After all, people of the same sex could fall in love too.

Without realizing it, Jaegyeom’s thinking had gradually begun to change.

“Besides, love isn’t eternal. Even if I confessed and Eunkyung liked me back and we started dating, that wouldn’t magically solve everything. Relationships end. We could break up at any time. I don’t want to lose Eunkyung. That’s why I’ll never confess.”

“But what if she likes you too? If she accepts your feelings and gives you her gallbladder, then you could live like a normal person from now on. And even if she doesn’t love you that way, since you’ve been close for so long, she still might give it to you.”

Then why not at least try saying something?

That was what Jaegyeom carefully meant.

Shin Jihye sniffled and laughed quietly.

“You’re funny.”

“W-what’s funny...”

He was encouraging somebody else’s love life while being miserly about his own feelings.

“Anyway, it’s fine. I wasn’t really asking for advice, but thanks. But you can only say things that easily because it’s not your situation. If you think about it [N O V E L I G H T] the other way around, aren’t you exactly the same?”

At those words, Jaegyeom hesitated.

“You’re right. If Eunkyung accepted my feelings, liked me back, and gave me her gallbladder, then everything would be solved. But isn’t it the same for you and swee— I mean, Taehee?”

She had already heard the rough story from Yoon Taehee. When she asked whether there were other ways to end immortality without breaking the curse, Taehee had said there were ways for Jaegyeom to die even without removing it. But he wanted to break the curse so the boy could live a normal life first.

“I heard about it. You already found a way to die whether the curse gets broken or not, right? Then you don’t necessarily have to break it. You could just accept Taehee’s feelings, live together for a while, and die later.”

“...”

For a moment, Jaegyeom couldn’t answer.

Putting himself in the other person’s position was surprisingly powerful.

“See? It’s not as simple as you make it sound.”

If Eunkyung accepted Shin Jihye’s feelings, everything would be solved.

But the same logic applied to Jaegyeom and Yoon Taehee.

Like Shin Jihye said, if Jaegyeom accepted Taehee’s feelings, if they became lovers and decided to spend their future together, if he chose not to die—

then everything would be solved.

“B-but... your situation and mine are different.”

“Of course they are. But the important part is the same. Both Taehee and I want the person we love to choose us. You and Taehee are exactly like me and Eunkyung. In the end, the only thing that matters is whether the person you love feels the same way.”

Shin Jihye crossed her arms and looked up at him.

“Try putting yourself in Taehee’s shoes. You keep saying everything would be solved if Eunkyung accepted my feelings, but at the same time, you refuse to accept Taehee’s even though you already know how he feels. Don’t you think that’s contradictory?”

“...”

“What I’m afraid of is this: if I tell Eunkyung how I feel, things between us might never go back to normal. And on top of that, if I revealed I was a mermaid... maybe she’d give me her gallbladder like you said. But that’s an enormous gamble.”

“...”

“She’d either give me her gallbladder... or she’d leave me.”

Shin Jihye lowered her gaze slightly.

“And I’m terrified of Eunkyung leaving me forever. Taehee’s the same. He’s scared you’ll leave him. It’s natural to want to stay with the person you love for as long as possible.”

“But I still don’t really know what Yoon Taehee actually wants from me. At first, he said he didn’t want anything. Then suddenly he started saying I should break the curse and die later instead. But after that... he still never said what he wants after that.”

Yoon Taehee truly was impossible to predict.

Sometimes he said he wanted nothing except to eat meals together and drink tea together.

Other times he said Jaegyeom shouldn’t die in two months, but live normally first and die later.

Jaegyeom couldn’t keep up with his feelings.

“What does it matter what Taehee wants from you?”

Shin Jihye shook her head.

“What matters is how you feel.”

Her eyes were startlingly clear as she looked up at him.

“Instead of worrying about everybody else’s feelings, think about your own. What do you want from that person? What kind of future do you want with them? What do they mean to you?”

Then she asked quietly,

“So what is Taehee to you?”

Jaegyeom froze at the blunt question.

“Do you like Taehee?” she asked again, this time more firmly.

“I-I don’t dislike him. But I...”

“What kind of answer is that?”

Shin Jihye frowned.

“There’s no need for extra explanations. Just decide whether you like him or not. That’s all.”

Faced with such a strict either-or choice, Jaegyeom fell speechless.

“...”

After hesitating for a long moment, he quietly moved his lips.

“How am I supposed to know whether I like him or not?”

“How? You just know.”

“Honestly... I don’t even really know what it means to like somebody.”

Jaegyeom muttered softly before lowering his gaze.

“I’ve never liked anyone before. Or loved anyone.”

Shin Jihye silently watched the boy’s short hair fluttering in the sea breeze.

“You’ve lived way longer than me, but underneath it all, you’re still the same.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you’re still young.”

Smiling faintly as she looked toward the horizon, she spoke quietly.

“It’s okay to be confused right now. It’s okay not to know yet.”

Then she lifted her unwavering gaze toward him.

“But be ready.”

Her clear eyes did not waver.

“Because someday, there’ll definitely come a moment when you stop being confused.”