Honbul: Flame of the Soul

When he closed his eyes and opened them again, the first thing he saw was the blue sky.

And, at the edge of his vision, the boy’s face.

Jaegyeom hurriedly pushed himself up.

It was happening again. He had lost consciousness in reality and fallen into the boy’s domain once more.

“No!”

Jaegyeom sprang up and grabbed the boy by the collar. If he had fallen here again, he had to return to reality quickly. Jaegyeom hoped the boy would wake him, just as he had before.

“Send me back outside. Hurry.”

“Why are you grabbing my collar all of a sudden?”

“You know this isn’t the time for this!”

Jaegyeom pressed him urgently.

“That’s why I asked who told you to hesitate. You should have just cut him down, whether it was Jo Youngwoo or anyone else.”

“I couldn’t do that. He’s a child who did nothing wrong.”

“Right. That’s why you’re no good.”

Then the boy grabbed Jaegyeom’s hands, which were still gripping his collar. Jaegyeom tightened his hold to keep from being pushed away.

But unlike before, the boy pried Jaegyeom’s hands off with astonishing ease.

“I already gave you one chance. I even gave you that much power. But you came back here. Now you cannot leave this place without my permission. Because now, I am stronger than you.”

“...What?”

As Jaegyeom asked back blankly, the boy smirked like a prankster.

Now, the two of them had mixed together so thoroughly that it was impossible to tell where Jaegyeom ended and where the boy began.

Before falling here, Jaegyeom had used the red spiritual force freely, as if it were his own power. That was proof.

Realizing that control had passed to the boy, Jaegyeom’s face hardened.

He could no longer leave this place without the boy’s permission.

He knew there was not much time left, but the timing was terrible. There was still so much left to do. He had not reclaimed Yoon Taehee’s name, nor had he properly faced Suhyang.

“I can’t let that happen. I have to go back.”

“Why do you have to go back?”

“I told you. The master of my life is Taehee. I’m going to live for Taehee. I promised him I’d grant everything he wants. So I have to go back. I have to go back quickly and protect Taehee.”

The boy wore an indifferent expression.

“Liar.”

“What?”

“Don’t lie. Even now, you still want to die.”

Jaegyeom frowned.

“What are you talking about?”

At that question, the boy chuckled.

“What else?”

“Because it’s strange to live for someone else.”

“Look. You said you had no reason to live.”

“But if you think about it, a reason to live is just something you attach after the fact. You said you’d live for Taehee, but if you were the sort of person who could live for someone else, you could have decided to live for Jeongju or Mesan long ago. Isn’t that right?”

“But you didn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because Jeongju and Mesan weren’t your answer.”

“And Taehee was a fairly plausible answer for you.”

“But listen. Think carefully. Because of this incident, the Hometown will withdraw the blessing it bestowed upon Taehee. Just as it did with Myojeong. Even if everything goes well and you manage to live peacefully, no one knows what might happen in a human life. Yoon Taehee has become a human who could die tomorrow.”

“Which means you could be left alone again at any moment.”

“I don’t care about that anymore.”

“Liar.”

“I mean it!”

“It’s a lie.”

“It’s not a lie!”

Jaegyeom shouted, clamping both hands over his ears.

“All this time, I needed a reason to live. Until then, the question of why I should live never left my head! That’s why I wanted to die! But not anymore. I’m going to live for Taehee.”

“Is that your life?”

“Yes!”

When Jaegyeom screamed, the boy asked,

“Fine, then.”

“I want to ask you one thing. In all that time, did you ever have a reason why you had to die?”

“A reason why I had to die?”

“You kept wanting to die.”

“I just hated living. That’s the reason.”

“No. That’s not a reason. That’s an emotion. Emotions always change. They cannot become justification or necessity by themselves. All this time, you wanted to die even though you had no reason to die.”

“So what are you trying to say?”

“Whether you decided to live or die, the reason doesn’t matter.”

“You said you would live for Yoon Taehee from now on. You say you found a reason to live, but even in the future, you still won’t want to live. Because you kept wanting to die even when you had no reason to.”

“People who want to die even when they have no reason to die still want to die even when they have a reason to live. Do you know why?”

“Because that is simply how they are made.”

“That is your fate.”

“Living for others won’t become a reason to live either.”

“Because even that is only temporary. You will probably live like this for the rest of your life. Even if you obtain a body that can die. No, rather, it becomes an even bigger problem if you obtain a body that can die normally.”

“From time to time, you will still want to die for no reason at all.”

“No!”

Just then, the boy grabbed Jaegyeom by the collar.

“Do you understand? You don’t actually want to live.”

“If it’s a life you’re going to hand over to someone else anyway, give it to me.”

“If it’s a life you’re going to give to someone, why can’t you give it to me?”

“Because you’re a calamity god.”

“Don’t make me laugh. That is only what other people call me. What matters is what I look like in your eyes. The other day, you called the Hometown fate. To you, I am not something like a calamity god.”

“Then what are you?”

“That is for you to answer.”

“Tell me. What do I look like in your eyes?”

“Why should I? I don’t know that crap.”

Then the boy, glaring at Jaegyeom, reached out.

“Answer me.”

The boy began to choke him.

“Ugh...”

“If the Hometown is fate, then what am I?”

The boy screamed at Jaegyeom, pinning him to the ground.

“Answer me! I said answer me!”

Jaegyeom looked up at this other version of himself.

The boy was looking down at Jaegyeom, breathing hard as he clutched his collar. Jaegyeom felt pity for this being who must have been trapped in this peaceful, narrow land, looking into jars every day, circling the same place and seeing the same scenery.

Ah.

Jaegyeom suddenly understood.

He understood the true nature of this boy who had the exact same face as him.

“You are...”

A single tear rolled from the corner of Jaegyeom’s eye.

“You are the desire to die.”

A crack appeared in the boy’s fiercely hardened face.

“......”

Jaegyeom felt the strength slowly drain from the hands gripping his collar.

“You give up on life too easily. Nothing inspires you. Nothing brings you joy. You are the impulse that makes a person want to abandon life. An inexplicable lethargy and boredom. Regrets from the past, draped over everything like fog. A heart that expects nothing. The exhaustion that makes a person want to let go of everything.”

“......”

“......”

Jaegyeom and the boy stared at each other in silence.

Tears flowed steadily from the corners of their eyes. His vision blurred, but the boy seemed both sad and happy.

A person who asks why they should live is, in truth, someone who wants to live more than anyone else.

“No... no... don’t do that...”

At some point, the boy’s face twisted in agony.

“Why... why would you say it like that...”

The boy released his collar and pulled Jaegyeom into an embrace.

“Don’t. You can’t live without me. I’ve protected you all this time. We’ve been one body for a very long time. So give your life to me. Hm? No, you don’t even have to give it to me. Just let us stay together. Without me, no one will understand you. You’ll end up all alone...”

The boy spoke as if pleading.

Or as if casting a curse.

“Even if everyone in the world calls me a calamity god, if you call me a guardian deity, then that is what I’ll become. If there is a human you care for, I will protect them. I will watch over them so no one can lay a finger on them. If there is a human you hate, I will scold them. I will punish them and take revenge for you...”

The boy, who had been choking Jaegyeom only a moment ago, now pressed his cheek against Jaegyeom’s. His voice trembled precariously. He seemed like a frightened child.

“Hm? Hurry and answer me. Say you’ll keep living with me...”

The boy spoke as if throwing a tantrum, rubbing his cheek against Jaegyeom’s. 𝐟𝐫𝕖𝗲𝘄𝚎𝗯𝕟𝐨𝕧𝐞𝚕.𝕔𝕠𝐦

“If you want me to lend you my strength, I’ll do it. If you want me to kill Suhyang right now, I’ll do it. I’ll grant anything you want! I am you, and you are me... We are one, aren’t we?”

Sadness washed over him.

Jaegyeom, tears still falling, slowly raised his hand and cupped the boy’s cheek.

The boy felt like a much younger brother.

Like a twin.

Or even like his own other self.

“I have no need for something like you.”