The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism

〘📋 SIDE QUEST COMPLETED

No Pain, No Gain

Description: The host body is no longer a complete disgrace. Acceptable baseline parameters achieved.

Rewards:

One (1) Random Skill Pull Ticket (Guaranteed Rarity: E ~ B)

+10 Stat Points

Claim Rewards? 〙

I grinned, quickly tapping YES on the floating interface only I could see.

〘 Rewards claimed. Processing... 〙

The stat points slipped into my body without pain this time—just a warm sensation spreading through my limbs, like slipping into a hot bath. Nothing like the bone-breaking agony of my first stat allocation.

〘 +10 Stat Points distributed according to optimal growth curve:

STR: 17 → 19 | AGI: 18 → 20 | DEX: 19 → 22

INT: 17 → 18 | END: 21 → 23 〙

Nice. The system clearly favored DEX and END over raw power—makes sense for someone with my build. I wasn’t going to out-muscle anyone with an Aspect, but I could outlast them and hit with precision.

Now for the main event.

〘 Processing Pull Ticket... 〙

The interface swirled with light, pixels dancing across my vision like a private fireworks show. This was it—my reward for ten grueling sessions of being Sloane’s personal punching bag. The gacha animation started spinning faster, colors blending into a kaleidoscope that only I could see.

"Come on," I whispered, fingers crossed. "Papa needs something better than ghost arms."

〘 Pull complete. Displaying results... 〙

The light coalesced into a shimmering card that rotated in my vision with all the production value of a five-star drop. The edges caught the light. Particle effects traced elegant spirals around its border. The System had never bothered with this level of polish before—my previous pulls just appeared as flat text notifications. This one had music.

"Oh shit," I breathed. My pulse kicked into high gear. This was it. The big one. Epic at minimum. Maybe Legendary. The animation budget alone told me the System thought this was important.

I watched the card complete another slow rotation. "Fire fists. Lightning. Time dilation. Teleportation. Hell, I’ll take super strength that doesn’t make me look like a gym rat."

My grin stretched wider. "Come on lady luck don’t let me down!"

The card hung in the air for one more beat, milking the moment for everything it was worth. Then it flipped with the dramatic flair of a game show reveal.

Glowing letters materialized across its face.

〘 Congratulations! You have acquired: [Dampen] — Trash Rarity

Type: Active

Description: Upon physical contact with an object, user may render the surface slightly moist, as if exposed to mild condensation. No other properties are affected. 〙

I stared.

Then I kept staring.

"You’re fucking kidding me." I stared at the floating text. "That’s it? That’s the whole skill? I can... make things damp?"

〘 Correct. You now possess the ability to generate a small amount of moisture on any surface you touch. 〙

"But what’s the point? What does it do?"

〘 It makes things slightly wet. That is the entirety of its function. 〙

I sat down hard on my bed, running my hands through my hair. Ten training sessions. Ten sessions of getting my ass handed to me by Sloane. My reward was the ability to... what? Give slightly clammy handshakes?

"This is bullshit! What’s the combat application? Can I short out electronics? Create slippery surfaces? Anything?"

〘 Combat application: Negligible. You could theoretically make a doorknob feel recently used or ensure you never have to lick an envelope again. 〙

"Fuck you," I snarled at the system. "This is a joke, right? There’s a real skill hiding behind this prank?"

〘 This is not a joke. [Dampen] is a statistical inevitability within the gacha framework. Someone has to get the bottom-tier results. Today, that someone is you. 〙

I flopped backward onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. "So my loadout is now ghost arms, unlimited stamina, and the power to make things slightly moist. I’m basically a sweaty ghost with good cardio."

〘 That is an accurate assessment of your current capabilities. 〙

"I hate you. I genuinely hate you."

〘 Your emotional response has been noted and filed under: ’Predictable User Reactions - Gacha Disappointment Category B.’ 〙 𝚏𝕣𝕖𝚎𝚠𝚎𝚋𝚗𝐨𝐯𝕖𝕝.𝕔𝐨𝕞

I sat up again, a horrible thought occurring to me. "Wait. Why was the animation so fancy if the skill is trash?"

〘 Psychological reinforcement. Studies show that extravagant animations increase user engagement regardless of outcome quality. The fancier the animation, the more likely users are to pull again despite poor results. 〙

"That’s manipulative as hell."

〘 That’s gacha. 〙

I couldn’t argue with that logic. The system was called "Scumbag" for a reason. But seriously—Dampen? What was I supposed to do with that? Make Halloran Academy’s combat instructors uncomfortable when I shake their hands?

"Can I at least refund this garbage? Trade it in for something useful?"

〘 No refunds. No exchanges. All gacha results are final. However... 〙

I perked up. "However what?"

〘 You currently possess 470 SP. A silver pull costs 350 SP. Statistically, only 14.7% of silver pulls result in Trash rarity abilities. Your probability of acquiring something useful on a second attempt is 85.3%. 〙

The system was dangling the carrot. Pull again, it was saying. Try your luck. The house always wins, but maybe not this time.

"You’re manipulating me."

〘 I’m presenting you with factual information that you are free to use or ignore. 〙

I paced around my room, thinking. Another pull would leave me with 120 SP—enough for a small stat bump later if needed. And the system was right about one thing: it would be statistically unlikely to get screwed twice in a row.

"Fine," I said finally. "One more pull."

〘 Processing transaction: 350 SP deducted. Current balance: 120 SP. 〙

〘 Initiating Silver Pull... 〙

The animation started again, but I refused to get excited this time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...

The pixels swirled, forming another card. This one glowed a faint blue color that seemed promising.

〘 Pull complete. Displaying results... 〙

===

〘Traore’s Thoughts〙

Hey guys, I decided to make a Power Stone Goal for this novel.

Every 200 Power Stones this week = +1 Extra Chapter. (MAX 14 ChapterS)

We can have the normal 2 Daily Chapters + 2 Extra Chapters Every Day, is all up to you ;)