The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism

The first thing that should have told me this wasn’t my room was the curtains.

I didn’t have the luxury to ever have curtains of any kind in my room it was half torn up window blinds or nothing most of the time.

The second thing is that this bed was far too big to be my full sized bed. It was King sized at least with comfortable sheets and a mattress that felt like it should be illegal to get out of.

"What the..." I mumbled, pushing up to my elbows and yawning as I tried to chase away the last bit of sleepiness. The room came into focus slowly, there were cream walls with minimalist furniture and a desk with a sick gaming setup tucked neatly into the corner.

This was not my room, not even close.

I patted around for my phone but couldn’t find it anywhere. Damn, had I gone drinking last night or something? My brain scrambled for any semblance of memory but it was all just a fuzzy static.

Ding.

A notification sounded from somewhere but with my skull currently feeling like it just got split open it was pretty low on my priority list.

"Water," I croaked while swinging my legs off the bed, My feet hit plush carpet instead of the chicken scratch carpet I was used to. I stood up shakily, nearly tripping at the unfamiliarity of my long legs.

Why was I so tall?

The door felt like it was a million miles away as I shuffled to it. I grabbed the handle and pulled it open to reveal a hallway that looked like it belonged on Architectural Digest. There were hardwood floors that gleamed under the recessed lighting with paintings that hung the walls and sculptures that filled up the empty void. Some of them looked like superheroes wearing capes.

Huh, must be big Marvel fans.

Another door stood slightly ajar down the hall and I went towards it. Hopefully the bathroom is here.

I opened the door and the bedroom was thankfully unoccupied but obviously belonged to a girl. The walls were a soft purple and there was a vanity with makeup scattered across it. Posters of what I could only describe as a KPOP group who had a super hero aesthetic filled the walls as well.

"Okay, wrong room. Wait... a girls room?"

I rubbed my eyes and looked again. Yeah, it was still a girl’s room.

"Holy shit," I whispered. "Did I end up at a sorority house? Did I actually lose my virginity my first semester?" I grinned despite the headache. "Fucking champion move! But why can’t I remember any of it?"

The next door revealed what looked like an office. Expensive furniture, shelves of books, framed certificates on the walls. I closed it quickly.

Door number three: a linen closet packed with towels.

Fourth door: finally, a bathroom. Massive, marble-countered, with a shower that could fit five people. I staggered to the sink, twisted the fancy faucet, and splashed cold water on my face repeatedly.

The shock of it helped clear my head a little. I took a deep breath and looked up at the mirror.

A stranger stared back at me.

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

I clapped a hand over my mouth before slowly lowering it, watching the reflection do the exact same thing. The face in the mirror looked nothing like the me I remembered. This guy was tall and skinny with sharp cheek bones and dirty blonde hair. Amber eyes—who the hell has amber eyes?—stared back at me, wide with shock.

"Who the fuck are you?" I whispered, watching the stranger’s lips move in perfect sync.

I touched my face and the skin felt real underneath my fingertips. I pulled at my cheeks and stuck out my tongue watching the mirror do the exact same movements.

"This is a dream," I decided. "A very weird, detailed dream. I’m going to wake up in my dorm room with a hangover any second now."

Ding.

That notification again. This time, something flashed across my vision like a heads-up display in a video game. Text floated in the air:

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Welcome, Host. System initialization complete.]

I blinked hard, but the text remained.

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Memory integration beginning. Please stand by.]

"What the actual—"

My head felt like it was exploding with the influx of information entering my brain. Names, places, years of memories that I now currently have ownership of in someway. I was the ward of Diane Fitzgerald and the unmarked son of dead heroes.

I was Lukas Belmont.

I gripped the counter as the bathroom spun around me with these foreign memories flooded my brain. He was in a city called Verano aspiring for a school named Halloran Academy. The society was filled with people that had superpowers called Aspects that were registered with something called the IHL.

And there was me, Lukas Belmont who had no powers at all.

"Holy shit this can not be happening," I whispered, but even as the words slipped out of my mouth I knew it was real.

Somehow, I had woken up in someone else’s body, in a world where superheroes were real and licensed and ranked.

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Memory integration complete. Host identity: Lukas Belmont. Status: Unmarked. Current mission: None.]

"Mission? What mission?"

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Mission queue empty. Processing...]

The text hovered for a moment, then changed:

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: New Main Quest unavailable.]

"Alright then."

I looked back in the mirror to see the stranger, well, myself now. Lukas wasn’t bad looking at all he just looked tired. Those amber eyes of his carry so much weight and now they carried mine too.

I splashed some more water on my face and then grabbed the softest hand towel I’d ever had to dry off. Okay, time to get my bearings and figure out who Lukas Belmont truly was.

I headed back to what I now understood was Lukas’s bedroom, my bare feet silent on the hardwood. As I walked, another notification pinged:

[ORACLE FEED ACTIVATED]

[Current threat assessment: None]

[Local points of interest: Kitchen (occupied) - Sloane Fitzgerald present]

Text appeared in my peripheral vision, listing information about the house layout and current occupants. Apparently, part of this "system" was an awareness feed that told me where people were and what they were doing.

"That’s not creepy at all," I muttered, pushing open the door to Lukas’s room.

Inside, I found the closet and pulled it open. Rows of clothes hung neatly—expensive-looking but understated. I grabbed jeans and a dark hoodie, both of which fit perfectly. Of course they did. This was supposedly my body now.

As I dressed, I caught sight of a photo on the nightstand. A man and woman in colorful uniforms smiling proudly at the camera.

Lukas’s parents.

Damn, this kid had lost his parents and now it seems like I took over his life. That’s rough buddy. 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝘦𝓌𝑒𝑏𝑛𝑜𝘷𝑒𝘭.𝒸𝘰𝑚

I picked up the photo to study the faces of Varen and Reina Belmont. Heroes who died saving civilians.

"I’m sorry," I whispered, though I wasn’t sure if I was apologizing to them or to Lukas himself.

I set the photo down and headed for the door. Time to face whatever this world had in store for me.

As I stepped into the hallway, another notification flashed:

[ORACLE FEED UPDATE]

[Subject: Sloane Fitzgerald]

[Location: Kitchen]

[Status: Irritated]

[Temptation Gauge: 22%]

"Temptation gauge?" I whispered. "What the hell is a—"

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: The Temptation Gauge measures a woman’s attraction level to the host. Current subject: Sloane Fitzgerald. Current level: Curious (22%)]

I stopped dead in the hallway. "You’re telling me this system tracks how much women want to sleep with me?"

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Affirmative. Temptation Gauges generate System Points when increased. System Points purchase Gacha pulls. Gacha pulls award abilities.]

"So, a dating sim’s reward loop bolted onto a gacha mechanic," I said to the empty hall. "All set in a superhero world where main only path to power is getting women hot enough to fund my slot machine pulls. Fantastic."

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Correction: The system awards real abilities through the Gacha. Abilities are not detectable by conventional Aspect scans.]

I leaned against the wall, trying to process this. "So I can get powers, but nobody will know I have them because I’m registered as Unmarked?"

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Correct.]

"And I get these powers by..."

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: System Points are generated through relationship progression. Temptation Gauges track progress. Missions accelerate progression.]

I pushed off from the wall, shaking my head. "This is insane. I’m stuck in someone else’s body, with a system that wants me to seduce women for gacha pulls, in a world with actual superheroes."

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Assessment accurate.]

"At least you’re honest," I muttered, continuing down the hallway toward where the Oracle Feed said the kitchen was.