Honbul: Flame of the Soul

“What do you mean? ...Taehee! Taehee?”

The call was cut off one-sidedly, and Jeongju’s face stiffened in shock.

“Jeongju, what’s wrong?”

“What... what is this all of a sudden...”

For the past few days, Jaegyeom had not come home, nor had he been in contact. Jeongju had spent those days on pins and needles, wondering if something had happened to him. So when Yoon Taehee called, the relief lasted only an instant. Deathly pale, Jeongju hurriedly called him back. But in that brief span of time, Yoon Taehee’s phone had already been turned off. He tried calling Jaegyeom as well, but the call would not connect.

Just then, Mesan came over and asked, “Are you all right?” Looking at the small Mesan and Yoo Namsaeng sprawled on the floor, Jeongju was suddenly seized by fear at the thought of what might happen if these children were placed in danger.

What on earth was going on?

It may become very dangerous from now on. But after today, everything will be over. Still, just in case, if you have somewhere to take shelter, go hide there. Jaegyeom would want that too.

As Jeongju blankly turned Yoon Taehee’s words over in his mind, he went into the room and brought out a large suitcase. The Fox Gate... should he open the Fox Gate and take refuge there? Jeongju muttered to himself in a daze as he started putting things into the bag. It would be best if he could at least get in touch with Jaegyeom, but if he could not, hiding inside the Fox Gate was the safest choice. As Jeongju packed with a dark, hardened expression, Mesan ran over.

“Jeongju, where are you going?”

“I’m going to open the Fox Gate! Hurry and get ready!”

“Huh? Wh-why?”

“They said... a war is going to break out at the Office of Narye.”

“What? Th-then what about my lord?”

“He said Jaegyeom told us to take shelter.”

“J-just us?”

“Yes.”

Mesan’s mouth fell open, and he blinked blankly. Yoo Namsaeng looked around in bewilderment, trying to understand the situation. Jeongju was the only one moving in a flurry after quickly realizing that something was badly wrong. He opened drawers and hurriedly packed. Just then, Mesan clung to Jeongju’s arm and whimpered.

“Wh-what if my lord is in danger?”

“...What?”

“What if he gets badly hurt...?”

“B-but Jaegyeom said...”

“What if he means to part with us like this?”

What did that...

Just as Jeongju stopped and looked down at Mesan.

“Oh!”

Yoo Namsaeng suddenly cried out and opened his mouth.

“A letter! There’s a letter!”

The shout came out of nowhere. Startled, Jeongju looked at Yoo Namsaeng.

“What? What are you talking about now, all of a sudden?”

Something had flashed through Yoo Namsaeng’s mind.

Could it be a will?

Some time ago, Jaegyeom had sat at the dining °• N 𝑜 v 𝑒 l i g h t •° table and written a letter. He had told Yoo Namsaeng where he had hidden it and said to read it if something happened to him. It was somewhere Yoo Namsaeng could never reach alone.

“There’s a letter my master wrote! There’s a letter!”

“What? A letter?”

Jeongju and Mesan looked at each other, eyes wide. They both sensed this was no ordinary matter. Jaegyeom was the type to leave without a word if he meant to leave, not the type to leave something like a letter behind.

“Where? Where is it?”

Yoo Namsaeng flailed little webbed feet in a panic and led the way.

“Th-this way! Come this way!”

Their faces ashen, Jeongju and Mesan followed Yoo Namsaeng.

Waddle, waddle...

“Hey, you little turtle! Walk faster. I’m going to die of frustration!”

“Ooong... how am I supposed to walk any faster than this...”

It was a true turtle’s pace. Unable to watch any longer, Mesan stamped his feet, then swept Yoo Namsaeng up in his arms. Like a conductor directing an orchestra, Yoo Namsaeng pointed out the location.

“There... that wardrobe! The third drawer!”

The three members of the family placed the letter on the floor and put their heads together.

At the very top of the letter, written large like a title, was the word . The slightly crooked handwriting had mistakes in spelling and spacing here and there.

Mesan swallowed and peered down at the letter. It was the first letter Mesan had ever received in his life. In the past, he would not have been able to read it because he had not known how. Thinking how fortunate it was that he had started learning the alphabet, Mesan began to read the characters slowly, haltingly.

There’s something I haven’t been able to tell you

If I just say it you’ll forget later

I want you to remember it for sure so I’m writing it down on paper like this

Thank you for being with me until now

And I’m sorry I have to leave first

You don’t have to wait for me anymore

Mesan listen to Jeongju eat a lot don’t walk around barefoot and be happy

Jeongju always be careful of cars do everything you want to do and live happily

Namsaeng you can keep living here live a long long happy life with Mesan and Jeongju

And please take good care of Taehee because Taehee is very precious to me

Thank you for letting me live this long

Goodbye and be well

...

...

...

It was a short message, but each and every character carried the feeling of having been written with great care.

“Goodbye...?”

Mesan lifted his head, his face ashen.

“Hey, enough already.”

The sky was dark and overcast. The rainy season continued.

“What exactly is so sad?”

Jaegyeom was still in the abyss. Amid the unending rain, the boy who had been holding an umbrella for days on end flopped down on the ground with an exhausted look and asked. It was not comfort. It was not meant to say it was all right. For the boy, the question came from pure curiosity.

“I don’t understand why you’re so sad. You wanted to kill Myojeong back then. Besides, Myojeong was bound to die anyway, and even if you hadn’t killed him, he would have died regardless. You know there was no other way at the time. So why are you so sad?”

There had certainly been a time when he had wished for Myojeong’s happiness.

Even if they had to part, he had hoped Myojeong would build a completely happy family. He had thought Myojeong would surely be a good father. At one point, he had even coveted that place for himself.

But Myojeong had lost the lover he cherished and buried his own child in the ground with his own hands.

“I am a sinner against both Myojeong and Taehee.”

He had neither the confidence nor the right to remain by Yoon Taehee’s side.

He understood well enough what that child had been thinking when he used the black bird. He had said he would never deceive him or hide anything again... but as expected, people did not change. And yet, Jaegyeom did not want to blame Yoon Taehee now. Because if it were true, if it had been him, he too would have wanted Yoon Taehee to forget.

But the boy asked as if he truly did not understand.

“Why are you a sinner?”

Jaegyeom buried his face in his knees and said nothing.

“......”

He was the one who had taken Yoon Taehee’s father away. He was the one who had betrayed Myojeong. And despite all that, he was the one who had fallen for that child. Jaegyeom did not want to forgive himself for it.

“You saw everything, so you should know.”

“I know. I saw.”

The boy crouched in front of Jaegyeom and continued.

“But is that all you saw?”

You were originally supposed to die at Myojeong’s hands.

Perhaps from the very moment you first caught Myojeong’s eye. But Myojeong did not kill you. No, he could not kill you. At first, it might have been mere pity or compassion.

Whatever that feeling was, what matters is that Myojeong hesitated for a single fleeting moment. And that one paltry moment of hesitation changed Myojeong’s life.

Myojeong was born with the blood of a Bangsangsi, his purpose determined from birth. A Bangsangsi is the servant of the homeland, the chariot of the homeland, the messenger of the homeland. If there is a flow the homeland desires, Myojeong must carry that flow out. That was why, until then, Myojeong’s life had never once been his own. 𝓯𝙧𝓮𝓮𝒘𝓮𝙗𝙣𝒐𝒗𝒆𝓵.𝓬𝓸𝒎

But the problem was that Myojeong was not a vessel fit to become a god.

Because Myojeong was far too human. He was an all-too-ordinary human who could not help pouring his heart into things that were small, young, and weak. As a Bangsangsi should, Myojeong ought to have lived his whole life as an empty chariot. But Myojeong ended up filling the inside of himself that was supposed to remain empty. He came to know the emotion called love. He did not avoid it, even though he knew he should have. That was Myojeong’s choice.

So it is not your sin.

Jaegyeom, who had been quietly listening to the boy, muttered.

“So what are you trying to say?”

“Myojeong simply defied fate on his own.”

“By meeting Hwirim and having a child?”

“No. That isn’t all.”

“...What?”

“He loved you, didn’t he?”

The boy spat the words out in an indifferent tone.

“......”

Without realizing it, Jaegyeom lifted his head.

He looked at the boy before him.

For a long time. A very long time. Blankly...

Then, at a certain moment, the boy, still wearing a listless expression, seemed to glance up at the sky. After that, he folded the umbrella he had been holding over Jaegyeom. He swung the umbrella around, scattering the water from it.

The rainy season that had seemed as if it would never end was over.

At some point, the rain had stopped.

Rainwater had gathered at his feet, forming a puddle. In the clear puddle, he could see the blue sky and clouds drifting past. Jaegyeom, who had been staring at the puddle as though looking into a mirror, suddenly met his own reflection in the water. As his gaze met his own, Jaegyeom looked into his pupils.

Inside them was the memory of his childhood. Myojeong’s gaze was there, looking at him. He remembered Myojeong’s eyes looking up at him when he had been perched precariously in a tree. Down below, those unwavering, upright eyes had waited for him quietly. He had not known how much Myojeong had agonized during that brief span of time.

He remembered the firm arms that caught him, the warmth, the gentle smile, when he had finally leaped into those arms after agonizing and agonizing for so long. He remembered the hand that had served him rice, the sensation of a blanket being pulled up to his chin. He remembered the embrace that would carefully pick him up when he fell asleep in the colder part of the room and lay him down in the warmer part.

Precious child. Will you come with me?

“That’s right.”

The weather is cold. Let’s go home.

“That’s right...”

Every moment flashed before his eyes.

“Myojeong... loved me very much.”

Gyeom, it is truly good that you were born.

“Myojeong, very, very much...”

Your lack of fortune in parents is a blessing to me.

“He loved me very much...”

Jaegyeom smiled faintly. He smiled without realizing it, blankly repeating the words. Then, at a certain moment, his voice began to tremble, and his chin quivered. The smile that had spread across his face turned into tears.

“Myojeong loved me very much...”

Beneath the blue sky, Jaegyeom cried for a long time.