Surviving A Novel I Don't Remember: A Tutor's Guide To Staying Alive

Inside the study, the lesson was finally drawing to a close. Julian felt as though he were speaking through a thick layer of cotton; the clarity he usually prided himself on as a teacher was slipping through his fingers like dust.

He didn’t need the System to scream at him with glowing windows; he could feel the drain in his own head, and his bones—a heavy, sinking sensation in his chest that made every breath a conscious effort.

He closed his leather-bound notebook with a snap that felt far louder than it actually was in the quiet room.

"That... that is all for today," Julian said, his voice barely a murmur.

Liora was the first to move, skipping over to the desk. She leaned in, her small face pinched with a look of genuine worry as she inspected him.

"You really do look terrible, Master," she said, her voice unusually soft for a girl who usually thrived on noise. "You must promise us you’ll sleep and rest well. If you come to the Palace tomorrow and you’re still this pale, Father might think we’ve been bullying you!"

Julian managed a tired, thin smile. "I’ll be fine, Princess. I just need a bit of rest."

Cassian stood up more slowly, his eyes lingering on Julian’s hands, which were currently tucked into his sleeves to hide the tremor. He looked away, his expression settling into something uncharacteristically solemn.

"We’ll be waiting for you at the Palace tomorrow," the Prince said. "We’ll make sure the servants prepare the quietest room for the lessons. There will be no interruptions from anyone." He paused, glancing at his cousin. "And bring Lucius. The class is much more lively with him around."

Lucius beamed, his eyes shining with a mix of pride and relief. He quickly scribbled on his slate and held it up for everyone to see: [I WILL BE READY!]

"Rest up, Master," Liora added, tugging at his sleeve one last time as they prepared to depart. "It would be very bad if you got even sicker. We need you to stay sharp."

Julian watched them leave, their vibrant energy trailing out of the room like a fading heat. Once the door clicked shut, the silence of the study rushed back in, heavy and suffocating. He sank into his chair, the strength finally leaving his legs. He felt utterly hollowed out, as if he had scooped out of everything inside him and left only a shivering shell.

"Lucius," Julian whispered, his head resting back against the wood of the chair. "Would you mind... finding your father for me? Tell him I’m ready to lie down now."

Lucius nodded frantically, his face pale with concern, and hurried out to find the Duke.

Left alone, Julian let his eyes flutter shut. The darkness behind his lids wasn’t peaceful; it was swirling and restless. He could feel his mental health ticking down, a slow leak he didn’t know how to plug.

Before he could drift further, a soft chime sounded in the back of his mind, and the translucent purple window flickered to life.

> [HOST: Julian — Body Log]

> [Mental Stability: 32% (Critical)]

> [Physical Fatigue: High]

> [Condition: Severe Sleep Deprivation / Chronic Anxiety]

> [Warning: Impending Permanent Cognitive Desynchronization]

Note: Prolonged instability will lead to Sensory Corruption. Symptoms include chronic hallucinations, the inability to distinguish reality from the ’System’ interface, and a total loss of self-identity. If stability reaches 0%, the user’s consciousness will be permanently severed from the physical body.

Julian’s eyes snapped at the ’Critical’ warning, his breath hitching. 32 percent. He was closer to the edge than he had realized.

That was probably why it felt like his body and mind were breaking every second. It was worse than when he had been constantly living with the madness and managing it somehow. The shock of it coming back must’ve really drained him.

If he were jobless, maybe he would’ve found a way to manage somehow, but he had an active job, had the Duke by his side at all times, and the next day... The next day, he had to go to the Palace.

The Palace tomorrow, he thought, his mind already drifting. I have to face the Emperor whether I want to or not. It’s exhausting just thinking about it.

A few minutes later, the door opened again. It wasn’t the light pitter-patter of Lucius’s feet. These were heavy, deliberate strides.

Alaric was there, his simple robe tied loosely at the waist, his expression grim, but he had an intense focus in his eyes.

In his hand, he held a small, dark glass vial—the sedative Sir Kaelen had secured from the best apothecary in the capital. Strong enough to put even a yeti in the frozen planes of the Blackspire Mountains to sleep with a single dose.

"I have the sedative," Alaric said, his voice low and firm.

He crossed the room, his shadow falling over the desk and shielding Julian from the harsh mid-morning sun. He looked down at Julian—at the hollowed-out expression and the way his head rested against the wood—and felt a sharp, painful twist of protective rage.

He reached out, his hand cupping the back of Julian’s neck to support him. "It’s time to go to bed, Julian."

Julian looked at the vial. With this, he can get knocked out for hours, but by the time he was supposed to wake up, he would probably feel that madness.

Still, if he could just sleep, he might be able to recover some of his decreasing mental health. It was better than sitting around and watching his mental health deteriorate by the second.

"Is it... strong?" he asked softly.

"The strongest they had," Alaric promised, his thumb tracing the line of Julian’s jaw. "And it doesn’t come with many side effects either. You might wake up with cold sweat and dizziness, but you’ll feel refreshed."

Julian wondered if he could blame the sedative for the effect of his waking madness. The Duke would definitely be by his side, and he would wonder what was going on with him. He pursed his lips and decided against it. He would just be putting the seller in trouble.

"Thank you, Lucien," he said, but this made the Duke feel even less incompetent. He couldn’t help his lover, and couldn’t be a shoulder that he could lean on. He felt he hadn’t become dependable enough for Julian to trust him and tell him his worries.

"Just get ready to go to sleep, Julian."