The Stranger Behind My Orgasm

Abigail

I flinched from the hard thump his fist made when it hit the desk, stunned to my boots at the furious look on his face. I knew he was mad, he had every right to be. Seeing him this shaken gutted me deeply.

I should have just told him.

A few steps forward and my thighs hit the edge of his desk. I reached out wishing I could undo the hurt in those green eyes, that I could make up for it all.

"I really am sorry,"

He dropped back in his seat, letting out a deep exhale. His jaw locked as the agitation slowly melted away from his face and the stone cold look was back.

"You had six months to tell me the truth if you wanted to,"

My throat tightened. My lips parted to speak but the glare in his eyes had the words rushing out in forced breaths.

"I... I wanted to tell you,"

His brows raised and for some reason, I felt incredibly small. Dammit, this wasn’t going well.

"Oh really? Did you? Tell me, then Miss Kellerman, When? When exactly did you want to tell me? Before or after Boston?"

"Finnegan,"

"Before or after I pulled that mask off your face?" He demanded, eyes blazing as he leaned forward on the desk. "Because from where I’m standing, the answer is never. You were never going to tell me."

"That’s not true." My voice cracked on the last word and I hated it. "I tried. I almost told you-" I pressed my lips together. "I was scared."

"Of what?"

"Of losing my job." I cried, dropping my palm on the desk. "I had just come out of the worst few months of my life. I needed this job, Finn.I saw what you did with Myles and Tyler and I knew if you found out you would..."

"Fire you." He completed in a flat tone.

My head dropped in a nod. "Yes."

For five seconds, though really it felt like forever, his eyes ran over me pensively.

"Then that," he finally spoke, "would have been my decision to make. Not yours. Mine, Abigail. And have I fired you?"

My eyes widened then drooped. I shook my head meekly while he continued.

"The job you were so desperate to protect, have I taken it from you?"

My eyes burned with tears. I didn’t answer because we both already knew the answer.

"I trusted you." He said those words quietly and somehow it cut deeper than him yelling at me.

"Do you understand what that means for me? How rarely I...You are the first person outside of my family that I have trusted in a very long time. I didn’t imagine you would break it."

A tear threatened to slide down my face, I blinked rapidly to hold it back.

"I’m sorry." My voice came out barely above a whisper. "I know that’s not enough. I know sorry doesn’t fix it. But I am. I’m genuinely sorry. I shouldn’t have lied to you. I should have come clean-"

He straightened and picked up the document he had shoved aside earlier. "Go back to your desk, Miss Kellerman. I have a meeting in five minutes and you still haven’t worked on the corrections I mentioned."

My shoulders slumped. The conversation was over, I didn’t need a seer to tell me that. With one foot in front of the other, the distance from his desk to the door seemed to stretch longer the more I walked.

When I finally stepped outside, the tears burning the corner of my eyes fell then, rolling in streams. I clamped a hand over my mouth to push back the sobs.

I may have not lost my job, but I had lost his trust.

I never thought that in a million years, his trust would mean this much to me.

The rest of the day passed by just as gloomily as it began. My boss iced me out as usual, and while he didn’t run me as ragged as he had the past days, he still was a block of ice that wouldn’t thaw.

Yeah, I wouldn’t thaw if I were him either. I had betrayed him in a way. Was I really better off than Tyler or Myles or even skinny Lee? A lie was a lie afterall.

Sasha moved to a new place over the weekend and was throwing a house warming party after work. Annie and the girls were already at her place when I pulled up in her driveway.

"Ooh, fancy doorbell," I chuckled after pressing on her doorbell and some classic rich folk song came on. Sasha’s new place was in the suburbs and it was sleek as hell.

The door clicked open and Sasha squealed, her eyes lighting up. "Abby! Come right in, babies, we were just about to get wasted!"

I held up the bottle of wine I had brought along as a gift. "Without my dear Sauvignon? It’s not a party until I arrive."

"Hell, yeah! Hit me with the red wine baby," Jade screamed from inside the house while Sasha’s hand closed around mine tugging me in.

Meeting up with the girls did manage to take my mind off the several things bugging and weighing on it. As did the alcohol, but somehow it wasn’t enough.

Would he ever forgive me? Would we ever be able to put a tail on Gavin? What if Gavin the henchman knows we were on to him and-

"Abby, stop mooching off in the corner and help me win this scavenger hunt," Annette groaned from Sasha’s dragon themed bedroom, tearing me out of my thoughts. I came here to have fun with my friends, not sulk in a corner all night. 𝐟𝐫𝕖𝗲𝘄𝚎𝗯𝕟𝐨𝕧𝐞𝚕.𝕔𝕠𝐦

When Annette and I got home, we were heavily drunk while singing to the Wellaman. I had no idea when I fell asleep, but when I woke, there was a crushing pressure on my face, suffocating me.