Surviving A Novel I Don't Remember: A Tutor's Guide To Staying Alive

As the sun began to rise into the sky, Julian got out of bed and washed up. He could feel the Duke’s intense gaze on him as he walked towards the washroom to wash off the sticky, cold sweat.

He was certain the Duke would rush at the opportunity if he asked for help, but he kept his lips sealed and went, "I’m fine. I’m not injured, and my body is fine, so I can take care of my own bath."

It almost made the Duke wish there was something wrong so he could help. He sighed and turned his head away. He missed the days when he helped him clean up, but he didn’t really miss them, because in those days, Julian was in agonizing pain.

...

Julian adjusted the stiff collar of his midnight blue coat. It was a rich, somber color, embroidered with silver thread along the cuffs—formal enough to attend a hearing with the Emperor at the palace, but simple enough to maintain the image of a dedicated Royal Tutor.

He looked at his reflection. The shallow, haunted look from the day before had receded. His skin was clearer, his eyes sharper.

Subtly, he flicked his gaze toward the corner of his vision, and the system window flickered to life.

> [Current Status: Recovering]

> [Mental Stability: 58% (Stable)] 𝕗𝕣𝐞𝐞𝘄𝐞𝚋𝚗𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹.𝚌𝕠𝚖

> [Physical Condition: Improving]

The system still gave him that same sinking dread all over again when he saw the red warning.

But he sighed it away and focused on dressing up.

The sedative had worked, perhaps a little too well. But while he felt refreshed, there was a lingering heaviness in his limbs. Lethargic, if he might say.

He knew he couldn’t rely on such a strong sedative to fall asleep forever; the System would eventually penalize him for chemical dependency or give him an impossible quest.

Ah, come to think of it, the system has suddenly stopped giving me quests for a while now. It was as if the events going on weren’t worth giving a quest and a reward.

Well, it came mostly when his life was in danger, so this only meant he was away from harm’s way.

Julian fumbled with his cravat, the fancy neck tie from this era, and then noticed the Duke’s gaze piercing into his through the reflection of the mirror. He was being quiet now, but Julian knew he had a lot to say, for example, stopping him from going to the palace.

Julian decided to keep quiet, knowing a word he spoke now would trigger the conversation.

Then, the heavy doors to the bedchamber swung open, and the rhythmic tap-tap of a slate announced the arrival of the youngest member of the household.

Julian and Alaric both turned toward the door. Lucius stood there, already dressed in his small, charcoal-grey suit and shorts, with a little boater on his head. His eyes darted between the two men with an anxious, questioning look. He held up his slate: [ARE WE GOING NOW?]

And that seemed to do the trick as the Duke no longer stayed quiet.

"Julian," Alaric started, his voice dropping into that stubborn, protective tone he had been using all morning. "Stay. One more day won’t spark a war. I’ll send Kaelen with a physician’s note and tell them you’re still recovering."

Julian turned away from the mirror, a soft huff escaping his lips and a small smile. He walked over to the Duke, reaching out to straighten a lapel on Alaric’s own black tunic that didn’t need straightening.

"We already agreed in the courthouse, Lucien," Julian said, his voice quiet but firm. "I am to check in at the Palace every three days. If the Royal Tutor disappears the moment things get difficult, it will only spark tension. The rumors would be worse than before. You understand, right?"

Who knows? This time, it wouldn’t just be about him trying to commit treason.

"Then I’ll go with you," Alaric insisted, his hand covering Julian’s on his chest. "I’m not letting you walk into that den alone when you could barely stand two hours ago."

"I can stand perfectly fine, though," Julian countered, offering a small, reassuring smile. "And if the Grand Duke marches into the Palace every time I have a lesson, the Emperor will think you’re holding me hostage—or that I’m doing more than ’wrapping you around my fingers’."

He looked down at Lucius, who was watching the exchange with wide eyes. Julian reached out and ruffled the boy’s hair.

"Besides, I have my most trusted guard right here, don’t I?"

Lucius puffed out his chest and nodded vigorously, tapping his slate with a determined look.

Alaric sighed, the sound laced with a defeated sort of adoration. He knew he couldn’t win when Julian used that ’Teacher’ tone.

"Fine. But Kaelen will escort you to the Palace, and I want a report the moment you step out of those gates. If you feel even a flicker of that... that ’chill’ again, you have to come back. Understood?"

"Understood, Your Grace," Julian teased, bowing low with a grace that hid the slight tremor still lingering in his knees.

Then, just as he was about to turn to leave, the Duke caught his hand, and Julian looked back.

He thought the Duke was going to argue again, but instead, the Duke said,

"Breakfast," he said, looking down at Lucius. "Let’s have breakfast together first."

Julian blinked and then smiled, a soft touch on his pale skin.

"Alright, Lucien, let’s have breakfast."

During breakfast, the Duke watched him, making sure there was no tremor, no dizziness, and no sluggish movements. If he noticed even a little bit, he would insist Julian stay home and rest, but Julian didn’t give him that privilege.

As they moved toward the courtyard where the carriage was waiting, Julian felt a surge of apprehension.

He was better, yes, but the Emperor was a man who smelled blood in the water. He had to be perfect today. He had to be the untouchable Master Julian, even if his soul felt like it was held together by nothing but Alaric’s vows and sheer will to keep living.