The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism

We maneuvered the dresser through the entrance, past the common area where the facilities staff watched with mild interest, and into the elevator. The fit was tight but manageable. The bald mover hit the button for floor three and we rode up in a silence interrupted only by Ray’s labored breathing and the soft mechanical hum of the lift.

Third floor. West Tower. The female residential wing. 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝒆𝒘𝙚𝓫𝙣𝙤𝒗𝙚𝓵.𝙘𝙤𝙢

The doors opened onto a hallway identical to what I’d seen in 1-A. Five apartments per floor, central corridor with a small seating area near the elevator, and the particular quiet of a space that hadn’t yet accumulated the noise and personality of its inhabitants. Room 301 sat at the far end of the hall, its door propped open with a designer weekender bag in deep emerald leather that probably cost more than most people’s monthly rent.

We carried the dresser down the hall with considerably less struggle now that I bore the majority of the weight. Ray kept glancing at me with an expression that oscillated between gratitude and mild concern about whether I was going to put the furniture through the wall.

As we approached 301, a voice drifted out through the open door. Female. Clear and sharp with the particular intonation of someone accustomed to being listened to. Not loud, but carrying the authority of volume without needing to actually raise it.

"Mother, I am not exaggerating. The square footage is acceptable but the ceiling height is genuinely disappointing. If Father’s firm had been consulted during the design phase, the residential specifications would have included at minimum nine-foot clearance rather than this standard eight-foot compromise that—yes, I understand the building is six decades old. I’m making an observation, not a request for a time machine."

A pause settled, but it was the kind of pause that felt calculated for effect rather than any actual need to process what was being said on the other end.

Then her voice came again, sharper this time. More edge beneath the polished surface.

"And I have neighbors. The walls appear adequate in construction, but I can hear the elevator mechanism from my bedroom if I stand near the west-facing wall. Which I will be doing frequently, given that is where my vanity will be positioned according to the layout I finalized last month."

Ray caught my eye with an expression that managed to convey his entire opinion of Miss Lang without requiring a single syllable of commentary. I returned a half-smile and angled my head toward the open doorway.

We edged the dresser through the frame with the care usually reserved for defusing explosives.

Room 301 was seven hundred fifty square feet of chaos that had been organized with military precision. Boxes sat stacked against the far wall in careful rows, each one labeled in crisp handwriting that detailed contents and intended destination within the space.

Three garment bags hung from the closet rod like artifacts in a museum exhibition, their contents presumably expensive enough to justify individual protective casings.

A platform bed frame in white lacquer had already been assembled against the window, its headboard upholstered in pearl-colored fabric that looked like it would develop a permanent stain if someone breathed too aggressively in its direction.

The bedside table held a crystal vase with fresh flowers arranged in it. White roses. The variety that ran forty dollars per stem at the kinds of florists who spelled their names with unnecessary silent letters.

And standing in the center of all this carefully curated presentation, phone pressed to her ear with her back partially turned toward the door, was Petra Lang.

She registered shorter than I had expected based on the dossier information I’d pulled from the student portal during my research phase. Five-seven at most. But she carried every single inch of that height like someone had measured it to her exact specifications and she had personally approved the final result before allowing it to proceed.

Her hair was a deep black that fell past her shoulders in waves so geometrically perfect they had to require either professional maintenance or some kind of expensive styling technology I wasn’t aware existed.

The sunlight from the window caught in it at angles that made me think of magazine advertisements for shampoo products that cost forty dollars per bottle and came with instructional videos.

Her skin was porcelain-fair and flawless in the specific clinical way that suggested either exceptional genetics or a skincare routine that constituted a legitimate part-time job in terms of time investment.

She wore a simple white sundress that on anyone else would have read as casual weekend wear but on her read like a deliberate strategic choice to appear approachable while remaining obviously elevated several tax brackets above her immediate surroundings.

The dress was doing its level best to downplay what it was working with and losing that battle comprehensively. Her figure was the kind that belonged on magazine covers or in the private recurring thoughts of every straight man within a three-block radius.

Full through the chest in proportions that the fabric strained slightly to contain. Curved at the hip with the kind of definition that spoke to either genetics or focused training. Narrow through the waist in a way that created clean lines from shoulder to hip.

Her legs were toned and substantial, visible from mid-thigh down where the sundress ended, leading down to calves that suggested she spent considerable time in heels.

She didn’t turn around when we entered her space. Didn’t acknowledge the sound of two professional movers and a student carrying four hundred pounds of furniture through her doorway.

Her phone conversation continued without any detectable interruption or adjustment for the fact that her living space had just been invaded by three strangers and a dresser.

"No, I have not met any of them yet. Nor do I intend to actively seek introductions before the official orientation schedule begins. If they are worth meeting, the natural course of the curriculum will provide adequate context for assessment. I refuse to perform eagerness for people who may not ultimately warrant the investment of energy."