The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism

I watched the interface shimmer into existence, gold and silver frames rotating in the darkness above Sloane’s sleeping form. Part of me wondered if this light show would wake her, but she just snored louder and nuzzled deeper against my chest. Girl slept like the dead after four rounds of sex. Convenient.

"Gold pull first," I whispered.

The system hummed with anticipation. Gold frames spun faster, blurring into a circular band of light. Little stars burst from its edges like a miniature galaxy was being born right above my bed. The animation was pure psychological manipulation - flashier effects meant dopamine hits regardless of what garbage the system might drop.

But damn if it didn’t work. My heart raced watching those spinning frames.

The rotation slowed dramatically. One frame enlarged and floated toward me, glowing with amber light. It turned once, twice, then displayed its contents: a silhouette of a person surrounded by a faint aura.

〘 Congratulations! You have obtained MUSK (Uncommon · Passive Trait) 〙 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝒆𝒘𝙚𝓫𝙣𝙤𝒗𝙚𝓵.𝙘𝙤𝙢

"What the fuck is Musk?"

〘 MUSK creates a unique pheromonal signature that subtly alters how others perceive you at close range. For females, it functions as a mild aphrodisiac, increasing arousal and attachment metrics. For males, it generates feelings of comfort and brotherhood. Effect scales with proximity and exposure duration. 〙

I stared at the description, trying to process what I’d just pulled. "So... I smell good now? That’s it?"

〘 Oversimplification. MUSK operates below conscious perception. Subjects do not register your scent as the cause of their altered state. The trait bypasses rational thought, functioning as an unfair advantage in base chemistry. 〙

"You gave me magic pheromones?" I laughed under my breath. "That’s some supervillain shit."

〘 You rejected predetermined paths. The system provides tools aligned with your demonstrated preferences and behavior patterns. 〙

Oh, so this was the system’s passive-aggressive way of calling me a manipulative asshole. Fair enough.

"How potent is this effect?"

〘 MUSK scales with Temptation Gauge levels. At Neutral/Curious (0-39%), subjects perceive a general pleasantness. At Attached/Devoted (40-79%), subjects experience active craving for proximity. At Enthralled (80%+), subjects develop psychological dependency on your presence. 〙

I glanced down at Sloane, currently wrapped around me like a pink-haired octopus. Her gauge sat at eighty-four percent. If this Musk thing worked as described, she’d basically become addicted to my presence once it activated.

"That’s... kind of messed up."

〘 The trait merely accelerates existing attachment patterns. It cannot create desire where none exists. 〙

The system’s justification rang hollow. This wasn’t just an edge - it was biochemical manipulation. But I’d already crossed so many ethical lines that drawing one here seemed laughably arbitrary.

"Is it active now?"

〘 Initializing... MUSK is now active. 〙

Nothing felt different, but I hadn’t expected it to. The passive traits never gave physical feedback - they just quietly changed how the world interacted with me.

"Next pull. Silver."

The interface shifted. The gold frame vanished, replaced by a spinning silver circle that sparkled with less intensity but equal showmanship. The animation completed faster this time, a silver card materializing above my bed.

〘 Congratulations! You have obtained II - THE HIGH PRIESTESS (Rare · Activatable Item) 〙

The card displayed a serene robed woman sitting between two pillars with a crescent moon at her feet. It looked like an old tarot card, but with an otherworldly quality that made the image seem to shift subtly as I examined it.

"What does this one do?"

〘 THE HIGH PRIESTESS allows you to experience five minutes of massively accelerated perception. Time appears nearly frozen. You gain precognitive flashes of immediate future events. Cooldown: 120 hours after use. 〙

"Holy shit," I whispered. "That’s actually useful."

〘 All system rewards serve function. Your perception of value is subjective. 〙

The interface sounded offended, which was hilarious coming from code that had literally given me "slightly moist" as an ability two weeks ago.

"Can I activate it whenever I want?"

〘 Yes. Simply will the card into existence and focus upon it. The High Priestess requires conscious activation. 〙

That was genuinely valuable. Five minutes where I could see everything in slow motion and catch glimpses of what would happen next? That was the difference between life and death in a tight spot. The five-day cooldown meant I couldn’t spam it, but as an emergency button, it was perfect.

"Last one. Gold with selection option."

The interface pulsed with excitement. This time, five gold frames appeared, rotating slowly in a circle above my bed. Each frame glowed with a different colored aura - red, blue, green, purple, and yellow.

〘 Gold Pull with Selection Option allows you to choose one of five revealed abilities. Please observe each option before deciding. 〙

The red frame floated forward first, displaying a figure wreathed in flames.

〘 PHOENIX REBIRTH (Epic · Passive Trait) - Upon death, resurrect once with 25% health. One Time Use. 〙

The blue frame moved next, showing a warrior with a glowing shield.

〘 ABSOLUTE DEFENSE (Epic · Active) - Create an impenetrable barrier for 3 seconds. Cooldown: 1 hour. 〙

The green frame followed, revealing a shadowy figure moving through walls.

〘 PHASE SHIFT (Epic · Active) - Become intangible for 1 second. Cooldown: 60 minutes. 〙

The purple frame displayed a person with visible brain patterns.

〘 MIND PALACE (Epic · Passive Trait) - Perfect recall of anything you’ve experienced. Intelligence checks gain 25% bonus efficiency. 〙

Finally, the yellow frame approached, showing a figure crackling with electricity.

〘 LIGHTNING CLOAK (Epic · Active) - Coat your body in electrical energy for 30 seconds. Movement speed and striking power increase by 100%. Physical attacks gain electrical damage. Massive stamina drain after use. 〙

Five options, all Epic tier. Each one could fundamentally change how I fought. Phoenix Rebirth offered a second chance if I died, which was incredible insurance. Absolute Defense would let me block anything for three seconds. Phase Shift meant dodging through walls and attacks. Mind Palace would supercharge my already boosted Intelligence.

But Lightning Cloak... that was raw combat power. Double speed, double striking force, plus electrical damage on every hit.

With my Halloran acceptance hanging in the balance and more heroines entering the picture, pure combat ability might be what I needed most.

"I choose Lightning Cloak."

The yellow frame expanded while the others faded away. It floated toward my chest and sank into my body without resistance. Immediately, I felt electricity race through my nervous system, lighting up pathways I hadn’t known existed. My muscles twitched with new potential energy waiting to be unleashed.

〘 LIGHTNING CLOAK accepted. Would you like information on activation methods? 〙

"Yes."

〘 Channel energy through your entire body while visualizing electrical current. The cloak manifests as golden lightning surrounding your form. Warning: Drains stamina at extreme rate. Even with Boundless Stamina, sustained use beyond 60 seconds may cause physical backlash. 〙

I could already feel how it would work. The activation method sat in my mind like muscle memory I’d always had but never accessed.

"Thank you for the gifts," I said to the interface. "I’m sure you’ve got some bullshit planned for them."

〘 The system provides tools. How you employ them determines outcomes. 〙

I sighed and closed the interface. For now, I had new abilities to process and a pink-haired explosive wrapped around me like a second skin. Sloane shifted in her sleep, her leg sliding higher across my waist.

The movement drew my attention back to reality, to the girl breathing softly against my chest. Her lips parted slightly, her face completely relaxed. It struck me how rarely I saw Sloane this unguarded. She kept her walls up constantly, always ready for a fight, always projecting strength.

Sleep stripped that away. No scowl. No tension. Just Sloane, vulnerable and trusting against me.

A strange, protective feeling washed over me. Not the system’s manipulation, just... human. When had I started actually caring about her beyond the quest rewards and stat increases?

I couldn’t pinpoint the moment, but it had happened somewhere between her kicking my ass daily in training and the way she’d looked at me earlier tonight, naked and flushed, her eyes wide with wonder after her first time.

Fuck. That was inconvenient.