Apocalypse Reset: My Crab Can Heal the World!

They make their way toward the entrance to the lower levels, where a large, rusted elevator awaits. A few other humans are gathered there, chatting excitedly, dressed in their best festival garb.

"This thing still works?" Barns asks, eyeing the lift warily.

"It’ll probably hold," Skado smirks. "Unless it doesn’t."

Barns narrows his eyes. "Not reassuring."

The operator—an old, one-eyed dwarf with a beer stein in one hand—waves them forward. "Get in or don’t. I ain’t got all night."

The dwarf WAS in fact scheduled to work the elevator all night.

Jennifer steps in first, unbothered, and Barns follows. Skado leans against the railing, and Clancy… somehow fits. Barely.

The doors creak shut, and with a lurch, the elevator begins to descend.

The air grows heavier, the sounds of distant, booming laughter and music vibrating through the walls. The scent of ale, roasted meat, and something distinctly dwarven fills Barns’ nose.

Clancy is practically bouncing on his claws. "FESTIVALE FOR KING."

Barns takes a deep breath as the elevator grinds lower.

"Alright," he mutters to himself. "Let’s see what these dwarves can do."

The dwarves dwelling on the bottom level of Lantafort are renowned for their miraculous ingenuity - they are expert tunnelers, and in fact they designed the entire city of Lantafort. They are also master craftsman, able to work with any material with ease after just a few hours of study.

They also know how to party.

Barns’ group is greeted at the bottom of the elevator shaft by two dwarves wearing aviators and flamboyant see-through mesh tops. Each one had a gold chain around their neck and well-maintained beards.

"Ay papis!" one of the dwarves shouts as he sees the group. "Welcome to the party, daddy, mwa!"

They’re looking at Barns when they talk, blowing him kisses and flexing for him.

"Ai yai yai - yow! Chica looking fine!" another says, cat-calling Jennifer.

"I think I had my fun, we can leave now," Jennifer winces.

"Aw, we just got here!" Barns says reassuringly.

They proceed into the crowd to a light-up dance floor.

The dwarf party culture sits on the divide between disco and rave - bright colors, fun music, and tons of freely available drugs. As they walk around, they learn much about dwarf culture.

"You want some Grook, man?" one dwarf offers, smashing a purple crystal on the table and snorting it up.

"I’m actually all Grooked up already, dude. Thanks."

Skado eyes the Grook suspiciously. "Some kind of drug I’m unfamiliar with. This could be invaluable for my craft."

Skado wanders away from the group, clearly interested in the drugs - not for recreation, but to further develop his arsenal of poison. They leave him to it.

At the center of the dance floor, it’s not Barns or Jennifer that start garnering all the attention. It’s Clancy.

The mighty crab takes a hit of whatever Grook is - hopefully it’s not toxic to crab biology - and starts to go wild dancing. His beady pupils are somehow so big that the purple of his eyes is no longer visible, and he’s bobbing and clicking and scuttling like never before.

Barns claps a hand to his head as suddenly every dwarf in the underground seems to be drawn to Clancy. They offer him some more Grook. The gluttonous crab can never say no to women, drugs, or alcohol, and all three are here in spades.

He’s got two dwarf ladies on either claw, grinding against him and dancing their hearts out. The other dwarf men cheer him on. He’s quickly the center of attention, and clearly none of them care how or why a giant crab is partying with them.

"DWARF WANT FOAM PARTY!?" Clancy bellows. He’s cheered on from every corner of the dance floor. And then, Clancy does what he does best.

He starts spraying his foam in the air, and the crowd goes absolutely wild. Even the few other humans who are raving away on the dance floor get involved, and soon everyone is covered in foam and dancing their minds out.

Suddenly, Clancy is hoisted into the air by the cheering, Grooked-out dwarves. It’s a frenzy unlike anything Barns has ever seen, but Clancy is clearly a quick darling of the dwarves.

"Ironblood!" one of them shouts.

"That’s what I’m saying, homes!" another dwarf declares, draining a flagon of booze. As the dwarves cheer louder and louder, it becomes clear that Clancy has already gained their favor.

Barns and Jennifer stay on the outskirts of everything as it happens, where they’re approached by a dwarf with a cool headband and shades.

"That your crab, you sexy little thing?" the dwarf asks, looking to Jennifer. The dwarves are much shorter than average humans, so when he looks up at Jennifer all he sees are her breasts. 𝗳𝚛𝚎𝚎𝘄𝕖𝕓𝕟𝕠𝚟𝚎𝕝.𝗰𝕠𝐦

"King Clancy? Oh, no, I’m just his humble servant!" she laughs.

"I take responsibility for the crab," Barns smiles. "He’s my best friend."

"That guy," he says, pointing at Clancy. "He’s a cool guy. So where are you all from, ah? You three no like the humans above. They always treat us different, like we from some crazy other planet or something. You three, you keep it REAL! I can tell, one look at you. Maybe not used to our parties but used to having FUN!"

Barns and Jennifer exchange a smile.

"We definitely know how to have fun," Barns quips.

"You must be from that new place, eh? The humans from Dimartino! We used to do some business there. Maybe we can show you something cool, eh?"

"I’d love to see it anytime!" Jennifer shouts, trying to let her more quiet voice be heard over the sound of the music. "I’m the new Ambassador representing Dimartino, and I hope we can get along."

"Dimartino Ambassador, Chica? Well why didn’t you say so sooner! We love people who know how to party! You know what, mi amor? You two are Ironblood too!"

He says it loud enough for the nearby dwarves to hear. They get a rousing cheer and both of them have flagons of ’Rockbeer’ stuffed into their hands.

"Come on, if you want to be Ironbloods you have to drink the whole flagon!"

Barns and Jessica exchange looks once more.

"Eh, what the hell. Ironbloods for life!" Barns announces, taking a swill. It’s fire in his lungs but oh-so-tasty. Jennifer follows suit, taking a huge swig and shouting with joy. The dwarves are clapping and cheering like nobody’s business.

"You. Come here tomorrow morning. We’ll show our new Dimartino friends something cooler than cool!"

And so the three of them party well into the night, none of them quite sure how they gained the dwarven favor so easily but glad that they did.

Skado technically is at the party too, but he’s entered full drug-lord mode, as the dwarves show him all sorts of illicit substances they’d been curating. The young poisoner looks like he’s never been happier, and before the night is over, he too is declared an official Ironblood.

"Can’t believe I never came here before. The drugs they use are unlike anything I’ve ever seen or tasted before!"

"Tasted?" but Barns doesn’t even need to ask. Skado’s eyes are straight bugging.

"Well, sure. I can’t know something’s properties without trying it a little and seeing how it affects me. Whooooo!" he cheers. It’s almost frightening, how ’loose’ the poisoner gets. Before long he ditches his shirt, too, partying shirtless in the foam with the best of them.

It’s late in the night when they finally decide to leave, and all four of them crash in Skado’s living room.

When the morning comes, they make good on their promise to what they assume is the leader of the dwarves.

They arrive back to the lower floor and things are already immaculately clean, with no evidence of the raucous party just hours ago. They’re greeted with apprehension by some as they arrive, but once the head dwarf sees them, it’s all cheers and everyone’s given another flagon.

"So, Dimartino friends. You come back!"

"Of course!" Jennifer laughs, putting her newfound diplomacy skills to the test. "Wouldn’t dream of missing this! So, what did you want to show us?"

The dwarf holds his hands out wide in front of him, in a dramatic flourish. "Right this way, honies."

He leads the quartet down a long hallway, into a room that’s even lower than where they were. Seems the city of Lantafort also has a basement.

He walks them into a large hollow, and the group is astounded by what they see. It’s like an underground train station, with tunnels in every direction leading far into shadowy voids.

They can hardly understand what it is they’re seeing, but the dwarves are quick to explain.

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"Welcome to our biggest secret," he says with a big and exaggerated smile. "Need a ride back to Dimartino? We can have you home in an hour, papis."

And that’s when Barns realizes what becoming an ’Ironblood’ really means for the representatives of Dimartino.

They’ve just unlocked dwarven fast travel.