Surviving A Novel I Don't Remember: A Tutor's Guide To Staying Alive

To Julian, the mention of the ’black-haired thief’ wasn’t a clue—it was a warning. In his panicked mind, he saw the Emperor’s logic perfectly: it didn’t matter if Julian had stayed in his room all night. If the Emperor wanted Julian out of the way, or if he wanted to punish the Duke for his ’closeness’ with a man that wasn’t him, he would simply point at Julian’s hair and call him the criminal.

Was there no law? Yes, there was law. And the law was whatever the man with the golden eyes said it was.

"Astrea?"

Alaric’s voice was like a lifeline thrown into a stormy sea as Julian sank deeper and deeper without being able to pull himself up.

The Duke had noticed the way Julian had gone bone-white, the way his hand was trembling so violently that the tablecloth he gripped was rippling.

Julian didn’t answer. He couldn’t. He was staring at the Emperor, but he wasn’t seeing a ruler anymore—he was seeing a predator that had finally found the perfect excuse to pounce. He was terrified, looking like someone who had just seen a ghost and gone pale from it.

"Julian," Alaric’s voice was sharper now, dropping the formal title. He got up from his chair and reached out, his large hand hovering near Julian’s on the table. "You’re not breathing. Look at me."

Of course he could not breathe. Not when the air he was breathing in was getting heavier by the second from that man’s intense gaze.

The Emperor’s smile didn’t falter, but his golden eyes shifted to Alaric’s hand, his gaze darkening at the Duke’s obvious protectiveness. It only seemed to fuel the Emperor’s amusement.

"It seems the ’Southern Pollen’ is truly aggressive this year," Aurelian purred, though his tone was devoid of any real sympathy. "Perhaps our guest needs a moment of air? I would hate for such a... rare... specimen to collapse at my table."

The Duke did not answer the Emperor because he was more concerned with what would happen to Julian in a few seconds if he still didn’t catch his breath.

Even young Lucius looked worried.

"ASTREA!" Alaric yelled, and Julian forced a gasp into his lungs, his chest aching as if it were filled with glass.

He managed to drop his terrified gaze from the Emperor, his odd-colored eyes shimmering with stress. He felt like he could’ve died a moment there and looked up to see the worried expression on the Duke’s face, how it looked like he might’ve had to knock Julian back to his senses if he didn’t breathe on his own.

"Are you alright?" He asked, and Julian shook his head, hiding his expression in shame as he bit his lip.

He had been so scared that he caused them to worry.

It was even more fearful to think of when it looked like he had been trembling out of fear of being caught, like he was truly the thief, but he wasn’t scared of getting caught since his conscience was clear. He was, however, scared of being caught by the Emperor. Different things.

He felt a small pair of hands reach out to him and saw little Lucius looking at him with worried eyes.

’This is embarrassing,’ he thought. To think he would show his student such an embarrassing side of himself.

"Your... Your Majesty," Julian stammered, his voice losing its edge. His composure had scattered to bits without ’Calm Mind’. "I fear... I am indeed unwell. If you would permit... I must retire."

He didn’t even finish the sentence. He stood up so abruptly that his chair screeched against the marble floor.

Alaric stood up halfway, his face a mask of worry. "I’ll take him—"

"No," the Emperor interrupted, his voice low and commanding. He didn’t move a muscle, but the air in the room suddenly felt twice as heavy. "Let the tutor go. He knows the way, and I still have much to discuss with you, Alaric. About the security of my palace."

The threat was clear. If Alaric followed Julian, the Emperor would turn the conversation back to the ’black-haired thief’ and the ’investigation’ that Julian was currently the primary target of.

Julian didn’t wait for the Duke to argue. He bowed clumsily and turned for the exit, his legs feeling like jelly that might melt any second. He felt the Emperor’s golden eyes boring into his back as he walked away, and also an extra pair of eyes from the Duke.

It was better that the Emperor stopped the Duke from following him, Julian thought. He didn’t know what had become of him, but he was completely undone with fear. He would hate to have the Duke spectate his breakdown any further.

As Julian marched through the hallway, he couldn’t help but feel that every guard patrolling looked like a jailer waiting for the word to seize him.

It got too much that he stopped walking and began to run, heading for a place he wished no one would find him, not his room in the Jade wing and definitely not the garden. He kept running, reached the fields, and only stopped when it felt as if the glass shards in his heart were going to make him bleed.

He panted, coughed, and nearly threw up the food he didn’t even get to eat. He tried to catch his breath for a bit and then lifted his body, straightening his back, only to find himself in the middle of nowhere.

It was a green field where the grass was perfectly lawned, and then the wind blew, sending a nice wave over the green field.

Julian surrendered himself there and dropped back to lie on the lawn. At least out here, no one would find him. Not the Duke, not the guards, and definitely not the Emperor.

The sky above was vast and indifferent.

Julian’s fingers dug through the blades of grass, pushing deeper until his nails hit the damp, cold soil beneath. He gripped the earth as if he were trying to anchor himself to the world before the Emperor’s joke could blow him away like dust.

His chest heaved, each breath rattling in his throat. The run had been a desperate attempt to flee from everything, but the physical exhaustion that came after it was nothing compared to the cold weight of the threat on his back.

In his mind, he could still feel Emperor Aurelian’s golden eyes tracking him, like a hunter marking a target.

’A black-haired thief,’ Julian thought, his face pressed against the cool green of the lawn. The thought made him scrunch his face. ’He didn’t even try to hide it. He looked me right in the eye and told me he could ruin me whenever he felt like it.’

Why would an Emperor go so far? He wondered.

It was childish.