Beastmen Are Crazy, So I Sell Them Therapy

Imperial Artificers Academy

We stood in front of the massive entrance gates, the kind that screamedprestige, power, and you will absolutely be judged here.

Students passed by in neatly pressed uniforms, posture straight, and composed expressions.

They all looked like they had never once experienced financial struggle in their lives.

I pulled out my OmniSync and held it up to Gawain.

"You can drop me here now."

A normal person would nod.

A normal person would leave.

A normal person would respect boundaries.

Sadly, Gawain... was not a normal person.

He only glanced at it then kept walking straight past the gates like he was also a student.

Wait.

Hold on.

I slowly looked him up and down.

’...Since when did he change clothes?’

Because he wasn’t wearing his usual "I might commit a crime today" outfit.

No.

He was dressed exactly like the others. Same uniform. Same style. Same "I am definitely enrolled here" energy.

My brain tried to catch up.

I don’t remember him changing.

I don’t remember him enrolling.

I don’t remember approving this.

"Surprised, My Lady?" he said, glancing at me with a smirk that immediately raised my blood pressure.

I raised my OmniSync. "How?"

He chuckled, clearly enjoying himself. "Just remember that I’m your capable and loving manny. I can do a lot of things but serving you is my utmost priority."

I narrowed my eyes.

’Capable? Loving?’

Because aside from being an annoying, overprotective, questionable decision-making skills, has access to illegal weaponry, and occasionally violent nanny—

I truly had no idea what else he was capable of.

I sighed internally.

You know what?

As long as he was useful and loyal, I wasn’t going to question it.

’I don’t care anymore.’

I typed again.

"Then bring me to the nearest comfort room. Along with my luggage."

"Of course, My Lady."

At least he was obedient sometimes.

Once inside, he led me to a restroom, standing guard outside like a suspiciously dedicated bodyguard while I went in.

The moment we reached the comfort room, I wasted no time, opening my luggage, fully expecting only the mechanical arm, energy stone and my eye veils but froze.

Beneath my energy stone were perfectly multiple sets of tailored outfits exactly my size and among them was my academy uniform.

I stared at it before slowly looking around like Agatha might suddenly appear from nowhere and explain herself.

...Nothing.

Slowly, I reached for the note tucked neatly on top and unfolded it.

══════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹══════

My Lady,

You’ve probably seen the clothes I’ve packed. I’ve ordered them from Beasté Élegance Boutique.

You must be close with Madam Laurel already since she even gave me a discount.

P.S. These are not for free. You owe me 65,000 IC.

Another P.S. Please act normal and don’t do anything unsightly while you’re there.

══════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹══════

"..."

My mouth dropped.

65,000 IC?!

I looked at the clothes.

Then at the note.

Then back at the clothes.

Discount?

That was a discount?!

What was the original price?!

Was I being robbed?!

Was this a scam?!

Was Laurel also involved in this?!

Of course she was.

I clutched the paper tighter.

Agatha...

Agatha who politely bowed.

Agatha who spoke respectfully.

Agatha who looked like the most reliable person in the estate—

Was apparently a businesswoman.

I took a deep breath, staring at the mirror. "...Is she showing her true colors now that I’m gone?"

This felt like the beginning of financial betrayal.

I sighed, rubbing my temple then looked back at the outfits.

"..."

Well, at least I looked rich now.

I grabbed my energy stone transforming me back to human, carefully changing into one my uniform and adjusting everything until it sat perfectly.

Once finished, I grabbed my luggage and stepped out.

Gawain immediately looked at me. "You looked perfectly normal, My Lady!"

I stared at him like he had just personally insulted my entire existence. "What do you mean perfectly normal?" I shot back, already irritated. "I always look normal!"

"Sure~" He nodded but his face clearly tells me that he doesn’t agree what I was saying.

"Also," I added, narrowing my eyes, "stop calling me My Lady. You’re making it obvious."

"B-But I can’t do that, My Lady—" he panicked. "Calling your name is considered a sin—"

Smack!

My hand aimed a clean hit to the back of his head.

"You literally erased our identities!" I hissed, pointing at him accusingly. "As of now, we are ghosts. Ghosts, Gawain. So act like one and register our new names properly!"

"Yes— I mean— understood—!" he said, rubbing his head like he had just been enlightened through violence.

He straightened. "Then what should your name be?"

"Blanca Frostine," I answered immediately.

Why would I use another name when I already had a perfectly good one?

"My La—"

I glared at him.

"...Blanca," I repeated slowly.

He stiffened as he opened his mouth. "Bla—Bla—Bla—"

"Bla-bla-bla?" I echoed flatly. "What are you? A sheep?"

"I can’t!" he wailed dramatically, clutching his chest like he had just been stabbed emotionally. "Just kill me instead!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose.

This man.

This dramatic crybaby.

"Fine," I said finally, waving my hand dismissively. "You can just call me Miss Blanca."

"Understood... Miss Blanca."

The speakers suddenly blared to life, echoing across the entire Academy.

[Attention! All students are required to go to Function Hall A for the orientation]

[Attention! All students are required to go to Function Hall A for the orientation]

"...Shall we Miss Blanca?"

I adjusted my posture like I was about to attend a royal ceremony instead of freshman orientation, lifted my chin, and very gracefully handed him my luggage.

"You should go ahead first."

He blinked. "Where are you going, Miss Blanca?" he asked, already getting jostled as students started passing between us like a human river that had no respect for personal space.

"I want to roam around before sneaking in," I replied casually. "Go save me a seat."

And before he could activate his overprotective instincts, I ran very fast to get away from him.

Because if there was one thing I learned about Gawain, it was that if you gave him even three seconds, he would absolutely follow you like a loyal—and very loud—shadow.

I didn’t stop until I was far enough away that I could no longer hear him yelling my name.

I slowed down, catching my breath as I found myself wandering through the academy grounds.

I had already memorized the hallways earlier—room numbers, building names, possible escape routes—but this?

This was new.

The garden.

It was... huge.

Like unnecessarily huge.

’Who designed this place? A king with too much land and not enough hobbies?’

I walked along the path, glancing around at the neatly trimmed hedges, flowers that probably cost more than my entire wardrobe, and even though it was calming my nerves, it did not calm my mind.

"I didn’t know school was this big..." I muttered to myself.

Then, without warning, a thought hit me.

’Why didn’t my family let me go to school before?’

I slowed down.

’Maybe... I could’ve had friends.

Maybe I wouldn’t have ended up talking to myself this often.

Maybe—’

"Uhmmm..."

I froze.

My head snapped to the side. "...What was that?"

Silence.

Then—

"Ngghh..."

Another sound.

I narrowed my eyes.

’That was very suspicious.’

Slowly, carefully, like someone investigating a potential crime scene—or about to witness something they definitely shouldn’t—I followed the sound.

I leaned slightly to the side, peeking through the bushes.

And there they were.

A boy and a girl were very very close.

"..."

My brain immediately started singing the childhood chant.

’Boy and girl sitting on a tree...’

’K—I—S—S—’

I stopped myself because certainly they weren’t on a tree and they were not just sitting.

They were... enthusiastically discussing something with their faces.

I narrowed my eyes, analyzing the situation with the seriousness of a scholar.

"...Is this... normal?" I muttered to myself.

Then leaned slightly to the side for a better view.

Oh.

Oh.

They were... progressing.

They shifted even closer.

"Seriously, how much closer can two people get?"

At this point, if they got any closer, they might actually fuse into a single organism and unlock a new evolutionary path.

Their hands were now moving around each other’s body.

"...Are they checking for weapons? Because I’d seen my security guards do that before but notably, without the kissing part."

Their faces were not separating at all.

"...How are they breathing?" I whispered to myself, tilting my head like a confused scientist observing a very questionable experiment. "Do they... breathe inside each other’s mouth?"

I tilted my head.

I’m starting to be genuinely concerned for them because at this point, it looked less like romance and more like a life-threatening situation.

"...This academy is dangerous," I concluded quietly, crossing my arms. "Students are already risking their lives in the garden."

I took a step forward but Agatha’s voice echoed in my head.

"Please act normal and don’t do anything unsightly..."

Right.

Normal.

Be normal.

Don’t interfere.

Don’t cause problems.

Don’t—

I slowly crossed my arms, nodding to myself like I had just reached enlightenment.

"Ah," I whispered under my breath. "This must be... advanced social interaction."

I squinted a little more, trying to understand the mechanics.

"Hey, do you have popcorn with you?" someone suddenly whispered beside me.

Without even thinking, I whispered back, "Do you think I’m eating one right now?"

"Must be fun watching those two have—"

"Sshhh!" I cut in immediately, glaring forward. "Don’t you know I’m learning something here?"

"What? Have sex?"

"Yes."

"I can teach you instead."

"No thank you."

"..."

Wait.

Very, very slowly, I turned my head and there—standing way too close for comfort—was a guy with pale blue eyes, looking at me like he had just discovered something entertaining.

I frowned at him. "...Who the hell are you?" I muttered.

He smiled. "Had fun watching live porn?"

"No! I told you it’s—"

I took a step back to create some distance between us but it was a terrible mistake.

Crunch!

I stepped on a twig.

All of us seem to froze as they slowly turned their heads toward me.

"Great," the man beside me muttered, like he had just been dragged into a disaster he didn’t sign up for.

Before our eyes could meet, I did the only logical thing my brain could come up with under pressure.

I grabbed the guy next to me and pulled him close, close enough to block my face from the couple’s line of sight.

I even raised my hand calmly, like I was politely greeting neighbors instead of committing social suicide.

"Continue..." I said, as if I had every right to be there. "We were also doing the same thing."

There was a pause.

A very loud, very judgmental pause.

"What bullshi—" the boy from the bushes started, and I could already hear him getting up.

Nope.

Abort mission.

Plan B initiated.

Without hesitation, I shoved the poor man I had just used as emotional and physical cover, turned around, and walked away calmly.

One step.

Two steps.

Three—

I ran full speed.

Dignity? Gone.

Grace? Left behind in the bushes.

Survival instincts? Thriving.

Behind me, I could hear movement, voices, possibly outrage, definitely confusion but I did not look back.

I refused.

Because if I looked back, I might trip.

And if I tripped, I would die.

Not physically but socially. Which was worse.

My mind was racing just as fast as my feet.

Why did I say that?

Why did I pull him like that?!

Why am I like this?!

I didn’t stop until I was far, far away from the scene of the crime.

Finally, I slowed down, bent slightly, catching my breath, one hand on my chest. "...I," I muttered between breaths, "was just trying to learn."

Then I straightened up, adjusted my posture, and lifted my chin. "...Where is Function Hall A again?"