Apocalypse Reset: My Crab Can Heal the World!

"Sure is a lot of commotion out there," Haima says, peering out the window of Ordella’s makeshift infirmary. Godrick lies facedown on the bed next to her. His injuries were far more severe - Haima’s are more emotional scars than anything.

Never before has someone resisted her technique so easily. It was as if her power were meaningless before the Sentinel Donatella. She, the forsaken prodigy of the Gore family…

Haima stares drearily out the window, ruminating. She sees King Clancy having an animated chat with some of the townsfolk, who are giving him a tour of the town.

Knowing the mighty king as well as she does, he’s probably inquiring about the availability of prostitutes.

Haima moves from the window, closing the blinds and climbing back into her bed. She pulls up the covers and watches Godrick. He didn’t answer her earlier comment - he’s likely fast asleep, by Haima’s guess.

"So much for flirting in the hospital, you big oaf," she says, but despite the ice in her words she can’t help but smile. It’s a nice moment, and for just a while she can push the failure of her Secret Art out of her mind.

Outside the window, Clancy scuttles further down the street, accompanied by the two humans overseeing Ordella since the Master Vampires took over. Adon and Adea needed some level of order, otherwise they’d have lost their farming stock to disease and starvation. They’d promised the two giving Clancy his tour that they’d be allowed to live if they maintained order and rationed resources for the town.

As they quip to Clancy about the dark days, the two do what they do best - suck up to whoever’s in charge.

"Of course, Your Majesty," the woman says, giving a reverent salute. Just then, they come onto the main street of Ordella. Even after the commotion earlier with the Sentinel, Ordella slowly creeps back to life.

"There he is!" comes a call from the crowd, an elderly man. "The hero who fought the vampires and saved the town from destruction!"

"King Clancy!" another called out in delight.

Clancy is swarmed by wide-eyed citizens, who each perform their version of the crab salute and beseech the mighty crab for aid. They regale him as their divine savior and hero.

One of Clancy’s attendants suddenly has a brilliant idea. "Your Majesty," he offers, whispering into the crab’s…shell. "Ordella is home to a legendary artifact once owned by a prophet who foretold the end of the world. We have kept it safe all these years in the hopes of one day granting it to our savior. We believe you to be that savior - would you allow us to offer you this gift?" 𝘧𝓇𝑒𝑒𝑤ℯ𝑏𝓃𝘰𝑣ℯ𝘭.𝘤ℴ𝘮

Clancy clicks his claws greedily. "GIVE GIFT IN REVERENCE!" Clancy agrees. He’s eager to see what rare treasure they have to offer.

They lead him through the crowd toward a stunning cathedral. This cathedral is a holy site - one that not even Adon and Adea dared to defile. Luckily the doors are just wide enough that Clancy can walk through sideways.

The large crab looks around the ordained hall, his mouth making gushy noises. He’s pleased with his new cathedral - for he is the king, and all that he sees is his.

The two attendants unearth a large coffin-shaped chest from the front of the cathedral, and from it they each grab one item. They bring their gifts to Clancy and present them one at a time.

"For you, Your Majesty," the man says, bowing his head and offering up a golden scepter. It’s long - like a broom handle, with an ornate sigil of three overlapping circles atop the pole. He places it carefully in Clancy’s right claw.

"For you, Your Majesty," the woman says, bowing her head and showing Clancy an embellished and fanciful hat with a peculiar dome shape. It looks like something a pope would wear. She places it upon his head. Clancy’s beady eyes widen with awe as the blessed dome is placed upon his head.

"GOD KING CLANCY!" the crab announces. He means it as a joke - his attendants accept it as a proclamation.

"Yes. God King Clancy." They bow in unison, saluting him. "Savior of Dimartino and Ordella. Divine Messiah of the New World Order."

They pray over him, and shower him with praise. Clancy loves admiration.

"LEAD ME TO WHORES!" Clancy commands, tapping his royal stick on the ground authoritatively.

It’s a bit crass for the moment, but the two attendants have no means to object.

"As you wish, Your Majesty. We exist only to serve your exalted whims."

As they leave the cathedral, Clancy has a change of mind. "WAIT!" he exclaims, clapping his hatch-mouth together, salivating.

"FOOD FIRST. GOD KING CLANCY ORDERS ORDELLA FEAST!"

As they step back onto the main street, there are ’oohs’ and gasps from the crowd gathered. As the populace looks upon Clancy with his pope hat and royal scepter, they all begin to clasp their hands together, fall to their knees, and pray.

Back in the day, Ordella was a large religious community. The salvation proffered by the crab seems to have brought that back out of the populace. So many of these people survived as long as they did only by clinging to their faith, and praying that a miracle would come and drive out the vampires. That miracle is Clancy.

As Clancy watches the people pray to him, he clicks at his Ordella advisors. "WHAT DATE?"

They look to each other in confusion. "Are you asking…what day it is?" the woman confirms.

"YES!"

She checks her wrist, only to realize she’s not wearing a watch. "Ah…June 9th, I believe."

"ORDELLA CITIZENS! GOD KING CLANCY DECLARES JUNE 9 AS HAPPY CRAB FESTIVAL! JOIN IN MIGHTY FEAST! PRAISE THE CRAB!"

As the people begin to cheer for Clancy, a message from Maria pops up in front of him. Clancy has had some experience dealing with pop-ups from his leveling adventures. He carefully clicks on the ’Open’ button with his free claw, and the contents of the message spill out.

[Hi Clancy,

Hope you’re having a grand old time in Ordella. Knowing you, you’ve probably already started a cult or something. I have critical information for you.

First, Barns along with some others have gone north to a region known as the ’Chatran Plateau’. They have the means to kill the vampire Adon and also have discovered that a hidden city of ten thousand people is in the region.]

Clancy stops reading the message for a moment.

’CHATRAN?’ Clancy thinks to himself. ’YUMMY KOBOLD PLACE. USED TO VACATION BEFORE BARNACLES.’ On that note, he continues reading.

[Barns and I need you to find and appoint someone as a ’Moderator’ - someone who can run Adventurer Guild tasks out of Ordella. Can you do that for me, you big, smart crab?

Love, Maria]

Her extended use of bold text surely was to make sure the crab could follow along with the message, but Clancy has no trouble. Despite his limited vocabulary, he’s actually quite the seasoned reader. He even dabbled in writing, back in the day.

Clancy raises his pincers in the air after reading the message. "AUDITION TIME!" he announces.