The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism

I turned my head to look at her properly. Her pink hair was a complete disaster, her makeup was smeared, and there were bite marks all over her neck and shoulders. She looked thoroughly fucked and completely satisfied.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Mm. Better than okay." She finally opened her eyes and looked at me. "You’re dangerous, you know that?"

"You’ve mentioned it."

"I’m serious." She reached over and put her hand on my chest, right over my heart. "Two hours ago we were having a family meeting. Now my daughter is in the shower washing your cum out of her and I’m lying here thinking about round five."

"Pretty sure we’re done for today."

"Probably smart." Her smile turned wicked. "Though with that stamina of yours I’m never quite sure."

The Oracle Feed pinged in the corner of my vision. I’d been ignoring it for the past two hours but now that things had calmed down I couldn’t avoid it anymore. 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝘦𝓌𝑒𝑏𝑛𝑜𝘷𝑒𝘭.𝒸𝘰𝑚

I pulled up the notification.

QUEST COMPLETE: Keep It In The Family

Main Objectives:

Convince Diane Fitzgerald to participate: COMPLETE

Convince Sloane Fitzgerald to participate: COMPLETE

Bring both subjects to climax in shared encounter: COMPLETE

Bonus Objectives:

Ensure both subjects achieve climax at least twice: COMPLETE

Maintain enthusiasm from all parties throughout: COMPLETE

Rewards Granted:

7,500 Scumbag Points

Epic Gacha Ticket (Selection Option)

+25 Reputation with Diane Fitzgerald (Current: 85/100 - ENTHRALLED)

+25 Reputation with Sloane Fitzgerald (Current: 109/100 - OBSESSED)

Passive Trait Unlocked: Family Man

Additional Notes:

Integration successful. Household stability achieved. Polyamorous framework established. Recommend maintenance through regular shared encounters and individual attention to prevent regression.

I stared at the numbers. Sloane’s reputation had broken past one hundred. The System classified her as Obsessed now, which was both flattering and terrifying. Diane had jumped to Enthralled.

And I’d unlocked something called Family Man.

I pulled up the trait description.

Family Man (Passive Trait - Rare)

When maintaining romantic relationships with multiple women who are aware of each other, receive the following benefits:

+15% to all Charisma checks when mediating conflicts

+20% to Stamina recovery when resting in shared space

Reduced jealousy generation between established partners

Increased cooperation during group activities

Note: This trait only functions when all parties have consented to the arrangement and maintain awareness of other partners. Deception voids all benefits and applies penalties instead.

So the System was rewarding me for actually getting everyone on the same page instead of sneaking around. That was almost responsible.

Almost.

"You’re doing that thing," Diane said.

I looked at her. "What thing?"

"The thing where you go quiet and your eyes unfocus like you’re reading something nobody else can see." She propped herself up on one elbow. "What is it? Another power?"

My stomach dropped. "What makes you think it’s a power?"

"Because I’m not stupid." Her voice was gentle but firm. "I told you I noticed something after we started sleeping together. My Luster feels stronger. More responsive. And it’s not just me, is it?"

I should have lied. Should have deflected. Should have done literally anything except tell her the truth.

But I was so tired of lying.

"No," I said quietly. "It’s not just you."

Diane’s expression didn’t change but something shifted in her eyes. "What does it do?"

"You felt it yourself. Enhancement through physical contact."

"How much enhancement?"

"About three percent permanent boost per encounter."

She went very still. "Per encounter."

"Yeah."

"And we’ve been together for two weeks." Her voice was carefully neutral. "Multiple times per night."

"Yeah."

"So I’ve gained," she paused, doing the math, "approximately sixty percent permanent boost to my maximum ceiling."

"Closer to sixty-three actually."

Diane sat up fully, the sheet falling away. She wasn’t looking at me anymore. She was staring at her hands like they belonged to someone else.

"Sixty-three percent," she repeated. "That’s not an enhancement, Lukas. That’s a tier upgrade. I was Elite-tier before we started. Now I’m pushing into Legendary territory."

"I know."

"And Sloane." Her eyes snapped to mine. "How many times have you been with her?"

"Including today? Four."

"So she’s gained twelve percent. On top of already being Legendary." Diane’s voice was getting sharper. "Do you understand what that means? In a few months she’ll be so far above baseline Legendary that diagnostic scans will flag her as an outlier. People will ask questions."

"I know."

"And at Halloran." She was standing now, pacing. "Every ambitious Hero candidate with half a brain will figure out what you can do the second they see performance metrics jump after spending time with you. You’ll have a line around the block."

"I know."

"Do you?" She whirled on me. "Because from where I’m standing it looks like you have the single most valuable utility power in the entire Hero industry and you’ve been walking around completely unprotected for two weeks."

The shower turned off. We both fell silent, listening to Sloane move around in the bathroom. When the door opened she emerged in a towel with her pink hair dripping, took one look at our faces, and froze.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," I said at the same time Diane said, "Everything."

Sloane’s eyes narrowed. "Which is it?"

Diane looked at me. "Your call. She should know though."

Right. Because this day wasn’t complicated enough already.

I sat up and ran a hand through my hair. "Sloane. Come sit down."

"Why do you sound like someone died?"

"Nobody died. Just come here."

She walked over slowly and sat on the edge of the bed, still clutching her towel. "You’re scaring me."

"Don’t be scared." I took her hand. "I need to tell you something about my Aspect. About what it actually does."

Her grip tightened. "Okay."

"The Force Manipulation you saw is real. But there’s more to it." I glanced at Diane, who nodded encouragement. "There’s a secondary effect. Enhancement through physical contact."

Sloane blinked. "Enhancement."

"Yeah. When I’m intimate with someone they get stronger. Permanently."

She stared at me for a long moment. Then she looked down at herself, at her hands, at her own body like she was seeing it for the first time.

"How much stronger?"

"Three percent per encounter."

"Three percent." Her voice was flat. "And we’ve been together four times."

"Yeah."

"So I’m twelve percent stronger than I was before."

"Yeah."

She stood up abruptly and walked to the window, still clutching the towel. Neither Diane nor I said anything. We just waited.

"That’s why you wanted to test it with Mom," she said finally. "You weren’t just being horny. You were trying to figure out if it was real."

"Partly," Diane said. "Though I was also absolutely being horny."

Sloane made a sound that might have been a laugh. "And now I’m part of it too."

"You were always part of it," I said. "I should have told you sooner."

"Yeah. You should have." She turned around. Her face was carefully blank but her eyes were bright. "Is there anything else?"