I Stole the Villain's Cat, and Now He Thinks I'm His Wife

The morning of the Spring Purification Regatta was annoyingly beautiful. The sky was perfectly clear, and the cherry blossoms were falling like pink snow over the capital.

It was a terrible day for a murder, but a great day for arson.

Akira stood in the center of our bedroom, glaring at the bronze mirror. The Imperial tailors had forced him into the traditional ceremonial robes of the Crown Prince. They were layered, heavy, and completely white and gold.

"You look like a very large, very angry swan," I noted, stepping up to adjust the thick golden sash at his waist.

Akira scowled, looking down at me. "If I try to draw my sword in these sleeves, I will cut my own arm off. I despise this city."

"You don’t need your sword today," I reminded him softly, flattening the silk over his broad chest. "You just need to wait for the spark. Yua’s uncle swapped the barrels an hour ago. The moment they try to ignite the purification braziers, the whole deck is going up."

Akira grabbed my hands, his amber eyes dropping all the annoyance. The frantic, desperate fear was back, burning hotter than ever.

"If the fire doesn’t start," Akira said, his voice a ragged whisper, "if anything goes wrong, I will break the array by force. But you... you do not leave this pavilion. No matter what you hear."

"I have my iron mesh. I have my fan. And I have ten pounds of sticky rice glue rigged to the ceiling," I smiled, squeezing his fingers. "I never go down without a fight, Akira. Just come back to me."

He didn’t say a word. He just pulled me into a crushing kiss. It was desperate, bruising, and entirely completely breathtaking. When he finally pulled away, he looked like he was leaving half his soul in the room.

"Stay alive," he ordered softly.

Then, he turned and walked out the door.

"I am going to puke water," Yuki complained, walking past me in his twelve-year-old boy form. He was wearing a tiny dark tunic. "I hate swimming. The capital river is full of trash and bad vibes."

"Just pull the leylines away from the boat when it catches fire," I told the ancient cat-spirit. "And Yuki? Keep him safe."

"Obviously," Yuki rolled his eyes. "Who else is going to buy me premium tuna?"

He slipped out the window, heading for the river.

I was officially alone.

[Akira’s POV]

The Sacred Lake was completely packed.

Thousands of capital citizens lined the shores, cheering and waving colorful banners. In the center of the massive, glittering lake floated a dozen luxurious wooden barges.

The Emperor’s personal barge was a floating palace. He sat on a raised golden throne on the top deck, looking pale and sickly, but smiling triumphantly at the crowds.

And then, there was my ship. The Golden Crane.

It was a smaller, sleek wooden barge that sailed right in front of the Emperor’s. I stood alone on the open deck, surrounded by six unlit bronze braziers. Beneath my boots, my Warlord senses could feel the sickening, chaotic hum of the massive leyline extraction array carved directly into the hull.

"Crown Prince!" the Emperor called out from his ship, his voice amplified by magic. "Prepare to receive the blessing of the river! May the sacred fires purify your spirit!"

It was the signal.

He wasn’t purifying me. He was activating the dead-man’s switch.

On the deck of The Golden Crane, four Imperial Mages stepped forward, holding torches that burned with yellow magic.

If Kitsune’s plan fails, I thought, the blue yokai fire pooling in my palms, I will sink this ship with my bare hands.

"Ignite the sacred oils!" the lead mage shouted.

The four mages thrust their torches into the bronze braziers filled with oil.

They expected a gentle, holy white flame.

They did not know my wife.

BOOM!

The sacred oil exploded.

A massive, roaring pillar of pure, orange fire blasted twenty feet into the air. The explosion was so violent it threw two of the Imperial Mages completely off the boat and into the lake.

The fire didn’t stay in the braziers. The highly flammable lamp oil splashed across the polished wooden deck, instantly igniting the entire front half of The Golden Crane.

The crowds on the shore screamed in sheer terror.

"What is happening?!" the Emperor shrieked from his throne, staggering to his feet. "Put it out! Save the array!"

"The hull is compromised!" a mage screamed, scrambling backward as the flames licked his white robes.

Beneath the burning deck, the extraction array frantically tried to pull power from the river to protect itself. But the water violently surged in the opposite direction.

A massive whirlpool formed right next to the boat. Yuki was underwater, yanking the leylines completely out of the Emperor’s reach.

"The magic is failing!" the lead mage cried out.

I stood in the center of the burning deck, entirely untouched by the mortal flames. The chaotic, terrifying Warlord mask fell completely into place.

I looked across the water, locking eyes with the rotting Emperor. I didn’t yell. I didn’t panic. I just gave him a slow, mocking salute.

Then, I turned and dove directly into the dark, freezing water of the Sacred Lake.

The Emperor’s trap was burning. It was time to go home.

[Kitsune’s POV]

BOOM.

The distant, muffled sound of an explosion echoed all the way to the East Palace.

I was sitting cross-legged on the veranda, sipping a cup of green tea. The moment I heard the blast, I smiled.

"Good boy," I whispered.

"My Lady!" Yua gasped, peeking her head out from the sliding doors. Rin was right behind her, holding a wooden rolling pin she had stolen from the kitchen. "Was that...?"

"That was the boat," I confirmed, standing up and setting my teacup down. I pulled my heavy iron Tessen from my sash and snapped it open. "Get in the reinforced pantry. Lock the heavy iron bolt from the inside, and do not open it until you hear Akira’s voice."

"But—" Rin started.

"Rin, go," I ordered, my voice leaving no room for argument. "Now."

Yua grabbed Rin’s hand and pulled her back inside. I heard the heavy, satisfying clack of the iron pantry lock falling into place.

I walked to the edge of the veranda and waited.

The Emperor’s plan was to drain Akira on the lake and send his secret assassins to kill me here, completely isolating us. But with the boat on fire, the Emperor would be panicking. He would send his absolute worst to finish the job quickly.

I didn’t have to wait long.

Ten seconds later, five figures in completely black armor dropped silently over the high wooden walls of the courtyard.

They weren’t regular Shadow Assassins. They carried long, curved nodachi swords and wore masks painted like grinning demons. The Emperor’s personal elite guard.

They landed on the gravel, spotting me instantly.

"You boys are early," I called out casually, leaning against the wooden railing. "Did the Emperor forget to invite you to the boat party? I hear it’s getting pretty lit over there."

The leader didn’t say a word. He raised his long sword, signaling the others to attack.

They charged across the gravel courtyard, moving with terrifying speed.

But they didn’t know they were running into a basement rat’s nest.

The leader took a massive step forward, his boot snapping a completely invisible, transparent fishing line I had strung across the cedar trees.

Thwack!

A heavy wooden bucket hidden in the branches above tipped over.

Three gallons of sticky, boiling-hot rice glue completely coated the leader and the assassin next to him. They yelled in shock, their swords getting stuck to their own armor as the glue instantly began to cool and harden like cement.

"Two down," I smirked.

The remaining three assassins didn’t slow down. They vaulted over their stuck comrades and lunged for the veranda stairs.

I stepped backward, kicking a tiny wooden wedge out from under the floorboards.

The first assassin stepped onto the stairs. The wooden plank completely gave way. He fell through, his leg plunging into a deep hole filled with extremely coarse, jagged salt crystals. He screamed as the salt tore into his skin and threw his balance off.

The other two assassins leaped over him, landing directly on the veranda with me.

"Clever tricks," one of them hissed, raising his massive sword. "But tricks cannot stop steel."

"I don’t need tricks to stop you," I said calmly.

He swung the sword down, aiming right for my collarbone.

I didn’t dodge. I raised my left arm, letting his blade hit the thick iron mesh hidden under my sleeve. Sparks flew. The assassin’s eyes widened in pure shock as his blade failed to slice through my flesh.

Using his momentum, I stepped inside his guard, gripping my iron fan like a club, and slammed the heavy metal hilt directly up into his throat. 𝒇𝓻𝓮𝓮𝙬𝙚𝒃𝒏𝓸𝙫𝒆𝙡.𝓬𝓸𝒎

He collapsed, choking and gasping for air.

The last assassin hesitated. He looked at his completely dismantled squad. Sticky glue, broken stairs, and a girl who just blocked a greatsword with her bare arm.

"I told you," I smiled, snapping my iron fan shut and pointing it at his chest. "Welcome to the basement. Now drop the sword, or I break your knees."

Before the assassin could even move, the heavy wooden gates of the East Palace absolutely exploded.

Wood splinters flew everywhere.

Standing in the ruined doorway, dripping wet with river water and glowing with an utterly terrifying, world-ending aura of blue yokai fire, was Akira.

He took one look at the assassin standing three feet away from me.

Akira didn’t even draw his katana. He just raised his hand.

A massive wave of freezing blue fire shot across the courtyard, slamming into the final assassin and throwing him completely over the pavilion roof, out of sight.

Akira marched across the courtyard, ignoring the glued and trapped assassins groaning on the ground. He vaulted onto the veranda and grabbed me by the shoulders.

"Are you hurt?" he demanded, his chest heaving, water dripping from his pink hair.

"Not a scratch," I smiled, looking up at him. "How was the boat ride?"

"Warm," Akira grunted. The terrifying Warlord aura faded, and he just pulled me into a desperate, crushing hug, burying his wet face in my neck.

"We did it," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his cold, wet back. "The trap is broken."

"No," Akira corrected, pulling back to look at me. His amber eyes were hard, resolute, and completely done playing games. "The trap is broken. Now, we break the Emperor."