Honbul: Flame of the Soul

“Myojeong loved me so much...”

Jaegyeom cried for a long time beneath the blue sky.

Just as he had loved Myojeong, Myojeong had loved him too. The feeling of having been loved by someone. The moment he realized it, overwhelming joy and sorrow washed over him at once. Jaegyeom suddenly felt alive. And yet his tears would not stop. He kept crying because he missed Myojeong, the man who had loved him.

Jaegyeom buried his forehead in the arms wrapped around his knees.

“I miss Myojeong.”

At first, he had wanted to beg Myojeong for forgiveness. He had wanted to say that everything was his fault. Guilt, sin, anger, and hatred toward himself had flooded over him like a deluge. But now, he wanted to say thank you for loving him. What came after the rain stopped was a dazzling sky and a longing like sunlight.

“Just once would be enough. I want to see Myojeong again.”

“Hmm. That’s something even I can’t do for you.”

He knew.

Myojeong would not return. He would never, ever be able to meet him again.

Jaegyeom had once wished for some kind of bond between himself and Myojeong. And Myojeong had wanted to make a family. In that “family” Myojeong had dreamed of, Jaegyeom had been included. The fact that Myojeong, just like him, had also wanted a bond was unbearably joyous and unbearably sad. It felt as if his heart were collapsing.

“I miss Myojeong...”

At the same time, he felt a little resentful toward Myojeong for leaving without ever telling him the truth.

At one point, Myojeong had been his everything, his entire world. It had not mattered that he had been abandoned by parents whose faces he did not even know, that he had been offered as a sacrifice to become the vessel of the god of calamity, that he was someone who should never have lived.

“All I needed was Myojeong.”

Had Myojeong really not known? That living on after losing him was more painful and sorrowful than being abandoned by parents whose faces he did not know, more painful than having the god of calamity inside him?

If Myojeong had told him everything, if he had said that on the day he died, he would take Jaegyeom, who held the god of calamity, with him, and that they should leave this land together, Jaegyeom probably would have done so willingly.

“If I had Myojeong, if only I had Myojeong...”

“Maybe that was exactly why.”

Just then, the boy stretched and spoke casually.

“Maybe he did it because he knew he was everything to you.”

Just as he said, perhaps Myojeong had left because he knew Jaegyeom would follow him even into death. Because he knew the child would trail after this cursed life and fate. If not for Myojeong, Jaegyeom would never have had the will to live on his own. But that parting had destroyed Jaegyeom’s world.

“Still... what meaning is there in a life left behind like this...”

Then what on earth had Myojeong hoped for by leaving him behind?

“If he just left like that, without telling me anything, then what does that make me...”

Had Myojeong thought he would overcome everything and conquer it all?

“I killed Myojeong with my own hands... And yet he thought I would just shake it off and live well on my own...? There’s no way I could do that...”

It was then that Jaegyeom squeezed his eyes shut and covered both ears.

“Well. I wouldn’t know about that.”

The boy, who had been listening quietly, spoke up.

“In any case, you’ll never know what Myojeong was thinking.”

Opening and closing the umbrella playfully, the boy added.

“But is that really so important?”

“...What?”

“It’s just that Myojeong must have wanted you to keep living.”

Jaegyeom paused and lifted his head to look at the boy.

“That man knew when he was going to die. You, on the other hand, don’t know when you’ll die. In any case, he must have wanted you to live a different life from his own. He lived his entire life powerless. The time he was given was short, and there was nothing he could change. But you’re not like that.”

At the boy’s words, Jaegyeom’s eyes slowly widened.

“Gyeom. The master of your life is...”

Until now, the master of this life had been Myojeong.

Myojeong had always shared a portion of his own food with him. He had waited for Jaegyeom, who walked slowly, with his hands clasped behind his back. He had brought warmth into Jaegyeom’s cold, bone-chilled childhood. And so, after such a long time, Jaegyeom was here.

If he had not met Myojeong, he probably would not have made it this far. As the boy said, what mattered was the fact that Myojeong had wanted to keep Jaegyeom tied to this land, even by sharing his own life force.

Jaegyeom turned the words over blankly.

“To keep living...”

Jaegyeom lifted his head and looked up at the blue sky. He had thought it was a cursed life. He had thought it was a life like punishment. If he could, he had wanted to run away from this wretched life. A life where he was alive, yet dead. Jaegyeom had always asked himself, Why do I live? But a person who asks why they should live is, in truth, a person who wants to live more than anyone. Jaegyeom had always been desperate.

In truth, more than anyone, he had needed a reason to live.

“Right.”

And at this moment, Jaegyeom finally found that reason.

“From now on, the master of my life is Taehee.”

Jaegyeom made up his mind. He would give this life Myojeong had left him to Yoon Taehee. As if begging Myojeong for forgiveness, as if repaying Myojeong’s love, just as Myojeong had loved him, he would live for Yoon Taehee.

“Myojeong saved me. Then I will save Taehee.”

The reason for living that Jaegyeom had found was none other than “atonement.”

What Myojeong had left behind were Jaegyeom and Taehee. Then, until the day that boy died, Jaegyeom would stay by his side and protect him. He would give this life to that boy. He had to return the love he had received from Myojeong to that boy.

“From now on, I’ll live for Taehee.”

Jaegyeom roughly rubbed his damp eyes.

“I’ll do everything that boy wants to do. I’ll get his name back for him, I’ll pave a path for him, and I’ll set him free...”

So I will...

“Go back.”

To Taehee’s side...

“Is that your reason for choosing to live?”

At that, the boy’s eyes widened as he asked.

“Yes.”

At Jaegyeom’s answer, given without hesitation, the boy, who had seemed startled for a moment, let out a small snort. He shrugged, as if amused. He seemed a little disappointed, and also seemed to be sneering at Jaegyeom, but soon he muttered as though it did not matter.

“What a boring life you have too...”

He knew what Yoon Taehee wanted.

Yoon Taehee wanted Jaegyeom not to die. He wanted him to break the curse of immortality, live with him, and promise him a future together. Then Jaegyeom would do it. Because that was what that boy wanted.

“I’m going to get rid of you and live with Taehee.”

The boy’s expression, indifferent throughout the entire conversation, changed completely.

“You’re going to get rid of me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s what Taehee wants.”

Just then, the boy suddenly clutched his stomach and burst out laughing.

“Do you really think you can get rid of me? Even Myojeong couldn’t do that. So what makes you think you can? Besides, you. You still don’t seem to understand your situation. Without me, you are nothing. And we are already gradually becoming one.”

The boy stopped talking, cupped Jaegyeom’s cheeks in both hands, and yanked his head up as he spoke.

“After that, your life is over. Do you understand? You can’t exist without me. Besides, do you really think you can take on the homeland all by yourself? That kid, Taehee, is already in the homeland’s hands.”

“...What?”

“Can you snatch Taehee out of the homeland’s grasp all on your own?”

“Wh-what does that mean? Then what should I do?”

It was then that Jaegyeom’s face hardened as he looked up at the boy.

“Come with me.”

“Come with you... where?”

The boy, who had been smiling with his nose scrunched up, held out his hand instead of answering. The moment Jaegyeom dazedly took the boy’s hand, a powerful force yanked him by the wrist. The boy smiled and said,

“I will shatter your for you.”

Jaegyeom was pulled to his feet by the force tugging him upward. As he rose, he felt the bed sway.

Startled by the dizzying sensation of falling, Jaegyeom gasped and sat up. He shot upright and looked around. He was in a pitch-dark room.

Before losing consciousness, he had been in the Byeoksadan pavilion. He did not know how many days had passed since then. Jaegyeom was currently lying in a soft bed. In the dark, unlit room, the duvet and pillow smelled of Yoon Taehee. It was a place he had been to several times before. Yoon Taehee’s room.

“Taehee.”

Realizing this was Yoon Taehee’s house, Jaegyeom called out.

“Taehee!”

But no matter how long he waited, no answer came.

Did Yoon Taehee bring me here?

Flustered, Jaegyeom looked around and scrambled to his feet. He opened the door and went out into the living room, but Yoon Taehee was nowhere to be seen. All the lights in the house were off, making it hard to see.

First, he fumbled along the wall to turn on the lights and pressed the switch. But no matter how many times he flicked it, the lights would not come on. Is there a power outage? Panicking, Jaegyeom wandered through the house.

Just then, a crackle of static came from somewhere. He approached the bookshelf, searching for the source of the sound. The strange noise was coming from a radio. In the blackout, only the battery-powered radio was still alive. Jaegyeom, who had been fiddling with it, paused and listened closely.

— This is an emergency news bulletin... An unexplained fire and large-scale power outage occurred in the Jongno-gu area at midnight today... The fire department is currently investigating the cause... We urge all nearby citizens to evacuate to a safe location...

Jaegyeom’s eyes slowly widened.

“Don’t tell me...”

Jaegyeom hurriedly shifted his gaze to the window. Beyond the plate-glass window, the vast, pitch-black night sky came into view. But in the distance, a great fire was spreading. 𝕗𝚛𝚎𝚎𝐰𝗲𝗯𝗻𝚘𝚟𝚎𝗹.𝕔𝐨𝕞

It was in the direction of the Office of Narye.

“This idiot, this goddamn bastard...”