Honbul: Flame of the Soul

When the boy opened his eyes, he was submerged in dark water.

Though it felt as if he had spent several days inside memories of the past, in reality only a brief instant had passed. The moment his eyes opened, ice-cold water flooded his senses, rushing into his eyes, his nose, his mouth. His ear throbbed fiercely. The turtle had bitten hard into his earlobe to wake him.

The time Jaegyeom had returned to was before Myojeong betrayed him. In those memories, Jaegyeom had not yet realized that Myojeong was his enemy. But the turtle’s bite had cracked the consciousness sunk deep in the past.

Mesan had slipped through that small crack.

The moment Mesan from reality appeared before him, unease stirred, warning him that something was wrong. The realization that this was not real opened the floodgates, and his memories came rushing back like a wave.

That was how Jaegyeom returned to reality.

“My lord! Are you conscious now?”

Yoo Namsaeng, still hanging from Jaegyeom’s ear, asked urgently.

Jaegyeom weakly covered his own face.

Even underwater, he could tell he was crying.

In that moment, he was crushed by the realization that returning to reality was not entirely joyful.

The turtle had said it before. No one would want to leave happy memories behind.

And it was true.

Jaegyeom was grateful to the turtle for waking him, and resentful at the same time. That strange mixture of emotions drew formless tears out of him beneath the water.

If I hadn’t woken up, what would have happened to me?

Unable to die, he would have remained trapped in this lake forever, living eternally with Myojeong—his teacher from before he became his enemy.

It would be a lie to say he was not shaken.

For that fleeting instant, Jaegyeom had thought it might not be so bad to stay trapped in an illusion, remembering only the happy moments and forgetting everything else.

Maybe that would be fine.

If he could end everything here, Jaegyeom would have wanted that.

But he could not.

If he never woke again, perhaps that would be one thing. But as long as he could not die, there was always the possibility that he would sink back into the past and wake from it again, just like this.

That meant he would have to endure the moment the illusion shattered again.

Just as he had been torn out of the past moments ago by the turtle.

When the moment Myojeong abandoned him replayed vividly in his mind, Jaegyeom had been hurled back into reality. The loss of falling from the highest point down into the depths was unbearably painful.

“My lord! You have to escape before the illusions of the past trap you again!”

Jaegyeom struggled to pull himself together.

Myojeong abandoned me.

Myojeong is my enemy.

Myojeong no longer exists in this world.

Yes.

He could not let even his final moment be taken by him.

He would end everything with his own hands.

At the very least, he would hold on to his own death.

So he could not fall asleep here.

You left me behind. Now it’s my turn to leave you.

You were once everything to me, but not anymore.

Because now I have Jeongju and Mesan...

Before Myojeong could trap him again, Jaegyeom had to erase him by thinking of something good that lay ahead.

He tried to imagine the good things he hoped for in the future.

But it was not as easy as it sounded.

For now, he decided to cling to Jeongju and Mesan. If nothing else, he wanted to push Myojeong away.

He decided to think of the happy moments he had shared with Jeongju and Mesan.

He remembered something from just the day before.

***

Last night, the three of them had roasted sweet potatoes in the yard.

While Jeongju, wearing work gloves, tended the fire, Jaegyeom sat on the wooden porch with Mesan, wrapping potatoes, sweet potatoes, and split corn in silver foil. Once they handed them over, Jeongju carefully tucked them among the firewood with a pair of long tongs.

After a long wait, the sweet potatoes were finally ready.

When one was split in half, steam rose from the soft, fluffy inside. Mesan’s eyes went wide with awe.

Blowing on the hot sweet potato to cool it, Jaegyeom peeled away the skin. Halfway through, it already looked perfectly delicious. He held it out to Mesan.

“Here. Be careful, it’s hot—”

Before Jaegyeom could even finish, Mesan, who had been waiting like a puppy for a treat, snatched it up in excitement.

“Hah! Hot!”

Mesan broke into a frantic little tap dance from the heat, and in the end, unable to bear it, he dropped the sweet potato.

It all happened in the blink of an eye.

He froze like a statue for several seconds, then looked up with a pitiful expression.

Jeongju and Jaegyeom stared at him blankly.

“...”

After a brief silence, Jaegyeom burst out laughing for the first time in a long while.

Jeongju laughed so hard ⊛ Nоvеlιght ⊛ (Read the full story) there were tears in his eyes.

Still leaning back with laughter, Jaegyeom said,

“Hey. Didn’t I tell you it was hot?”

“Yees...”

Dejected, Mesan looked down at the sweet potato he had dropped. It lay squashed on the ground like melted ice cream. There was no saving it.

“Leave that one for the birds in the morning. I’ll peel you another.”

Still chuckling, Jaegyeom began peeling a new sweet potato. Every time he remembered Mesan’s frantic little dance and crestfallen face, laughter bubbled up again.

“Here.”

This time, Mesan accepted it carefully, blowing on it as he ate.

Jaegyeom peeled one for Jeongju too, since he had worked hard tending the fire.

By then, Jaegyeom’s fingers were black with soot.

Looking at his darkened hands, a mischievous thought occurred to him.

“Is it good?”

Jaegyeom asked deliberately, then playfully tugged Mesan’s nose.

Completely unsuspecting, Mesan nodded happily with his soot-blackened nose. It looked as though someone had polished it with shoe wax.

Jaegyeom was trying to act innocent and unconcerned when—

“Honestly, Jaegyeom. What did you do to the child’s face?”

Jeongju frowned and sighed after noticing Mesan’s sooty face.

“Jaegyeom, grow up a little, will you? Mesan, come here. I’ll wipe it off.”

Looking puzzled, Mesan went over to Jeongju.

With an earnest expression, Jeongju rubbed Mesan’s face with his gloved hand. But instead of cleaning it, he deliberately used the sooty part of the glove and made it even dirtier.

Before long, Mesan looked like a little tiger.

This was where an actor’s talent proved useful.

Jeongju exaggeratedly pulled down his upper lip while glancing slyly at Jaegyeom.

Their eyes met, and both of them snorted, trying to hold back their laughter.

The two irresponsible guardians were too busy teasing the child to care.

“What’s wrong?”

Mesan asked, eyes wide with curiosity.

“Wow, look at the sky tonight. Look at that star.”

Jeongju pretended not to hear and gazed dreamily up at the sky.

Sitting cross-legged, Jaegyeom leaned forward and bit his lip to stifle his laughter.

More than Mesan’s face, it was the sly fox’s shameless acting that amused him.

The three of them sat side by side on the porch, enjoying the sweet potatoes and the cool night air.

Jaegyeom tapped his thigh, signaling Mesan to sit on his lap. Mesan climbed up, swinging his short legs as he munched on his sweet potato.

After a moment, he spoke.

“By the way, my lord, is Master Yoon still unwell?”

Jaegyeom replied that he seemed mostly recovered.

Mesan smiled brightly in relief.

“If he gets sick again, I’ll make him better!”

Jaegyeom glanced down at Mesan, who was nestled in his lap.

“You must like him.”

“Yees...”

“Why do you like him?”

“I don’t really know...”

Mesan shyly fidgeted with his hands.

“Do you not like Master Yoon, my lord?”

The unexpected question made Jaegyeom pause.

“No. I don’t dislike him.”

“Then what do you like about Taehee?”

Jeongju, nibbling kernels off a cob of corn, cut in teasingly.

“When did I ever say I liked him? I said I didn’t dislike him.”

“Aye, come on. There must be something you like about him.”

Jeongju nudged Jaegyeom’s shoulder.

Jaegyeom silently looked up at the distant night sky.

As he blinked a few times, the starlight seemed to shimmer briefly.

“I...”

After thinking for a while, Jaegyeom suddenly spoke.

“I like that he’s fragrant.”

Jeongju paused and stared at him.

Still looking up at the stars, Jaegyeom furrowed his brow and muttered to himself.

“From the moment we first met, he had a fragrance. Whenever he’s around, it’s always there. When he’s near me, I can smell it too. Because I’m with someone who smells nice...”

As he went on, Jeongju’s expression grew increasingly ambiguous.

“...”

Feeling his gaze, Jaegyeom asked indifferently,

“What?”

Jeongju flinched slightly and awkwardly shook his head.

“Huh? Oh, nothing...”

Normally, someone would say, “He smells good,” or “I like his perfume.”

But the way Jaegyeom said “he’s fragrant” made it sound oddly unfamiliar, though it meant essentially the same thing. “I like that he’s fragrant” was such a simple answer, yet strangely direct and unexpected.

What was this?

Was it just his imagination?

Something about it felt a little...

“It tickles.”

As Jeongju scratched his head in confusion, Mesan pointed somewhere in the night sky.

“Oh! A shooting star!”

“Wow. There really is one.”

“Yeah, there it goes.”

Mesan’s eyes sparkled.

He had spent the whole day with the three of them together, so he was in a very good mood. On top of that, they had roasted sweet potatoes in the yard and even seen a rare shooting star. He was delighted.

Mesan chuckled and said with a grin,

“I wish every day could be just like today.”

Jeongju nodded in satisfaction too.

“Right? Today was a pretty good day.”

Jaegyeom said nothing.

He merely rested his chin on Mesan’s head as the child munched on his sweet potato, and stared into the distant night sky.

What kind of feeling was that?

Wishing every day could be like today.

Jaegyeom had lost that feeling long ago.

Of course, if someone asked whether he had never had happy moments during the long years after Myojeong left, the answer would be no. Looking back, there had been times when he had laughed without thinking, like today.

Even in a bleak and suffocating life, shooting stars fell.

Even in tiresome, weary immortality, there were shining moments.

Even in this tedious life, which felt like walking endlessly through a desert with no end in sight, there were surely moments that glittered like scattered glass beads.

And every time such a moment came, Jaegyeom’s feelings had always landed slightly beside the wish, I hope today lasts forever.

Instead, what he felt was, I wish there were no tomorrow.

When a brilliant, happy moment arrived, he found himself unbearably wanting to die.

Because the uncertainty of tomorrow felt far heavier than today’s happiness.

He wanted life to end in this very moment, in this very scene.

Perhaps that was because he knew what he cherished could not last.

If someone possessed a spring that flowed forever, would they truly treasure a single sip of water?

But soon, everything would end in just a few months.

When the final moment came, he would bid both of them farewell with respect.

He would thank them for everything, for allowing him to live. Then he would offer his hand for a handshake and pull them into a tight embrace with all his strength.

He had to say farewell to Jeongju and Mesan, who had given him shining moments in this bleak, unfortunate life.

That had to be his final act.

At the end of this road waited the death he had longed for.

To end this life, he had to keep living.

The paradox that he had to live in order to die stirred Jaegyeom’s broken heart.

Thinking that way, he found the present precious for the first time.

Only after being given the possibility of abandoning this life did he begin to value each passing day.

But that did not mean he had grown attached to life.

It was more like eating a favorite dish and feeling a little sad as the bowl emptied, without ever stopping.

Jaegyeom’s feelings were like that.

“Oh, right. Jaegyeom, how about inviting Taehee over for a housewarming meal? It’s been a while since we moved in, and we should treat him before too much time passes. Did you ask when he’s free?”

“Huh? No...”

“You said you’d ask last time. Why haven’t you?”

Until recently, he had been too busy fighting with Yoon Taehee to ask.

But over the past few days, they had eaten together once or twice, and their relationship seemed to have improved somewhat compared to before.

Maybe he could bring it up casually.

“I’ll ask next time I see him.”

“Make sure you ask him tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t just say okay. You always say that and then...”

As Jeongju’s nagging continued, Jaegyeom half-closed his eyes and picked at his ear. Then Jeongju suddenly exclaimed,

“Ah, I know! How about we have a barbecue next time Taehee comes over?”

“Jeongju, what’s barbecue?”

“Hmm. Mesan, a barbecue is when we do something like today, lighting a fire in the yard. We grill meat, potatoes, sweet potatoes... basically anything that can be cooked.”

“E-even me?”

“What? Why would we grill you? Do you want to become ginseng soup?”

“No...”

Mesan shook his head with a small mumble.

Listening to them, Jaegyeom burst out laughing at the absurdity of it.

“So what do you think, Jaegyeom? Grilling meat in the yard with Taehee next time.”

When Jeongju asked for his opinion, Jaegyeom mumbled indifferently,

“Mm...”

He made a show of peeling the sweet potato in his hand, as if pretending not to hear.

He considered the thought of Yoon Taehee joining them.

It did not seem bad.

But what if it rained that day?

To light a fire in the yard like today, the weather would have to be clear.

Well, anyway.

“I guess.”

Jaegyeom stared at the distant night sky and imagined Yoon Taehee there.

A few days from now, Yoon Taehee would be invited to their house, and just like today, they would light a fire in the yard.

The four of them would sit together on the porch and look up at the night sky.

Jaegyeom smiled faintly at the thought.

That was when Yoon Taehee spoke softly.

“Are you having fun?”

“Yeah.”

Jaegyeom nodded absently.

...Huh?

A strange feeling came over him.

He quickly turned to look at Yoon Taehee.

He was sitting at an angle with his legs crossed, his chin propped on one hand.

The moment their eyes met, Yoon Taehee smiled brightly.

“I’m having fun too.”

Watching the night sky with Yoon Taehee in the yard.

That was exactly the “good thing” Jaegyeom had been looking forward to.