Beastmen Are Crazy, So I Sell Them Therapy

After what felt like the hundredth near-death experience caused by Stephano lunging at me every time I tried to take a step, he finally calmed down enough for us to walk like semi-normal people.

By semi-normal, I meant he was still clinging to my hand like I was the last life raft on a sinking ship, but at least he’d stopped tackling me to the ground every three seconds.

Progress.

The cave tunnel stretched endlessly ahead of us until two faint glowing armbands appeared in the distance.

Stephano instantly pulled me behind him so fast I almost swallowed my own tongue.

"State your class and name!" he barked, standing protectively in front of me.

I blinked at his back. ’Well...This was new.’

Usually, Stephano acted like an arrogant menace with anger issues and expensive hair.

Seeing him all protective and territorial was honestly a little shocking but I know his inner beast had just taken over.

"Ravian Caspiold and Vivienne Rosenthal, Altaire Class," a familiar voice answered.

My eyes lit up so fast they probably could’ve replaced the glowing armbands.

I was finally free.

"Ravian!" I shouted, immediately trying to run towards him.

"Stay," he said.

Unfortunately, Stephano tightened his grip on my hand before I could even take two steps.

"Stay," he said firmly.

I stared at him in disbelief. "What?"

"Stay."

My eyebrows shot up. "Do I look like a dog to you?"

His expression shifted into mild panic. "That’s not what I meant. I mean... don’t let go."

I frowned at him. "Why not? Vivienne’s already here. Aren’t you basically dying to be with her instead of me? You two are super close, right? I’m sure she can help you."

The moment I said that, the tips of his ears turned red.

"This is humiliating to explain," he muttered, avoiding my eyes. "But usually, when my heat gets this bad, Vivienne helps me suppress it with pheromones and..." He coughed awkwardly. "Sex."

I blinked.

"Oh."

"But somehow," he continued quickly, squeezing my hand tighter, "just holding you calms it down. I don’t even understand why."

Silence.

The realization hit me straight in the chest.

So I wasn’t attractive enough to trigger anything.

Fantastic.

Absolutely incredible for my self-esteem.

"Wow," I said flatly. "Good to know I apparently have the romantic appeal of a decorative pillow."

"That’s not what I—"

"Whatever. Go to your precious Vivienne. I’m done being your emotional support stuffed toy for the day."

I yanked my hand away dramatically and immediately regretted it.

Stephano made the most wounded sound I had ever heard come out of a human being before lunging at me again.

One second he was standing there, the next he had both arms wrapped around me like a desperate koala fighting for survival.

My eyes widened in horror. "For heaven’s sake, let go of me!"

"No."

"Ravian and Vivienne are almost here!" I hissed, absolutely mortified.

Stephano only tightened his arms around me like an overgrown clingy cat. "No."

I stared at him for one long second before accepting that diplomacy had failed.

So I did the only reasonable thing.

Smack!

The slap echoed through the cave beautifully.

Stephano’s head snapped to the side before he slowly turned back toward me with a murderous glare.

"You fu—"

I immediately lifted our still-clasped hands between us like a shield.

"What?" I asked innocently.

His eye twitched.

I actually watched him physically swallow the string of curses trying to escape his mouth.

His jaw clenched so hard I was genuinely concerned his teeth might crack.

Then, in the softest voice a man on the verge of homicide could possibly manage, he forced out, "Can you at least not slap me that hard?"

I opened my mouth, fully prepared to tell him he deserved worse, but footsteps interrupted me.

Ravian and Vivienne finally reached us. Unfortunately for me, they had clearly witnessed the slap.

Vivienne approached first, glaring at me. "Blanca... why did you slap him?"

Before I could answer, Stephano straightened immediately like a man trying to preserve the last scraps of his dignity.

"I’m fine, Viv," he said quickly. "We were just playing."

I looked at him in disbelief. ’Playing? What kind of deranged games did he think I participated in?’

"Well," Vivienne said slowly, clearly unconvinced, "did something happen other than this?"

Stephano and I immediately choked at the exact same time.

The synchronization was honestly embarrassing.

"What? No!" I blurted out way too quickly. "We were just cussing each other out! That’s all!"

"Yeah," Stephano added instantly. "She’s right. What would even happen between us?"

We both laughed but not the normal laugh either, it was the kind of stiff, panicked laughter people used right before getting arrested.

"Haha..."

"Ha..."

Silence.

Thankfully, Vivienne eventually seemed to relax a little. Her shoulders eased as a relieved smile returned to her face.

"Let’s just go find the exit then."

She stepped closer and reached for Stephano’s arm, gently trying to pull him toward her.

Stephano did not move.

More specifically, the idiot refused to let go of my hand.

Vivienne paused before her gaze dropped toward our intertwined fingers.

"Steph?"

Stephano scratched the back of his neck awkwardly while still gripping my hand like his life depended on it.

"I-I can’t let go."

The relief on Vivienne’s face vanished instantly. Her eyes narrowed at me with renewed frustration. "Then something really did happen between you two!"

"What?!" I yelped. "Nothing happened!"

"Exactly," Stephano agreed nervously. "Nothing happened at all."

"You’re still holding hands," Vivienne deadpanned.

Ravian’s gaze slowly dropped toward our intertwined hands before lifting back to Stephano. "Why can’t you let go?" he asked carefully.

I immediately decided this situation could become much worse, which naturally meant I had to make it worse.

"Yeah, grumpypants," I chimed in sweetly. "Why not?"

Stephano shot me a glare powerful enough to evaporate water before inhaling deeply.

"Umm..." He laughed nervously. "You see... we— we had a deal. Yeah. A deal!"

The way he said it sounded exactly like a criminal inventing lies during interrogation.

"Since we hate each other so much," he continued rapidly, speaking at terrifying speed, "to the point we want to kill each other, we agreed we needed to hold hands until we found the exit!"

He finished the entire sentence in one breath.

I stared at him, impressed.

’Wow. What an unnecessarily elaborate lie.’

I smiled slowly. "I have a question."

Stephano immediately narrowed his eyes at me with deep suspicion.

"Since when did I agree—ah!" I nearly jumped when something smacked my butt.

I whipped around to stare at Stephano in horror.

His tail was slowly swaying behind him.

My jaw dropped. "Did you just—?"

"Yes," he whispered harshly. "So shut up and help me."

I stared at him like I’d never met a more unbelievable human being in my life.

"Unbelievable," I muttered. "This is the thanks I get for helping?"

"Act normal and I’ll reward you later," he muttered under his breath.

I almost choked.

"You should be the one acting normal!" I hissed back.

At this point, both of us looked one inconvenience away from attempting murder.

Ravian pinched the bridge of his nose. "What is actually going on with you two?"

"A deal," I muttered bitterly.

Stephano nodded immediately. "A deal."

Ravian looked deeply unconvinced. "So you’re stuck with each other until you find the exit?"

"Yes," Stephano answered flatly.

I sighed dramatically. "Unfortunately."

"Then let’s all hold hands," Ravian suggested calmly. "That way, we won’t get separated again."

"Or," Vivienne added pointedly, "one of us decides to run off and abandon everyone again."

Her eyes locked directly onto me.

I immediately looked away like the cave wall had suddenly become fascinating.

’In my defense, I hadn’t meant to steal her man.’

Vivienne moved first, slipping her hand into Stephano’s.

Stephano visibly relaxed the second she touched him, which honestly offended me a little considering I’d been serving as his emotional support stress ball this entire time.

I was about to cheer as Ravian started walking towards Vivienne, only for him to turn and suddenly grab mine.

I stared down at our joined hands in silence then slowly looked up at Ravian.

He was smiling pleasantly.

"Why are you here?" I flatly asked.

Ravian looked genuinely confused by the question. "I’m preventing the chain from breaking."

"No, I mean specifically why are you holding my hand?"

"Well, Vivienne is holding Stephano’s hand," he explained patiently, like he was talking to a child. "Stephano is holding your hand. So I hold yours."

That doesn’t make sense much like this entire setup! It suddenly felt less like a rescue mission and more like a kindergarten field trip.

I looked down the line of interconnected hands with growing horror.

This was humiliating.

If anyone saw us right now, we’d look like lost toddlers being escorted through a shopping mall.

"This is ridiculous," I muttered.

"No, it’s not," Ravian replied calmly.

Of course he’d say that.

He wasn’t the one trapped in the middle of this hand-holding centipede from hell.

We started walking again through the dim tunnel, our glowing armbands casting faint streaks of light against the rocky walls.

The silence lasted for approximately six seconds before disaster found us again. 𝑓𝓇𝘦ℯ𝘸𝘦𝑏𝓃𝑜𝘷ℯ𝑙.𝑐𝑜𝓂

Two glowing armbands suddenly appeared ahead.

And they were running directly toward us at terrifying speed.

The entire chain immediately halted.

"Oh no," I whispered.

"State your names!" Stephano shouted instinctively, already stepping slightly in front of us again while still refusing to release my hand like a paranoid boyfriend.

The glowing figures got closer.

Then closer.

"BLANCA!"