Honbul: Flame of the Soul

Yesterday, he had sent a meadow bunting to trail the boy.

The purpose was to keep tabs on his movements. The meadow bunting was a special bird that had been trained under the strict supervision of the Ritual Implements Department from the very moment it hatched. On his way out after filing for leave, Yoon Taehee had stopped by Lee Youngshin’s workshop and practically cleaned the place out, and the meadow bunting had been one of the things he stole. Later, Lee Youngshin had called him, half in tears, yelling, “You thieving bastard. You goddamn burglar,” which had been an added bonus.

Taehee had ordered the meadow bunting to find out where the boy lived.

But then Kim Jaegyeom had unexpectedly gotten tangled up in Jo Youngwoo’s affair, and things had gone sideways. While the meadow bunting sat on the wall of the alley observing Jaegyeom, time passed and the afternoon darkened. And so, instead of carrying out the order to find the boy’s home, the meadow bunting simply returned to Taehee’s arms. “Birds hear words spoken in daylight, mice hear words spoken at night.” The meadow bunting excelled at eavesdropping and spying. But like the proverb, its usefulness only held while the sun was up, and the moment dusk began to fall, the meadow bunting clocked out without exception.

Taehee did not scold it.

Instead, with a satisfied expression, he stroked the bird’s tail feathers. It had not been what he wanted, but he had still gained something definite.

Taehee did not usually like wearing ties. They were bothersome and suffocating, so unless he was being sent into the field or attending somewhere formal, he avoided them whenever he could. But sometimes you had to give up something small to take something bigger.

And then opportunities like this came along.

“How am I supposed to tie this?”

“......”

Taehee looked down at Jaegyeom in silence.

The reason Yoon Taehee had been able to establish himself inside the Office of Narye faster than anyone else was his ability to judge a situation in a split second and his tenacity in never letting even the tiniest possibility slip past him. He had picked the navy tie on a nothing-to-lose hunch, expecting there might be a spare tie somewhere. Maybe not. But if it worked out, all the better. And as always, Taehee’s what if struck true.

“Ah... school uniform ties are clip-ons these days, aren’t they? I forgot....”

He laughed as though it had never even occurred to him. Then, suddenly, his gaze dropped to the hand still gripping his arm. The warmth coming through that grip, neither strong nor weak, felt oddly distinct. The instant Jaegyeom sensed the look, he let go. A faint dimple appeared in one of Taehee’s cheeks.

“I’ll do it for you. Come here.”

Taehee moved off to a deserted corner by the roadside. He stopped behind a broad street tree and crooked a finger at Jaegyeom. Jaegyeom followed after him reluctantly.

Taehee held out the drinking yogurt he had been carrying.

“Hold this for a second. I need both hands.”

With a sour look on his face, Jaegyeom took the carton without a word. His expression remained flat, but the rims of his ears had turned red. Taehee reached out with his long fingers and adjusted the boy’s collar.

Their eyes met head-on.

“Lift your chin a little.”

Taehee straightened the shirt collar and slipped the tie around his neck.

“Like this, you loop it once, tuck the narrow end up, and make a knot...”

At that close distance, Taehee murmured almost under his breath. Those neat fingers brushed the nape of Jaegyeom’s neck, then moved restlessly near his collarbone. Holding himself stiff with his chin tipped up, Jaegyeom stole a glance downward.

He could see the young man’s face, focused on tying the tie.

He had thought it yesterday too, but the man was almost oppressively kind. Were ordinary people really this openly affectionate with one another by default...?

The young man lightly tapped Jaegyeom on the chest.

“All done.”

Jaegyeom, who had been pretending to stare off at the distant mountains, scratched at his forehead. In a teasing voice, Taehee asked,

“You’re grateful, right?”

Jaegyeom stared blankly at him.

Grateful?

After thinking about it for a moment, he answered with a serious face.

“If you really think about it, I am grateful. But I’m not grateful enough to say thank you.”

“......”

Taehee looked at him with a curious expression.

It was not as though he had genuinely wanted thanks. He had only asked as a joke. But now, without meaning to, he found himself growing serious too.

“You are grateful, but not enough to say thank you?”

“Yes.”

Jaegyeom truly seemed to mean it. He was not being sarcastic, nor was he sulking.

Taehee stood there for a moment, rubbing his chin, then asked,

“Do you mean you are grateful, but you just don’t want to say it?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? That’s just how I feel.”

“......”

Taehee gazed quietly at the boy before him.

He had lent him a tie and even tied it for him with his own hands, yet the boy remained flat and unresponsive. It seemed he really disliked being helped in a way that felt thrust on him. The boy was far more guarded than Taehee had first assumed. It seemed obvious that, without even realizing it, he could instinctively sense the taint mixed into a kindness offered to him.

Looks like someone burned him badly once. This might take some time....

“I’m joking. I only did it because I felt like it anyway.”

With a faint snort of laughter, Taehee reclaimed the drinking yogurt from Jaegyeom’s hand.

Still, there was no need to rush. If he kept prying at the cracks, sooner or later one of those cracks would become a place beside him. Taehee knew very well that gifted teenagers were closed off and clumsy when it came to emotional exchange.

Shaking the carton lightly in one hand, Taehee started to walk away at an unhurried pace. As the distance between them widened, Jaegyeom only then realized how rigidly stiff he had been. It felt as though he could finally breathe again, the tension draining out of him all at once. Perhaps because of the tie that had been around the young man’s neck, a faint lingering scent, one he had not noticed before, hovered at the tip of his nose.

“Then I’ll see you after class. I’ll be waiting in the library.”

Waiting? For me?

“Why?”

The question left Jaegyeom’s mouth by reflex. His face plainly asked what possible reason there could be for them to meet again.

Taehee looked at him and let out a loose, softened laugh.

“Why?”

He repeated the word in the same playful tone Jaegyeom had used.

“Because that tie is mine. You have to come return it.”

“Ah....”

With that one small sound, Jaegyeom averted his eyes.

*****

Were ordinary people really this openly affectionate with one another by default?

Until just moments ago, that had been the question in Jaegyeom’s head.

He decided to discard it.

With a sullen face, Jaegyeom stared at the middle-aged man standing in front of him. The sharp-faced man was the teacher who stood guard at the entrance to the main school building every morning, and the students entering the building greeted him politely as they passed, calling him the dean of discipline. In front of the entrance, as seen from the school gate, stood several student monitors and the stern dean himself. The dean was lazily swishing the pool cue in his hand through the air as he meddled in every single student who came through the doors.

Up until then, Jaegyeom had been thinking quite peacefully, Ah. So if you get caught like that, you get demerits.

He had assumed it was someone else’s problem.

Even when the dean first beckoned and said, “You there,” Jaegyeom had not realized he was being called. But the moment he stepped inside, one of the student monitors came running over and blocked his way. Only then did he understand that he was the target.

A dark cloud instantly settled over his face.

His first thought was:

Some bastard saw me borrowing that tie and already ran to snitch....

The librarian had been right. In the brief moment he had hesitated, someone had definitely seen. He could picture it perfectly: some sly-looking little weasel whispering into the dean’s ear. What a miserably harsh world. Wasn’t that too petty?

Dragged right in front of the dean, Jaegyeom ground his teeth and looked around furiously.

“You little—”

“Wh-Who said that?”

“What?”

Jaegyeom was fuming.

“I mean, if you live long enough, things like that happen, and once should be—”

“Huh? What is this kid even saying?”

The dean turned to exchange a baffled look with the student monitors standing beside him.

“You little punk. Why is your hair so long?”

“......”

Apparently, from the very beginning, the day had been going crooked.

“If it gets any longer, you’ll be able to tie it up, won’t you? Right?”

“My hair?”

“Yeah, yours. What are you, some kind of long-haired Jean Valjean?”

The student monitor standing nearby swallowed the obvious thought in silence: Jean Valjean was not that kind of long-haired. But Jaegyeom, who had no idea who Jean Valjean was and only heard, What do you mean, long-haired?, blinked rapidly.

So it wasn’t the tie. That, at least, was a relief.

Wearing a slightly confused expression, he glanced at the hair of the other students passing by. What difference was there, really...?

The seasoned teacher missed no such opening. In that brief glance, he read the strange dissatisfaction flickering in the student’s eyes.

“Oh, would you look at this little bastard. So the hair regulations don’t matter to you, is that it?”

“What are the hair regulations?”

“The hair at the sides can’t cover your ears.”

“Why?”

Jaegyeom asked because he truly wanted to know. Come to think of it, he also did not understand why not wearing a tie earned demerits. Why was long hair not allowed?

Of course, Jaegyeom fully intended to do what the school told him to do. That was why he had obediently put on the tie. But that was separate from the matter itself. He had only asked the reason out of simple curiosity.

The moment the question left his mouth, sparks flew in the dean’s eyes. Jaegyeom had no idea that an innocent question could be interpreted as a threat to a teacher’s authority.

“Why? Whyyy?”

The dean dragged the word out menacingly. The student monitors lined up nearby flinched and looked back and forth between the two of them.

“You little bastard, getting on my nerves first thing in the morning. If I say no, then no. Why do you have so much to say, huh? If you’ve got eyes, then look at the other kids’ hair. Yours is practically a blanket. A blanket. It covers your ears and then some. Here, look at this. Seeing that, you still don’t have a single thought in your head?”

Jaegyeom had spent all his time at home for years, so he had rarely had any reason to cut his hair. Long ago it had grown long now and then, but as time passed, whenever it started to feel too long he would simply grab a pair of scissors and hack it off. If it annoyed him, he tied it back. If the weather was hot, he cut it short. That was all.

Besides, after the man’s curse had fallen on him, his hair began to grow excruciatingly slowly. Even reaching this length had taken years. At the moment, Jaegyeom’s hair was in that awkward range where it covered roughly half his ears and fell to the nape of his neck.

“No... I was just curious. If you would explain why it’s not allowed—”

He truly could not understand why the dean was so angry. Had he done something wrong?

Trying to be as polite as possible, Jaegyeom opened his mouth again.

At that moment, the dean jabbed the pool cue in his hand into Jaegyeom’s chest.

“I’ve had just about enough of you. What, you want to try me right now?”

Jaegyeom lowered his eyes to look at his own chest.

“......”

Jaegyeom. If you go to school and the teachers scold you for anything, just say you’re sorry no matter what.

Why?

That’s how you get by in the world these days. And if someone’s face looks older than yours, make sure you speak politely to them. Got it?

Jeongju’s warning echoed through his head.

That’s how you get by in the world these days....

Jaegyeom quietly swallowed down his emotions. When he lifted his eyes and looked straight at the dean, the man gave a dry laugh, as if to say, Oh, really?

“There’s an old saying,” Jaegyeom said.

“What?”

“When the teacher walks, the disciple walks. When the teacher runs, the disciple runs.”

He raised a hand and brushed off the spot the pool cue had touched.

“It means the disciple follows the teacher’s example.”

“Hah! What are you trying to—”

“Your side hair looks longer than mine.”

“......”

“......”

“......”

The students filing past them into the building all turned in collective horror to stare at Jaegyeom.

“Isn’t your side hair the real blanket? Your hair is long too.”

Clack, clack...

The pool cue slipped from the dean’s hand and rolled loudly across the ground.

The dean happened to be especially close with Mr. Moon among the faculty. They were about the same age, and, most likely, the two of them shared the same sorrow of being bald. Everyone privately assumed as much.

For all his sternness with students, the dean was actually a warm and rather kindhearted person at heart. There was just one thing he absolutely could not tolerate: anyone touching that {N•o•v•e•l•i•g•h•t} particular wound of his pride. Once, a student had seen the dean and Mr. Moon walking side by side and quietly snickered, “Look, a matched pair of octopuses. Off to Twin-Moon Town,” and had wound up doing school service for it.

Stop. Please stop....

The student monitors standing in line squeezed their eyes shut.

Whether they did or not, however, made no difference. Jaegyeom knew nothing of those circumstances, nor had he any way of knowing what was running through their minds. Struggling to suppress his own rising indignation, he added in a scrupulously polite tone,

“The hair you’ve combed over the top of your head is all side hair too, isn’t it?”

The dean stood there, face drained of color, for a long moment. Then at last he bent down, picked up the pool cue from the floor, and asked Jaegyeom in a calm voice,

“What grade and class are you in?”

And so, despite the young man’s earnest effort to keep him from receiving demerits for not wearing a tie, Jaegyeom achieved the remarkable feat of earning five demerits on his second day at school.

The reason given was poor attitude and failure to follow a teacher’s instructions.