Honbul: Flame of the Soul

Taehee lightly tapped Jaegyeom’s tie with his fingertip.

Jaegyeom, who had been looking at him, froze.

Standing one step away, Taehee silently toyed with the tie for a while. The end of it curled softly around his fingers. Jaegyeom did not avoid his touch. He only stood there quietly, watching him.

Then Taehee, who had been admiring the tie as he touched it here and there, took his other hand out of his pocket.

The sudden movement as he closed the distance made Jaegyeom’s heart beat hard on reflex. Taehee grasped the knot of Jaegyeom’s tie with both hands and straightened it neatly.

“...”

Jaegyeom’s shoulders had gone stiff from an inexplicable tension.

When Taehee’s hands came close to his face, he nearly flinched despite himself, but Jaegyeom forced himself not to show it. Especially because a drunk Yoon Taehee was always unpredictable. He had no idea how to react.

Until now, Jaegyeom had thought he was maintaining a proper distance from Taehee.

Not too close.

Not too far.

The two of them had been keeping as far away from each other as possible without fighting or revealing their emotions the way they had before.

Because of that, suddenly being left alone like this felt unfamiliar.

They had not had this kind of atmosphere between them for a while, so pushing him away like before felt unnatural too. It was awkward, being shaken by every tiny movement Taehee made.

Should he ask why Taehee had followed him out? Or would it be better to get through this with as little reaction as possible?

Fortunately, after fixing Jaegyeom’s tie, Taehee did nothing more. He slipped both hands back into his pockets.

Jaegyeom, who had been too aware of Taehee’s touch, tried to relax.

“Why did you drink so much?”

After standing frozen for a moment, Jaegyeom spoke as if nothing had happened.

Whatever else happened, he decided it would be best to act calm.

Taehee answered nonchalantly.

“Who knows.”

Taehee cupped his jaw with one large hand, then lowered his head.

With both hands in his pockets, he stood still with his eyes lowered, deep in thought. Every now and then, the toe of his shoe shifted faintly, as if he was having trouble keeping his balance.

Then Taehee, who had been looking down, took another half step toward Jaegyeom.

He stared expressionlessly at Jaegyeom’s face.

And at some point, he slowly lowered his head.

His lips approached as casually as if it were nothing, touched Jaegyeom’s with a soft sound, and quickly drew away.

Jaegyeom faltered at the unexpected kiss.

Taehee tilted his head slightly.

The instant Jaegyeom sensed another kiss coming, he froze for a brief second, then immediately turned his head aside as if avoiding him.

Taehee, who had been leaning closer, stopped abruptly with his face near Jaegyeom’s.

“...”

As if time had stopped, Taehee eventually moved his lips.

“Why?”

Jaegyeom lifted his head.

“...”

Their eyes met.

Taehee was looking down at him with his eyelids half-lowered. His gaze, looser than usual, remained fixed intently on Jaegyeom.

Although the question had come out of nowhere, Jaegyeom guessed he meant, Why are you refusing?

He gently pushed against Taehee’s shoulder and answered.

“Because I don’t want to.”

Then Taehee asked again.

“Why?”

“...”

Jaegyeom knew this was drunken nonsense.

“I don’t like you.”

He thought Taehee might be acting childishly, complaining without remembering the unspoken distance between them because he was drunk.

But for Jaegyeom, it was better to draw the line clearly even in a situation like this.

Then Taehee gave a quiet laugh.

“Liar.”

Jaegyeom hesitated and looked up at him.

“This is deception.”

Taehee murmured the words close to his face.

“Jaegyeom.”

He caught the hand Jaegyeom had placed against his shoulder. Then he lowered his head and buried his forehead against Jaegyeom’s shoulder.

“You deceived me...”

His voice sounded terribly bleak.

And the moment he heard those words, something surged in Jaegyeom’s chest.

Because Jaegyeom was deceiving his own heart too.

“You were the one who deceived me from the beginning.”

Jaegyeom answered coldly.

“You promised to kill me to my face, then changed your mind without even asking me. You’re the one acting recklessly because you can’t handle your own feelings.”

Perhaps it was because his own weakness had been struck.

Jaegyeom shook off Taehee’s hand and pushed him away by the shoulders, forcing back the man whose forehead was buried against his neck.

Taehee seemed to be pushed away obediently.

“Yes. You’re right.”

Then, with an emotionless face, he answered,

“I deceived you.”

Jaegyeom knew these were drunken words.

Even so, Yoon Taehee suddenly felt unbearable.

There were words that kept rising in his throat.

“So you deceive me too.”

Even if it was deception, that would be fine.

“Just one word is enough.”

Even if it was pity.

Even if the words were spoken out of utter disgust.

That would be fine too.

“I don’t care if it’s a lie.”

But Taehee could not say what came next.

Swallowing the words caught in his throat, he frowned deeply.

Something hot seemed to rise from somewhere deep in his chest.

“...”

Taehee frowned like someone swallowing something bitter and forced down the emotion that had surged up without warning.

Perhaps because he had been drinking, the threshold of his emotions felt much lower than usual.

It was difficult to control himself.

Even though he tried not to let it happen, his throat kept burning, and Taehee’s frown deepened.

“I really hate being pathetic.”

Taehee lowered his head and laughed quietly.

“But you keep making me desperate.”

There was only one reason Taehee had accepted the team dinner today.

Because it let him see Jaegyeom for longer than meeting alone would have.

The only time Taehee had been allowed was that brief moment to deliver a short matter of business.

Knowing that, he had come out and sat through a dinner gathering he normally would not have bothered with.

But Jaegyeom had shown no interest in him.

He had not even looked his way.

And suddenly, Taehee found his own state so ridiculous he could hardly stand it.

“Do you know what’s worse?”

Taehee paused for a moment and closed his mouth.

He bit down hard on his lip, trying to swallow the emotion rising inside him.

But this time, the feeling lodged at the back of his throat refused to go down.

“I keep...”

Finally, like a hard shell cracking, a clear tremor entered Taehee’s voice.

“I keep wanting to be desperate.”

Heat rushed to his eyes.

As if out of sheer stubbornness, he did not even close them to hold back what was surging up.

And still, tears fell from his reddened eyes.

The more I love you, the closer my world comes to its end.

He would never let himself be caught.

Yoon Taehee had already failed several times.

And the more he tried to hold on, the farther Jaegyeom ran.

Perhaps keeping him at his side by any means necessary was still possible.

That was the only option left.

And Taehee thought that would be enough.

The moment he decided to steal the wooden tag, Taehee had made a vow.

It is fine if you do not like me.

It is fine even if you do not remain beside me of your own will.

It is fine even if, in the end, you do not choose me.

As long as you stay by my side, I will ask for nothing more.

Even if all you give me is this cold stare.

Even if every day of mine is ruined, even if I feel abandoned every single day, I will gladly endure it.

Yoon Taehee had made that vow to himself like a prayer.

He knew very well that he could never truly have Jaegyeom.

In truth, Yoon Taehee was the one deceiving him.

If he diverted the wooden tag and broke their promise, making it impossible for Jaegyeom to die—

If death was blocked from him completely, if he could no longer die, then perhaps someday, just once, Jaegyeom might turn and look at him standing there.

He believed that alone would be enough.

Even though he had sworn that to himself, Taehee kept wanting to hope for more.

He hoped these painful days, these hellish days, would continue.

He hoped this moment — having by his side the person he ❀ Nоvеlігht ❀ (Don’t copy, read here) could never have — would never end.

If he allowed himself to be greedier still, then he wanted all of Jaegyeom’s hatred, resentment, and longing to belong to him.

And yet, if there was only one thing he wished for—

He wanted, to Jaegyeom,

to be more tempting than death.