Beastmen Are Crazy, So I Sell Them Therapy

I blinked. "...He’s still asleep?"

I turned to glance at the clock.

11:47 A.M.

My eye twitched. "The ten-minute power nap," I said slowly, "has somehow become four hours."

I curled my tail on my body again. "And it’s almost lunch."

Soren didn’t move, not even a twitch.

Honestly impressive.

I studied him for a moment. "...How does someone sleep this deeply?"

If the mansion collapsed right now, I suspected he might simply roll over and continue dreaming.

Should I tell Agatha to prepare for lunch? I was about to call for her when I remembered something.

I turned my head toward the bedside table and saw the small black hand bell resting neatly beside the lamp.

Normally, there would be absolutely no reason for me to use that bell.

I already had Agatha, and she handled everything perfectly well. Meals, cleaning, errands—Agatha had been doing it long before I arrived, and she did it with the quiet efficiency of someone who could probably run the entire household if she felt like it.

But...

I glanced toward the bed again.

Soren was still asleep.

I picked up the bell and gave it a small shake.

No sound came out.

I frowned. "...Is this broken?"

I raised the bell again, ready to shake it harder.

But before I could—

Knock. Knock.

I froze.

"...Oh."

That was fast.

I hurried to the door and opened it.

Mikael stood there as if he had been waiting outside the entire time.

He bowed slightly.

"My Lady," he said smoothly, "this is the first time you have called for me."

His gaze flicked briefly toward the bell still in my paw.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?"

I immediately turned around and ran back into the room, grabbing my writing board from the desk and scribbled quickly.

Then I turned around and held it up.

"Prepare lunch for Soren."

Mikael nodded as his eyes drifted past me toward the bed.

Soren was still sprawled there like a fallen tree that had given up on life.

Mikael looked back at me and smiled politely. "What about you, Miss? Would you dine together with the Master?"

I nodded.

If I didn’t eat too, Agatha would eventually appear with that disappointed you-skipped-meals-again look. I wasn’t emotionally prepared for that today.

"Very well," Mikael said. "One of the maids will come fetch you once lunch is ready."

He gave a small bow and left the room.

I immediately opened OmniSync.

’Business first.’

I opened the Imperial Stone Archives and ordered another ten stones for my next batch of energy stone carvings. My potential customers recommended so many beast forms to me.

I was about to press ’Order’ when I froze.

...Wait.

There was a major problem.

Soren.

Specifically: Soren currently occupying my room.

More specifically: Soren definitely seeing the delivery drone that would arrive on my balcony carrying energy stones.

Right.

I stared at the screen like it had personally betrayed me.

Fine.

I’ll just estimate the delivery time and make sure he’s distracted.

I finally placed my order and immediately jumped onto the bed like a missile hoping to land on Soren’s stomach.

Pathetically, I did not even reach him.

I approached him then planted my paws beside his face and inhaled deeply.

Then unleashed my ultimate weapon.

"NYANG NYAA NYANG NYA—ANG NYAAAAAAA!!!"

Translation: WAKE UP RIGHT NOW OR I WON’T BE ABLE TO SELL MY NEXT BATCH OF ENERGY STONES!!!

Which, frankly, was a devastating threat.

For me.

But that wasn’t the point.

Soren groaned louder and dragged a pillow over his head.

Rude.

Clearly the man lacked survival instincts.

I leaned closer to his ear.

"NYA—NYANG! NYAAAAANG!"

Translation:

IF YOU DON’T WAKE UP I WILL STEP ON YOUR FACE.

Still nothing.

Unbelievable.

’Fine. You asked for this.’

I began pacing across the bed. Directly over him. Back and forth. Left paw. Right paw. Strategically choosing the most uncomfortable areas possible.

Ribs. Shoulder. Stomach. Ribs again for emphasis.

"Nyang."

Translation: Get up.

Smack.

"NyAaAaAng."

Translation: Get up. Now.

Smack.

"NYANG!"

Translation: GET UP NOW YOU LAZY DRAGON!

I finally sat on top his chest and continuously smacked his face.

Soren groaned again, voice muffled by the pillow. "...why... do I hear a cat... sound so angry..."

Because the cat IS angry and I was not done. Not yet.

I moved directly beside his ear again and unleashed the full power of my lungs.

"NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—"

Soren suddenly grabbed a pillow and pressed it against his head like a soldier under artillery fire.

"Five more minutes..." he mumbled.

My eye twitched. What did he mean FIVE MINUTES? I can’t allow that especially now that the delivery is scheduled to arrive in less than an hour.

"NYANG NYANG NYANG NYANG NYANG—!"

Soren finally cracked one eye open. "...why are you yelling..."

I stared at him then screamed louder. "NYAAAAAAAANG!"

Translation: WAKE UP IMMEDIATELY OR I WILL BITE YOUR NOSE.

Soren finally opened both eyes.

For one hopeful, shining moment, I thought I had succeeded.

Surely he would sit up.

Surely he would acknowledge the urgency of the situation.

Surely he would recognize the importance of not being in my room when a suspicious drone arrived carrying ten energy stones.

Instead—

He smiled.

Which, for me, was already a bad sign.

Before I could react, his hands moved with the terrifying speed of someone who had clearly dealt with cats before.

He caught me then he pulled me down against his chest and hugged me.

Tightly.

Like I was some kind of plush toy.

"Why are you so grumpy in the morning?" he murmured sleepily, his voice still thick with drowsiness.

Then, to make matters worse, he started playing with my ears.

"Let’s continue sleeping," he added lazily.

My soul left my body.

"NYANG! NYA! ANG! NYAAAANG!"

Translation: NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! YOU NEED TO WAKE UP RIGHT NOW AND LEAVE MY ROOM BEFORE THE DRONE COMES HERE!

I struggled in his arms.

Or at least, I attempted to.

Unfortunately, Soren was apparently built like a human bear trap.

The more I wriggled, the more he tightened his hold like I was some rare endangered creature he had finally captured. 𝗳𝚛𝚎𝚎𝘄𝕖𝕓𝕟𝕠𝚟𝚎𝕝.𝗰𝕠𝐦

"Mmm," he mumbled, still half-asleep. "You’re warm."

’Warm?!’ I am not warm. I am panicking.

My brain was currently calculating the exact moment a mechanical drone would descend from the sky and expose my entire operation like a dramatic courtroom reveal.

And this man wanted to cuddle.

I twisted. I pushed against his chest. I attempted to pry his fingers away with my paws.

Nothing worked.

He simply adjusted his grip and tucked me closer like I was a blanket accessory.

Unbelievable.

"NYANG! NYA! NYA—ANG!"

Translation: LET GO OF ME YOU OVERSIZED PILLOW!

Soren only chuckled softly.

"You’re extra loud today," he murmured, gently scratching behind my ear.

My body betrayed me, my head leaning on to him as my tail swayed gently.

For a moment, I almost forgot what I was doing until, I slapped my own face to snap out of it.

I hate being an overgrown cat!

’Focus.’

’Must focus on the mission.’

I was seconds away from committing a war crime.

And then—

Knock knock.

I think I heard Angels singing, trumpets playing, and a beam of divine light descending from the heavens.

"Master. My Lady. Lunch is ready," a voice said from the other side of the door.

The maid. My hero. And the savior of my illegal business operations.

"Already?" he muttered.

’Already???’

’Sir, it is midday already.’

Reluctantly, his arms loosened as I immediately wriggled free like a criminal escaping custody.

The moment my paws hit the mattress, I bolted to the other side of the bed and glared at him.

Soren pushed himself up on his elbows, watching me with a sleepy smile. "You’re acting like I committed a crime," he said.

Oh.

You have no idea how close you are to witnessing one.

I flicked my tail irritably. "NYANG."

Translation: GET UP.

For once, the message actually went through.

Soren groaned, dragged a hand through his extremely messy hair, and finally pushed himself into a sitting position. He looked like someone who had just been resurrected against his will.

However, the next problem appeared immediately.

He stretched... cracked his neck...

...and then reached out to pick me up again.

’Absolutely not.’

I raised my voice at once. "AGATHA!"

Right on cue, there was a sharp knock at the door.

Knock knock.

"My Lady, I’m going in," she announced from outside.

The door opened.

Agatha stepped inside and instantly locked eyes with me. Her brows knitted together with concern.

"My Lady, is there something wrong—?"

Her sentence stopped halfway because her gaze drifted slightly to the side where Soren was sitting on the bed, looking directly at her.

He’s not even smiling.

I frowned. ’What is wrong with this guy?’

Agatha’s back instantly straightened like a soldier realizing the general was in the room.

"My apologies, Master," she said quickly, bowing her head. "I didn’t realize you were here."

Soren didn’t even respond.

He simply ignored her existence entirely and turned his attention back to me. Which somehow felt worse.

"Why did you call for your maid?" he asked.

Good question.

One that required a very careful answer.

I quickly grabbed my small writing board from the ground and scribbled on it.

Then I turned it toward him.

"I want Agatha to tidy the room while we’re eating."