Honbul: Flame of the Soul

“It’s not working...”

Jaegyeom, who had been staring blankly at Yoon Taehee, suddenly came back to himself. He shoved Taehee away from the wall by the shoulder, then scrubbed a hand across his own forehead. Looking down at the blood smeared across the back of his hand, he asked with a strange expression,

“You... what the hell did you just do?”

Yoon Taehee staggered back without answering.

A few days ago, Jaegyeom had collapsed after being sprayed with spiritual force from the Ritual Implements Department. It was supposed to have no effect on humans, yet that day it had stopped Jaegyeom’s rampage right before everyone’s eyes.

Then maybe you aren’t human.

For a brief moment, that was what Taehee had thought.

No—what he had hoped.

‘Do you want me to teach you how to make ghosts serve you? You bear the mark of the hometown, so if you put your mind to it, you can command ghosts. Draw blood from your hand and trace a straight line across a ghost’s forehead. Then call its name. After that, the ghost will belong to you.’

At this moment, Yoon Taehee wished Jaegyeom were a ghost instead.

A phantom that existed and did not exist at the same time. Something that could never leave without his permission.

If that were true, Taehee could keep him by his side forever.

Even if he had to do something like this.

But it was a foolish thought. Nothing more than a pathetic impulse born from temporary madness and obsession. The method Sisi had taught him did not work.

In the end, Jaegyeom was human.

Warm. Breathing. Alive.

A human being who could drive Yoon Taehee into despair.

The realization left him feeling unbearably lonely. Like one of the dead.

“Hey. I asked what you just did.”

The streetlight cast a bleak glow around the outline of Taehee’s face.

His arms hung limp at his sides. Blood still dripped from the finger he had bitten open. The thin trail of red fell slowly onto the asphalt beneath his feet.

Head lowered, Taehee spoke quietly.

“I like you.”

The confession had nothing to do with the question.

At the low murmur from the man staring at the ground, a crack formed in Jaegyeom’s frozen expression.

“...”

Jaegyeom opened his mouth, then closed it again. He couldn’t think of what to say.

Without lifting his head, Taehee spoke again.

“Did you know?”

He was asking whether Jaegyeom knew he loved him.

Of course he knew. Taehee had said it countless times already.

After a long silence, Jaegyeom finally answered stiffly.

“Yeah. I know.”

“I see. So you knew.”

Taehee nodded slowly and shoved both hands into his pockets. Maybe because he was drunk, his words dragged slightly. His voice was lower and lazier than usual, his pronunciation faintly slurred.

He kept nodding to himself for a long while, like someone half asleep, before speaking again.

“Then why do you say things like that...”

Still staring at the ground, Taehee lightly tapped the toe of his shoe against the pavement as though trying to steady himself. His vision was blurred from alcohol.

“Tell me. If you know I love you, why do you say things like that?”

Up until now, Jaegyeom had always been the angry one. Taehee was the one who constantly said the wrong thing and provoked him.

But this time it was different.

Now Taehee was angry.

The man standing in front of him looked deeply hurt. Depressed. Unstable.

Even Jaegyeom, who was terrible at reflecting on himself, found himself wondering if he had said something too harsh.

That was how precarious Taehee looked as he swayed there. Like he was staging some miserable protest.

“...”

Jaegyeom didn’t know what to say.

Thoughts crowded his head, but he had no idea how to put them into words.

When he remained silent, Taehee gripped his own jaw with one large hand and gave a weak little nod, as though telling himself enough.

Then he turned away unsteadily.

“...W-where are you going?”

Without thinking, Jaegyeom grabbed his arm.

“What if something happens while you’re wandering around drunk in the middle of the night? You’re wasted right now. Just stay at my place tonight.”

Taehee tilted his head crookedly and glanced back at him.

“You’re worried about me?”

“Wouldn’t anyone be? You’re not in your right mind.”

“...”

Taehee stared blankly at the hand wrapped around his arm, then let out a quiet laugh.

“Why bother worrying about me when it’ll all be over in two months anyway?”

Jaegyeom faltered.

“Wow...”

Taehee murmured softly, eyes half-lidded.

“Isn’t that incredible?”

His voice was gentle.

“Just adding the words it’ll all be over in two months turns someone into a complete idiot.”

“...”

Jaegyeom’s expression slowly hardened.

Taehee was mocking him now. Openly.

As Jaegyeom’s gaze turned colder, Taehee slowly removed Jaegyeom’s hand from his arm. Instead, he wrapped his fingers around Jaegyeom’s wrist.

His grip tightened.

“You shouldn’t worry about me after saying things like that.”

The smile disappeared from Taehee’s face.

His dark eyes looked straight down at Jaegyeom.

“Wasn’t I supposed to mean nothing to you? We don’t care about each other’s feelings anyway, right? We just do whatever the fuck we want.”

“...”

“Isn’t that right?”

At last, Jaegyeom’s expression went completely cold.

He tore his wrist free and nodded once.

“Is that so? Fine. Then do whatever you want.”

He turned away, unwilling to continue the conversation.

But Taehee grabbed him again.

Jaegyeom whipped around with a vicious glare.

“Let go.”

Taehee frowned faintly, still gripping his wrist hard.

He had deliberately said cruel things. Deliberately acted like this.

But the moment Jaegyeom looked at him with those cold eyes, it became unbearable.

That brief look. That rigid back as he turned away.

It ripped straight through his chest.

“Why am I the only one having such a hard time?”

Taehee’s voice dropped low.

His heart rose and fell dozens of times a day.

Moments with Jaegyeom could feel infinitely happy—then instantly become miserable, as though the world had flipped over in a single breath.

“Everything about you is hard for me.”

Taehee stared at him.

“But I don’t understand why I’m so easy for you.”

Because of you, my world blooms and collapses dozens of times a day.

You are the ruler of this brilliant ruin.

The cruelest master. And the kindest one.

Just hearing you ask whether I’ve eaten is enough to make my entire day feel complete.

But one careless word from you, one indifferent glance, can destroy everything just as easily.

You have no idea how painful this love is.

You destroy my sense of self so effortlessly. You tear apart the world around me until every landscape fades gray.

The humiliation of no longer being able to remain myself.

Some days this humiliating love feels unbearably joyful.

Other days it feels like catastrophe itself.

And right now, Yoon Taehee was standing in the wreckage left behind after disaster.

“You have no idea how hellish this feels.”

He grabbed Jaegyeom by the collar with both hands, rough and desperate.

“What the hell are you trying to do to me?”

Finally Jaegyeom seized Taehee’s wrists and snarled back.

He genuinely could not understand what Taehee was so dissatisfied with.

They ate together. Drank tea together. Rode in the same car. Even practiced dictation together.

Looking back, Jaegyeom had done everything Taehee asked of him.

“So what the hell else am I supposed to do?!”

The moment those words left his mouth, Taehee’s expression twisted like he’d swallowed poison.

He slammed Jaegyeom back against the wall and clenched his collar tighter in both fists. Their faces were close enough for their noses to brush.

“That’s...”

Taehee ground the words out between his teeth.

“That’s exactly what pisses me off. Don’t ask me what I want when you never intend to listen.”

“Let go. There’s a limit to what I’ll tolerate just because you’re drunk.”

“You want to know?”

Taehee’s eyes widened.

“You really want to know what I want?”

He looked genuinely out of control.

The bones in the back of the hand gripping Jaegyeom’s collar stood stark white beneath the skin. His grip was almost choking him.

Jaegyeom glared at him sharply.

“Let go before I break your wrist.”

As Jaegyeom struggled against him, Taehee spoke through ragged breaths.

“Don’t die.”

Jaegyeom froze.

“That’s what I want.”

For a moment he stopped moving entirely, staring straight at Taehee.

Taehee continued.

“No. You can’t die.”

“What?”

“I’m looking for a way to break the immortality curse.”

The hands clutching Jaegyeom’s collar trembled violently.

Taehee hated himself for this.

Hated himself for searching for a way to save the person who wanted death.

But just as he always had, he would keep searching anyway.

“So postpone your death.”

His voice shook.

“That’s what I want.”

“You... what did you just say?”

Jaegyeom’s eyes shook violently.

“Everyone dies eventually. You’ll die someday too.”

Taehee paused for a long time before forcing the next words out.

“But not in two months.”

Jaegyeom’s expression slowly stiffened.

At last he understood.

Taehee intended to break the immortality curse placed on him.

“When did I ever ask you to break it?” Jaegyeom said coldly. “I asked you to kill me. Not save me.”

“I know.”

Taehee swallowed hard.

“But you’re going to live normally. Grow old normally. Die normally.”

“...”

Jaegyeom clenched his jaw.

Originally, Taehee had promised him two months.

Now he was taking it back.

Something inside Jaegyeom felt as though it were freezing solid.

“...Why should I?”

He forced the words out flatly.

“Because I like you.”

At that answer, Jaegyeom’s shoulders jerked sharply.

Rage shot through him to the tips of his fingers.

Taehee was making decisions on his own again. Acting selfishly again. Deciding Jaegyeom’s life for him without permission.

As if he had any idea what each day of immortality felt like.

As if he could suddenly tell him to keep living. 𝒻𝑟ℯℯ𝑤𝑒𝑏𝑛𝘰𝓋𝑒𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝘮

“So why should I?”

Jaegyeom spoke through clenched teeth.

“When did I ever ask you to like me?”

For the briefest moment, Taehee’s hand trembled.

“...”

The strength slowly drained from the fists clutching Jaegyeom’s collar.

“I didn’t want to love you either.”

Just as you once let me go by deliberately missing your arrow.

Just as you pulled me from the lake.

Just as you dragged me out of the ruins of my childhood.

You kept saving me.

So this time too—

foolishly—

I thought maybe you would save me again while I drowned in this.

“I didn’t want to love you either...”

Pathetic to the very end.

“I didn’t want to love you...”

Still mumbling to himself, Taehee slowly turned away.

His shadow stretched long beneath the streetlight as he staggered off down the road like one of the dead.