Cultivating in Reverse: My Sign-In System Wants Me Dead

[Would Host like to perform his first Sign-In at ’Clear Cloud Peak’?]

A blue, translucent panel hovered in the air before him.

Su Bai stared at it.

He wasn’t deeply familiar with cultivation novels in his past life, but his coworkers in the IT department had practically worshipped the genre. He knew what a "System" was. It was a cheat code. A golden ticket.

Taking a deep breath to steady his racing heart, Su Bai mentally commanded, ’Yes. Sign in.’

[Ding! Signed in at Clear Cloud Peak.]

[Reward: 10 ’Heavenly Demon Blood-Burning Pills’ have been deposited into your system inventory.]

Su Bai’s breath caught. Ten pills! His first ever reward! He eagerly pulled up the item description.

[Use: A desperate, final-resort trump card. Upon consumption, it forcibly ignites the user’s blood essence and life force to temporarily boost their strength for exactly ten minutes.]

[Side Effects: Combustion of the spiritual root, shattering of meridians, agonizing pain, and a 90% chance of exploding into a mist of blood once the duration ends. Strictly for mutually assured destruction.]

Su Bai’s mind short-circuited.

He stared at the floating text. His ethereal, immortal-like face twitched violently.

Furious didn’t even begin to cover it. He was indignant. He was insulted. Just when he thought his life was about to turn around, the system handed him a literal batch of suicide pills.

Su Bai gripped his hair, resisting the urge to scream. ’The system took six years to load, just to hand me ten fast-passes to the afterlife! I guess there’s no escaping my trash fate.’

He let out a long, heavy sigh, completely hopeless.

"Senior Brother?"

Su Bai instantly stiffened. He wiped the despair off his face and smoothed his snow-white robes.

He turned gracefully to see two young men climbing the stone steps to the peak.

They wore the silver-lined robes of the Inner Sect.

Su Bai recognized them immediately.

Chen Yu and Wang Lin.

Six years ago, they had been the two scrawniest kids in the market, eagerly trading their stale bread for his spirit rice.

Now, they were Foundation Establishment elites.

They bowed simultaneously, cupping their fists respectfully. "Greetings, Senior Brother Su!"

Su Bai composed his thoughts. "Are you here for another session?" he asked.

Chen Yu stepped forward, looking ashamed. "I have reached a bottleneck in the Flowing River Art, Senior Brother. I really do lack talent."

"And I am just too dumb," Wang Lin added, scratching his head. "Elder Hui’s lecture on ’Condensing the Spirit Cloud’ made no sense to me. I lack understanding. Please, enlighten us."

Su Bai stared at them for a long moment. He didn’t see two immortal cultivators. He saw two junior interns who were struggling with their training manuals.

"There are no dumb people in this world," Su Bai said softly as he sat cross-legged on a flat stone. "You just lack a good teacher. Come, sit in front of me. Tell me what you want to know."

***

The truth was, over the past six years, Su Bai hadn’t been idle. His cultivation might be trash, but his corporate workaholic nature simply wouldn’t let him sit around doing nothing.

If he couldn’t practice martial arts, he would study.

Because of his status as a Core Disciple, he had unrestricted access to the Radiant Sky Sect’s grand archives.

For six years, he read everything.

But despite all his research, he never found a single clue about his condition. With no other explanation, he officially diagnosed himself with the Ultimate Trash Physique.

Still, the Radiant Sky Sect was unique. In his past life, if an employee became utterly useless, corporate HR would fire them by Friday. But the Sect hadn’t abandoned him.

His Master, the eccentric Peak Master of Clear Cloud Peak, was a renowned hero who had saved the sect from a hidden disaster years ago.

When his Master discovered Su Bai’s "curse," he hadn’t discarded him. Instead, the old man had practically scoured the earth looking for a cure, and was currently out traversing deadly secret realms just to find a medicine that might fix his only disciple.

Because of this, the sect treated Su Bai with a bizarre mix of pity and respect.

Through his reading, Su Bai had mentally mapped out the Sect like a modern corporation:

• The Sect Master: The CEO. Handled the politics and overall direction.

• Peak Masters: The Board of Directors.

• Elders & Deacons: Middle Management. They handled HR, training, and logistics.

• Core Disciples (Like him): The Superstar Executives. Groomed for top leadership. They are disciples of the Peak Masters.

• Inner Sect Disciples: The talented middle-tier staff.

• Outer Sect Disciples: The entry-level grunts.

• Handyman Disciples: The unpaid interns.

The problem with the "Middle Management" Elders was that they were terrible teachers. They spoke in riddles.

"Let your Qi flow like a hidden dragon through the abyssal gates!"

What did that even mean to a teenager?

So, Su Bai started translating.

***

Back in the present, Chen Yu explained his problem. "Elder Hui said my Qi must crash like a waterfall into the Dantian, but every time I try, my chest tightens and the Qi scatters. Elder says I lack ’spiritual momentum.’"

Su Bai nodded slowly. He understood exactly what was wrong.

"Chen Yu, imagine a massive delivery cart carrying a thousand pounds of grain," Su Bai began. His tone was patient and wise. "If you try to force that massive cart through a narrow village alleyway all at once, what happens?"

Chen Yu blinked. "The cart gets stuck, Senior Brother. The alley gets blocked."

"Exactly," Su Bai said. "Your meridians are currently the narrow alleyway. You are trying to force a ’waterfall’ of Qi through pathways that aren’t wide enough to handle the bandwidth—I mean, the volume. You are bottlenecking your own supply chain."

Wang Lin’s eyes widened. "Bottlenecking..."

"Don’t focus on the waterfall," Su Bai instructed. "Break the cart down. Send the Qi in small, steady, continuous streams. Expand the alleyway first, then send the larger carts. Optimize your workflow before you increase your output."

Chen Yu gasped. He immediately sat in a lotus position and closed his eyes. Less than ten seconds later, a visible ring of spiritual energy burst from his body, blowing the dust away from the stone courtyard.

He opened his eyes, trembling with joy. The bottleneck was broken!

"Senior Brother... your wisdom is terrifying!" Chen Yu cried, bowing so low his forehead smacked the stone. "To explain the profound Dao of the Flowing River with a simple delivery cart... you are a true peerless master!"

Su Bai just offered a faint smile. ’No, I just used to optimize server traffic for a living.’

Wang Lin quickly asked his question, and after Su Bai gave him a similar lecture about "delegating tasks to subsidiary acupoints," the second junior brother also had a massive breakthrough.

Brimming with enlightenment, the two of them excitedly excused themselves, eager to consolidate their new cultivation realms.

But before they left, Chen Yu paused at the edge of the stairs.

"Oh, Senior Brother, please be careful today. A message was just sent to the Inner Sect peaks."

"What kind of message?" Su Bai asked.

"Elder Zhang from Beast Taming Peak accidentally let one of his pets escape," Wang Lin said, looking nervous. "It’s an Iron-Feathered Crane. It’s highly aggressive, loves to attack people, and it’s at the peak of the Qi Refining realm! It was last seen flying toward the upper peaks. Please, stay safe!"

Su Bai nodded calmly. "I understand. Thank you for the warning. You may go."

As the two disciples disappeared down the mountain, Su Bai’s composed facade dropped. He sighed, rubbing his temples.

An aggressive, Qi Refining beast? That was basically a flying tank to a Body Forging mortal like him.

But he wasn’t worried. Clear Cloud Peak was far from the Beast Taming Peak, and he rarely left his courtyard. What were the chances a random runaway bird would come specifically to his front door?

Squawk!

A massive shadow suddenly blocked out the sun.

Su Bai slowly... mechanically... looked up.

Landing directly on the roof of his humble wooden hut was a giant crane. Its feathers glinted like dark steel, its eyes glowed a murderous red, and its serrated beak looked capable of snapping a boulder in half.

It glared down at Su Bai like he was an oversized, very pale worm.

Su Bai stared at the monstrous bird. He then looked down at his system inventory, where the ten deadly, 90%-fatality-rate Heavenly Demon Blood-Burning Pills were sitting.

"...I hate my life," Su Bai muttered.