Beastmen Are Crazy, So I Sell Them Therapy

I was pouting the entire way.

Not a cute pout but a deeply offended, emotionally wronged, businesswoman-denied-her-right-to-work kind of pout.

Agatha carried me in my leopard form with one arm like I weighed nothing but bad decisions while her other hand pushed a platform trolley stacked with boxes.

Inside one of those boxes?

Gawain was curled up, hidden, and smuggling himself like expired contraband.

So naturally, I started whacking the box repeatedly with my tail.

THUMP!

THUMP!

THUMP!

"...Will you STOP that, My Lady?!" he hissed from inside, trying (and failing) to keep his voice down.

"NYANG! NYA-ANG!"

Translation: NO! YOU LAZY FAT SNAKE!

"I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING!" he half whispered, half yelled.

I flicked the box again. Harder this time.

THUMP.

"Nyang nyang nya nya nyang nya?!"

Translation: Who was it that decided to wake me up when it was already 12?! What, you’re just gonna wake me when you get hungry, is that it?!

"Nya nya nya nya nya!" he mocked right back. "NYANG all you want, I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"

My eye twitched. "NYANG!"

Translation: I’VE HAD ENOUGH!

I crouched, ready to leap into the box and initiate paw-to-scales combat when suddenly—

"Miss Blanca, Agatha, this is the first time you’re going to the workroom this late?"

I nearly went to heaven.

"NYANG NYANG GUY!!!"

Translation: DAMN THIS GUY!!!

Mikael was closely standing behind us, like a ghost with good posture.

I clung to Agatha’s sleeve, fur puffed up like an angry cotton ball while Agatha didn’t even flinch.

"Please don’t do that," she said smiling politely, though her eyes screamed I will end you. "My Lady gets startled easily."

"I apologize for that, Miss Blanca," Mikael said, bowing slightly.

I glared at him. ’Why does this guy always appear when we do something suspicious?’

"...Nyang."

Translation: You almost sent me to the afterlife.

Then his gaze shifted to the box.

The one I had been assaulting five seconds ago.

"...What’s this?" he asked.

"..."

Time seemed to froze.

Inside the box, I could practically hear Gawain stop breathing.

I narrowed my eyes.

Tail flicking once.

Twice.

"...Nyang."

Translation: None of your business.

Agatha smoothly stepped forward, nudging the trolley slightly. "Work materials," she said calmly. "Fragile."

Inside the box—

thump.

I immediately smacked it again with my tail.

THUMP.

"Nyang," I said, flashing the most awkwardly innocent smile known to beastkind.

Translation: Go away already

Mikael tilted his head slowly. "...It moved."

His smile widened and for some reason, it got worse.

"Miss Blanca," he said gently, like he was about to read a bedtime story, "it appears there’s a filthy pest hiding in the box."

"..."

’Oh no.’

"I think I might need to check," he continued, hand already moving, "and exterminate it if there really is one."

"..."

’Oh HELL no.’

Before his hand could even get close—

SMACK.

My tail slapped his face so hard it echoed as I immediately jumped on top of the box like a protective mother guarding her extremely questionable child.

"NYANG!"

Translation: TOUCH IT AND YOU DIE.

"Miss Blanca...?" Mikael said, slightly stunned.

"S-Sorry Mika..." I said, really sorry on how my tail accidentally hit him but my body said ABSOLUTELY NOT as I spread myself over the box like a very small, fluffy security system.

"I’m sorry Mikael but WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Agatha said sharply. Her voice was polite but her eyes were screaming: Are we seriously going to do this in FRONT of her?

Mikael just shrugged like a man who had already accepted chaos as part of his lifestyle. "It seems I’m getting reckless these days," he said lightly. "I’ll be on my way then."

I exhaled in relief, thinking it was finally over. But the moment he passed by me, I didn’t notice the dagger he secretly pulled out under his sleeve when Agatha moved so fast as she grabbed his wrist and spun with him.

The two of them turning in a neat little circle like they were practicing ballroom dancing.

"Agatha?" I called out, confused. ’What just happened?’

She didn’t look back at me.

"It’s alright, My Lady," she said calmly. "Mikael almost slipped and was about to bump into you, so I pulled him away."

Mikael also peeked his head from behind her shoulder and smiled. "I’m sorry for almost squashing you, Miss Blanca," he said politely.

I leaned slightly to peek what was happening between them but Agatha subtly stepped back, her body perfectly blocking my view as if hiding a crime scene.

Then her back accidentally nudged the platform trolley.

Creeeaaak...

"..."

The platform trolley moved slightly but—

WE ALL FROZE.

Agatha and Mikael slowly turned to look at me.

I slowly looked at the trolley.

The trolley slowly looked like it had chosen violence.

"...Don’t," I whispered.

It did.

ZOOM.

"NYAAAAAAAAAA—?!"

The platform trolley launched forward like it had just remembered it had dreams.

I clung onto the boxes for dear life, claws digging in as my entire existence became regret and poor decision-making.

"MY LADY!" Agatha shouted, immediately sprinting after me.

"WHY IS IT MOVING?!" Mikael yelled, chasing right beside her like this was a completely normal Wednesday activity.

"I DON’T KNOW—IT HAS FREE WILL NOW—?!"

The hallway immediately turned into a battlefield.

All the servants scattered just to evade the fast moving trolley, mops were dropped, and buckets were sacrificed.

"WHAT’S THAT?!"

"MOOOVE!!!"

"WATCH IT!!!"

"BE CAREFUL!!!"

"THE VASES—!!"

"WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE A PLATFORM TROLLEY??!"

"I JUST CLEANED THAT FLOOR—!" another cried as I slid past at match speed.

Boxes started flying.

One.

Two.

Three.

"NYAANG—!!" I cried as a decoy box flew past a screaming servant.

Translation: MY INVENTORY—!!

Decoy boxes were getting launched off like they were part of a dramatic action sequence.

The trolley hit a turn.

Badly.

SKRRRRT—

I nearly flew off. "NYANG—?!"

Translation: IS THIS HOW I DIE—?!

More boxes went flying until only one remained.

The lid finally creaked open as Gawain peeked out to see what all the ruckus is about.

"...Oh."

I thought he would scream but instead, he grinned at me then looked ahead before shouting excitedly.

"WHOOOO!!!"

Before I could question why he reacted like that, he grabbed me and YANKED ME INSIDE.

"NYAAANG—!!!"

The lid slammed shut as we both screamed.

Well... practically I was the only one who screamed while Gawain?

Gawain was having the time of his life.

"THIS IS AMAZING—!!" he shouted like we were on a luxury amusement ride.

"WE’RE GOING TO DIE—!!"

"WORTH IT—!!"

Inside the box, chaos reigned.

I was being tossed left and right, my tail hitting his face while his head hit my head.

"STOP ENJOYING THIS—!!"

"I’VE NEVER FELT MORE ALIVE—!!"

Outside—

"MY LADY—!!!"

"MISS BLANCA—!!!"

Agatha and Mikael were still chasing us like this was a dramatic rescue mission.

Servants continued screaming in the background.

"ARE THEY SERIOUSLY PLAYING IN THE HALLWAYS RIGHT NOW?!"

"WAIT IS THAT AGATHA—?!"

"WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

"EVEN THE COMPOSED BUTLER HAS JOINED THE CHASE?!"

"SOMEONE STOP THEM—!!"

"YOU STOP THEM—!!"

"I VALUE MY LIFE—!!"

The trolley hit another turn.

SKRRRRT—!!

Inside the box, we both bounced hard.

"NYANG—!!"

"WHOOOO—!!"

"WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS—?!"

"WHY ARE YOU NOT LIKE THIS—?!"

Outside—

"THE STAIRS—!!" someone screamed.

Inside the box—

"..."

"..."

"...Did they say stairs?" I asked slowly.

"...They said stairs," Gawain confirmed.

We both went silent before another set of screams were released on the top of our lungs.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA—!!!"

And thus, on that fateful afternoon, every single person in Soren’s household will never forget what they experienced:

Chaos

Anxiety

Emotional damage

Property destruction

Existential crisis

All because of one person.

Blanca Frostine

I lifted my paw weakly inside the box. "...I regret nothing."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

In the end, Agatha flung the box open only to find inside was a tragedy.

The lady laid there flat, eyes unfocused, and her soul seemed to temporarily disconnect from her body.

"My Lady!!!" Agatha gasped, immediately dropping to her knees and checking Blanca like she had just returned from war.

"Agatha..." Blanca croaked weakly, one paw reaching out dramatically.

"Yes, My Lady?!"

"He... he... he..."

Agatha stiffened. ’...Did the lady hit her head?’

Behind her, Mikael finally arrived, slightly out of breath but still somehow maintaining that annoyingly composed smile.

"Is Miss Blanca... fine?" he asked.

"She is," Agatha replied, still scanning Blanca for injuries. "She’s just dizzy."

Then she shot him a glare sharp enough to slice stone. "Why do you always feel the need to involve yourself in matters that do not concern you?"

Mikael didn’t even flinch. "Miss Blanca is Master’s business," he said simply. "So I need to ensure she is fine."

He smiled as his eyes drifted back to the box but no matter where his gaze landed, only the lady was there... and a single, very innocent-looking energy stone.

"..."

’Was I mistaken?’ he thought. ’I was sure someone else was inside...’

He took another glance but there was nothing more.

"..."

’...Strange.’

But with no proof, he decided let it go.

For now.

Slowly, he looked back at the lady and smiled. "I’m assuming you had fun, right Miss Blanca?"

Blanca blinked rapidly, her brain still buffering, her soul still somewhere on the runaway trolley, and her dignity... well, that was probably rolling down the hallway with the boxes.

She snarled. Then smiled. Then giggled.

"...Hehe Mika... Crazy..."

Mikael blinked. For the first time in forever, he didn’t know what expression to put on. His usual calm, confident mask flickered, then melted into a genuine, slightly dumbfounded smile.

He reached out and patted her head. "...I’ll take that as a yes then."

Blanca showed her a toothy smile. "Mika!"

He chuckled softly and straightened up, back to the same composed expression he always had then looked at Agatha.

"That was fun, right Agatha?"

Agatha rolled her eyes so hard it was a miracle they didn’t get stuck.

"Leave," she said flatly. "...Before I develop the urge to stab you."

Mikael smiled wider. "...Just once?"

"Repeatedly."

"...Ah." He nodded like that was reasonable. "Understood."

He took a step back, paused, and looked at the lady one last time, still smiling. "...Do rest well, Miss Blanca."

I waved weakly. "...Hehe..."

Agatha immediately stepped in front of me, watching as Mikael finally left the scene.