The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism

Thai food really did make everything better.

I sat back in my chair, stomach full of pad thai and green curry, watching Diane laugh at something Sloane said about one of the agency’s clients accidentally setting his own costume on fire during a photoshoot. When Diane wasn’t being the sharp CEO who could read everyone in a room or the guardian who’d just caught me groping her in a hug, she was actually funny. Warm. The kind of person who made the whole room lighter just by being in it.

"He tried to put it out with his hands," Sloane said, grinning. "Which made it worse because his Aspect generates friction."

"The entire studio had to evacuate," Diane added, taking a sip of wine. "And he still wanted to finish the shoot. Said he could work with the burnt look."

I couldn’t help but laugh. "Did he?"

"Absolutely not. His agent had to physically drag him out while he was arguing that battle damage was trendy." Diane shook her head. "Heroes. They’re all insane."

Sloane snorted. "You represent thirty-one of them."

"Which is how I know they’re insane."

The banter continued while I cleared the plates, carrying them to the kitchen. Sloane tried to get up to help but I waved her off. The least I could do was put away the leftovers after everything that happened today.

Getting officially registered as a Channeler. 𝐟𝕣𝕖𝐞𝐰𝕖𝚋𝐧𝗼𝚟𝐞𝕝.𝗰𝐨𝐦

Having Diane discover my second ability and somehow convince her to keep it secret.

Kissing Sloane. Again. On my bed. With her straddling me and demanding answers I couldn’t give.

Yeah. Thai food and mundane cleanup duty were a welcome break from the absolute chaos my life had become.

I was putting the last container in the fridge when Diane appeared in the doorway.

"You know, I interrupted your movie night yesterday," she said, leaning against the frame. "We should have a proper family movie night tonight. Make up for my poor timing."

Family. The word hit different coming from her. Nine years I’d been here and she still found ways to remind me I wasn’t just a ward or charity case.

"I’m down," I said.

"Sloane?" Diane called toward the living room.

"Yeah, sure!" Sloane’s voice carried back, slightly too eager.

"Perfect. Let me change into something more comfortable." Diane smiled. "Lukas, would you mind getting popcorn ready?"

"On it."

She disappeared upstairs and I grabbed the popcorn from the pantry. Sloane was already heading toward the theater room, her face still carrying that pink flush from earlier. She kept glancing at me and then looking away, like she couldn’t decide if she wanted to maintain eye contact or pretend I didn’t exist.

It was cute. Really cute. I’d never seen Sloane this flustered before and part of me wanted to push it just to see how red I could make her face turn.

"What?" she snapped, catching me looking.

"Nothing."

"Then stop smiling like that."

"Like what?"

"Like... like you know something I don’t!" Her face went redder.

I couldn’t help it. The grin got wider.

She punched me in the arm.

Hard.

"Ow! Fuck!" I grabbed my shoulder, the impact sending actual pain shooting down to my elbow. "What the hell?"

"I said shut up!"

"I didn’t even say anything!"

She stormed into the theater, leaving me rubbing my arm and remembering that Sloane could probably punch through a wall if she wanted to. My seventeen Strength meant nothing compared to her Legendary Aspect and years of training.

Note to self: don’t tease the explosive girl who can level buildings.

I finished prepping the popcorn, dumping it into a massive bowl, and headed to the theater. Sloane had already picked out a movie and was scrolling through options on the massive screen. The theater was easily the size of a normal living room, with three rows of plush seating that put regular movie theaters to shame.

I heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to see Diane walking down.

My brain short-circuited.

She’d changed all right. Into a silk nightgown that could not possibly be considered "comfortable" by any reasonable definition. The fabric clung to every curve, the deep V-neck showing enough cleavage to make my mouth go dry. The hem stopped mid-thigh, revealing legs that went on forever. Thick thighs that moved with each step down the stairs. The overhead lighting made the silk shimmer, and I could see her nipples pressing against the thin fabric, clearly hard despite the house being a comfortable temperature.

This was not comfortable clothing. This was torture disguised as sleepwear.

I felt myself get hard immediately. Painfully hard. The kind of instant reaction that made standing in the middle of the theater room with a bowl of popcorn extremely awkward.

Diane smiled as she reached the bottom of the stairs, completely aware of what she was doing to me. "Much better. Movie nights should be relaxing."

Relaxing. Right.

"Come on, you two," Diane said, walking past me toward the front row. "I want the good seats."

She settled onto one end of the wide loveseat, arranging herself gracefully. The silk rode up slightly as she adjusted her position.

"Lukas, sit in the middle," she said, patting the cushion beside her. "Sloane can take the other end."

My feet moved on autopilot. Sitting between them seemed like the worst possible position but refusing would raise questions I definitely couldn’t answer.

I sat down, the popcorn bowl landing on my lap. Thank god for strategic placement.

Sloane dropped onto my other side, tucking her legs under her. She was close enough that our shoulders touched, close enough that I could smell her shampoo.

Diane pulled a large blanket from somewhere and spread it across all three of us, the fabric settling over our laps. The lights dimmed further as the apple TV came on.

That’s when the notification appeared.

〘 SIDE QUEST AVAILABLE: TOUCH UNDER COVER

Objective: Make physical contact with both subjects’ inner thighs for minimum seven minutes each before movie conclusion. Contact must be sustained and undetected.

Rewards:

Gold Gacha Pull with Selection Option (Choose 1 from 5 revealed pulls)

500 SP

Time Limit: Movie duration

Note: No failure penalty. Quest is optional. Rewards reflect difficulty and discretion requirements. 〙

I stared at the notification hovering in my peripheral vision.

No failure penalty. Optional quest. Amazing rewards.

The System was giving me an out while simultaneously dangling the exact kind of pull I’d been wanting. Gold tier meant serious abilities. Selection option meant I could choose the best result from five pulls instead of gambling on a single random outcome. Five hundred SP would cover stat increases or future pulls.

All I had to do was spend fourteen minutes total touching both Sloane and Diane under this blanket without either of them pulling away.

The absolute audacity of this System continued to impress and horrify me in equal measure.

I could ignore it. No penalty meant no consequence. Just watch the movie, eat popcorn, and pretend my life wasn’t controlled by a gacha mechanic designed to turn me into the protagonist of the worst hentai light novel ever written.

But that Gold pull with selection...

Sloane shifted beside me, her thigh pressing briefly against mine through the blanket. My pulse kicked up and I forced myself to stare at the screen.

Diane reached for popcorn, her hand brushing my arm as she pulled back. The silk of her nightgown whispered against the fabric of the blanket.

"So," Sloane said, settling deeper into the cushions. "What are we watching?"