The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism

I watched Sloane’s chest rise and fall, her face peaceful in sleep against my shoulder. Her pink hair spilled across my pillow like she’d claimed the territory without discussion, which tracked. Sloane Fitzgerald didn’t ask permission. She arrived, decided what was hers, and dared you to say otherwise.

A soft snore escaped her lips. I bit back a laugh. Sloane Fitzgerald, Legendary-tier Aspect user with the power to level buildings, snoring like a chainsaw with a head cold. If I mentioned it she’d detonate my balls with extreme prejudice, so I filed it under things I knew and would never bring up.

The sheets still carried the faint scent of her shampoo mixed with something distinctly us. We’d showered after round two, Sloane insisting we needed to wash away the evidence before her mother returned tomorrow.

What started as practical cleanup quickly turned into her pressing me against shower tiles, water sluicing down her curves while she wrapped her legs around my waist and informed me through gasps that the shower didn’t count toward our total because it was technically hygiene.

Her second time hurt less. Her third time, not at all. By the fourth she’d stopped pretending she wasn’t chasing it.

Now she slept in my bed instead of hers, claiming mine had better pillows. Really, she just didn’t want to deal with her soaked sheets until morning. Fair enough.

"Update," I whispered, keeping my voice low enough not to wake her.

The interface materialized in my vision, pale blue against the darkness.

〘 Host status: Stable. Tutorial phase: Complete. Path selection: Scumbag’s Path ("I’ll Do My Own Thing"). Current SP: 2,640. 〙

I snorted quietly. The system named my custom path "Scumbag’s Path" because of course it did. I’d rejected Hero, Villain, and Neutral, told it I’d handle my own progression timeline, and the interface titled my entire build after its own opinion of me. Petty.

"Show completed quests."

〘 Displaying recently completed quests:

MAIN QUEST: "The Damsel and the Disaster"

Primary Objective (COMPLETE): Rescued Felicity Hardy from zero-pointer engagement zone

Rewards: 1,000 Scumbag Points, One (1) Gold Gacha Pull (Standard), +15 Reputation with Felicity Hardy

Note: Heroine Candidate: Felicity Hardy (Gauge initialized at 34%)

MAIN QUEST: "The Second Pillar"

Primary Objective (COMPLETE): Fully satisfied Sloane Fitzgerald sexually

Bonus Objective (COMPLETE): Made her scream your name loud enough to be heard from the hallway

Rewards: 800 Scumbag Points, One (1) Gold Gacha Pull, Permanent Gauge notation: First

Bonus Reward: 400 Scumbag Points, One (1) Silver Gacha Pull, Temporary buff applied to Sloane Fitzgerald: Claimed Duration: 72 hours 〙

I stared at that last line. "What’s this ’Claimed’ buff?"

〘 Claimed: Subject experiences 15% increased Aspect output for 72 hours following internal ejaculation from host. Subject gains 3% permanent increase to maximum power ceiling. Physical markers include residual pheromone signature detectable by other women with initialized Temptation Gauges. 〙

I blinked. Read it again. "The sex makes them stronger?"

〘 Correct. All claimed heroines experience power enhancement proportional to emotional investment and physical intimacy levels. This mechanic was locked during tutorial phase to prevent premature discovery. 〙

Well. Fuck me sideways with a chainsaw.

All this time I’d been powering up through Sexercise, earning attribute gains from every session like the world’s most degenerate workout plan. But I was also boosting my partners. Permanently. Every time I finished inside them I was upgrading their Aspect ceiling by 3%, and giving them a temporary 15% output spike on top of that.

That explained why Diane’s Read the Room accuracy had improved so dramatically over the past two weeks. I’d been inadvertently upgrading her Aspect with every night’s multi-round performance, stacking 3% increases until her power ceiling sat significantly higher than it had when we started.

"Does this apply retroactively to Diane?"

〘 Affirmative. Subject Diane Fitzgerald has received a 22% permanent increase to her maximum power ceiling through sustained high-frequency intimacy sessions. Her current buff will expire approximately six hours after her return to Verano. 〙

Twenty-two percent.

That wasn’t a buff. That was a tier upgrade. If someone analyzed her Aspect now versus two months ago they’d detect a power increase with no logical explanation. Diane’s Luster had always been Elite-tier passive. Now it was probably pushing Legendary, and she had no idea why.

"And no one notices this change?"

〘 External observers attribute power increases to natural development, training, or emotional breakthrough. Subjects experience enhancement as natural evolution of their abilities. The system does not advertise its mechanics to non-hosts. 〙

Convenient. Almost like the system had this particular angle planned from the beginning and simply hadn’t mentioned it because it knew I’d have questions about the ethics of secretly upgrading women through sex they were having for entirely different reasons.

I glanced down at Sloane, sleeping soundly against me with one leg thrown over my waist like she was staking a claim even unconscious. Her Aspect was already Legendary-tier. Detonation at seventeen had more raw output than most pros developed in a decade. If I’d just permanently increased her ceiling by 3%... that was fucking terrifying. And according to the system I could keep increasing it with more sessions, stacking 3% every time until Sloane’s power ceiling sat so far above baseline Legendary that diagnostic scans would start flagging her as an outlier.

I was literally making Sloane stronger every time we had sex because the system decided that was a core mechanic and simply hadn’t bothered mentioning it until after I’d already crossed that line.

The ethics of it sat in my chest like a stone. She didn’t know. She wouldn’t know unless I told her, and how exactly did that conversation start?

Hey Sloane, remember all those times we fucked? Turns out my weird bullshit system was using your body as a progression engine and permanently upgrading your Aspect ceiling without asking either of us.

Yeah. That would go great.

"So I have two Gold pulls and one Silver pull available?"

〘 Correct. Would you like to execute pulls now? 〙

I looked down at Sloane again. Still dead to the world, one arm slung across my chest with the casual possessiveness of someone who’d decided I was hers and saw no reason to pretend otherwise. Her breathing was deep and even. The post-sex exhaustion had hit her hard enough that a gacha light show two feet from her face probably wouldn’t register.

And after today’s exam performance—after killing a zero-pointer that should have been statistically impossible for someone with my registered capabilities—I could use whatever edge the gacha wanted to give me before the system’s next curveball arrived.

Because there would be a next one. There always was.

"Let’s go gambling."