Honbul: Flame of the Soul

It was a kiss that felt as though it would devour him.

No, perhaps it was not a kiss at all, but an extension of the brawl. It was so brutal and rude it felt more like a collision. The moment their lips met, a violent shudder ran through Yoon Taehee’s entire body. It was like being struck hard in the back of the head.

The hand gripping Jaegyeom’s collar clenched so tightly that the bones stood out.

Jaegyeom, who had squeezed his eyes shut in anticipation of a punch, opened them in shock at the lips crashing against his. He was so stunned he even forgot to breathe, freezing in place. His soft lips were swallowed and bitten roughly. It was the first time in his life he had ever kissed another person. Jaegyeom’s shoulders, rigid with dazed shock, belatedly flinched.

“Ugh...”

Jaegyeom recoiled as if he had been burned and hurriedly pulled back. But the strong hand gripping his collar did not let go easily. He resisted fiercely, shoving Yoon Taehee’s shoulder with all his strength. The moment he barely managed to create a gap between them, Jaegyeom suddenly slapped Yoon Taehee across the cheek.

SLAP!

Yoon Taehee’s head snapped violently to the side with the sharp sound of impact. Jaegyeom sucked in a stunned breath. He was shocked too, realizing what he had just done. He had loaded the slap with spiritual force. His hand had shot out reflexively before he could even grasp the situation, but he had not meant to strike him that hard with force behind it.

Clear bewilderment appeared on Jaegyeom’s face.

Worse, it happened to be the same side he had struck earlier that afternoon in the Chief’s office. Startled, he looked down at his hands, which were trembling faintly. His mind had gone completely blank, and for a long moment, he stopped thinking. The shock of Yoon Taehee’s kiss had overtaken him, but he was also shocked at himself for hitting him with such forceful spiritual force...

“Uh... That, uh...”

Jaegyeom looked down, dumbfounded.

What the hell had just happened? They had definitely been fighting, but...

His chest heaved sharply. Thump, thump. The pounding spread all the way to the soles of his feet. Jaegyeom stood there blankly, then shakily raised his head. Yoon Taehee stood stiffly in the same posture, his head turned to the side, his lip split from the slap. Just as Jaegyeom was staring at him with his mouth open, Yoon Taehee’s eyes moved slowly and focused on him.

Their gazes met precisely in the air.

“...”

“...”

It was as if time had stopped.

Jaegyeom and Yoon Taehee could not take their eyes off each other, as though something had seized them both. Chirp, chirp... The insects’ cries crawled through the long silence flowing between them. The faint streetlight outlined the two figures standing in the dark grass. The smell of damp earth, the cool night air, the sound of leaves shaking in the occasional wind... Everything touching their senses felt unreal.

Yoon Taehee, still staring at Jaegyeom with his head turned to the side, slowly raised a hand at some point and carelessly wiped the blood from his split lip with the back of it.

“...”

Jaegyeom, standing there in confusion, not knowing what to do, began to stagger backward. He turned around and tried to leave, but somehow his foot caught, or perhaps his legs gave out, and he stumbled. With a thud, he fell backward. By the time he came to his senses, Yoon Taehee was right in front of him.

He reached a hand toward Jaegyeom.

For one passing instant, Jaegyeom thought Yoon Taehee was trying to help him up. His expectation was spectacularly wrong. Instead of helping Jaegyeom to his feet, Yoon Taehee grabbed him by both shoulders and pushed him down into the grass. Jaegyeom looked up at him in confusion. Unlike before, this time Yoon Taehee was on top of him. The grass against his back was damp and wet.

“W-what are you doing? M-move...”

Feeling a strange sense of danger, Jaegyeom stammered frantically and tried to push Yoon Taehee away. But Yoon Taehee did not budge. Jaegyeom’s legs trembled beneath Yoon Taehee’s waist, where he was straddling him. Yoon Taehee slowly lowered his upper body.

“If you don’t move, I-I’ll hit you with spiritual force. Move...”

The conversation could not continue.

“Fine. Do what you want.”

With those words, Yoon Taehee cupped Jaegyeom’s cheeks in both hands and kissed him again. Their lips touched briefly, then slowly parted. Jaegyeom drew in a sharp breath, looking up at Yoon Taehee with eyes wide open as if he could not believe it. Yoon Taehee gathered Jaegyeom’s wrists in one hand, gripped them, and pinned them hard above his head. With his free hand, he caught Jaegyeom by the chin, and their lips crashed together again.

The scent of perfume mixed with breath and engulfed them like a tide. The metallic taste of blood, impossible to tell whose, spread through his mouth. His legs writhed on the grass in turmoil. Flowers and grass were crushed at random beneath the soles of their shoes. Heated breaths tangled messily. As his lips were sucked helplessly, something invaded Jaegyeom’s mouth. At the same time, Jaegyeom’s eyes twitched. An unfamiliar electric current scraped down his spine.

“Uh, uh...”

Their tongues tangled densely. Jaegyeom’s fingers curled tight. The torn wound inside his mouth stung as if it were being bitten. The sharp pain blurred hazily as his breathing grew uneven. Whenever Yoon Taehee moved his head, Jaegyeom’s chin followed helplessly.

It was a deep, long kiss that felt as though it would last forever.

Yoon Taehee slowly drew his lips away. The sticky fluid clinging between their lips stretched, then slowly broke. The strength pinning Jaegyeom’s wrists suddenly loosened. When Jaegyeom finally opened his closed eyes, Yoon Taehee was looking down at him with both hands planted on the ground. Jaegyeom lay trapped within his arms, distraught.

“...”

“...”

When their eyes met, Jaegyeom’s heart lurched. His blood was pounding, his head was spinning, and breathing was difficult. Could this be the tremendous pressure Jeongju had warned him about?

His hands shook until he felt stupid. Suddenly, he could not remember anything—why he had come here, why he had been angry, why he had been fighting Yoon Taehee. He was not in his right mind. Not in his right mind at all... That was the only thought that came to him. Jaegyeom grabbed at Yoon Taehee’s back as if trying to tear his clothes off and pull him away.

“You’re... s-strange.”

It was truly something that could only be described as strange. Suddenly, everything around him felt strange. The grand night sky unfolding before his eyes was strange. The scattered starlight was strange. Even the insects crying endlessly were strange.

And the strangest thing among them was Yoon Taehee.

“...”

Yoon Taehee tilted his head and buried his forehead against the back of Jaegyeom’s neck, as though collapsing into his arms. A heartbeat, impossible to tell whose, pounded through their touching bodies.

“Me too...”

Yoon Taehee’s breath broke strangely against the back of his neck.

“I find you strange too.”

Those words, spoken almost to himself, sounded terribly strange.

Jaegyeom pushed him away with all his strength. The strange man fell away obediently. Jaegyeom shot to his feet, staggered over the flower-bed border with unsteady steps, and nearly fell again. This time, it was clearly because his legs had lost strength.

Chirp... chirp...

Jaegyeom turned around and started running.

Though his feet stumbled several times, the boy did not stop. He ran and ran. From this unknown feeling, he wanted somehow to escape this strange world.

And so, the boy turned his back on the moonlight and ran away.

*****

Yoon Taehee’s home was a luxury apartment located not far from headquarters. It was already past two in the morning when he pressed the keypad, and the door lock opened with a beeping sound. When he opened the door and went inside, the entryway sensor light came on. Walking as he loosened his tie, he turned on the living room light first.

The illuminated house was silent.

It was far too spacious for one person living alone. Though it had many rooms, only two were actually used: the bedroom and the dressing room. Because the furnishings were simple compared to the size of the house, the interior felt desolate and barren. This was especially true of the living room.

The spacious living room did not even have an ordinary TV. Instead, a built-in bookcase filled one wall. At a rough estimate, the shelves held thousands of books. On the other side sat a large leather sofa that could accommodate several people. Another pile of books had accumulated in one corner of it.

Because he lived on a fairly high floor, the night view of Seoul was visible at a glance through the living room window. It was a sophisticated view, one that could captivate admiration for a moment, but Yoon Taehee passed through the living room with an expressionless face. The first place he headed was the bathroom.

He needed to shower first. After rolling through grass and flower beds, he was in terrible shape. The expensive suit that had been neatly pressed when he left headquarters was now covered in dirt, completely wrinkled and filthy.

After taking a hot shower, Yoon Taehee changed into what he usually wore at home: a loose plain black T-shirt and checkered pajama pants. Dressed comfortably, he headed to the kitchen while drying his wet hair with a towel.

He took out a glass of a suitable size, then opened the refrigerator. The only things in his double-door refrigerator were a pack of cherry tomatoes, several bottles of soju, and a few canned drinks. Yoon Taehee poured half soju and half soda into the glass. Even if it took alcohol, he wanted to fall asleep early today. He took out some ice cubes as well and dropped them in.

“Ah...”

Yoon Taehee, sipping the mixed drink as he walked toward the living room, suddenly made a face. He had forgotten about the cut on his mouth. The moment the alcohol touched it, the wound stung.

“...”

Yoon Taehee paused for a moment, then took the glass and went to the bookcase as usual. He set a book on the shelf and turned on the radio left in the empty space. A low melody began to play in the quiet house, as if the place were dead. The radio was always tuned to the classical channel. The reason he insisted on that channel was because, unlike the others, it had no advertisements and the host rarely spoke.

Perhaps because it was late at night, a soothing piece flowed from the radio.

He picked up whatever book came to hand and sat on the sofa, wearing round-rimmed glasses. Though he was tired, he did not feel sleepy yet, so he decided to read until the alcohol took effect. He had been so busy with work that he had not had time to read.

Yoon Taehee placed a cushion behind his back and settled into a comfortable reclined posture with one leg drawn up. Then he slowly began turning {N•o•v•e•l•i•g•h•t} the pages of the book while sipping sparingly from his drink. Since he had stopped reading midway, the flow had been interrupted, and his memory was hazy.

He found the page where he had placed a sticky note before and skimmed it. The context he had missed returned to him. Yoon Taehee began reading sentence by sentence from where he had left off. Behind the lenses, his pupils were dark.

“Mr. Nicolat, I am now caught in a great whirlpool. What I mean is that I am facing grave danger. It happened during our last meeting. As I told you before, from time to time, I feel as though I have become an entirely different person.

“Alas, I have reached the point where I can no longer recognize my own face, even when I look in the mirror. Wise Mr. Nicolat, do you understand what I mean?

“Everything began after I met him. He was, in truth, a harbinger of ruin. What disgrace, that I can no longer be myself! I was devoured by my own yearning. In the end, I was swallowed by desire. I lost myself in that fierce whirlpool. Teacher, how can this be called love? 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝘦𝓌𝑒𝑏𝑛𝑜𝘷𝑒𝘭.𝒸𝘰𝑚

“Is this love? Love is a disease named destruction, punishment, and hardship. Robert can no longer be Robert. I am falling apart inside a violent whirlpool. I was ruined long ago. Because I want him more than I want myself...

“Every night, I fall asleep praying. I desperately hope tomorrow will come. Because I want him. And yet I hope tomorrow will be the destruction of this world. Because I cannot have him. What is this mysterious force that makes life and death? What is this thing that comes disguised as fear? I am afraid. I do not know where this storm is taking me...”

Yoon Taehee, who had been reading the sentences, abruptly closed the book. His face was terribly cold and expressionless.

“...”

He took off his glasses, set them on the book cover, rubbed his brow, and closed his eyes for a moment.

Fuck. I think I chose the wrong book.

He had not opened a book for this. The peaceful melody grated on his nerves again.

The reason Yoon Taehee had immersed himself in books over the years was simple. Whether he enjoyed them or not, there was always a clue in books. Through repeated readings of the same sentences, Yoon Taehee had learned from experience that words could sometimes become coordinates. It was up to him to find and discover the answer, and in this way, he had found his own answers to difficult problems.

It was the same this time.

He was curious about where the impulse had originated. There was no reason it had to be you, but the desire for it to be you was what had created the impulse. Then what should he call that feeling?

One day, Yoon Taehee had asked himself that.

It was a very difficult question, and the first answer Yoon Taehee gave was wrong. But now he felt as if he knew the answer. No, perhaps he had vaguely sensed it for some time. However, he had wanted to delay answering forever. He had wanted to hide it deep inside a hazy fog, just like this.

It came from an instinctive sense of crisis.

He was, in truth, a harbinger of ruin.

You might be the answer I should never guess.

Yoon Taehee emptied the alcohol in the glass in one go.

“Ah...”

As expected, it was unbelievably bitter.